


Welcome To James Monroe High School

by jamesnovak



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Michifer - Freeform, Sabriel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:32:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 38
Words: 108,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesnovak/pseuds/jamesnovak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester, Castiel and Gabriel Novak are in their second year of high school, and have been friends since their early years; upon an incident, Castiel and Dean develop feelings for each other. The story of teens finding love which develops throughout the years. Long fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Familiar Stranger

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no profits from this.**

 

 

_**Welcome to James Monroe High School** _

_John Winchester_

_Mary Winchester_

_Brother: Sam Winchester_

_Friends:_

_Gabriel (school trickster/best friend)_

_Jo Harvelle (close friend)_

_Ash (close friend)_

_Pamela Barnes_

_Chuck Shurley_

_Becky Rosen_

_Gabriel:_

_Michael (older brother, father figure)_

_Lucifer (second oldest, second father figure)_

_Raphael (third oldest)_

_Anna (sister)_

_Castiel (baby brother)_

_Cousins:_

_[Balthazar, Crowley, Alastair, Azazel] (Brothers)_

_[Zachariah (brothers) Joshua]_

_[Meg (sisters) Ruby]_

_[Lilith (sisters) Eve]_

* * *

 

**_Chapter 1_ **

Summer holidays had never been the best in Yorktown, Texas yet they were tolerable. The heat of the summer ranged from the upper twenties to the upper forty degrees Celsius, during those days the town gathered in the coolest places around: the general public pools, parks, the lake, Bobby's Ice Cream Parlour and of course, the mall. It was a great town, not too big, not too small with a population about two-thousand-and-ninety-two.

Dean Winchester and his brother Sam preferred to spend their summer with their childhood friends; there was Ash, a sixteen year old guy with a nifty mullet, he always seemed to be high but no one questioned if he really was since there had always been something off about the boy yet he was a great friend.

There was Joanna Beth Harvelle, a blonde girl with a smile that could warm the coldest hearts; the Harvelles and the Winchesters' parents had been friends since high school and Jo had grown up around Sam and Dean, mostly Dean, since they were the same age.

There was Pamela Barnes, a beautiful girl with long, brown hair who had been friends with Jo, Ash and Dean since middle school. She was in the cheerleading squad which Dean appreciated since she would often introduce her cheerleader friends to him. There were Chuck Shurley and Becky Rosen whom Dean had gone to school since forever, they had been good friends though not as close as Jo, Ash and Gabriel. They were interesting characters, surely different from what others would consider "normal"; Chuck was always scribbling on a notepad, Becky seemed always hyperactive and talked about her favourite show and yaoi couples.

And then there was Gabriel Novak, alike the Harvelles and the Winchesters, the Novaks had been friends with them in high school and their son Gabriel was Dean's best friend, not that Ash and Jo weren't his best friends too but Gabriel, well, Gabriel was a whole different story. Dean and Gabriel were 'partners in crime'. Gabriel was well known in school as The Trickster, he had a passion to pull the most ridiculously witty pranks to almost everyone, that included his teachers and Mr. Howard, the school headmaster. Gabriel had a non-identical twin brother, Castiel Novak.

Dean and Sam's father, John, had been the captain of the American football team in high school, the man was a legend and until Dean's generation, he was grand. Dean had made his own little piece of history at James Monroe High School, it was a private school, he was the captain of the football (soccer) team and had led his team to be the city champions.

Sam was only a freshman being fourteen years old and unlike his brother, he preferred books over sports, healthy food over greasy, junk food, and study sessions over dates with 'hot' cheerleaders. Nevertheless, both boys were very close and Dean was extremely protective of his only brother. If anyone dared to bully the boy, he would personally take handle the situation along with Gabriel who more than happily helped when it came to Sam Winchester; they would be forever traumatised.

The group of teens had spent their summer hanging out at someone's house, most times it was the Winchester's since they had the most awesome game room in history and a pool in the backyard. Some days would be a walk through the shopping centre, it wasn't the grandest though it was not small either. They'd go to Bobby's for the best ice cream in town; the man was grumpy sometimes but he was kind and he'd known the kids since they were in diapers, hell he was almost like their grandfather. It was a good summer, of course it came the time when Dean was absent in the group for soccer practice but they still managed to have fun.

 

 

* * *

 

The first day of school was always the best for Castiel, he loved school, he really did. Despite his lack of social interaction with most students and his lack of real friends, he was well known and respected, in fact, he was well admired by most of the school; sophomore class valedictorian, charming prince of the school for his androgynous features and his enchanting good manners.

"GABRIEL! WHERE ARE MY GLASSES?!" one thing, you never, EVER touch Castiel's glasses. The younger boy rushed out of his room being careful to not run into anything until reaching his older twin's room.

"Give me my glasses, Gabriel! I know you took them!"

"Cassie, how dare you accuse me of such thing?" he put a hand over his heart and made an expression between amused and hurt.

"There are Twix crumbs all over my desk. Now, please return my glasses. I do not wish to be late for the first day of school."

"Damn. But hey, it wasn't my idea!" he said putting his hands up, "the guys wanted me to get rid of them, they hide your eyes and you look unattractive, so here." he gave him a little case of contact lenses.

"They can not do this to me, I need my glasses! Give them!" he handed back the lenses.

"Sorry, Luci already hid them." he smiled and closed the door. Castiel sighed and walked to his room irritated. He loved his glasses since they had been his father's but now he had to wear contacts. He managed to get the contacts without poking his eyes out and walked down the stairs to the kitchen where his siblings ate breakfast. Anna sat at the breakfast bar with Gabriel next to her, Raphael sat next to Gabriel holding a cup of coffee and reading the news paper. Lucifer was leant against the counter with a glass of orange juice while Michael waited for his toast to pop out of the toaster. They all turned to see Castiel enter the kitchen.

"Well, well, looks like our little brother decided to ditch the nerd glasses." chuckled Lucifer.

"I know you have them, could you please return them?"

"No! You look much better without them, Castiel." squealed Anna bringing him for a tight hug. 'told you' mouthed Gabriel with a smirk.

Castiel sighed and took the glass of orange juice Lucifer handed him and a piece of toast from Michael. "just please don't throw them away, they are special."

"I'll keep them for you." said Michael with a smile. They waited until Castiel finished his breakfast and walked out the door towards Anna's car; She was the only one who was allowed to drive. Michael was the oldest, he was in his senior year in college along with Lucifer, who was a junior and Raphael was in his first year. They all went to the same college, the town was small and most of its residents had attended and graduated from it yet it excelled. Their mother had died when the twins were born and although not one of them shared the same features, they shared the same blood. Their father became very distant after his wife's death spending most of his time working and travelling until he only came home once or twice a year and eventually never. Michael and Lucifer along with Raphael held the responsibility for the three little ones, they didn't need to work since their father provided with more than enough for them but the three oldest ones had raised them. They were a close family, dysfunctional in a sense yet close.

There were students walking into the building, others stood around in groups chatting with their friends, some were running around chasing each other and others sat on the green talking to their friends or reading. Anna parked her car, a black Rolls-Royce brand new and more than necessary to boast in a rich school, Castiel always rolled his eyes at his sister for choosing such unnecessary luxuries. No one cared, they were all spoiled brats at this school trying to flaunt their possessions and other expensive things "mummy and daddy" bought for them. Absolutely repudiating, he thought.

Castiel made his way to the entrance of the school, an immense building built of red brick with Gothic windows in rows and a Palladian window at the top of the entrance, pillars everywhere; everything well maintained. Classes didn't start for another twenty minutes which meant he still had enough time to visit his favourite place in the entire school; the library which was located on the second floor and although there were elevators, he decided to take the stairs.

"Castiel?" he heard a feminine voice and looked up. "Good morning, Castiel." smiled one of the teachers he had as a freshman while he walked up the stairs.

"Good morning, Mrs. Holden." he nodded with a small smile and stopped turning to her.

"I see you are no longer wearing your glasses. You look great." she smiled, she was a blonde woman in her late forties dressed in a colourful outfit but it rather favoured her image as an art teacher.

"Thank you." he smiled lightly

"Will you take my class this year?"

"I did enjoy your class quite well, however, the counsellor insisted I take Creative Writing instead of Art History again. I was not able to persuade her into allowing me to take it again."

"Well that's a shame, but you know, I do teach painting as well. Are you interested in taking it?"

"Painting? I have never thought about painting, perhaps I shall try it."

"You are already excellent in drawing, you will do perfect in painting." she smiled pressing her hands together.

"Thank you, Mrs. Holden, I shall talk to my counsellor about this."

"That's wonderful! I shall be expecting you in my class soon then?"

"I believe so."

"Good! Well, I have to run to my classroom now, have a great day and welcome back, Castiel."

"Thank you, Mrs. Holden. Do have a great day yourself." she smiled and walked down the stairs disappearing around the corner of the first floor. Castiel looked up and kept walking up the stairs holding on to the cord of his messenger bag. He looked at his watch to check the time while he turned the corner, he lifted up his head only to be met with a pair of soft lips on his; It was only for a brief moment but enough to be a kiss. Castiel parted quickly, his eyes wide as they could possibly be and stood there motionless waiting for the reaction from the boy in front of him, there was a flutter in his stomach which confused him.

"My apologies, I did not see you, Dean." he managed to say in his normal monotone voice.

"Uh, it's fine, Castiel. I didn't see you either." Dean cleared his throat looking anywhere but the blue eyed boy, attractive blue eyed boy. He mentally punched himself.

"I know." Castiel was still blushing and Dean did not know he had just stolen Castiel's first kiss.

"Uh. Excuse me, I'm late for practice." the older boy appeared uncomfortable and disappeared not waiting for a response from Castiel.

He walked towards the library ashamed, confused and embarrassed; there was a flutter in his stomach at the thought of Dean's lips on his, he could still feel the softness and the sweet taste of those lips on his; a sigh escaped his lips shaking the thoughts away while he sat on the sofa opening his book to read.

 

 

* * *

 

Dean walked into the locker room in the gym. Soccer practice was early in the morning before school and after school but he'd been called into Mr. Howard's office, therefore was excused from the last half hour of practice but that had seemed like a reasonable excuse to run out of that place and avoid something even more awkward with his best friend's twin. He sighed closing his eyes waiting for his mind to contradict liking the feel of the boy's lips yet it did not happen. He took a quick shower and changed into his school uniform; khaki slacks, white shirt, mahogany tie with golden stripes and a navy blazer with the school crest on the left side. He didn't like wearing the uniform at all, it was uncomfortable but he had to admit he looked quite handsome in it.

The bell rang for school to start. Dean walked out of the gym looking at his schedule; he had Algebra II, English II and physics, two hours each on Mondays and Thursdays. Soccer practice everyday before and after school. Latin I, Art History and World History Tuesdays and Fridays. Wednesday was a much better day, Debate, Health and Fencing, soccer practice after school. Luckily, Debate and Health were not heavily on assigning homework.

'Great, Algebra in the morning. Fun.' he muttered to himself.

Most of his classes were located on second floor; on his way to class his mates called out to him bumping fists or giving each other a one arm hug, girls flirtatiously smiled at him and he winked at them with a smirk. He was the centre of attention which he did not mind; Dean Winchester was god, even the upper classes wanted to be him and he was aware of how much these people worshipped him but that didn't necessarily make him an arrogant person that people thought he would be; he was a kind, humble young man, willing to sacrifice himself for the ones he loved and he would protect them at any cost.

"Dean!" he felt a pair of arms around him.

"Hey, Jo!" he laughed hugging back.

"I've missed you!"

"Jo, you were at my house yesterday watching Star Wars with everyone."

"Hey, it's been a few hours, I'm allowed to miss my best friend."

"I guess." he laughed a little and both entered the classroom. The students were not in their seats since class had not started yet. Dean and Jo took their seats close to the windows and other students gathered to be around them.

"Hey, Dean. Hey Jo." a classmate greeted sitting close to them.

"Hey, Rufus." Jo and Dean said. The bell rang before they could start a conversation and the teacher entered the room; an elderly lady with grey hair and a wintry smile.

"Alright, class, settle down. My name is Mrs. Latsaw and this is Algebra two, check in your schedules that you are listen under my name, if you're not, I say you're in the wrong class. Everyone agrees?"

"Yes, Mrs. Latsaw." they chanted.

"Good. Rules for this class. Can I have someone to pass them out? You in the corner, what is your name, dear?"

"Lelaina Cellini, madam."

"Alright, Lelaina, would you mind passing these out?" she stood up and grabbed the packets from the teacher's hands.

"While she passes out the papers. I want all of you to copy what is on the promethean board. That will be your homework and it will be due on Thursday. Failure to turn in your assignment, you shall not pass. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mrs. Latsaw."

Dean took out his notebook and started writing down the assignment, Lelaina passed by his row and gave him a packet.

"Thank you." he said with a smile.

"Welcome." she nodded. Just then, the door opened and a student came in but Dean couldn't see who it was since the teacher stood in his view.

"What is your name and why are you late?" she said with a cold tone.

"My apologies, Mrs. Latsaw. I have an excuse pass from the counsellor's office. My name is Castiel Novak."

"Very well. Take a seat and write the assignment on the Promethean board, it is due on Thursday. Lelaina shall give you a packet with my class rules." Castiel nodded and looked around for an available seat. He sighed softly and awkwardly walked towards the only available seat in front of Dean Winchester keeping his eyes on the floor.

"We have Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in our class." a few girls giggled in the back.

"He looks even better without his glasses!"

"Why must they be so dreamy?" another squeaky voice spoke which both boys decided to ignore.

"There shall be no talking!" the teacher snapped when she heard the students whisper at Castiel's entrance.

Mrs. Latsaw waited until everyone had finished writing the assignment to start the lesson. Adding to Castiel's uneasiness, he could smell Dean's cologne which made it difficult to focus when his thoughts kept going back to the boy with his soft lips on his. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and shook those thoughts away trying to listen to the lesson. Dean seemed to be relaxed and actually paying attention to the confusing lesson Mrs. Latsaw was giving.


	2. I Know Your Crush

**_Chapter 2_ **

* * *

 

Two hours felt like months Castiel, it had been only fifteen minutes since he entered the room and regretted having Algebra in the morning; everything seemed calm but he felt awkward and uncomfortable inside despite his confident outward appearance.

Mrs. Latsaw speaking incessantly about quadratic functions and inequalities.

"Identify the vertex of y equals x to the power of two plus sixteen x plus sixty-four. Alright, somebody give me an answer to that." she looked around the room and every single student turned to Castiel which made him feel even more uncomfortable, he guessed Dean was starring at him too.

"Mr. Novak?" Mrs. Latsaw raised her brow.

"Yes. A equals one, b equals sixteen and c equals sixty four. X equals negative b over negative two times A which equals negative sixteen over negative two times one, the result is eight, therefore, x equals negative eight. Y equals negative eight to the power of two plus sixteen times negative eight plus sixty-four, y equals zero. The vertex points are negative eight and zero." the entire class stared at him confused and mouth agape.

"Very nicely done, Mr. Novak." he nodded and hid a little in his seat. Mrs. Latsaw wrote more algebra problems on the promethean board but every time it came to have an answer, the students kept turning to Castiel until eventually.

"I do not believe it fair for the rest of the class to not have an opportunity to answer as well, Mrs. Latsaw."

"I agree with you, Mr. Novak. Someone else besides Mr. Novak, please." all the students looked around to see who would answer. "Anyone? Even if you are not sure the answer is right." no one dared to raise their hand and kept looking around. "Alright, I shall start picking names." the students seemed intimidated. "very well then, M-" Dean raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Winchester."

"A equals two, b equals negative four, c equals negative two. X equals negative b over negative two a which equals negative one times negative four over negative two times two, the result is one. X equals negative one. Y equals two times negative one to the power of two minus four times negative one minus two, the result is four. The vertex points are negative one and four."

Mrs. Latsaw raised an eyebrow impressed. "That is correct, Mr. Winchester." the class began to softly whisper. A smile formed on Castiel's lips feeling proud of the boy sitting behind him.

"Silence!" she said in a sharp tone, "Now, let us continue with the class." Dean smirked being proud of himself; he wasn't exactly a genius but he was not witless and he had good grades though he wasn't the class salutatorian; he was among the smart students. The class ended two long hours later, Castiel felt relieved and ran out of the room before his mates and headed to his next class.

When it was lunch hour at noon, Dean, along with Pamela and Ash, headed to the lunchroom where their friends usually waited for them. The lunchroom had the resemblance of a Starbucks, only bigger; their table was in a corner and it was larger than the rest, and apparently, only people invited to that table could sit there; it wasn't that Dean or his friends had placed that rule over it, it had been the rest of the students themselves for simple jealousy; if one could not be considered one of the Winchesters', Novak's, or Harvelle's closest friends, then no one, absolutely no one else could or else you'd be picked on. People who had done so were gifted with a red card in their locker and the student body had the freedom to do as they pleased to make that person's life miserable. The football (American football) team were no exception.

"Hey, Dean-o!" Gabriel said with a mischievous smirk as the other boy sat down.

"Hey, Gabe." he knew the Trickster was up to something.

"So…how's your day been?" he smiled wide, his hazel eyes twinkling with fake innocence.

"Alright, what are you up to, Gabe?" Dean raised his eyebrows.

"Me? Wha- can't I care about the well being of my best friend?" he exaggerated his hurt expression.

"I suppose. But I know you are up to something."

"I am not, Dean, I was simply asking how you've been today but if you don't want to believe I care, then fine!" he pouted

"Alright, fine." he rolled his eyes, "It's been alright."

"See, was that so hard? Now tell me," he took out a bag of skittles and a Twix and began eating the chocolate first, "Have you seen my baby bro today?"

"Castiel? Uh, I have Algebra class with him. Why?" he took a bite of his burger and focused on the pile of fries instead of looking at Gabriel.

"So I heard. So, um, how was it?" Dean gave him a confused look.

"What? Algebra?"

"The kiss, you idiot." Dean blushed embarrassed.

"Um, wh- who told you about that?"

"No one." Gabriel smirked, "I was on the third floor looking down to plan my next, most awesome prank and I saw it all."

"Oh." Dean looked uncomfortable.

"Relax, I'm not going to tell anyone you stole my baby bro's first kiss." he winked at Dean who was now pale and speechless.

"Oh shit. Gabe, I- I- it was seriously an accident, that shouldn't count, it shouldn't- I mean, it was an accident!" Gabriel laughed.

"Hey, it WAS an accident BUT," he put his index finger up, "but that ISstill considered a kiss. Oh and by the way, he's eating with us today." he smiled wickedly.

"Dude, no! This is going to be so awkward…"

"Relax, Dean-o. I'm sure he realises it was an accident."

"Uh yeah." his friends were distracted in their own conversations. Jo was flirting with Ash, Pamela was texting and grinning wide, Becky was incessantly talking about some slash fan fiction while Chuck listened.

"Hello, Gabriel." said a low and rough voice. Gabriel smiled and Dean turned to find a beautiful, deep-blue eyed boy standing next to him. "Hello, Dean." he turned to see the older boy.

"Hey, Castiel." Gabriel motioned him to sit down, Castiel walked over to the side of Gabriel and sat next to him.

"So Cassie," smirked Gabriel and the younger boy instantly suspected the mischief beneath it. "How was your morning?"

"It's Castiel. It was rather banal." he looked everywhere but Dean and so did the older boy but Gabriel noticed and smirked again.

"Nothing interesting ever happens in your life, little bro. So, you and Dean-o are going to help me with my first prank of the year. This is going to be history."

"Gabriel, I am not going to help you with your asinine tricks."

"Wait, what are you exactly planning?" Dean raised his brow.

"Sorry, Dean-o can't tell you yet or at least here." there was a moment of silence and Gabriel looked from Dean to Castiel and back again. "It's nothing illegal, you guys."

"Okay, I'm in." Gabriel turned to Castiel waiting for an answer.

"I said no, Gabriel. I-"

"You won't get in trouble, I promise and it won't be that bad, really. Pleeeeaseeeee?" he pouted. Castiel sighed and nodded.

Castiel kept quiet for the rest of the time while Gabriel and Dean spent the entire hour talking about things Castiel could not understand but he guessed they were either video games or non educational films that tend to make you stupid, well, at least it worked for his twin. When the bell rang, he grabbed his shoulder bag and walked away before his brother or anyone could talk to him. Dean simply watched him go.

The rest of the day was uneventful for Castiel and he was fine with that, he did not like anything out of the ordinary in his life, he had everything organized and it should remain that way.

"Where is Gabriel?" asked Anna waiting in the car with Castiel.

"Perhaps he is with Dean still."

"I thought Dean had soccer practice after school. I texted him but he won't reply."

"I am certain Gabriel is alright, would you like me to go find him? I have an idea of where he may be."

"Just be careful and hurry, I have cello lessons today."

"I shall try."

"Thanks." She smiled and Castiel walked inside the school again. He had seen Gabriel with Dean after classes had ended but he was not interested in what his brother may be doing. He walked through the building and out to the gym into the locker rooms. As he suspected, Gabriel was still with Dean. All the other team mates had already gone to the field except for Dean.

"Yeah, that was unfortunate, huh?" he heard Gabriel's voice.

"You better not tell anyone about it, you hear?"

"Hey! I'm good at keeping secrets."

"Fine, I-" he stopped when he saw a blue eyed boy standing by the door staring at him. Dean was changing into his practice uniform and soon realised Castiel was staring at his torso, then their eyes met. Gabriel stood there awkwardly waiting for them to finally remember he was in the room too but after two minutes, he could not stand the tension and cleared his throat loud hoping they would hear.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your lovely eye-fuck, guys but, Cassie, we have to go." they turned to look at Gabriel with an expression between embarrassed, horrified and confused; Dean cleared his throat looking at the floor and proceeding to put on his navy soccer jersey. Castiel nodded.

"Anna is waiting for us in the car, she has cello lessons this afternoon, I suggest we hurry."

"Yeah, okay. Bye Dean-o."

"Bye, Gabe, um bye, Castiel." Gabriel gave him a small smile and walked out of the locker room.

"Goodbye, Dean." they shared another long stare before Gabriel came back and pulled him out of there. The twins walked faster towards the entrance and could tell from a distance that Anna was not happy.

"What were you doing, Gabriel? I'm going to be late for my lessons!"

"Sorry, I had something reeeally important to do. It's still a little early, you know."

"Just get in and hope I'm not late, seriously." Gabriel rolled his eyes and kept silent. Castiel sat in the back seat with his shoulder bag on his lap, his mind was distracted with something.

"So, Cassie, what was that about?" Gabriel finally asked.

"What was what about, Gabriel? And it's Castiel."

"You and Dean-o."

"What about Dean?"

"You know…the creepy eye stare you two have."

"What are you talking about, Gabriel? I do not stare at Dean, nor does he."

"You two were practically fucking each other with your eyes in the locker room."

"What?!" he felt a flutter in his stomach and shifted in his seat nervous.

"Do you like Dean, Castiel?" Anna smiled looking throw the rear view mirror.

"What? No, Dean and I are not even friends, Anna. He is your best-friend, Gabriel. I have hardly exchanged a few words with him in my entire life."

"Whatever, Cassie, you could still like him though." Castiel sighed and hoped his silence made his twin stop talking about Dean, he felt awkward and uncomfortable, not only because of what had happened that morning but also that Dean was his brother's best friend.

Castiel hung his blazer on the coat rack in his room, set his shoulder bag on his desk and let himself fall on his bed exhausted. Homework could wait another five minutes. He closed his eyes hoping to relax them, the contacts felt a little uncomfortable and he was still getting used to not wearing his glasses; he felt almost…naked without them but he had remembered how people at school thought he looked better without them, that was a plus.

"Hey, you hungry?" Lucifer leaned against the door frame of Castiel's room with a small smile on his face. Castiel looked up.

"Not very much."

"Well, we ordered pizza if you want to come and have some, or would you like something else?"

"Uh, no, pizza is fine. I shall be there in a moment." Lucifer nodded and walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

Lucifer was not always a 'bag of dicks' as Gabriel called him, in fact, when he was not picking on his younger siblings or fighting with Michael, he spent his time with them playing video games or watching movies, eating unhealthy food, taking them to places or just having fun; he loved to see them smile even if he himself could not. He did care for all of his siblings and Castiel seemed to understand him, whereas his other siblings thought of him rather arrogant and selfish, angry at the world for his father's absence. That was half true, he blamed the rest of humanity for requiring of his father's attention so much that he had to leave them, he never dared to blame his siblings, they were his own blood but everyone else could go to Hell and he wouldn't give a damn.


	3. Cherry

**_Chapter 3_ **

* * *

 

"mail's here!" yelled Gabriel from downstairs. Michael and Lucifer came from different sides of the house. "This is for Luci, this for Mikie, Anna, Cassie and I. Oh and Raphael." he distributed the envelopes according to its recipient.

"What is this?" asked Anna looking at the front and back of the envelope. "Oh, wait, I thought the Summer Ball was cancelled this year. Why are they sending invitations?"

"They decided not to, apparently, parents complained that it was a long tradition of the school and it must be done." Gabriel rolled his eyes uninterested and weary of the fancy dances that required dressing formal which seemed ridiculous to him yet he would not pass an opportunity to bless the people with one of his pranks.

"I'm going to call Lisa so we can go dress shopping!" squealed Anna running out of the room upstairs with Gabriel following to give his twin the invitation.

"Are you going?" Castiel looked up at Gabriel from his desk and shook his head.

"I do not have time for these things, I rather spend it on activities that are of benefit to my knowledge." Castiel sat at his desk with papers sprawled across his desk.

"You spend too much time locked in this room and with those damn books, Cassie. I don't want to go but I figure it's better than staying at home doing nothing, besides, I'm gonna give the school a surprise." he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Not one of your pranks, I hope." he said continuing with his work.

"Exactly that!" Castiel sighed and looked at his older brother.

"Do you realise how much trouble you could get in for always doing immature pranks at school? You could get expelled, Gabriel."

"Hey, I don't break most rules and they are not illegal!"

"But you are still breaking some of the rules."

"I'll be fine, besides, people  _love_  my pranks." he giggled remembering how the entire school had applauded him for what he had done to Mr. Howard, even the teachers seemed to think it comical.

"Alright, Gabriel. As you say."

"Just think about it, okay? Anna is going and I'm sure all my friends are going too, you can come with us." Castiel nodded and Gabriel left the room. He had no intentions on going to the Ball, even if he did, he would need a date.

Castiel nor Dean nor Gabriel had difficulties finding a date, quite the opposite yet it was a complex decision since most of the girls became obsessed with them over a simple date, as it had happened to Gabriel the previous year; he had attended Summer Ball with one of the most popular and attractive cheerleaders, after an unfortunate decision they'd sneaked out of the ballroom into a supply closet, their teenage hormones were altered and they had intercourse. Gabriel had forgotten by the next day about the girl but after a week he started receiving letters, love letters, roses, reminders, stuffed animals with hearts, she had acquired his mobile number invading his inbox with messages each day and to his frustration she had told the entire class they were dating. It had been a rather awkward confrontation, a heartbreak to the girl and a slap to Gabriel but it ended.

Dean had a reputation of being with a different girl every week, he had no interest in a relationship yet no one seemed to care as long as they got into his pants which was an apparent goal to the girls in his class.

Castiel was the prince charming of the school, the beautiful androgynous boy they all admired from afar, the one they bet to one another would steal his heart yet they were unsuccessful. He seemed to avoid social events as much as possible, politely declined invitations from his mates to interact outside of school; no one understood him yet he did not care whether they did or didn't.

* * *

 

The halls and classrooms at James Monroe High School were jovial, enthusiastic, anxious and loud. The Summer Ball seemed the topic of interest for everyone since it would be in two weeks; Castiel avoided people more than ever being weary of hearing of it and declining invitations politely, he wanted to scream or run as far as possible to be left alone. Gabriel and Dean seemed too boastful and arrogant, comparing how many girls had asked them, Castiel rolled his eyes at their imprudent behaviour.

"Have you decided yet?" Gabriel asked his twin who was sitting in lunchroom with them since Gabriel insisted he did ever since the first day of school.

"The Summer Ball? No." he responded not meeting his brother's gaze, he picked at his salad with the fork yet he had no appetite.

"Why not?"

"I do not see what benefit comes of it. It is just another unnecessary social event." he shrugged.

"It's just for fun, you need friends, people can't live without friends." Gabriel knit his eyebrows still looking at his twin.

"I have friends. And I can live without them."

"Balthazar and Crowley don't count, they're your cousins." Castiel rolled his eyes.

"I do not need friendship from anyone who is simply interested in what may benefit them because of our reputation and our surname, Gabriel. I rather be alone and I am quite content this way." he frowned staring at his brother.

"Not everyone is like that, you know."

"Really? Name someone." Castiel looked at his twin with a blank expression waiting for his brother to reply but he seemed to be thinking hard. "Exactly." he continued eating his lunch.

"I still think you should go though."

"I'll think about it." Dean glanced at Castiel and back to his friend. He hoped Castiel decided to go, he didn't know why but he wanted they younger boy to be there.

"Who are you taking?" Gabriel asked Dean unwrapping a lollipop and putting it in his mouth.

"Uh, I don't know." he shrugged, "I was going to ask Lisa but she might say no."

"Why would she say no? You're Dean Winchester, she wouldn't dare refuse, besides, a cheerleader who can bend like that would love to get in your pants, Dean-o."

"Everyone wants to get in my pants." he laughed, "And because she's older than me."

"Only for a year."

"Still, she might think it makes a big difference."

"You can still get anyone else though."

"I know." Dean cockily smiled. "Everyone wants some of this sweet piece of ass." Castiel stood up and walked out of the room unable to abide his brother and the other boy's arrogance; Gabriel and Dean watched in confusion as he left.

* * *

 

Castiel sat on the window seat in the third floor at the end of the hall, which was always isolated during lunch time; he turned his head looking out the window unto the vast field. There was a feeling of disappointment of how the boy he might be developing sentiments for considering himself as an object of usage for everyone, his arrogance and cocky smile bothered him. He sighed and stood up hearing the bell ring for class, the students gathered in masses around the halls, the chatter grew louder and Castiel walked alone passing each person with his hands in his pockets.

* * *

 

Friday nights were spent doing homework and all school related assignments, it was a rule Michael and Lucifer had imposed and so everyone had to obey their elders. Lucifer and Michael sat in the living room arguing over the Social Development Theory but Lucifer insisted Michael's outlook was pointless. Gabriel sat at the breakfast bar with a bag of skittles attempting to focus on his Algebra homework, Anna sat next to him writing an essay for English class. Raphael was somewhere in the house, perhaps asleep or doing homework as well. Castiel was in his room reading a book since he had finished all of his assignments. Their study time was interrupted by the door bell, Gabriel let his pencil drop on the counter, jumping off the stool and ran to the door for he knew who it was.

"Hey, Dean-o, hey Sammy." he let them in and closed the door behind them.

"Hey." Dean grinned stepping inside.

"Hey, Gabe and it's Sam." Sam rolled his eyes at Gabriel.

"Whatever, Sammy." Sam sighed and followed Gabriel and Dean to the game room.

"So, are you both ready for the most awesome game night eating all sorts of unhealthy junk food and staying up all night?" Gabriel stood inside the room holding up two large bags of Skittles, Sour patch Kids, Snickers, Twix bars, caramel popcorn, biscuits and other sweets; Dean and Sam grinned.

They set up the room to their comfort with Dean sitting on the right side of Sam on a bean bag and Gabriel on the other side, snacks all around them, the game controllers on their laps and stacks of games to be played in front of the TV. There was a knock on the door, Gabriel stood to answer it and found Michael standing there.

"Gabriel, is it much to ask to keep the volume down? We are trying to finish our work and it disturbs our concentration." he said with hands in his pockets.

"Oh, okay." Gabriel shrugged.

"And please do not leave a mess in this room." Michael pointed towards the mess around the boys.

"We won't, don't worry." the younger boy rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

"Very well, dinner will be in an hour and all of you better be in the dining room by then."

"We will, Mikie."

"It's Michael." he rolled his eyes at Gabriel.

"Yeah, yeah." Gabriel closed the door as Michael disappeared down the hall.

* * *

 

Castiel by his window seat reading  _Lion Of Liberty_  by Harlow Giles Unger when he noticed a car stop in front of his house, he recognised it; it was a '67 black Impala. The passenger door opened and Dean stepped out, then Sam followed getting out from the back seat. They shared a laugh about something Castiel could not hear and walked to the front door. He fought the urge to go downstairs joining his siblings and the Winchesters knowing Gabriel would tease him, he decided to continue reading in vain since his mind was interrupted by the memory of his first kiss. He could hear the boys in the game room at the end of the hall being loud and yelling at each other for the death of their characters. Castiel did not understand what they meant but it sounded exciting and curiosity overtook him, he stood from his place and walked towards his door opening it slightly when he saw Michael pass by to call Gabriel's attention; he could hear a small conversation between them until a moment later, he noticed Michael walking back from the game room and closed the door fast. The older sibling walked towards his young brother's room and tried to listen what the teenager was doing yet there was no sound.

"Castiel?" he knocked on the door.

"Yes, Michael?" Castiel opened the door slightly, Michael stared at him with his brows furrowed.

"You should go in there with them. Have you finished all your work?"

"Yes, I have." he nodded, "I believe it is they are Gabriel's friends, not mine, I fear I may not be welcomed."

"Nonsense, Castiel. I know the Winchesters are nice boys, they would happily accept you." he gave Castiel a small smile. "dinner is in an hour, perhaps you might consider talking to them then?"

"Perhaps." he shrugged. Michael patted his shoulder and walked downstairs. Castiel returned to his book and this time he actually read.

* * *

 

The evening was warm and dark, one could hear the silence of families in their own homes and the streets already empty. Downstairs, Michael, Raphael, Lucifer and Anna were about to finish preparing dinner; Michael began cutting the lasagna while Lucifer finished making the Baci Cake With Drunken Cherry Sauce, Raphael and Anna set up the table.

"Dinner is ready, be down within five minutes." Lucifer knocked on the door gaining the attention from the three boys playing video games, without waiting for an answer he walked towards Castiel's room.

"Castiel, dinner is ready." he said knocking on the door, the young boy opened it slowly and nodding followed Lucifer.

Dinner was eaten as a family prepared by the three oldest with often help from the younger ones except Gabriel, he'd been prohibited to enter the kitchen by himself for the safety of everyone. Each one, however had a chore to do afterwards, Gabriel took the trash to the dumpster while Anna and Castiel took care of the dishes. Michael sat at one end of the table and Lucifer at the other, Raphael to the right of Michael, Anna on the other side of Lucifer, the twins sat in the middle, Dean sat next to Gabriel and Sam next to Castiel. They were served by their lasagna and Tomato Bruschetta.

"Do you guys always eat this fancy?" asked Dean savouring the succulent Bruschetta. "This is really good!"

"Almost always." said Michael with a small smile, "Thank you, I made them."

"Hey, I helped too!" half pouted Lucifer, Michael chuckled and gave him credit for helping. Dinner was rather pleasant with small, quiet conversations between them. Castiel kept silent, only answering questions asked to him specifically. Dean kept glancing over to him when the boy was not looking, but he was not aware that Castiel as well stole glances when he turned away.

"Who wants dessert?" asked Lucifer getting up with his plate, Anna followed with Raphael removing the used plates from the table and replacing them with new ones.

"I do!" jumped Gabriel and everyone laughed. "Wait, I'll be right back." he ran to the bathroom. Sam, Michael, Castiel and Dean were left at the table. Sam took his mobile from his pocket to reply to a message from his best friend Jessica, whom he had developed a crush on. Michael was about to speak to Castiel when he noticed his younger bother focused on something, rather someone, he followed his gaze and raised an eyebrow when he noticed Dean and Castiel having a "staring contest". Sam looked up noticing instantly the awkward silence, then he understood its cause; Michael looked at the younger Winchester with a confused expression and Sam simply shrugged in confusion as well.

Raphael returned from the kitchen carrying two plates of Baci cake, Anna followed carrying a small gravy saucer and Lucifer with more plates. The three sat down quietly looking around the room at the lack of interaction or movement, they turned to ask what was happening but soon noticed the younger Novak and Dean staring at each other without blinking. Lucifer smirked and glanced at Michael with a knowing look and they both nodded.

"So guys, I-" Gabriel returned yet stopped when he noticed everyone at the table was silent, he turned to look at Dean to Castiel to Michael to Raphael to Anna to Lucifer then back at Dean and Castiel. 'Oh, I see." he muttered with a smirk.

"CHERRY!" he said loud enough that both boys jumped and became aware of the world around once again as if nothing had happened. "Can we have dessert now?" Gabriel asked grinning while he waved a hand in front of him, Michael nodded with a small smile.


	4. My Date That Is Not You

**_Chapter 4_ **

* * *

 

"Come on, Cassie! We'll teach you." Gabriel and Castiel had been excused from helping doing the dishes since their friends were with them. Michael had pulled Gabriel into the kitchen and suggested Castiel spend the night with them instead of locked in his room.

"Gabriel, I said no." Castiel turned to leave to his room.

"Pleeeeaseeeee?" Gabriel pouted.

"No."

"I will drag you over here if I have to, Cassie."

"Try." Gabriel grabbed Castiel's arm and pulled him but was surprised how strong his brother actually was.

"You're heavy." Castiel gave a slight smirk.

"Can I return to my reading now?"

"No! Come play with us!" the older boy stomped his foot.

"Gabriel, I said n-"

"I can teach you." interrupted Dean with a grin, Castiel glanced at Gabriel who nodded at him with assurance; he returned the smile.

Gabriel dragged another bean bag from the room and placed it next to Dean, Castiel sat next to him feeling slightly uncomfortable not because of the person sitting next to him but because he wished the distance between them would be less. Dean handed Castiel one of the game controllers, his fingertips brushed slightly against Castiel's and both jerked at the touch feeling a spark shock them.

"Are you two okay?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah. Come on, start the game." Sam shrugged and turned his attention to Gabriel, Castiel sat still looking at the floor and Dean looked at the giant screen in front of him.

"Well?" asked Gabriel.

"Huh?" Dean answered with a frown.

"Come on, Dean-o, wake up. Have you taught him how to use the controllers yet?

"Oh, uh no. Give me a minute, you guys go ahead and start playing." he turned to Castiel explaining how to work the controllers properly; the younger boy nodded understanding since his brain memorised instructions. Dean was impressed at how fast Castiel learned, he'd managed to complete his mission without getting killed. The other three boys played enthusiastically while Castiel watched them becoming uninterested in his own character. Dean turned to see Castiel with the controller on his lap, an expression of boredom apparent on his face; he placed down his controller after pausing the game.

"I'm bored of this game." he said throwing his hands up in the air, Gabriel and Sam turned to look at him then at Castiel and they understood.

"How about we watch movies now?" suggested Gabriel with a smile.

"Sounds good." said Dean as he stretched, his shirt lifted up a bit showing his tanned skin, Castiel felt his cheeks flush and he looked away.

"Indiana Jones? Star Wars? House of 1000 Corpses? Iron Man? Superman? Dark Knight? The Omen? Jaws? The Exorcist? The Shining? Alien? Predator? Twenty Seven Dress- wait, what the hell is this shit doing here?" he tossed the movie across the room. And continued looking through the rest of the films, "The Fly? Thunderbolt and Lightfoot? Child's Play? Alright, choose"

"Uh, anyone up to horror movies?" grinned Dean, Castiel widened his eyes and looked at Gabriel who smirked not paying attention to his twin.

"I don't mind, and you, Sammy?" Gabriel turned to Sam.

"Sure." he shrugged focused on the screen of his mobile as he waited for a message to send.

"Alright, which one?"

"I say The Omen or The Exorcist!" Dean raised his hand. "Sam?"

"Uh, The Exorcist."

"Well, The Exorcist it is." Gabriel inserted the movie in the DVD player and ran to turn the lights off. Castiel sat still in his seat with eyes widened as his heart started pounding loudly in his chest; his nerves urged him to get out of the room yet he feared interrupting them or being teased by Gabriel in front of Dean. Gabriel was aware in the outcome of his younger brother watching horror films yet he ignored it since the boy had not spoken of it.

Dean, Sam and Gabriel sat concentrated on the film as they consumed the snacks left around them. Castiel felt his stomach turn at each scene, his breathing became accelerated as well as the beating of his heart, his limbs started shaking as his head became dizzy; he wished to get out of the room to throw up yet couldn't move. Dean turned to see Castiel but was shocked to see the boy ghastly nearly fainting, he jumped out of his seat to catch Castiel in time.

"Hey, hey, hey, Cas. Cas, are you alright?" he held him tight in his arms while Gabriel ran to turn the lights on, the younger boy tightened his arms around Dean as he trembled, panic and anxiety clear on his semblance.

"Cassie, I'm sorry." he knelt before the young boy, "You didn't say anything, I thought… I'm sorry."

"Wha- Gabriel, he… why didn't you tell us?!" Dean snapped at Gabriel who turned towards him with guilt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, he didn't say anything and I thought- I…" he looked down frowning.

"Don't just kneel there! Get Michael or someone!" Gabriel stood up running out of the room calling for Michael.

Sam stood behind his brother watching as Castiel panted trembling in his brother's arms, Dean held him tighter rocking him back and forth as he did when Sam was younger to calm the boy. Michael's voice was heard in the hall, his steps faster and louder as he approached the room, Lucifer was behind him as well as Gabriel.

"Castiel, hey, it's alright. I'm here." Michael knelt before Castiel taking him into his arms. "Let's get you to your room." his breathing calmed and his limbs responded enough for him to walk to his room. Lucifer headed downstairs to find his brother's medicine; he entered Castiel's room holding the pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Michael sat on the edge of the bed as Castiel lay on the duvet.

"Will you be alright if I leave you alone?" Michael asked, Castiel nodded at him. Lucifer sat on the other side of the bed.

"Hey, you alright?" he ran a hand through the boys sweat damped hair.

"I'll be fine. I'm really sorry." he said in a low voice.

"Hey, it's not your fault, alright? Go to sleep, everything will be fine in the morning."

"Thank you." he nodded, Lucifer and Michael walked out of the room and left the door ajar. Castiel felt mortified that Dean had seen him in that state, he closed his eyes hoping sleep would find him.

* * *

 

Dean paced back and forth in the game room feeling uneasy, Sam sat on the sofa looking at his hands on his lap while Gabriel sat on the floor in a corner of the room with his knees to his chest and his head down knowing what was coming, he took a deep breath aware that he deserved it.

"Excuse me, boys." said Lucifer to Dean and Sam then turned to Gabriel. "Gabriel, follow me." the young boy stood up and walked out the door not looking back at the Winchesters.

Gabriel inserted his hands in his pockets to keep them still as he descended the stairs with fear in the pit of his stomach, his limbs trembled slightly hoping Michael would not punish him severely. They entered the office to find their older brother sitting on the sofa instead of his chair behind the desk, his unreadable semblance did not ease the feeling in Gabriel. Lucifer locked the door behind them proceeding to sit opposite of his brother.

"Sit down." he said to Gabriel pointing to a chair in front of the desk facing the sofa. "Want to tell us what happened?" Gabriel looked down and nodded.

"It is all my fault, I'm really sorry, Michael. I suggested we watched horror movies. I didn't think-."

"You didn't think of your brother, Gabriel? Do you have any idea how his chronic his phobia is? Do you remember what happened, Gabriel?! You are supposed to look after him, can't you do that?!" Michael stood before Gabriel speaking in a firm yet furious tone.

"Yes, I remember. I'm sorry." Gabriel kept his eyes on the ground. There was a moment of silence which Gabriel hated more than his older brother's yelling, Lucifer was sitting quietly with his arms across his chest.

"I don't like this more than you do, Gabriel but you must learn. Do not be selfish." Gabriel saw Michael raise his hand from the corner of his eye, he felt as though thousands of needles had been perforated his flesh on the side of his face a low cry escaped from his lips bringing a hand to his face, he steadied himself as Michael turned away.

"You may go." he said in a low, monotone voice. Gabriel stood from his seat heading towards the door, he heard it lock after he'd walked out and ran to the bathroom to look on the mirror. His head throbbed, a red and swollen mark shaped like a hand was printed on his cheek; he closed his eyes took a deep breath.

'You deserve it, Gabriel. For being an idiot." he muttered walking out towards the game room. He looked around to find Sam sitting awkwardly on the sofa.

"Gabe, are you okay?" Sam asked noticing the red mark on the boy's face.

"Yes, I'm fine, Sammy. I'm really sorry about that. Where's Dean-o?" he  _placed_  a smile on his face.

"He wanted to see how Castiel is." he ran a hand through his hair looking around the room.

"Oh. Okay." Gabriel sat at the end of the sofa opposite of Sam, they were silent for a moment before Gabriel spoke again. "I really fuck up sometimes." he smiled slightly, "I took it as a joke and…" he paused remembering what Michael had said, "He always gets hurt because of me." his bottom lips trembled as he remembered, Sam sat closer to him wrapping an arm around him for comfort.

* * *

 

 

… **.Twelve years ago…** …

It was storming outside, the skies were dark even though it was only afternoon. Castiel sat in the kitchen with a colouring book and crayons, Gabriel was trying to reach the counter to steal sweets from the jar.

"Come on, Cassie, help me get them, I will give you one. Pleeeeaseeeee?" Gabriel turned to his twin with a pout.

"Michael said no, we will be in trouble."

"He doesn't  _have_  to know." he looked at his twin with a pleading look and a twinkle in his eyes. Castiel sighed and dragged a chair from the table to the counter, the older twin held the chair in its place while Castiel reached for the jar succeeding; he took two biscuits giving one to Gabriel and kept the other.

"Castiel, Gabriel!" they heard their teenage brother, Lucifer, calling for them from upstairs, Gabriel panicked and let go of the chair leaving his twin behind. Castiel jumped from the chair landing on his feet, he dragged the chair back to its place, then proceeded to sit at the table once again. He heard loud footsteps and Lucifer came through the entrance.

"Where is Gabriel?" he looked around the kitchen remembering he'd heard the voices of both kids.

"He ran away." Castiel replied with crumbs around his lips.

"Why did he run away?" Lucifer tilted his head slightly looking at the young boy.

"Because we took cookies from the cookie jar that Michael said we couldn't have." he looked at Lucifer with innocently guilty eyes.

"And he left you here, I see. You won't get in trouble because you confessed, Gabriel, however. I'll go find him." Castiel nodded and picked up his crayons again as Lucifer turned to leave.

"Why did you tell him?!" Gabriel stepped out of his hiding place. "You're stupid, Castiel, he didn't have to know!" he pushed the younger boy from the chair, Castiel hit his head on the corner of the table falling on the floor, Gabriel stared at his brother wide eyed when he saw blood on his forehead.

"Cassie, I'm sorry. Are you okay? Please don't tell anyone, please." he helped his brother to his feet and took his arm dragging him to the bathroom. They heard Michael coming their way, Gabriel panicked again and dragged Castiel to the basement.

"Gabriel! Castiel! Where are you?!" they heard Michael's voice as they walked quietly down the stairs of the basement. It was dark and cold, but the scarce light from outside crept its way through a small window giving the room enough light to make up shapes of things in the room. The two boys waited for a while until the voices of their older siblings disappeared the sun was set by then. The older siblings along with their nanny had spend the afternoon looking for the kids but they skipped the basement.

"Stay here, I will go see if he's gone." Gabriel whispered and his little brother nodded. He walked upstairs opening the door as quiet as possible, he stepped outside carefully, Castiel watched him disappear from his place. The door shut loudly, Castiel looked around the room listening as Gabriel started yelling.

"Castiel unlock it! It locks from the inside, unlock it! Castiel!" the little boy yelled from the outside of the basement, Castiel looked around but could barely see anything, there was a loud thunder outside that shook the walls around him, the lightning allowed Castiel to see a few objects in the room; he gasped to see a face close to his, its skin was shiny and smooth with a big smile on it's face and a long nose. The thunder outside kept getting louder or perhaps it was his brother banging on the door loudly, he didn't know, he couldn't tell. The lightning kept illuminating the room for brief seconds and again, Castiel saw that same face.

He felt cold, sick in his stomach and scared; the strong smell of mould, the humidity of the room and the cold made him shiver, nauseous, dizzy. Castiel wanted desperately to get out of there, he wanted Michael or Lucifer to hold him, to protect him but they were not with him, He felt his face burn as tears rolled down his face, the feeling in his stomach grew stronger; he felt weak and tired, in his memories someone called his name while warm, long arms picked lifted him from the ground. He lost consciousness.

His eyelids fluttered open as he gained consciousness becoming aware of his surroundings; he was lying on his bed, Michael was lay next to him with his arms wrapped around him, Lucifer sat on a chair next to his bed; they were both asleep. Images slowly started creeping into his mind, the place he had been before he woke up next to his brothers. Tears formed around his small eyes and he broke into sobs.

* * *

 

It was three in the morning. Gabriel opened his eyes slowly and noticed the light was still on, he felt warm and comfortable even though he realised he was on the sofa. He rubbed his eyes letting out a yawn, then he remembered Sam had been with him in the room a few hours ago. Did the Winchesters leave? Something moved under him, he turned his face to see Sam's face a few inches from him. Sam. Sam Winchester was holding him; his pink, soft-looking lips were a few inches from his and he could feel his soft breaths on his cheek. 'What are you doing? He's your best friend's little brother.' he tried to move away but the younger boy stirred and tightened his grip on Gabriel. 'Shit.' Gabriel could feel his heart beating loud in his chest and wondered if it would wake up Sam. But he looked so innocent, so peaceful, so…beautiful… Gabriel leaned closer to Sam and softly placed his lips on the sleeping boy's; Sam did not wake up but that night he dreamt that Jessica had kissed him; and so he smiled in his sleep.

These, were Gabriel's secrets.

* * *

 

Raphael walked in the room after Lucifer and Gabriel walked out and apologised to the boys for what had happened. Dean was too worried about Castiel to find the situation awkward. Sam felt uncomfortable, worried about Castiel and worried for what Michael would do to Gabriel.

"How is Castiel?" Dean asked Raphael.

"He is doing alright now, they gave him some Xanax®. I think he may be asleep by now."

"Can I see him? Please?" Raphael nodded, Dean followed him towards Castiel's room.

"Don't wake him up if he's asleep, please, this is really difficult for him to go through." Dean nodded thanking Raphael as he walked out leaving the door open. Dean slowly approached the younger boy lying on the bed, he looked so fragile yet beautiful in a way. He sat on the edge of the bed by Castiel's feet being careful not to wake up the boy.

"Dean…" Castiel sat up slowly.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" he whispered.

"No, you didn't." he rested his back on he headboard.

"How are you feeling?"

"I am better." there was a pause, "Thank you."

"Hey, it's alright. I'm really sorry, we didn't know." said Dean feeling guilty, he rested his hands on his lap staring at the boy in front of him.

"It isn't your fault, Dean. I am the one who should apologise, I ruined your time with Gabriel and Sam."

"Hey, don't apologise for that. I still had fun and I- you're fun to be around, Cas."

"You called me Cas."

"Oh, sorry, Castiel."

"No, I like it." he smiled at the older boy, Dean smiled back.

"Okay, Cas. I should let you sleep. I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Thank you. Um, do you mind staying for a little longer? Please?" the light from the hall crept through the gap of the door hitting Castiel's face and Dean could see those beautiful deep blue eyes looking at him with plea.

"Sure." he nodded. Castiel and Dean had never been close, even when they were kids, Dean had preferred to play with Gabriel; Castiel would just sit and watch them. The room was silent but neither felt awkward or uncomfortable, it was a peaceful silence they rather enjoyed.

The sunlight hit his face making it feel warm, it irritated his eyes as it passed through his eyelids creating a red wall he could not reach; Dean woke up curled up by Castiel's feet, he blinked the sleep away proceeding to stretch his muscles, Castiel slept silently still, he could hear the others downstairs; Gabriel sat on the stool at the breakfast bar hyperactively while eating his breakfast, Sam sat next to him listening to whatever the boy said enjoying his bowl of fruit, Michael and Lucifer were quarrelling over daily duties and Anna was singing. He stood up to leave without waking Castiel up but the other boy was already opening his eyes, Dean turned around as Castiel sat up slowly on the edge of the bed with a messy hairdo; Dean let out a breath feeling suddenly nervous, if he thought Castiel looked more attractive than he already was he would not admit it to himself.

"Good morning, Dean." smiled Castiel.

"Hey, morning, Cas." he smiled back awkwardly. "How are you feeling?"

"I am well. Thank you for staying with me."

"No need to." they smiled at each other and once again became lost in each other's eyes as if they two were the only beings in the universe, only this time Dean stepped towards Castiel only stopping a few inches from him; they were unaware of the short distance from each other's faces lost in their trance.

Gabriel opened the door to his twin's room but stopped his steps looking at his brother and best friend standing so close, he cleared his throat in hope to gain their attention yet failed, instead, he walked behind Dean, pretending to trip pushed the older boy towards his brother and dramatically fell on the floor. The two boys landed against the wall bumping their foreheads.

"What the hell, Gabriel?!" Dean said touching his forehead with his fingertips.

"Sorry, Dean-o, tripped." he shrugged.

"How can you trip on carpet?"

"I'm very talented, what can I say?" he gave Dean an innocent look.

"Right.." he turned to Castiel. "Are you okay, Cas?"

"Yes." Castiel gave Dean a small smile.

"Hey, Dean, there's breakfast ready downstairs. Sam is there too." he turned his eyes to Castiel the smile slightly fading, "Can I talk to you, Castiel?" the younger boy nodded, Dean walked out of the room and Gabriel closed the door. There was a moment of silence as Gabriel walked towards his brother's bed sitting on the edge.

"How are you feeling?" he spoke softly.

"I am well at the moment." Castiel nodded.

"I am sorry about last night, Cassie, it was very foolish and selfish of me to do what I did. I hope you can forgive me, I'm always causing you trouble and it's my fault this happened to you." Castiel stepped forward sitting next to his brother.

"I know you did not intend for it to happen, do not blame yourself any longer, Gabriel, it was years ago and we were both too young. You should not apologise, I am the one who caused the inconvenience and disrupted your movie."

"Cassie, no, I was really an idiot and I thought perhaps it wouldn't be that bad, I wasn't thinking about you, I am selfish and I am really sorry." his eyebrows furrowed, his gaze fixed on his hands on his laps.

"Gabriel, you are my brother, I know you did not mean to harm me in any way. There is nothing to forgive." Castiel wrapped his arms tightly around his older brother and the boy returned the gesture.

* * *

 

It was a lovely morning, the sun was bright and warm, the skies were blue clear of clouds; the three boys decided to spend their morning in the pool, Gabriel insisted Castiel joined them but he had politely refused choosing instead to continue reading his book. He sat by the window watching as the three of them playfully pushed each other into the pool, making races; he wished to join them yet he was afraid to interrupt their fun again.

It was afternoon when they decided to go eat pizza downtown at Dante's Pizza parlour and for ice cream at Bobby's later; they were greeted with, 'was 'bout time ya Idjits showed up again.' and a warm smile. Castiel had accompanied them by request of Dean and Michael. The boy noticed for the first time Castiel's appearance, he was aware of his androgynous beauty though his apparel caught his attention; white skinny jeans, a long-sleeved striped shirt, a light-blue-grey coloured vest with matching bow tie, a blazer and white Oxfords. He restrained himself from staring at the boy for too long though his eyes involuntarily found their way towards Castiel. He felt conflicted inside questioning whether he was attracted towards a boy or simply felt guilt over the kiss, Castiel's first kiss, they had not talked about it and Castiel had not mentioned it.

The night approached as the skies darkened, the temperature dropped slightly, the wind blew softly making the leaves sway along its rhythm; the boys decided to return to the Novak house again where they spent the night with the rest of the siblings sitting in the living room with buckets of popcorn throwing it at each other, devouring bars of candy among other snacks while watching as many superhero films as they could. Anna and Raphael sat next to each other on the sofa, Michael and Lucifer sat next to each other opposite of Sam and Gabriel, Castiel and Dean sat next to each hardly concentrating on the films yet enjoying their time together joining the conversations in the room; Castiel's behaviour did not go unnoticed by his siblings, the small touches, the hidden smiles, the lack of personal space and the longing stares between him and Dean yet they spoke nothing of the matter simply hoping Castiel would find happiness for once in his life.

* * *

 

He stood up stretching his muscles, a yawn escaped his lips as he blinked at the blur in his vision being careful with each step he took towards the bathroom; he allowed the cool water to run as he tried in vain to focus his eyes on the image reflecting on the mirror. A small smile formed on his lips at the thought of a pair of forest-green eyes, it was a school day and he'd always been eager to learn each day, to fill his brain with knowledge or the least the education could provide, the rest was by his own effort. His day started merrily attending each class which were a blur to him until lunch hour; he was expected to join Dean and his friends at the lunch room. He sat down at his usual spot next to his twin opposite of Dean. Conversations were mainly between Gabriel and Dean's friends or the two boys as Castiel listened in silence stealing glances at the boy with the forest-green eyes.

"Told you she would say yes, Dean-o. Can't turn down a Winchester, can they?" Gabriel and Dean pounded their fists as they grinned, Castiel shifted in his seat not comprehending the feeling in his chest, a gentle pang.

"I get a date with a bendy cheerleader and get lucky. Best Summer Ball ever, dude." Dean smirked.

"Aw yeah, man." Gabriel and Dean laughed not noticing the younger Novak standing from his seat, he walked towards the exit without a word. Gabriel noticed a moment after the absence of his brother, he sighed quietly pitying the boy yet scheming in his mind noticing the smile fade from his best friend's lips at Castiel's absence.

He sat on at the desk with a book in his hands attempting to focus on his reading yet it seemed impossible as the image of Dean overtook his mind. The slight anger mixed with pain in his heart did not cease as the hours passed, it troubled him not being able to comprehend the new feeling though he suspected it 'jealousy'.

'It is wrong to feel anger towards Dean when he does not acknowledge my feelings for him, he does not know, he does not have to know.' he muttered inaudibly.

"Castiel?" he was disrupted from his thoughts by Amelia, a blonde girl with soft features and a lovely smile, her long curls bounced as she moved gracefully.

"Amelia, my apologies for ignoring you." he said in a monotone voice yet meaning it.

"Oh, it's fine, you seemed very pensive." she smiled softly sitting next to his desk.

"Yes, I was analyzing this passage."

"I see. Sorry for interrupting." she looked at her hands on her lap.

"Don't be." he smiled. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, I mean, yes, I wanted to ask you something." she took her bottom lip between her teeth. "Are you going to the Summer Ball?" her fingers fiddled with the corners of her blazer awaiting for a response from the boy. Castiel seemed to think for a moment about his decision; it would be unpleasant to see Dean with someone else yet he had no control over who the boy decided to spend his time with, it was rather foolish of him to miss an event because of this.

"I have not made up my mind yet, why do you ask?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?" a nervous smile formed on her lips.

"I would be delighted to." he returned the smile sincerely.

"Really? Um, great! You have my number, don't you?" she stood from the seat to return to her assigned desk.

"I believe I do." Amelia thanked him with one last smile before disappearing to somewhere in the room. Castiel allowed the smile on his lips noticing from a distance the contentedness of the girl, it warmed his heart remembering her kindness and the amount of time he had known Amelia. She had confessed to him in grade seven having a crush on him, her smile never faded when he could not respond, the smile never faded knowing in her heart the feelings would never be returned but he could give her one thing, one memory of them.


	5. It's More Than Platonic

**_Chapter 5_ **

**The song playing is** _**I Put A Spell On You.** _

* * *

 

He fixed his eyes on the trees as the car moved on the road, the different colours of the leaves blurring as if they attempted to catch up with the speed of the vehicle. The silence was comfortable to Castiel yet unnerving to Anna and Gabriel, he was usually silent though this time it was rather different, neither one of his siblings spoke a word to him of it as they headed home. As soon as Anna parked the vehicle in the garage, Castiel stepped out without a word to either or anyone in the house as he walked upstairs to his room and proceeding to lock his door, Michael, Raphael and Lucifer simply glanced at each other in confusion.

"I think I should tell you this, although I suspect you all already know." Gabriel said taking a quick glance upstairs with his hands in his pockets, everyone sat in the living room, including Anna.

"Is this about Castiel?" asked Anna sitting next to Raphael.

"Yes." Gabriel rolled his eyes at her.

"Okay." everyone in the room waited in silence until Gabriel took a deep breath and started speaking.

"How many of you have noticed Castiel changed in the last few days?" everyone nodded. "Anyone have any idea why?"

"It may have to do with that Winchester boy." said Raphael. "The way they look at each other, you'd think they have something going on."

"Bingo!" Gabriel smirked sitting on the arm of the sofa, "Our little Castiel has a crush on Dean-o."

"It's like they are using telepathy." Lucifer chuckled.

"Did he tell Dean?" asked Anna knitting her brows.

"No. Castiel was sitting with us today in the lunch room, Dean started talking about the Summer Ball and how he is going with Lisa… he left the table without saying anything and he's been like this since then." Michael nodded understanding.

"Dean is not aware of Castiel's feelings, is he?"

"No, Michael, he isn't. However, he may have a crush on our dear Cassie but he's too damn 'macho'" he air quoted with his fingers, "to admit it."

"Very well, does anyone else think we should intervene in this?"

"I think we should wait and see what happens, if not one of them wants to make a move, we go in." said Lucifer with his arms crossed.

"Let's hope they do." Gabriel sighed.

* * *

 

The student body at James Monroe was hysteric during the last week before the Ball. Anna had prepared her dress and had a date, Jake Talley, an attractive football player and friend of Dean's. Gabriel's date was Kali , one of the school's most beautiful slag with more character than dignity but she was extremely attractive which was good enough for him. Sam finally had the courage to ask Jessica, his best friend, she had happily accepted.

"Come on, Cassie, open up, please?" Gabriel kept knocking on the door, he, along with Anna had been trying to persuade him to attend the Ball but he kept telling them to leave him alone and never once opened the door.

"Just please, Castiel?" said Anna.

"Please go, Anna and Gabriel." they sighed and walked downstairs to leave. Anna wore a green mermaid dress with lace under the first layer of satin of the skirt, her hair in an updo with a small crown on her head and white gloves. Gabriel wore a regular tuxedo and white gloves which he hated.

Raphael held a camera to take their photos, it was a tradition they had; Michael, Lucifer and Raphael had their photos of all their high school year events which had been years ago. Michael had graduated eight years ago but decided to wait for college to focus on raising his siblings instead but was now a senior in college. Lucifer had graduated a year after his older brother and helped Michael. Raphael graduated the previous year being a first year college student currently.

"Wait! Stay there, I'll take the picture there." Raphael pointed at his younger siblings as they descended the stairs.

"Just hurry up, Raphael, we'll be late." Anna complained standing next to her brother.

"Okay, okay, just another one. Stay still, Gabriel!" he took the photograph and the flash went off. "Okay, all done." Gabriel and Anna descended the last steps of the staircase heading towards the door. Anna's car was parked at the front of the house awaiting for them.

"Be safe, and Gabriel, look after your sister, do you understand?" said Michael with a warning look.

"Yes, sir." he nodded politely.

"I can look after myself, Michael." Anna rolled her eyes at Michael.

"I know but that is not what I meant."

"I'm not gonna do anything." she brooded, he in return gave her a warning look.

"Careful, young lady." she sighed and walked out the door with Gabriel.

* * *

 

Castiel watched from his window as Anna and Gabriel drove away from the house, he quickly unlocked his door and walked downstairs. Lucifer sat in the living room reading _The Divine Comedy_ laughing and shaking his head every now and then at the content. His attention drifted from the book noticing his younger sibling standing in front of him.

"So are you going to just stay here and do nothing?" Lucifer raised an eyebrow at him.

"No, actually, I wanted to ask you for a favour, please." Castiel stood still with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Alright, what is it?" he rested his elbows on his knees staring up at Castiel.

"Would you take me to Amelia's house. She is my date for tonight." a small smile formed on his lips. Lucifer opened his mouth to speak yet could find nothing to reply with not comprehending the situation since he was aware of Castiel's crush on Dean.

"Of course. Why didn't you tell us? And are you going in that?" his eyes moved up and down Castiel's attire.

"I did not want to go with them, I want to be alone with Amelia. No, I have my tuxedo ready upstairs."

"How come we didn't see you get one?" Lucifer tilted his head slightly.

"I have had it for a long time but never thought it would be of use." he shrugged slightly.

"I see. Well, go and get ready. I'll go start the car." he stood up grabbing his keys from the key box.

"Um… Could we take dad's car?" Lucifer smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

Castiel ran upstairs to change; his tuxedo was unlike any other the males at the Ball would seem to wear, it was an eighteenth century style tuxedo with a ruffled brown vest with gloves, and his outfit was designed to match Amelia's dress. His hair stood in thousands of different ways but he decided to leave it as it was instead of styling it.

He walked downstairs to see a surprised Michael standing in the living room with his mouth agape and speechless.

"I was not going to tell them, it is a surprise." Castiel spoke before Michael.

"You look… where did you get that?" Michael spoke with awe in his voice.

"Is it awful? Father sent it to me along with the glasses, he said I might make use of it one day."

"Not at all, it is good. It is great. You will most definitely be conspicuous in that."

"I suppose that is a bad thing…" Castiel looked down at his clothes.

"Some attention never hurt anyone, Castiel." Michael gave him a small smile.

"I already get sufficient attention at school." he frowned slightly.

"That is what happens when you are a Novak. You are quite welcome, little brother." Michael smiled. The Novak's father had been his class valedictorian all four years, Michael had been the football team's captain the four years, Lucifer had been the basketball team's captain, wrestling team and weight-lifting. Raphael had been the baseball team's captain. Anna was the cheerleader captain and was involved in many clubs. Gabriel was in the fastest swimmer had led his team to the all city championship, he also had his own title for being the school's trickster; everyone loved him. Castiel was his class valedictorian and had been since he was a kid, but what Novaks were known mostly for their impeccable beauty.

"It is an unfortunate blessing." he chuckled. Lucifer seemed to be thinking, he glanced at Michael locking eyes, they smiled and ran upstairs leaving a confused Castiel behind.

"Hey, stay here, we'll be right back!" said Lucifer halfway up the staircase. Castiel sighed walking towards the sofa. He could feel the anxiety building in his stomach, he hoped to be able to go through the night without feeling suffocated or not seeing Dean with Lisa. His intents fixed on staying with Amelia and her friends throughout the night avoiding Dean or his siblings as much as he could, after all, he was doing this for Amelia.

A few minutes later Lucifer appeared in the living room along with Michael both dressed in their formal wear. Castiel stood up seeming confused for a moment but figured they might just want to be at the Ball, after all, it was a school tradition that former students attend if they pleased.

"Come on, Castiel. We'll be late." Lucifer pushed the boy towards the door locking the door behind them. They got into their father's abandoned car, a black 1934 V8 ford shining luxuriously in the light from the street lamps; Lucifer drove as Michael sat in the passenger seat, Castiel in the back and Amelia would be next to him.

Castiel was silent through the ride, they arrived at the girl's house five minutes later; the parents allowed him inside the house as he waited for Amelia to come downstairs which wasn't for long; she wore a sleeveless, dark-blue princess dress with lace adornments and a thick, golden band around the waist, her beautiful blonde hair was in a messy bun with dangling curls around her cheeks, an indigo plume with black veil placed above. Castiel stared in awe at her beauty, a tint of pink appeared on her cheeks at his gaze.

"You are very beautiful, Amelia." he kissed the back of her hand. Amelia's parents were charmed with Castiel's proper gentleman manners and his rather handsome figure.

"Thank you. You look quite handsome." she smiled gently.

"Thank you." a smile formed on his lips, "Shall we go?" Amelia nodded. He took her hand in his as they made their way to the car, he opened the car door for her helping her inside.

"Hello, Amelia. You look lovely." said Michael with a kind smile.

"Thank you, Michael." she smiled back.

"Everyone ready?" Lucifer looked through the rear view mirror.

"Yes." they said at once. Lucifer and Michael exchanged small conversations as Castiel and Amelia whispered in the back seat, they arrived minutes later at the school where the Ball was being held; The school was absurdly immense having its own ballroom which was used for Etiquette Class where students spent most of their times in proper, quiet conversations drinking tea in fancy china tea cups and eating muffins, petit fours or biscuits; Gabriel's favourite class.

* * *

 

There were valets outside of the school and two men, who Dean guessed were hired guards, dressed in royal guard outfits announcing the names of the guests arriving. He entered the ballroom with Lisa on his left side with arms hooked. Gabriel was behind him with Kali and Sam following with Jessica. Lisa wore a long, red dress with a black band around the waist and a bow, Dean wore a regular tuxedo and his hair neatly styled. Kali wore a black velvet dress with long, thick and glossy curls and Jessica wore a an elegant, violet evening gown with a strapless sweetheart neckline on the beaded bodice, asymmetrical pleating on the empire waist and long, blonde curls with great volume.

"Dean Winchester and Lisa Braden. Gabriel Novak and Kali Sharma. Samuel Winchester and Jessica Lee Moore."

Everyone cheered making a path for them to enter, Dean smiled greeting everyone humbly while Lisa walked proudly with her head high and an obnoxious smile on her face. Gabriel had a strong urge to punch her on the face but he could not do that, not in front of so many people.

They danced, drank, ate and conversed with other guests until the guards announced all the guests were present. The doors closed, everyone continued with their former activities, suddenly the doors opened. Castiel stood before the closed doors with Amelia's arm around his, Lucifer and Michael looked at each other with a smirk, they opened the doors stepping in proceeding to give their names to the guards.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Michael Novak and Lucian Novak." everyone gasped and clapped as they made their entrance. Gabriel, Dean and Sam turned around when they heard the names and saw Michael with Lucifer coming their way. Dean's eyes went impossibly wide at the sight before him.

"Castiel Novak and Amelia Everett." Castiel entered with confidence without any expressions on his semblance, Amelia still hooked arms with him with a sweet smile on her face. The room went silent with gasps and whispers not expecting the younger Novak to be present, Gabriel and Dean were surprised as everyone to see him, Michael and Lucifer started to clap and everyone else in the room followed. Everyone gathered around them wanting to see and greet the breathtakingly beautiful couple; all the males in the room envied Castiel for having the privilege of escorting Amelia, he held his head high feeling quite proud to do so. Females sneered and glared at Amelia for being with Castiel but she ignored all that humbly smiling and greeting everyone.

After a long time of curious people around the couple, they dispersed, Castiel and Amelia stood by a group of people whom they both seemed to know very well, Dean stood across the room with Lisa and others around but he seemed uninterested in their conversation, his thoughts kept on the blue eyed boy and stealing glances at him.

A middle aged lady in a maroon gown stood on the stairs to make an announcement; it took a few minutes for the room to be quieted down and she proceeded to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I must thank each of you for making the Summer Ball a success. We thought this year our tradition would not continue but it was impossible, it is a part of James Monroe High school, a part of each one of you. It is a legacy previous generations have given to all of you, to all of us." everyone clapped. "It has now come the time to crown the king and queen, princes and princesses of this year's Summer Ball's most flamboyant and sophisticated couples. You all voted and we have the results." the room was quiet as she opened a red envelope; there was tension in the air, expectancy, hope and anxiety. Dean cared not whether he won or not but Lisa seemed to really think it of significant import. Castiel hoped and crossed his fingers they would not be chosen, for dear life, not them; Amelia seemed to be thinking the same and they both started to leave the room when finally they announced.

"We have our first prince and princess of this year's Summer Ball…" she paused, "Samuel Winchester and Jessica lee Moore." Dean patted his brother on the back with a wide grin, Gabriel could not help to smile seeing the boy be so happy. Sam and Jessica walked towards the stairs as a couple; they were crowned as told to stand on one side as the others were mentioned. "Our second prince and princess are…" she paused, "Gabriel Novak and Kali Sharma." everyone clapped cheering for Gabriel, he bowed dramatically thanking the public before Kali pulled him to the be crowned.

"And we have our last couple, our prince and princess are…" everyone in the room became suddenly quiet, all eyes at the dame with the red envelope. "Dean Winchester and Lisa Braden." everyone gasped in shock, Lisa's expression changed to a furious one, Dean was confused since he'd been distracted in his mind only to hear his name being called.

"Dean, they're calling you." whispered Chuck nudging him.

"Oh, they are? Okay." he smiled and walked with Lisa who seemed wrathful wanting to murder everyone in the room. They were crowned and joined the others; Gabriel and Kali smiled as they stood besides Sam and Jessica, Dean smiled wide, Lisa was still furious gripping Dean's arm really tighter.

"Everyone quiet down, we will now announce our king and queen." the room was silent again and the tension grew stronger than before, people looked around to see who most likely would win. "This year's king is…" she lifted her eyes from the envelope to the crowd and smiled, "Castiel Novak." They were near the exit when they heard and Castiel wanted to shrink from all the eyes on him. "And this year's queen of the Summer Ball is…" she paused, "Amelia Everett." everyone clapped and cheered for the couple, making a path for them to the stairs where they would be crowned. "Congratulation both of you, you look absolutely wonderful!" she clapped.

Castiel wanted to be far, far away from there and take Amelia with him; the room temperature seemed suddenly too high for his liking and too loud yet he managed to keep his proper posture to walk with Amelia. Dean and Castiel glanced at each other for a few seconds but to them it felt like hours. Castiel sighed as he stood next to Amelia with a crown on his head, that meant it was time for the first dance of the king and the queen. The crowd cleared the dance floor making a circle, Castiel took Amelia's hand and walked to the centre in a such confident manner. The music started playing, he wrapped his arm gently but firm around her waist and their hands entwined in the air, their feet moved gracefully to the rhythm of the music, their bodies flowed like water. Everyone seemed enchanted keeping their eyes on them. Castiel was captivated by her beauty and a small smile formed on his lips, she smiled back at him. The princes and princesses moved to the dance floor joining the king and queen; their movements were synchronised and graceful. Castiel and Dean were a few feet apart from each other, they kept moving but their eyes never moved from each other.

The music stopped, the couples moved aside and another song started playing; couples moved to the dance floor hand in hand. Guys came up to Castiel and Amelia asking her for a dance, Castiel nodded and he was left alone for a few seconds before girls started crowding around him asking to dance; he politely accepted and danced with each one at a time. Dean was busy himself with girls all around him asking to dance, Lisa had disappeared somewhere and he didn't care at all.

The night was jovial and festive for everyone, except someone; Dean stood with Gabriel and a few of his friends, they joked, laughed and exchanged conversations while a few of them, including Dean, held glasses with Chardonnay or Blanc, champagne was only given to adults. He kept his eyes on Castiel who was currently dancing with Amelia again; he seemed happy, the gentle way in which he looked at her as if he were enchanted. He watched as Castiel danced with her, how he gave away a smile to the blonde girl. It hurt Dean to see it, it angered him so much he didn't realise with how much strength he gripped the glass around his fingers, it shattered into pieces and he felt the liquid on his palm. People around him gasped and ran to aid but he refused to be helped, instead walking away from everyone. He found the men's room and washed his hand, there was a small cut on his palm but it was not bleeding anymore. He ran a hand through his hair as he stared at his reflection, a sigh escaped his lips not comprehending why he felt anger towards Castiel, deep down he knew the answer yet he did not want to acknowledge it; he left the men's room deciding to stay away from the crowded places. There was a balcony at the end of the hall and someone stood there leaning against it, his eyes fixed upon the silhouette in the distance, he narrowed his eyes recognising instantly who it was; his heart skipped a beat, he took a deep breath as his feet guided him towards the balcony; the beating of his heart sped up as the distance between them became smaller and smaller until he stood in front of the boy. His mind raced rapidly through images of those blue eyes staring into his, the warmth it sent through his body, the pace at which his heart beat each time their eyes locked; it was then that he admitted perhaps he did like Castiel, it was not his decision who his heart chose to love, it was blind to gender.

Castiel felt exhausted, physically and emotionally; it was difficult to pretend he was happy for all these people but he wanted to be away, he wanted to be in his room reading his books by the window. Amelia was still dancing with others, he had managed to slip away from the ballroom upstairs to the balcony; the skies were dark and the night was warm, the wind blew softly over Yorktown. Castiel leant against the cool metal from the balcony and sighed deeply wishing for this event to be over.

He closed his eyes listening to the music and all the noise downstairs when he heard a door open. A dark figure stood in the middle of the hall, Castiel fixed his eyes on the stranger guessing the man was looking at him. It was peculiar, Castiel thought, his heart started to beat faster as the person approached him.

"Dean…" Castiel spoke as the moonlight lit the other boy's face.

"Cas…" they stood close to each other. "Hey…Cas."

"Hello, Dean." Castiel looked down at the floor.

"I thought you weren't coming." Dean spoke feeling awkward standing in front of the boy with the blue eyes that took his breath away.

"I wasn't." Castiel raised his head fixing his attention at the moon. "I do not wish to be here."

"Why are you?"

"Reasons." an exhausted sigh escaped Castiel's lips.

"You seemed happy there though." he leant against the balcony.

"'Tis all pretence."

"I see." Dean nodded, "Even with her?"

"Amelia? It is different with her." he smiled a little. "If I were to choose, it would be her but I believe my heart has already chosen." there was melancholy in his eyes as he smiled gently.

"Who might that be?" Dean almost didn't want to know.

"It does not matter." Castiel chuckled. "My feelings are my feelings, this person does not return them."

"This person knows?"

"No. But there is no need."

"What if they do?"

"That would be…" he sighed. "I do not believe in fairy tales, Dean. But I suppose it would be nice."

"You are a wonderful guy, Castiel, no fairytale crap is needed for anyone to see that." Castiel laughed in his mind.

"All these people simply like me for what they see materialistically, not one of them have interest in truly being my friend for who I am."

"I don't."

"Thank you, Dean. You will be the first one." Dean felt the encourage build inside him wanting to tell Castiel but the opportunity fled by when they heard someone running down the hall.

"Dean?! Cassie?!" Gabriel stopped in front of the boys jumping up and down like a child with a grin on his face, "You two should come see this." he giggled.

"Oh no." sighed Castiel.

"Oh yes, little bro. Come on!" Castiel and Dean followed Gabriel downstairs. The room was still the same as before, nothing interesting happening when suddenly the lights in the room disappeared; everyone whispered in confusion, the school headmaster demanded to know what was going on, Gabriel giggled as lights were focused on the staircase, Erotica by Madonna started playing loudly, a group of dancers descended; the men and women wore tuxedos, their bodies moved sensually to the music as they started stripping off their garments, parents and adults were horrified, they gasped in shock and muttered how repulsive this was, the students laughed and cheered as the dancers moved in such a sexual way towards the centre of the ballroom.

Castiel stood wide eyed at the show before him, Dean laughed hysterically along with Gabriel and the other teens at the faces on the grown ups. The song played until the end and the dancers were nearly nude. The students clapped and the dancers disappeared through the exit, then there was a moment of whispers and giggles.

"Mr. Gabriel Novak!" yelled the headmaster, Gabriel stopped giggling and ran out the door.


	6. Truth or Dare?

**_Chapter 6_ **

****

* * *

 

"Mr. Gabriel Novak!" yelled the headmaster, Gabriel stopped giggling and ran out the door.

Gabriel ran out of the room in a blink of an eye with Kali following him, the headmaster humiliated apologised to the parents, teachers and the students, he had no idea what had happened but would not tolerate such things in that school. Castiel was still standing next to Dean, who was now calm from his laughter fit, with a horrified expression on his face as if his innocence had just been ripped out of him, which really, was the truth somewhat.

"Hey, Cas, are you okay?" Dean glanced at Castiel.

"I- I think so." he blinked finally looking at the floor with his cheeks flushing.

"Cas, it's okay, man. C'mon, let's get out of here." he grabbed Castiel's arm and led him upstairs back to the balcony. Castiel forgot what had scarred him and focused on Dean; they sat by the balcony next to each other in a surprising non-awkward silence.

It was ten minutes till twenty-one and few of the guests were starting to leave; Dean had to take Sam and Jessica back home sometime later, then he remembered Lisa but he hoped he wouldn't find her, although he felt sorry for the girl if he left her there. Castiel and Dean sat on the floor next to each other with a very small distance between them, their knees touched slightly, Dean was strict on his personal space but it was Castiel who was invading it, therefore he was more than alright with it. Anyone would have found them at that moment would have thought they were certainly communicating mind to mind and from their staring, that was a really intense conversation. Time passed without them noticing and only blinking when their eyes felt uncomfortably dry.

"Castiel? Castiel!" both boys blinked in confusion and finally looked in front of them.

"Lucifer?"

"It's late, we have to go. Come on."

"Very well, I shall go find Amelia."

Lucifer walked away, Castiel stood looking at Dean who was stretching. They were back in the ballroom, Amelia was with a large group of people, mostly friends, they were still praising her beauty. Dean found Lisa being a coquette with a group of football players, he could not find a care to give about it, simply informed her it was time to leave. Lisa said goodbye to the guys and walked with Dean to find Sam and Jessica; They sat on a bench in the garden consumed in a conversation yet ready to leave, they had danced all night and enjoyed their time with friends but they were exhausted and Jessica had to be back home earlier than midnight. Jessica's house was closer to the school, they arrived in five minutes at her house; Sam walked out of the Impala to open the door for her, she gave him a smile in return.

"Thank you for everything, Sam. I had fun." she smiled at him once they were at the door.

"I had fun too. Um, thank you for saying yes." he smiled nervously. She smiled at his awkwardness and pulled him close landing her lips on hers, Sam was surprised by this but kissed her back. Just then, the front door opened and her father was standing there, he cleared his throat and eyed Sam.

"Um, hello Mr. Moore, I was just saying goodnight to Jessica. Thank you for allowing her to go with me." he spoke too fast. Jessica's father nodded with a small smile on his face and returned inside the house. Jessica smiled and said goodnight to Sam one last time before closing the door as he left. He was slightly disappointed the kiss had not felt like the one in his dream but happy they had had their first kiss.

* * *

 

"Why don't you drop off your brother at your house and we go somewhere?" Lisa said as she attacked Dean's neck with her lips, her pearly white teeth sank into his skin making him gasp.

"I don't see why Sam can't come with us." he composed himself to speak as she continued to seduce him.

"It should be just the two of us, Dean. Besides, he's just a kid, isn't past his bedtime?" Dean pushed her away and she looked at him surprised.

"Know what, Lisa? I just want to go home."

"What? What about us? Just go leave your stupid brother at your house!"

"I am not getting rid of Sam for a cheap whore like you, Lisa."

"You fucking jerk!" she stepped out of the car fuming. Sam was walking back to the Impala when he noticed the girl walking away.

"Are you okay, Lisa?" he knit his brows staring at her.

"Fuck you!" she yelled at him; Sam flinched and stood there in confusion while Lisa continued walking. He entered the Impala sitting on the passenger seat after she'd disappeared in the distance and gave Dean a confused look.

"What was that about?" he glanced at his brother.

"She was being a bitch and wanted me to get rid of you." Dean said starting the Impala.

"I'm sorry if I-" Dean interrupted him.

"It's not you, Sammy, she's just a bitch. I don't even like her anyways." he chuckled. Sam felt a little guilty that he'd ruined Dean's date but happy his brother chose him and not Lisa.

"Thanks." he said quietly with a smile, Dean responded with a smile. He was about to start driving when his mobile vibrated playing a Metallica song.

"what's up, Gabe?"

"Dean-o! Party at my house, bring Sammy." he could hear the voices in the background.

"Dude, we'll so be there." Dean smirked.

"You better!" they both laughed and hung up. Dean called their parents before heading to the Novak's house, they'd been allowed to spend the night with them.

"Just be safe, darling." Mary spoke in her gentle tone.

"Yes, mum and don't worry, I won't let Sammy out of my sight."

"Alright, have fun. I love you."

"Thanks, love you too, mum." he hung up and drove to the Novak's residence. Everyone had already started the party,  _Smells Like Teen Spirit_ played loudly, everyone had come from the Ball over to the Novak's house; there were Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, Anna, Gabriel, Castiel, Crowley, Balthazar, Ash, Jo, Ruby, Meg, Kali, Lillith, Pamela, Chuck, Becky, Azazel, Alastair, Jake, Adam, Andy. and a few other people. Amelia had decided to go home instead since her parents were expecting her after the event. Castiel had accompanied her back to the door to say goodnight, she kissed his cheek thanking him for the wonderful night.

Lucifer had brought a few beers for himself, Michael, Raphael and his cousins of enough age to drink, plus other non-alcoholic drinks since most were underage. Michael had argued to have no alcoholic beverages at all but Lucifer had finally convinced him to allow them to have them, they were supervised not to get heavily drunk but some were tipsy. Gabriel nagged Castiel to try at least a sip of the drink and so the blue eyed boy did. Dean kept a close watch on Sam that he was not given anything alcoholic, specially by Gabriel's cousins, Azazel, Ruby or Alastair. Some danced to the music, others simply conversed and drank or ate snacks, there were a few making out on the sofa while a movie played on the big, flat screen TV, Gabriel was hyper as ever after eating so many candy bars and a few drinks and a beer. By midnight, most were either hyperactive or exhausted, there were a few older teens drunk passed out on the floor or the sofa, others were leaving since they had actually caring parents.

"We should play truth or dare!" spoke Balthazar over the music to Gabriel.

"Hells yeah, we should!" they gathered people around the living room with the music still playing in the background; Lucifer, Michael, Crowley, Raphael, Sam, Dean, Jo, Ash, Castiel, Anna, Chuck, Kali, Becky, and Adam. Lucifer sat next to Michael already arguing, the older brother complaining it was immature and Lucifer telling him to shut up for once and have fun. Sam sat next to Dean, Gabriel sat on the other side of Sam, Kali was next to Gabriel, Balthazar next to him, Crowley and Raphael next to each other, Jo and Ash sat together on the sofa, Becky and Chuck on a corner of the sofa next to them, Adam sat on the floor with Castiel next to him, Raphael sat next to him.

"This is going to be so much fun." Gabriel smirked with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Who goes first?" everyone looked at each other waiting for a response.

"Alright, Gabriel, truth or dare?" asked Crowley with a smirk.

"Truth!" he smiled wide.

"Have you ever fucked or kissed a guy, darling?" he chuckled.

"Hmm, no but if I ever meet someone fuckable enough, I would." he added with a wink; inside, he wished it was Sam. Everyone laughed, except for Kali who looked horrified. "Alright, Balthazar! Truth or dare?"

"I say dare."

"Alright, I dare you to sing My Heart Will Go On or wear Lucifer's shirt that says, 'must be this tall to ride' while going to the local store with an 'I just bench pressed the world' smile on your face and buy a box of condoms  _and_ have someone has to record it all."

"There is absolutely no way in Hell I will ever sing a Celine Dion song, specially that one. I choose the second dare." he stood up and grabbed the shirt from Lucifer who had gotten up to fetch it while Gabriel said the dare. Raphael volunteered to go with him and record the dare. "Before I go, I have to take my turn asking. Alright, Luce, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Oh goody. I dare you to wear a girl's school uniform while trying to get a cup of sugar from your forty-year old perverted neighbour and flirt with him." Lucifer cursed him laughing. Anna let him wear her uniform, which fit him a little too tight but that only added to the humour of the dare. He walked out of the door still cursing at Balthazar for it, everyone gathered in the front yard to watch from a distance while Lucifer knocked on his neighbour's door.

"Mr. Herbert," he added a seducing smile, "I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar." he gave him an innocent look while putting a hand on his hip. Mr. Herbert gave him a really perverted smile while licking his lips and nodded.

"For you, I'd be more than glad to give you anything." Lucifer cringed inside but managed to keep a seducing smile and winked at him. The old man walked inside with the cup Lucifer gave him and returned a moment later with a cup full of sugar.

"You don't know how grateful I am, Mr. Herbert-"

"Please, just call me Herbert." he smiled

"Herbert," he put a finger on the older man's chin. "Thank you." he smirked wickedly and turned to leave.

"If you need something else, I'm always available." he said in his 'sexy' voice, again, Lucifer was now scared of this man forever. 'Fucking pervy old man.' he thought.

"I will." he smiled innocently. Balthazar was going to pay for this. Oh yes, he would.

Everyone cheered and laughed as he made his way though the living room with a horrified face and cursing the old man and Balthazar. He came back a few moments later and everyone was still laughing, Balthazar and Raphael had left to do his dare.

"Alright, who do I ask." he put a finger on his chin as if thinking, "Sammy boy," he smirked, Sam looked up wide eyed. "Truth or dare?"

"I- uh, truth."

"What is the most creative thing you can do with a chair?" and Sam knew that he meant not as in Art creative, he blushed red.

"I mean dare."

"I dare you to answer my question." he winked, again, Sam blushed. He looked around nervous, Dean was laughing but pitied his little brother. He sighed and finally decided to answer.

"I- I would, um, give a lap dance…" he fixed his eyes on the floor blushing which made everyone laugh, Gabriel took a mental note of that and smirked. 'Lucky me?'

"Okay, um, Michael." he finally spoke while everyone else still laughed, Michael including and looked at the young boy. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." he said while calming down.

"What is the weirdest thing you have done in public?"

"Oh, I have a quite embarrassing story," he squints looking in Lucifer's direction. "Lucifer and I were waiting for Anna after the orchestra performance at the Paramount Theatre and this," he paused as if having a flashback, "rather unusual guy, perhaps older than me approached me and proceeded to behave in playful and alluring way. I thought I had made it clear I was not interested, however, he kept doing just that and followed me everywhere, I threatened to physically hurt him but he did not seem fazed. In the end, I asked Lucifer to pretend he was my lover, which he refused at first but finally agreed." he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand while his cheeks turned red and continued, "um, Lucifer and I ended, um, holding each other's waist and awkwardly exchanging a kiss in front of the guy." his face was extremely red, it made everyone, including Lucifer laugh. Kali laughed but seemed disgusted at the same time.

"Yeah, but the guy ended up grabbing his ass when we walked to the parking lot!" said Lucifer and Michael gave him a glare. Everyone kept laughing.

"Alright, enough. Dean, truth or dare?"

"Aha um dare!" he wiped a few tears from his eyes while holding his stomach. Michael had been assigned by Gabriel to dare him the following.

"I dare you to be blindfolded while someone smears pie over your mouth and have someone lick it from you, then you have to guess who it was." Dean was horrified and hesitated on doing it. "Uh, no dude."

"Then, we will have to throw you in the pool, we will record it all and send it to everyone at your school." he smiled wide.

"Ah, fine, I'll do it." he snarled at Michael. They blindfolded him while Gabriel got the pie from the kitchen, then poor Castiel was kidnapped by Michael and Lucifer into the kitchen.

"Alright, Cassie, you're gonna have to be the one." said Gabriel winking at him.

"What?!" he had his eyes wide open and anxious, his heart beat fast.

"Or do you prefer someone else having their nasty tongue on your boyfriend?" asked Lucifer furrowing his brows. Castiel felt sick thinking of someone else touching Dean in such way.

"What? I-Dean is not my boyfriend!"

"Yeah, yeah. We know about your little crush, Cassie." said Lucifer and Castiel blushed.

"How do you know?" he looked down nervous and his cheeks red.

"Anyone who sees the way you two stare at each other would think you are a couple."

"We don't-"

"You do, now come on, everyone's waiting." before he could speak again, Castiel was dragged by Gabriel back into the living room. Dean was standing in the middle of the room blindfolded and they had tied his hands behind his back so he could not touch the person.

"Alright, ready, Dean-o?"

"Just get it over with." Gabriel smeared pie with a spoon all over Dean's lips and when he finished, he pushed Castiel to stand in front of Dean. Everyone in the room giggled quietly because they knew what it was about. Oh yeah, they noticed. He looked around the room pleadingly but Crowley stood up and pushed him towards Dean. Castiel closed his eyes tightly then opened them again, he gently swiped his tongue over Dean's lips. Dean let out a soft breath when he felt a warm tongue over his lips, it felt pleasant and he cursed himself for that. Castiel licked all over Dean's lips enjoying the soft texture of them, he had his eyes closed now and he stopped himself from letting out a moan; he finished licking all the pie away and he softly put his lips on Dean's, the other boy parted his lips slightly and before anyone could understand what was happening, Castiel and Dean were moving their lips against each other intensely, Castiel licked Dean's lips once more and the teen allowed him to enter his mouth, they moved their tongues against each other skilfully.

"Uhm. Ahem." Michael cleared his throat. Castiel suddenly realised what he was doing and parted his lips from Dean slowly, without looking at anyone, he quietly sat down on the floor in a corner. Dean stood there speechless, he had definitely had the best kiss of his life and he knew who it was, he could remember well who had that delightful scent of ocean breeze, lavender and vanilla, but mostly, he knew those lips he once touched with his own by accident.

"I- I don't know." he lied. "Untie me!" Lucifer untied his hands and Dean proceeded to take off the blindfold. He looked around and everyone stared wide eyed and silent. He cleared his throat embarrassed and suddenly everyone started clapping and cheering, others whistled and smiled wide. Dean sat down nervously. Sam blushed and giggled at the thought of his brother and Castiel being together, he had to admit they would be a cute couple.

"Come on, Dean-o, you  _must_ tell us who it was!" said Gabriel giggling.

"I don't know, dude, weren't you watching?"

"Yes, but you have to tell us who you think it was."

"I don't know!" he seemed frustrated, he wished they wouldn't talk about it and move on with the game. "moving on, who's next?" he looked around. The game started again with the people in the room. Castiel stood up and excused himself to get a drink from the kitchen. He felt disappointed that Dean had failed to recognise him, but then again, he was content he got to kiss Dean. Butterflies filled his stomach thinking of it and he smiled to himself.

"Cas." he looked up and Dean was standing in the doorway looking at him.

"Dean." he said in a low, anxious voice.

They stood there in silence feeling awkward, Castiel was staring at the floor like it was an interesting piece of artwork, Dean rubbed the back of his neck and looked around the room until he finally had the nerve to get closer to the younger boy. Castiel looked up at him tense hoping Dean would not know it was him and was here to yell at him.

"It was you." he said in a low tone, Castiel looked away with a rose tint spreading over his cheeks.

"I apologise, Dean, I-" he was silenced by lips on his.


	7. First Date

**_Chapter 7_ **

* * *

 

"I apologise, Dean, I-" he was silenced by lips on his, Castiel stood dumbfounded and tense before Dean then relaxed into the kiss. Their lips adjusting as if they had meant to be for each other, Castiel had his arms hanging awkwardly on his sides, Dean was holding his waist and finally Cass gained the courage to touch the other boy; he moved his right hand to the back of Dean's neck pulling him forward. The kiss lasted for a few minutes before they broke apart to breathe; they rested their foreheads together.

Nothing was said after the kiss, Dean let go of Castiel and returned to the living room without looking back at him. A confused Castiel leant against the counter watching Dean leave; he walked upstairs to his room and locked his door. No one noticed Castiel's absence, Dean sat in a corner in silence watching the others play gay chicken and apparently, Crowley was king of gay chicken.

" _She was no longer a Princess full of scruples, nor a woman with ever-returning suspicions, but one whose heart had just felt the mortal chill of a wound_." he paused his reading,  _Louise De La Valliere_ , he put the book down and rubbed his eyes feeling already tired. The others were still making noise downstairs but hopefully he could sleep through it or hope they'd eventually tire and fall asleep. Castiel brushed his teeth going over the kiss he and Dean shared privately in the kitchen, it bothered him why the boy had kissed him but not spoken a word to him of it afterwards. He decided to not worry about it for the moment since there was always a tomorrow for that, the noise downstairs was dimmed a little but they were laughing every now and then. Castiel lay in bed staring at the ceiling trying not to think of anything else but hope sleep would soon claim him.

* * *

 

"Cassie, wake up!" Gabriel jumped on top of Castiel startling the younger boy, he stood up fast with pain as Gabriel laughed.

"Get off me, Gabriel!"

"Sorry, little bro. I have been assigned to make sure you get up right now." He grinned not moving from his position.

"How will I get up if you are sitting on me?"

"Oh, right." Castiel rolled his eyes and stood up once Gabriel jumped off him to stand by the bed.

"Alright," Castiel sighed, "What is it now? What is it you and the others are planning?"

"What? Nothing, Cassie. Just hurry up, breakfast is ready downstairs." with that, Gabriel skipped out of the room. Castiel sighed again hoping he would be left alone for today, yesterday had been too much for him and too many people for one day, he just wanted to pass the day reading or drawing. He left to the bathroom to shower and get ready.

* * *

 

"Alright, Dean-o. Here's the deal." said Gabriel as Dean devoured his syrup-drowned waffles.

"What? A deal?"

"Let me speak first." Dean squinted his eyes at him, "So, the guys, meaning Luci, Mikie, Raph, Anna and myself," he pointed his thumbs towards himself, "have prepared a little something for you and Cassie."

"Explaine." he said with a mouthful of food and raised an eyebrow, he swallowed the food with a sip of orange juice.

"Oh yeah, Dean-o, we know you like him and he likes you."

"Wha-!" he spat his orange juice out.

"So, you and Cassie are going to spend the day together because we are kicking you out. So figure out where you guys should go." Dean was still processing what he thought had heard.

"You're saying Cas likes me?" he looked at Gabriel incredulous.

"Isn't obvious? The way you two stare at each other like you're fucking." Dean looked away from Gabriel's gaze blushing. "Besides, didn't you enjoy him licking you all over last night?" Dean sat there opening his mouth trying to find words to say but none came. Gabriel laughed and patted Dean on the back, Dean cleared his throat embarrassed. Michael, Lucifer, Anna and Raphael and Sam were in the living room, the others had left at some point during the morning or very late at night; Castiel came into the kitchen already dressed for the day, Gabriel grabbed his arm and sat him in front of Dean.

"Cassie, your boyfriend here will tell you what I just told him. Have fun!" he smiled wide before skipping out of the kitchen to the living room before Castiel could reply. Dean and Castiel sat there blushing and awkwardly looking at anything but each other.

"Um, I apologise about Gabriel."

"Don't apologise." he smiled at the younger boy, Castiel nodded.

"What is it you have to tell me?"

"Oh, yeah. That." he rubbed the back of his neck, "Uh your brothers are kicking us out. That means you and I have to spend the day together wherever we want." he smiled awkwardly, Castiel was looking at Dean wide eyed.

"Um, why are they doing that?"

"Gabriel said you liked me and…" he looked away nervous, "is that true?" Castiel shifted in his seat nervous but nodded. He waited for Dean's response hoping for the best and was not disappointed when Dean smiled at him. "I like you too, Cas."

"Really?" he bit his lip.

"Yeah." they both smiled staring into each other's eyes for a moment before being interrupted by claps and cheers and the Novaks plus a Winchester walking into the kitchen.

"About time!" said Anna laughing. Castiel and Dean sat there laughing in surprise that they all knew and for being spied on. "Alright, you two. Have any idea where you want to spend the day? We're not letting you in until the end of the day."

"I don't know, um, do you know where you would like to go, Cas?"

"Perhaps the park? We could walk around the lake, I have found that rather pleasant before, that is if you would like."

"That sounds good. We can go there and think of where we want to go next."

"We'll make you guys some sandwiches and snacks to take." clapped Anna excited.

"Thank you, Anna." Castiel nodded towards her. Everyone teamed to prepare snacks, sandwiches, drinks and everything the couple could possibly need for the day. Dean and Castiel tried to help but they were kicked out of the kitchen and forced to sit in the living room by themselves.

September days in Texas were not cold nor hot, rather cool, the skies were clouded but bright. The park was not busy at this time of day which was pleasant for the boys to spend their time without getting any looks from anyone, not that the town was known for being homophobic but there were still a few people who lived with their mind in previous centuries. Sam had been taken home by Michael and explained to Dean's parents where he was. The Impala was parked across from the lake, the two boys walked around the lake making small conversations. Dean carried the basket and refused allowing Castiel to even touch it; they spread a blanket under a tree and sat there.

"Sit closer to me, Cas, I won't bite you." Dean joked, noticing the Castiel sat as far away as possible from him. Castiel moved closer to the older boy but still kept his distance, Dean chuckled and pulled him closer. "You're still too far." Castiel smiled slightly at him, he was a little paler than usual and tense.

"Cas, relax." Dean obviously could see the anxiety in him, Castiel sighed deeply and Dean pulled him close wrapping his arms around him, he relaxed to the warmth of Dean's arms around him and proceeded to hug him back. The more minutes passed, the easier it was for Castiel to be alone with Dean, they spoke and laughed together. Dean noticed how beautiful Castiel was smiling and laughing, the way his flush lips curled up revealing those pearly white and perfect teeth and the twinkle in those beautiful azure eyes he didn't see too often. He was beautiful, too beautiful and how did Dean not notice before? How was it possible for him not to notice Castiel after the many years of knowing the Novaks?

"Gabe and I used to race in the park, I always won." he laughed, "then Sammy would join and we let him win on purpose."

"You and your brother are very close."

"Yeah," he shrugged smiling, "he's the only sibling I have. We used to come here when we were younger, he'd get on the swings. I liked the smile on his face as he said he was flying like Superman. I remember it too, it does feel like flying, doesn't it?"

"I do not know, Dean, I have never been on a swing before and I rarely came here to play as a child."

"Oh, why? I mean, why didn't you ever join us to play? I remember you always distanced yourself somewhere with a book."

"I don't know, Dean. People have always preferred my brother for his extrovert personality. I am perfectly fine with that, attention is not something I want or need."

"Didn't you ever feel lonely though?"

"Not quite, I had books and my sketch journal; they were all I needed for company."

"Oh. I thought, perhaps you didn't like me."

"That is not true, Dean, I have always liked you."

"Always?" Castiel nodded.

"You were the one person I always liked who was around, even if we were not friends."

"Thanks." he smiled and Castiel smiled back.

"That day I realised," he smiled pensive, "I had a crush on you."

"What day exactly?"

"The first day of school, I was going to the library." he smiled wider, "and you stole my first kiss." Dean blushed with an apologetic yet honoured expression.

"Cas, I'm sorry but I don't regret stealing your first kiss."

"I am happy you don't, Dean." they smiled shyly to each other. Dean stood up and extended his hand towards Castiel.

"Come with me."

"Where are we going?" he took Dean's hand and followed.

"To the swings!" he chuckled.

Castiel sat on the swing and held on tightly to the chains a little too nervous. "are you sure this is safe, Dean?"

"Don't let go of the chains and yes, it's safe. You'll see. Ready?" Castiel sighed.

"Yes." Dean gave Castiel a small push to get him in motion, he relaxed and trusted Dean as the swing started to move back and forth faster with each push. He found himself smiling, it was quite…pleasant…fun, actually. Dean gave him one last strong push and Castiel reached an astonishing height up in the air. He kept his legs straight and enjoyed the breeze hitting his face.

"It does feel like flying," he chuckled.

"Isn't it awesome?"

"It is. Would it feel the same if I had wings?"

"I would think so." they had a smile on their faces; Dean because Castiel seemed like a beautiful Angel flying; Castiel because he would remember this moment and it would be one of his favourites in which Dean was a part of. They spent a good amount of time on the swings, each taking turns and laughing every now and then at something humorous only to them.

"Hungry yet?" pushing Castiel on the swing.

"Yes, a little. Help me stop this, please?" he smiled.

"Sure!" he grabbed the chains with a force to keep it from thrusting and walked around facing Castiel to help him get off. Castiel still had a smile on his face when he locked eyes with Dean's, their colour was too entrancing; a tint of green he had never seen in others' before and the only match he could recall was the green colour oil pain the had used on his canvas to paint a landscape of a forest and mountains. It was impossible not to get lost in that beautiful landscape with pines, mountains and a surreal sky that were Dean's eyes. They took his breath away like no other creation ever could. Castiel closed his eyes as warm lips landed on his; they were the second thing he loved most besides Dean's eyes, his soft and full pink lips, that taste that was all Dean which he engraved in his memory, a taste nothing could describe but, it was delightful to him. Simply enjoyable.

Their day was quite perfect and the most fun Castiel had definitely had in his life. They ate lunch at the park from what was prepared in the basket. Later, Dean insisted they rent a boat with the condition he never let go of Castiel since he was terrified but Castiel had found it wasn't so bad when someone held you close like Dean did, he actually enjoyed it.

Dixie Pig's was an eight decades old diner in the outskirts of the town, it stood proud an busy since it was founded, famous for serving the best burgers and pie Dean could have ever had the pleasure of tasting, no other compared and the closest he could dare say it matched was a diner in Kansas they stopped at while visiting family in that state. Dean was smiling ear to ear when he achieved getting Castiel to like cheeseburgers.

"This makes me very happy." Castiel smiled chewing a bite of the burger.

"Wait 'till you try the pie!" he almost squealed. They devoured the burgers and fries enjoying every single bite with happiness. Dean asked for a slice of pie for himself but chose to give it to Castiel, the poor boy had never liked sweets, therefore, had never eaten pie. Poor deprived thing. He grabbed his fork and cut a bite-size piece of pie offering it to Castiel who happily accepted it.

The flavours in his mouth exploded; sweet, sour, cinnamony, the semi-salty crust, it was euphoria in his mouth. Castiel smiled wide at Dean and pulled the plate towards him. "I do like pie very much, Dean." they laughed and shared the pie but ended ordering another piece which Castiel greedily ate most, but it was alright with Dean. Castiel liked pie, he liked pie, Castiel liked him and he liked Castiel. It was perfect.


	8. Sir, I'm NOT Just A Kid

**_Chapter 8_ **

* * *

 

"Right there, Raph! Stop here!" said Balthazar pointing excitedly out the window.

"Target? Why Target?"

"Because, my dear cousin, Target is always busy at night unlike other stores and I like a big crowd." he grinned. Raphael stopped the car in the parking lot and grabbed the camera from the backseat.

"Just try not to get us in trouble with security."

"Oh, don't worry, they will  _love_ us!" Raphael sighed but followed Balthazar who was dancing his way to the entrance. He still wore his black slacks but replaced his shoes for black converse and Lucifer's white  _'YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO RIDE'_ shirt which fit him perfect. People eyed them oddly but Balthazar kept dancing his way into the store grinning ear to ear with Raphael recording.

"Oh Gabriel made this too easy for me." he chuckled and winked at a senior lady walking by, she gasped and kept walking faster. He made his way to the electronics section, music was playing loudly already but he felt it was necessary to turn it higher.

 

_Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought_

_Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about_

_So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts_

_Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up_

_You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds_

Raphael covered his mouth with one hand to keep himself from laughing and interrupting the video. Balthazar was now swinging his hips in a really provocative way towards a girl who seemed two years older than him, she was laughing hysterically as her friend stood next to her mouth wide open.

 

_You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals_

_So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel_

_Do it again now_

_You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals_

_So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel_

_Gettin' horny now_

There was a pillar in the electronics aisle, he danced his way to it and humped it a couple of times before sliding down, back up, grinded against it and repeated the process. A drop of sweat slid down his forehead and he wiped it away in a sensual way, the girl he'd been dancing with before was dragged into his little show and to everyone's joy, he started doing the Napoleon Dynamite incorporated with pole dancing.

A crowd had gathered around the aisle watching Balthazar, parents complained it was inappropriate for a sixteen year old to be dancing in such way, others complained to security to kick them out; two security guards stood there watching and laughing along with others. As the song ended, Balthazar wrapped a leg around the pillar and threw his head back, he winked at one of the security guards who looked away clearing his throat.

" _I hope to sleep with every one of you. I brought a thousand condoms with me. Extra strong."_ Balthazar said winking at the crowd gathered around him.

"Alright, kid, let's get you out of here." the oldest one said, he might have been around thirty or so. Balthazar pouted and gave them the puppy eyes.

"But I was just beginning to have fun."

"We got a few complaints from customers, you and your little friend over there." he pointed at Raphael with the camera still recording, "need to leave."

"But I am here to shop for…things, it's important!" he smirked, the guard eyed him up and down suspicious.

"Alright, do it fast. We'll escort you out."

"As you say, darling." he winked at youngest security guard, he blushed and fixed a serious expression on his face. Raphael and the two men followed Balthazar to the pharmacy section, they stood awkwardly behind Balthazar who was choosing the biggest size condoms and a bottle of lube. He turned around and saw the two guards with uncomfortable expressions on their faces, "what?" he said innocently shrugging. "Oh, believe it." he smirked, "It is." with that he turned to leave.

The cashier was a woman in her forties, she eyed Balthazar oddly but scanned the items. "Will that be all?"

"That is all, darling. How much do I owe you?" he gave her a smile.

"Twelve, fifty two." he gave her the money brushing his fingertips slightly on her palm, she glared at him but he simply looked at her innocently. "Do you flirt with everything that moves?"

"Uh, yes, pretty much, dear." she chuckled and gave him the items in a bag. "Thank you." he winked at her, she shook her head and watched him leave with the guards following.

"Are you going to follow me all the way to my car?" he raised his eyebrows at the two men. They looked at each other and turned to leave. "Of course, I wouldn't mind a bit if you came along."

"Alright, kid, just stop and go home, okay?" sighed one of them.

"You guys are no fun." he pouted.

"Go home, kid."

"Wait just right there, love, I," he pointed towards himself, "am not a kid, I am going to exactly seventeen in two months!"

"You're still a kid."

"Would a kid do this?" he pulled the youngest guard towards him smashing their lips together, the guard tried to pull away but Balthazar held him tightly and soon gave up fighting. The older man stood wide eyed and mouth agape while Raphael laughed.

"Think I'm a kid now, dear?" the man cleared his throat blushing furiously.

"Uh um." he left quickly and the other man followed. Raphael was still laughing and Balthazar rocked back and forth on his feet as the men disappeared into the store.

"He tasted like peppermint and strawberry vitamin water." he furrowed his eyebrows, "I should come here more often!" with that, he made his way to the car dancing.

"You're a crazy man-whore, Balthazar."

"Oh my dear cousin, tell me something I don't know." he smirked.

They drove back to the Novak's house and found the guys playing gay chicken. Everyone cheered as they made their way into the living room, Balthazar with a smirk on his face. Castiel was no where in sight, which Balthazar noticed but he knew the boy was not one to stay up socialising with others. He joined the game of gay chicken and fairly won the title from Crowley, the king of gay chicken.


	9. The Funhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: gore, death, adult themes, foul language and so on. Don't like, don't read.
> 
> Based on the movie The Funhouse. (No main characters death.) it's a really long chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: English is not my first language, I apologise for mistakes in this.

**_Chapter 9_ **

* * *

 

The warm water falling with pressure on his skin felt relaxing to his muscles, he rubbed gently the foamy soap along the curves of his waist up to his chest. The steam was thick like clouds inside the stall and fogged the glass door. A figure approached the bathroom slowly opening the door and careful to make no noise as the door opened, he took out something shiny and sharp form his pocket and proceeded to slowly open the glass door revealing a young boy with blue eyes relaxing to the water falling above his head. He grabbed Castiel's arm with force sending the boy into an instant state of shock, Castiel gasped and turned ghastly.

"GABRIEL!" he screamed with anger and let out a heavy sigh, Gabriel laughed hysterically and ran from Castiel's room into his own locking the door. Castiel turned the water off and pulled his bathrobe from the hanger.

"Gabriel, open this door! You are going to pay for this, Gabriel! You are going to pay, I will make your life miserable and you will never, ever be able to forget me, you hear?!" Michael came upstairs to find out what all the yelling and door-banging was about.

"What did he do this time?" Michael crossed his arms knowing the naughty little trickster must have done something bad to piss off Castiel this much.

"He…scared me." Castiel looked down embarrassed and sighed.

"I shall take care of it, alright? Go finish getting ready." Castiel nodded and left to his room. Michael did not just ask but commanded Gabriel to open the door which the trickster did with apparent fear in his eyes. Michael entered and pulled Gabriel's ear dragging him to a chair on his desk.

"Ow, ow, ow! Mikie, it hurts!"

"That is Michael to you, young man. And you need to stop scaring your brother, have you not learned your lesson?" Gabriel sighed.

"It wasn't that bad. I was just joking."

"It isn't a game to him, you need to grow up. What are you, five? No, you are sixteen and will be seventeen soon."

"Eesh, I don't want to be mature, it's boring." he crossed his arms pouting.

"It is essential, you know."

"Yeah, yeah." he rolled his eyes. Michael stood up from where he was sitting and slapped Gabriel on the back of the head.

"Just stop messing with your brother and finish getting ready, we leave in twenty minutes."

"Ow, fine." he snuck his tongue out at Michael as he left.

The fair and rodeo was a big event in Yorktown; the fair came once a year during September and stayed for a week. Gabriel and his cousins had insisted they go together this year, this was Castiel's first year of finally going to the fair because Dean was taking him. Balthazar along with his older brother, Crowley, and Gabriel were planning to pay a visit to The House of Mirrors, The House of Horrors and sneak into the 21-and-over strip show. Lucifer, Michael and Raphael would be competing to over the silliest things as they always did. Anna was hanging out with her cheerleader friends, Dean and Castiel would go their own way and Sam with Jessica would get lost too.

* * *

 

"Son, come into my office, please." said John to Dean while the boy waited for his brother to get downstairs, they had to pick up Jessica and Castiel soon.

"Yes, sir." Dean walked into the office and John locked the door. Dean sat down on a chair in front of his dad's desk and waited for him to speak, surely he knew he wasn't in trouble and hoped his dad would not give him a speech about being careful now that he was in a relationship.

"There is something I should warn you about, Dean, it is important that you remember this carefully." he started as he sat on his own chair. "I know it will be confusing but you have to trust me." Dean nodded. "Your ancestors from my family side used to be hunters, some still are. As in hunters, I don't mean animal hunters; they hunted ghosts, werewolves, demons, skin walkers, everything that was supernatural they hunted."

"Whoa, dad, you're telling me all that fairytale crap is real?" his expression perplexed.

"As for the creatures, yes."

"So why are you telling me this now?"

"Because, most of those creatures are well known to hide among humans and every year there is at least one or two mysterious murders at the fair or someone missing. I want you to take this," he took a rectangular wooden box from the drawer of his desk and opened it revealing a silver dagger. "Be careful with it, it's very sharp."

"Whoa," Dean whispered amazed, "where did you get this?"

"It was your grandfather's, he gave it to me when he told me about the supernatural."

"So why aren't you a hunter?"

"I wanted to give my family a normal life and automotive design was my passion." he gave Dean a slight smile.

"Thanks, dad." he smiled.

"Just be careful, alright? And look after your brother." Dean nodded.

"Yes, sir. I won't lose this."

"I trust you, son." they stood up to leave the office, John tapped his son on the back with a smile. Sam was already sitting in the living room waiting for Dean.

* * *

 

It was slightly windy and cool, the skies were darker than usual for a September night. The boys arrived at the fair and paid for their tickets, Dean paid for Castiel's. Lucifer and Michael stopped everyone before they parted their own ways.

"Alright, everybody shut the hell up!" said Lucifer, they turned to look at him and their voices dimmed.

"Before all of you go wherever is you will go, remember this: number one, do not get in trouble, that goes for you three, Balthazar, Gabriel and Crowley." Michael pointed a finger in their direction, they gasped and snarled at him. "Number two, Do not wander alone, always have someone with you, ALWAYS. Number three, follow the rules of the fair, remember the police is everywhere and if they catch you somewhere you are not supposed to be, I will let them take you. And lastly, do not mess with strangers, do not talk to them or trust them, you never know their intentions, remember we are all family and we stand up for each other. We will meet back right here in three hours. Everyone understand? "

"Yes, Michael!" they all chanted, including Jessica and the Winchesters.

"Very well, have fun!" with that they all parted their own ways. Dean held Castiel's hand for it was his first time at this place.

* * *

 

"Are you afraid of heights?" Dean asked Castiel while they stood in a line to buy tickets.

"Not at all." he smiled.

"Would you like to try the Ferris Wheel?" Castiel thought for a moment looking at the Ferris perhaps calculating its height.

"Yes." he nodded, Dean drew him close for a tight hug.

"I'll be holding you tight if it frightens you." he kissed Castiel's cheek.

"Thank you, Dean." he smiled, they shared a brief kiss on the lips before buying the tickets, it was their turn and a long line was waiting behind them.

* * *

 

"Aww! You did it! Thank you, Sam!" Jessica kissed him on the lips as a thank you for winning the stuffed animal she wanted. Sam was really happy with Jessica, she accepted him for who he was not needing to pretend he was a the cool type, besides, she had a thing for nerdy boys and Sam was simply perfect to her.

"It was nothing. Um," he smiled, "Do you like cotton candy?"

"I love it!"

"Let's go buy some." she grabbed his hand, Sam tried to hold back a smile but failed and they walked together to the cotton candy stand.

"Bubblegum or blueberry?" he asked her.

"Bubblegum, the other one leaves your mouth blue and I don't like it."

"That happened to me once!" he laughed. Sam grabbed a pair cotton candy on a stick giving one to Jessica but she put it back.

"Let's share." She gave him a smile and Sam blushed.

"O-okay." she kissed his cheek, Sam paid for it and they walked together feeding each other the fluffiness of the sweet treat.

* * *

 

"Step right up! Test your strength! Who are the men out of the boys?" a man with a funny moustache and a pork pie hat stood inviting the males, young and old to try the High striker. Lucifer grinned at Raphael and Michael, and oh yes, they had it coming.

"I bet I'm stronger than you this year, Mike!" Lucifer smirked.

"In your dreams, Lucian." he rolled his eyes at his brother.

"Don't call me that!" he snarled.

"Then call me Michael."

"Are you two forgetting there is a possibility I can beat your asses?" Raphael patted them hard on the back.

"There is no way you," Lucifer poked Raphael on the chest hard, "Can beat me or even Mikie boy right here."

"Oh yeah? Let's try it then."

"Go ahead but don't leave crying after you lose." he smirked. Raphael gave the fee to the man standing behind the podium.

"Best of luck, sir." he said with a smirk, Raphael nodded and walked to the High Striker, Michael and Lucifer stood behind him. The ten pound hammer didn't stop Raphael from giving his best, he lifted it up in the air and as he was about to smack the pad-

"GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!" yelled Lucifer that Raphael was distracted as he let the hammer fall. People around them turned their heads to see what was the yelling about.

"Fuck you, Lucifer!" said Raphael angry which made the little devil laugh, Michael rolled his eyes at them.

"Better luck next time, Raph." he patted Raphael on the shoulder as the younger one glared at him. "My turn." he walked over to the podium with a smirk and paid the man, he grabbed the hammer and smacked the pad with all his strength, the puck almost reached the bell by two centimetres.

"Think you can beat that, Mikie?" Lucifer crossed his arms proud of himself.

"It's Michael." although Michael was not muscular built as Lucifer, he was the strongest of the three which Lucifer thought was ridiculous, therefore, Lucifer was always challenging his brother to everything. Michael smacked the pad with the hammer, the puck hit the bell loudly.

"Congratulations, sir!" he let Michael choose his prize, he chose a stuffed animal and shook it in front of Lucifer's face.

"You're just lucky." Lucifer rolled his eyes at him and walked away, Michael chuckled and handed the stuffed animal to a little girl smiling at him.

"Here you go." he smiled at her, she giggled and took the furry white puppy.

"Thank you!" she gave him a toothy smile and waved as he left, he waved back and turn to find his brothers.

* * *

 

"Gabe, do you really have to stop to buy every single sweet thing you see?" asked Crowley exasperated, they had not been to any of the places they'd planned to go because Gabriel kept stopping to buy candy, cotton candy, sweet drinks, elephant ears, caramel popcorn among other small things he could devour.

"YES!" he stood inches away from Crowley's face wide eyed. Crowley stepped back a little and said nothing. "So guys, where do we want to go first? I want to go somewhere. You guys smell that? Are those cookies I smell? Wait, look… ICE CREAM. Be right back you guys!" he took off running to the small stand with big and bold letter  **ice cream**. Balthazar laughed as Crowley sighed.

"How is he not fat with all that sweet junk he consumes?" asked Crowley snarling.

"Fast metabolism runs in the family, you know, you can clearly tell from Castiel and Anna."

"Just look at him, three scoops of ice, it is nauseating." Gabriel was walking back to the two boys with the biggest smile ever.

"Okay, let's go, ladies!" he said walking past them towards the Freaks Of Nature display. The display had a two headed cow, a sheep with five legs, a rooster with three eyes and other genetically mutated animals. Gabriel found it rather unfortunate for these poor animals to be kept caged for the amusement of others, so he left quickly.

They went to the magic show next where they found Sam, Jessica, Dean and Castiel, they all sat together waiting for the show to start. Once the magician, an old drunkie with a long beard and a top hat, started speaking the crowd cheered, others booed at him.

"I need a volunteer." said the man, "preferably a young lady. You, miss, you come here." he said pointing at a girl behind Jessica.

"Me? No, I can't." she said looking around at the crowd.

"Yes, you can. Come on. Crowd, cheer for her." he motioned with his hands, the crowd clapped and urged her to go up on the stage; the girl stood up and walked towards the magician who placed her in a coffin. After telling them a little bit of history about the trick he was about to do, he pulled out a sword.

"What are you doing?" said the girl scared.

"Don't you worry, Miss, you will be fine." he closed the coffin fully and slowly put the sword through a small hole in the middle of the coffin, the girl inside let out a loud shriek and blood started coming out the hole in the coffin, the magician took out the sword and it was covered in blood, the crowd screamed in horror. The magician had a panicked expression on his face. "Oh my, this wasn't supposed to happen." he said nervous, then he opened the coffin fast and the same girl stepped out wearing a blue dress and a smile on her face. "My daughter, Clarissa." he said as both bowed. The crowd cheered and applauded hard.

"That was cool!" said Sam as they walked out laughing.

"We should go to the fortune teller!" said Gabriel nearly jumping like a kid.

"Yeah, it'd be fun." said Jessica.

"You do know it is all fake, Gabriel?" said Balthazar.

"Hey, it's still fun. Just give it a try." they walked over to a small tent with a sign on the top 'Madame Zena'. There was a beaded curtain at the entrance, purple, gold and red silk cushions on the seats.

"Come, come in, my dears." she said, "I will tell you your fortune, come." they all stepped inside and sat down. "I am Madame Zena, the fortune teller, who's fortune will I be reading tonight?" she looked at them.

"I think Cassie should go." said Gabriel.

"Yeah, Cassie. Why don't you go?" Castiel looked at them wide eyed.

"No, I am-"

"Come on, it won't be that bad." smirked Balthazar, Castiel sighed and stood up.

"Alright, dear, sit here and we shall begin." Balthazar, Gabriel and Crowley were giggling and joking about things Castiel could not hear from where he was sitting but they seemed to disrupt Madame Zena because she kept glaring at them.

"I see." she said still looking at Castiel's palm, "I see something here, there is someone in your life, something will change your life forever." she looked at him, "It will be soon, and you must be aware, the lives of-" Balthazar and Gabriel were laughing hysterically now. "You ignorants! You disrupt me, have you no respect for Madame Zena?!" she stood up walking over to them, Balthazar and Gabriel could not stop laughing. "Get the fuck out of here, you idiots!" she yelled at them, the boys and Jessica ran out of there with Castiel following, Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and both ran following the others.

"That was hilarious!" said Gabriel still laughing.

"There is nothing funny about that, Gabriel." growled Castiel.

"Oh Cassie, you have no sense of humour."

"Who wants to go to the house of horror?" asked Crowley with a mischievous grin, Castiel tensed wide eyed and kept quiet, Dean felt Castiel gripping his hand tightly.

"I do!" said Balthazar and Gabriel at the same time.

"Do you want to go?" Sam turned to Jessica and she nodded.

"You guys go ahead." Dean pulled Castiel into his arms holding him tightly. "We'll wait for you out here." they turned to leave, "Sam, come here." Sam whispered something to Jessica and walked over to his brother.

"Yeah?"

"You be careful in there, okay? And don't lose Jessica or the guys, stay together."

"I will." he nodded and left.

"Hey, it's alright, Cass, it's alright." Dean still held him tightly rubbing the boy's back gently.

"I'm sorry, Dean…" he whispered, "You should have gone with them."

"I rather be with you." he placed a kiss on top of Castiel's head. "I'm not going anywhere without you, okay?"

"Thank you." he smiled into Dean's neck.

* * *

 

"I have a brilliant idea," chuckled Crowley, "last year our brothers," he pointed at Balthazar and himself, "Azazel and Alistair stayed in the House of Horror for the night, if they did it, we can do it too. What do you guys say?" Jessica and Sam turned to look at each other. They were already inside the house and were passing through a room full of creepy puppets staring at them and laughing maniacally.

"Um.. I don't think it's a good idea…" said Sam nervous.

"Are you scared, little Sammy?" asked Balthazar.

"No, but Jessica has to go back home soon and my parents are going to be worried."

"She can tell them she's staying at a friend's house, can't she? And you can tell your parents you're staying at my house." shrugged Gabriel as if it were a simple matter.

"Lie to my parents?" asked Jessica, "I don't know…"

"It'll be fun, think about it!"

"Well, okay…"

"What about the others?" asked Sam.

"We'll get them to join us, of course."

"How?"

"I know Lucifer might want to join us, if he stays with us then it's all settled. Michael can take home Dean and Cassie."

"Dean won't want to leave me here…"

"Oh, right… well, let's get him in here!"

"Then he won't want to leave Castiel."

"Oh for fuck's sake, are they married or something?" he sighed rolling his eyes, "Let's convince him."

"Good luck." Sam called Dean and told him what they had planned, Dean had a fit and told Sam to get out of there.

"Dean, I can't, the guys won't let me go."

"Give the phone to Gabriel, Sam!"

"Fine…" he sighed.

"Dean-o, what's up?!"

"What's up? What's up? What the fuck are you guys trying to do?"

"Don't worry, everything will be fine."

"No, Gabriel, I am not leaving my brother in there with you nuts, no fucking way. You better let him go!"

"Alright, fine. But Lucifer is staying with us."

"He said so?"

"No, I know so, he can't resist a dare."

"Well, good luck to you."

"Don't need it! Anyway, you, my friend, will regret not being here for the most thrilling night you will ever live."

"I don't give a rat's ass about it, Gabe, you're my friend and you do stupid things sometimes but this is by far the most idiotic thing that has ever crossed your piñata head!"

"Ooh I love piñatas!"

"Gabe, focus here, this is serious!"

"Alright, fine."

"Lucifer wants to talk to you."

"Okay…"

"Gabriel?" said Lucifer with a calm voice over the phone, however, Gabriel felt chills down his spine because he knew only when that tone was used.

"Y-yes?" he cleared his throat.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Well, the guys and I-"

"I already know! We are leaving in ten minutes, if the five of you don't get your asses out here I will go there myself and beat some fucking sense into the three of you, you hear?!"

"Yes, sir. I'll tell them…" Lucifer hung up, Gabriel turned his eyes to the floor and told them what Lucifer had said. Crowley was furious, Balthazar disappointed, Sam and Jessica were relieved.

"Let's get out of here before they close." said Jessica noticing the few people that had been around were all gone.

"Crowley, Balthazar, let's go." said Gabriel.

"Luce can't just command us around, we're old enough to take care of ourselves!" Balthazar stomped his foot.

"I think he's right, this is dangerous."

"Oh, so you're what, scared now?"

"Yes, I'm a pussy, now let's go."

"Unbelievable, how are you even my cousin?"

"Shh…" said Sam listening to something approaching, "you guys hear that?" they all went silent trying to focus on the noise.

"I think they just locked the doors." said Jessica wide eyed.

"What, no, no, no, guys, we gotta get out of here now, let's go." Sam grabbed Jessica's hand to leave but Balthazar and Crowley were not moving from their place. "Please, guys, come on. We have to leave."

"Are you scared, Sam?" Crowley raised an eyebrow.

"No! I want to get out of here and I want Jessica to get home safe!"

"Alright, ladies, let us go then." said Crowley snarling at them. Sam held Jessica tightly in his arms as they made their way to the exit but it was closed, Gabriel tried to open it by force but it was in vain.

"What do we do now?" said Jessica almost crying.

"Maybe if we bang on the door they will hear us. Or there has to be another exit." said Sam holding her tighter.

"There might be one at the end of this. Let's go." Gabriel led their way to the end of the house but soon stopped when they heard a noise; two people's voices were coming from under their feet, they knelt down to see through the cracks on the floor.

"No, no, I charge more." it was a woman whom they recognised as Madame Zena.

"What? How much more?" said a man who earlier had been the ride assistant at the entrance.

"Fifty more."

"A hundred?! That is too much!"

"Do you want my services or not?" the man sighed and handed her the rest of the money. "Alright, on the bed or standing up?"

"On the bed is fine." he pulled his pants down revealing his boxers and lay on the bed, Madame Zena knelt before him and pulled his boxers down taking his erection in her hands and slowly started pumping. The man on the bed was clearly inexperienced of someone else touching him for he came sooner than expected, Madame Zena stood up to leave cleaning her hands on a tissue.

"What? You want your money back?" she smirked at him when he glared at her.

"Give me my money back, you bitch."

"It's not my fault you can't control yourself. I am not giving you the a hundred dollars ( about sixty two pounds) back! I don't give refunds and all because it's your fault!" she said in an angry tone, as she turned to leave the man grabbed her arm with a force and tossed her violently on the bed, she wrestled to get him off her but he was clearly trying to rape her. Madame Zena grabbed a bottle near the bed and broke it on his head which only made the man angrier, he got off her slapping her many times. When she managed to get up and run to the door he caught and yanked her back to the bed hitting her head on the corner of the night table, he got on top of the woman again and wrapped his hands around her fragile neck. There was a moment where she struggled fighting for her life and the man cursing at her but suddenly, everything was silent.

Jessica tried to hold back her tears as Sam held her tightly, Gabriel stood up and looked away from everyone, Balthazar and Crowley were shocked and speechless.

"Let's go find the exit, and let's be quiet." said Gabriel. "but let's wait for him to leave." they sat on the floor watching the man below who was now sitting on the bed next to the body pouring some whiskey on a glass, then he got up and left.

"Let's go." Gabriel led the way through the many rooms which were dimmed with barely enough light for them to see; they found themselves in a hall below the rooms that were in display, there were two doors, one was locked and the other one wasn't. Balthazar opened the door which revealed the room the man and Madame Zena had previously been in and he entered.

"Where are you going?" whispered Crowley.

"I'm going to check if she's really dead." he whispered back and walked inside. The others were busy trying to figure out how to unlock the door but they were unsuccessful.

"Let's go back up. I think they're coming." said Gabriel, Balthazar walked out of the room and was the last behind everyone else. They were now back to the room they had been spying from and they heard two men below them.

"Who was it now?" said an old man.

"I tried to take the money from 'er but she struggled and I lost control… I'm sorry, pa…"

"Sorry don't fix nothing 'round here, boy." he turned to look at the woman, "Ya killed one o' yer own! Ya fucking idiot, not Madame Zena!" he was now yelling at the younger man, "Gunther, ya son of a bitch, I should've let you die when yer ma left you, yer an idiot. What're we supposed to do now?"

"I'm sorry, pa, I didn't mean to do it." he was almost sobbing.

"We can fix this, we can fix this." he put a hand on his forehead as if thinking hard. "I got it, we'll leave her behind her tent, that way the police will blame the locals!" he clapped laughing. "give me a glass of whiskey, will ya?" Gunther grabbed a glass from a shelf and looked for the whiskey.

"It ain't here, pa." he said looking sheepish.

"What da ya mean it ain't there, boy? Where ya put it?"

"I- I left it right der, right der on the table." he pointed at the table.

"Then why ain't my whiskey on the goh dayumed table?" he yelled angry.

"I, I don't know, sir, I don't know. Was there before."

"You drank all ma whiskey, ya son of a bitch, you!" he threw a chair at Gunther. Gunther yelped like a puppy, then stood up angry hitting himself really hard.

"That's it boy, that's it! Hit ya self harder, that's it! Till ya learn to respect yer ol' man." Gunther ripped his clothes and screamed angry, almost in agony, he started scratching his chest with his sharp nails until he bled, if it weren't enough, he scratched harder ripping his flesh off him but what was surprising, fur was revealing as he tore more and more flesh and his bones were cracking loudly. The process was agonisingly painful, he screamed and tore off his clothes and more skin, his jaw was now a long snout with sharp teeth and red eyes. His father was laughing like a maniac as the other man finally on the floor looked at him with pained eyes.

The teens were in absolute shock; Jessica was quietly sobbing in Sam's arms for fear they might definitely die now, Gabriel ran a hand through his hair with guilt for keeping Sam and Jessica here while they could have been gone now, Crowley was holding Balthazar tightly as the younger boy shook in fear. Suddenly, there was a loud noise and a vibration coming from one of them; it was Crowley's phone with a call from Lucifer. They all looked at each other then looked down through the cracks again.

"Who's there?" said the old man, Conrad Straker was his name. "Who's up there?! Come on, I won't hurt ya, I just wanna talk, I promise. Come on." he said in a gentle voice. The teens were quietly looking at each other. "come on, Gunther, we need to get rid of 'em." he grabbed a gun from under the bed and ordered Gunther to go find them and kill them. Sam and Jessica held on to each other tightly while she cried, Gabriel took out a small pocket knife and told them to keep moving.

* * *

 

"Something is wrong with Gabriel, Dean, I can feel it." he held on tightly to the boy's shirt as he sobbed uncontrollably, Dean ran a hand through his hair trying to calm him down. Michael and Gabriel were trying to call either of the five teens but their phones were off or in silent. "Please…" he said softly as everything around him dimmed to complete darkness and a faint voice of Dean calling his name.

* * *

 

The lights were blacked out and the teens stood in their places trying to calm themselves through the panic. Gabriel had taken the lead and took items from the display as weapons, giving each one something to protect themselves; Sam held a sword taken from one of the rooms with skeletons and fake flesh with blood around, Jessica was holding on to a baseball bat with nails through it, Gabriel and Balthazar each had knives they had taken from the corpses around.

As the lights came back, Conrad stood in the room with them with a disgusting grin on his face pointing the gun at Sam and Jessica.

"Ya know yer trespassing, don't cha, kids?" he chuckled, "and you saw all down der, can't have witnesses, can we?" he walked closer to them and the teens stepped back, Gabriel was closest to the old man and he glared at him as if that would kill him.

"You hurt one of us and I will fucking kill you." said Gabriel in a venomous voice.

"Ain't that cute? What're ya gonna do, kid? Hit me with yer diaper?" he laughed putting a hand on his stomach, Gabriel took the chance and roundhouse kicked the gun away from Conrad, Balthazar ran to pick it up and aimed at Conrad.

"You guys find the exit, I'll take him." said Gabriel still glaring at Conrad. The others hesitated before Gabriel yelled at them to leave, Sam looked back at Gabriel with fear but followed the others. Conrad took a pocket knife from his boot and stood in position to fight with the young boy but he was unaware Gabriel was excellent in combat with knives and swords. The old man made the first move aiming for Gabriel's side but the boy avoided it cutting along the side of Conrad's face.

"You bastard!" he yelled and took a swing with the knife again, Gabriel kept avoiding his mediocre attempts to hurt him and kept scratching the old man with his own knife until by luck Conrad managed to take the knife from Gabriel; he grinned wide and glared at Gabriel while the boy stood ready to fight for his life. "You think yer so clever, don't cha boy?"

"I do come from a skilled family." smirked Gabriel.

"Is that so?" he said unimpressed. "It wouldn't be fair to kill ya so easily, yer just a kid after all." he dropped the knives on the floor, "let's see what cha got." he made two fists ready to fight, Gabriel almost felt humoured by the man before him, clearly he was old, plus in that position Gabriel could beat him in a blink of an eye. And so he did, Conrad never saw it coming, Gabriel was knocking him down, he felt his nose break and let out a scream as Gabriel kept punching him hard. Suddenly, Conrad stopped moving, Gabriel stopped, breathing heavily he stood up and grabbed the two knives on the floor, he his in his pocket and the other he held tightly in his hands. God forgive Gabriel but he did it to protect his friends, himself and others; he took the knife and slit Conrad's throat watching the blood spill on the floor he stood up and walked away.

Sam had led the others out of the place through the lower room exit without encountering Gunther but returned inside for Gabriel, as he made his way to the upper rooms he heard a growl close and he froze in place. Gunther stood on four legs behind him, sharp teeth showing, Sam turned around slowly with the sword still in his hand and tried to calm himself down hoping for the best. The werewolf stepped slowly towards Sam and the boy stepped back slowly.

"Sam!" he heard Gabriel behind him, Gunther moved his eyes from Sam to the figure behind him, Gabriel moved closer to Sam slowly, suddenly, the werewolf jumped on top of Sam knocking him down to the floor and made him drop the sword. Gabriel ran towards him and picked it up instantly stabbing Gunther though the heart. Sam managed to escape from his reach and stood behind Gabriel, the creature on the floor started moving again trying to get the sword off his chest until he succeeded. He growled now pissed off and stalked the boys until they were cornered, Gabriel still protecting Sam.

"Sam!" Dean's voice was heard in the hall.

"Dean…" Sam said in a soft voice. Gunther turned his head to where the noise came and back to the two before him. Dean came running through the hall and stopped once he saw the ugly and bloody creature before him, his eyes went wide at an instant. 'most of those creatures are well known to hide among humans and every year there is at least one or two mysterious murders at the fair or someone missing' he heard his father's voice in his head and his protective older brother instincts or perhaps the hunter blood in him made him react fast; he pulled out the silver dagger from his boot and held it out.

"You ugly son of a bitch, get away from them." he said in a rough and angry voice. The creature ran fast towards Dean jumping on top of him, Dean was now on the floor keeping Gunther from ripping his face off, the blood dripping from the animal on his own clothes. The silver dagger was on the floor next to him but he couldn't see it so he blindly tried to reach it with his free hand and feet attempting to push the heavy werewolf away, he felt the dagger, without hesitation Dean stabbed the creature multiple times until it finally stopped moving and fell on top of him.

"The fuck…" he said dropping his head breathing heavily. "little help, guys?" Sam and Gabriel ran toward Dean and moved Gunther away.

"Dean, are you okay?" asked Sam not caring of the mess he was, Sam threw his arms around Dean and the two held each other tightly.

"I'm fine, are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," he had tears in his eyes but was not crying.

"Let's get out of here, Sammy and you," he said pointing to Gabriel, "Michael and Lucifer are pissed." Gabriel sighed knowing his punishment was coming.

"He saved us, Dean. He should be thanked instead of being punished." said Sam.

"Well, you try to save his ass, Sammy. All of you could have been killed."

"But we didn't, he saved us." Dean sighed and started walking towards the exit but took the dagger out of Gunther before leaving and cleaned it to hide it in his boot again. Sam gave Gabriel a pitied look and he simply smiled at him.

"I'll be okay, kiddo." he patted Sam on the back and both boys walked to the exit.

Dawn was breaking, the police was already outside talking to the other teens. Dean made his way through the crowd and found Castiel with his brothers. Sam walked out of the House of Horror with a relief and final peace in his chest, Jessica ran towards him and both embraced each other thanking whatever being in the universe that watched over them for letting them be alive. Gabriel sighed deeply as he made his way through the exit, he could hear the horrifying laughter of the animatronic fat lady perched atop the ride but mostly, he could hear his heart break as he saw he was alone with no one to wait for him as he finally reached the last step from the house.


	10. The Funhouse II

**_Chapter 10_ **

* * *

 

"Something is wrong with Gabriel, Dean, I can feel it." he held on tightly to the boy's shirt as he sobbed uncontrollably, Dean ran a hand through his hair trying to calm him down. Michael and Lucifer were trying to call either of the five teens but their phones were off or in silent. "Please…" he said softly as everything around him dimmed to complete darkness and a faint voice of Dean calling his name.

"Michael!" yelled Dean holding Castiel in his arms, Michael picked up Castiel and rested him on the backseat of his car, Dean sat next to him. Lucifer had left to find the owner of the House of Horror but it seemed he was having no luck.

"What is wrong with him?" Dean asked holding Castiel's trembling hand.

"I- I am not certain but this happened before, I think he knows what is happening with Gabriel."

"How is that possible?"

"They are twins, it is very complicated; he can sometimes feel his brother's pain, however, he always knows when Gabriel needs him or is in trouble. It is a very unique bond much different than other siblings." Castiel was squirming in the seat moaning something neither Dean nor Michael could understand. He gripped Dean's hand tight enough to bruise but the boy did not move away, simply stayed by Castiel.

"Should we wake him up?" he asked Michael who was cleaning the sweat from his little brother's forehead.

"No, it is impossible to tell how he might react if he is awaken." he sighed. Castiel gasped and opened his teary eyes, he trembled with fright knowing something the others didn't.

"Cas, are you okay? Cas…please talk to me." Dean was holding his face in his hands looking into those cerulean eyes in which fear was visible.

"Dean, please help them…" he whispered breathing heavily, "Gabriel has never been this frightened, I can feel it, something is not right, Dean, please help them."

"Sam and Jessica are in there… I need to go, Cas. I will find them, I promise."

"Dean, I think it is better that I go." interrupted Michael.

"Sammy is in there, I promised my dad I would look out for him, I won't break that promise."

"I am stronger than you, Dean, I think I should go and you stay with Castiel."

"Please, Michael, I have to go. My father warned me about…things that could happen, I don't know what exactly but I have to go. I might be able to stop it."

"Very well, I trust you with their lives, Dean." Dean nodded at him and took off running in the direction he knew the House of Horror was located. Castiel still shook in his seat, a chill travelled down his spine and he knew at that moment that Gabriel must have done something really, really wrong. Michael sat next to him and wrapped his arms around the younger boy tightly.

"Everything's going to be fine, Castiel." he held on tightly.

* * *

 

"Where are you going?" whispered Crowley.

"I'm going to check if she's really dead." he whispered back and walked inside. Madame Zena was on the bed with her eyes still open and dark bruises around her neck, her left arm dangling from the bed to the floor and her make up smeared down her cheeks. Balthazar approached her and closed her eyes pitying the woman they had seen just long ago yelling at them to get the fuck out of her place. He sighed and decided to get out of there but something caught his eye.

"Jack Daniels." Balthazar grabbed the bottle examining it. "Situation calls for it." he shrugged and took a swig of the amber liquid; it burned down his throat but he'd been accustomed to it finding it rather pleasurable. He heard the others outside saying something about them coming back, he took the Jack Daniels and stepped out of the room.

* * *

 

The police interrogated each one of the teens and compared their own versions of the story coming to the conclusion that they were the victims. The fair was closed that day while the ambulance, police and the sheriff tried to figure out what happened. Gunther's body had been taken out covered by a black plastic bag; they were amazed by the size of the wolf, it was surely a very rare one. Conrad had been found where Gabriel had slit his throat and the police explained to Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel who he was.

"The police had been chasing him for years for murder throughout the states but he seemed to have disappeared." the sheriff stood with his arms crossed before the three boys.

"Murder, you say? Who did he murder?" asked Gabriel.

"Years ago he murdered a woman with an infant, police assumed they had an affair going on by the possessions that were found in her apartment belonging to him. Although her body was found in the apartment, after months of searching, the police assumed he kidnapped the infant and fled from the states. Conrad was seen in Tennessee in nineteen-eighty four, we tried to hunt him down but he never stayed in one place more than one week." he took of his aviators and turned to Gabriel. "You did the right thing, son." he patted Gabriel on the shoulder. "This kid should be thanked for what he did, took down an old man when the police couldn't." he gave Gabriel a small smile nodding and turned to leave. Gabriel sighed deep, it relieved him a little knowing he had killed a murderer but it still pained him that he had killed a human being.

"You okay?" asked Lucifer patting him on the back, Gabriel turned to him and nodded. "Hey, you heard the man, you did the right thing, okay? He could have killed you if you hadn't."

"He was still a human."

"It had to be him, not you. You are innocent, Gabriel." Lucifer rarely hugged his siblings but he knew Gabriel needed comfort, he needed someone help him through the tumult inside of him; he was just a kid, a brave and strong kid who had done the right thing to protect his family and friends.

Gabriel was silent all the ride home, he leaned his head on his twin's shoulder knowing he was the only one who could understand what he felt inside killing him. That night, the older twin slept in Castiel's bed holding on tightly to his little brother as the nightmare shook him and Castiel desperately tried to comfort him however he could. One thing Gabriel knew, he would come to terms with it eventually that what he had done was for the best but while he had to suffer the guilt Castiel would be with him through it all.


	11. Can't Help Falling In Love

**_Chapter 11_ **

* * *

 

September rain was a blessing for the small town since summer days were hot and dry; the skies were hidden by dark clouds, rain was expected all day through tomorrow and perhaps another day. This was quite unfortunate for the soccer team meaning practice would be cancelled due to the weather and it was impossible to do it in the rain since the temperature dropped seldom to lower than fifteen degrees Celsius making the water drops cold enough to make you sick for days. Dean, however, thought it a great opportunity to spend the morning before school started with his boyfriend and best friend.

Castiel opened the door and stepped out of the car wearing a tan trench coat for the cold and a black brolly in his hand. Anna and Gabriel each had their own too and nearly ran inside to avoid the rain on their uniforms or mud on their shoes, Castiel, however, stood in the parking lot noticing something along the distance; a girl kneeling on the ground drenched from the rain a boy stood next to her and although Castiel could not hear what was coming out of his mouth he could tell they guy was yelling at the girl. Suddenly he lifted up his hand to smack the girl across the face causing her to land face down on the gr. Castiel felt the sudden urge to break every bone in this guy's hand; he started walking towards them and stopped once he was close enough for them to notice him.

"Let go of her." he said in a low growl, the guy, Gordon Walker, glared at Castiel making a fist by his side.

"This is none of your business, fuck off, Novak!" Castiel made a small sound mimicking a chuckle and looked at the guy with a blank expression.

"It would be an unfortunate mistake of you to contend against me, let go of her and walk away."

"Or what?" he snarled with mockery, "You're gonna call all your little cousins to go against me?" he tightened his grip on the girl's wrist and she let out a shriek from the pain.

"I suppose that  _would_  be an option, however, quite gratuitous. You are hurting her, let go."

"Listen, Novak. This doesn't concern you so I suggest you walk away before I fuck up your face." Castiel stood there without moving, simply staring at Gordon as if looking into his soul.

"Wouldn't you like that?" he tilted his head to the side narrowing his eyes. The guy stepped forward with a fist aiming for Castiel's face but Castiel caught it with his own hand, Gordon fixed his eyes on the deep blue ones and felt a cold shiver down his spine from that heavy gaze starring into his soul, it was enough to distract him and Castiel reached with two fingers lightly placing them on the posterior aspect of Gordon's neck, below the occipital bone just behind the ear; Gordon fell to the ground unconscious.

"Are you alright?" Castiel turned his eyes to the wide eyed girl on the ground shivering from the cold and obviously frightened, she nodded.

"Thank you." she managed to say still shivering and he gave her a small smile; Castiel took off his coat and put it around her shoulders taking her under the brolly they walked into the building.

"I shall accompany you to the nurse and perhaps it would best you tell the headmaster of this incident before it occurs again." he said once they were inside, she stared at him with anxiety and Castiel could see something was obviously wrong, tears built in her eyes.

"Look at me," he said in a soft tone and she did, "he can not hurt you if you speak to the headmaster of this serious matter, it is possible for him to get suspended and even if he didn't, I would take responsibility of your safety. Whatever he could possibly do to you, I will return it ten times worst." she wiped away her tears with a handkerchief Castiel offered her and she nodded.

"Thank you for through all this trouble for me, really… it can't keep going like this but I'm scared he will over do it one day and kill me…"

"How long has this happened?"

"About six months." she lowered her head, Castiel sighed and turned his head from her.

"Why have you allowed this?"

"He threatened if I told anyone he would hurt me even more…" they heard footsteps and voices down the hall and Castiel recognised them, Lillith and Ruby were coming their way. Lillith raised her eyebrow noticing Castiel standing with a girl whom she recognised as one of her friends in tears.

"Destiny?" she looked at Castiel with a questioning look, he gave her a slight frown. "Not that asshole again, is it?" everyone was silent. "Destiny, what the hell? You need to stop this."

"Where is he?" asked Ruby.

"He has been taken care of." replied Castiel.

"We'll help her." she nodded to Castiel, "Come on, let's get you to the nurse." Lillith wrapped an arm around Destiny's shoulder and left with Ruby following. Castiel stood there for a moment before walking to the lunchroom where he supposed Dean and Gabriel were.

"I thought you had gone to the library." said Dean when Castiel sat down next to him.

"Not at all. I had something to take care of." he gave Dean a slight smile.

"You okay, Cass?"

"Yes, Dean, how are you this morning?"

"Glad I don't have practice today, that means you," he took Castiel's hand in his, "and I get to spend more time together after school." he kissed Castiel on the cheek and the younger boy smiled.

"Cassie, you're stealing my best friend." pouted Gabriel and crossed his arms.

"It's Castiel and I am not stealing your best friend, Gabriel." he rolled his eyes.

"Yes, you are. We don't even hang out that much anymore, Dean-o. What happened to bros before hoes?"

"Um.." Dean looked at Gabriel then at Castiel.

"Gabriel,  _I_  am your brother and I am  _NOT_  a prostitute!" Castiel glared at Gabriel who was now giggling.

"What, are you jealous, Gabe?" Dean winked at Gabriel.

"Oh yeah, big time, bad boy." he said with a serious face but humour in his eyes.

"Sorry, darling, I'll make it up to you." he made a kissy face at Gabriel who in return did the same, Castiel sat there awkwardly staring at them until they both turned to him and burst out laughing.

The time came for classes to start, Gabriel waved at them goodbye and walked ahead being greeted by almost everyone on his way. Dean grabbed Castiel's hand, they shared a small smile before heading out to class; girls at the school had been disappointed that their charming prince Castiel and the god-like Dean were dating, most girls sighed as they passed by holding hands, others giggled at how cute there were and others who literally cried for days. Becky was the one person who constantly reminded them how perfect and adorable they looked and proceeded to squeal or giggle making the situation awkward for them. Luckily, they shared algebra on Mondays so they walked in the room still holding hands, girls around them giggled and waved at them.

The day went by rather slow for their liking, classes had been uneventful and dull with the constant speaking of the teachers and their long lessons, assignments, labs, more work, another lesson, and so on. Dean was relieved when the last class was dismissed. Castiel was usually by his locker at this time getting things he needed to take home, it had become a routine for both of them to meet after school at Castiel's locker, they'd share a small kiss and head home together. They had decided to stay at Dean's house today until Castiel had to go home.

"Hey, Dean! Hey, Castiel!" said Sam as he approached the two teens standing by the Impala.

"Hello, Sam." said Castiel.

"Hey, Sammy. How was your day?"

"It was good," he smiled like a little dork, "Jessica and I have a project together and we have a study-date this afternoon!"

"At our house?"

"Um, yeah…" he blushed, "think mum will let us study in my room?"

"As long as there's no funny business going on, yeah." Sam cleared his throat embarrassed.

"I'm only fourteen, Dean."

"Doesn't matter, Sammy, hormones get to you sometimes." Dean joked with a smirk on his face, Sam's face was red and he shifted in his seat uncomfortable.

"Anyway." Dean chuckled as he drove. The rest of the way home was almost quiet with a few conversations between Sam and Castiel. Mary was already home and preparing dinner, John was still at work but he was expected to arrive in an hour. They entered the house and were greeted with tight hugs from Mary, Sam ran upstairs almost tripping over everything after greeting his mum with a kiss on the cheek.

"Why is he in such a hurry?" Mary raised an eyebrow.

"His girlfriend is coming over, they have a 'study date'"

"Oh, that is wonderful!" she smiled wide and looked in Sam's room's direction. "I'll make some snacks for them and for you boys."

"Thanks, mum." he kissed her cheek, "We'll be in my room doing homework."

"Don't do anything you boys are not supposed to do!" she eyed them with a smile, Castiel blushed and Dean cleared his throat.

"Yeah, okay mum." he grabbed Castiel's hand and both walked upstairs quickly before Mary could embarrass them even further.

Dean's room was not the impeccable but neither was it the typical teenage mess, there were a few books on the floor and shoes but everything else was organised somewhere in the room. There was a big collection of Metallica, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC and other CD's of his favourite bands on a shelf, a flat screen TV on the wall facing his bed, a black leather loveseat in the far end of the room and a glass coffee table with a few Motor Mania and Classic Cars magazines on top.

"Sorry about my mum." he said putting his backpack on the chair of his desk.

"It's fine, Dean." he smiled. The boys settled down and took out their books to do their assignments, which were not many but still required their time. Mary had come to leave snacks and drinks at some point and they thanked her. Castiel and Dean had stolen a few glances at each other while the one of them wasn't looking and when they caught each other's glance they smiled.

"Boys, dinner's in five minutes." John knocked on the door which Mary insisted needed to be left open.

"Oh, okay, dad."

"Hello, Castiel."

"Hello, Mr. Win- John." he remembered John telling him not to call him Mr. Winchester because it made him feel old, which he was but would not admit. He gave Castiel a small smile and then left.

"My eyes hurt." complained Dean rubbing his eyes.

"We have been studying for a few hours. Are you alright, Dean?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." he blinked a few times then smiled at his boyfriend. They shared a small kiss before going downstairs where Mary had already set up the table and were waiting for them, Sam was already there and so was Jessica. Mary had prepared one of her best Cedar Planked Salmon with seasonal veggies (which Dean avoided), Caesar salad (also avoided by Dean) and frozen strawberry-lemonade (Citron pressé). Everyone complimented Mary on the delectable dinner.

Dinner was not as awkward as Dean expected, Mary and John had made small conversations with Jessica and Castiel but thankfully it had not been anything to embarrass either of the two Winchester boys. As they finished with the dinner, Jessica and Mary took everyone's dishes to the sink and Sam brought the pie to the table. Castiel and Dean were sitting next to each other and John at the first end of the table, he noticed the two boys share a smile before staring into each other's eyes unblinkingly for a few minutes. John shifted in his seat and cleared his throat to get their attention but they neither heard, nor were aware they were once again trapped in a long trance for each other. Sam placed the pie on the table and John squinted his eyes at Sam as if asking what they were doing.

"Um… they do that a lot…" Sam scratched his head, "they stare at each other for a long time… usually someone has to break them up…"

"I see…" John nodded feeling definitely crept out by the two teens next to him. Mary sat down and started serving the pie to each one until she noticed Dean and Castiel had their plates in front of them with pie, the pie Dean would die for had not been touched since it was placed before him.

"Honey…" she looked at Dean and Castiel, then at John who simply shrugged.

"Dean!" said Sam clapping his hands, Castiel and Dean blinked and turned their heads to see everyone staring at them.

"What?" Dean eyed everyone. "Ooh pie, I like me some pie." he grabbed his fork and began eating his precious pie. Mary smiled, John shook his head, Jessica giggled and Sam sighed.

After dinner, Dean and Castiel helped Mary with the dishes while John took Sam and Jessica to her house as it was getting late. Mary was a wonderful mother to her kids and even Castiel she treated as her own, which he indeed embrace. Mary had known Charmeine, the Novak children's mother, before she even had given birth to Michael; she was a beautiful woman with light auburn hair colour, sapphire eyes and ivory complexion, Castiel and Anna resembled her the most out of all their siblings. Mary and Castiel bonded very well, she was like the mother he never had and Mary loved him dearly.

"Dean, what is this?" asked Castiel sitting on the passenger seat of the Impala, they had decided to drive around after they had finished helping Mary and John and Sam had returned.

"That, Cass, is a  _Legend_." he smiled wide.

"Oh?" he tilted his head to the side which Dean found endearing, "What is this  _Legend_ about?"

"You have to listen to it in order to know, here, let's put it in." he grabbed the CD from Castiel labelled Metallica Kill 'Em All. Dean turned the volume up at the crescendo of the electric guitar, the bass and the drums

"Just wait for it, you're gonna like it." he grinned, Castiel smiled and Dean started playing the air guitar along the solo which made Castiel laugh. They came to a stop in front of the lake and sat in the Impala listening to every song of the Metallica album. Castiel liked a few of them and joined Dean on the epic air guitar solos while both laughed.

"You have a beautiful smile." Dean wasn't the type for chick-flick moments but he didn't care if it was with Castiel, his smile was the most precious thing he could have ever seen.

"Thank you, Dean." he couldn't help to smile wider, Dean leaned to give him a soft kiss that lasted for a minute. The last song played and which Dean hummed along while Castiel sat there staring at him wondering how was it possible for a human being to be so wonderful, so perfect and beautiful like his boyfriend.

"So, what do you think?" Dean asked referring to the Metallica album.

"It was very nice, I liked a few of the songs, although it is much different from what I listen to." he smiled.

"What type of music do you listen to?"

"Have you ever heard of The Black Keys or Heartless Bastards?"

"I don't think so."

"Do you want to hear one?"

"Sure." he smiled, Castiel took his iPod from his bag and attached it to the speakers of the Impala. The song started with the soft sound of the guitar for a few seconds before the voice of a contralto voice started singing the lyrics which Dean paid close attention to. He stepped out of the car and walked to the side of Castiel's to open the door extending his hand in invitation for a dance.

 

_Been a while since I felt this way about someone,_

_I'd really, really like to know you, more_

_Oh, oh, know you, more_

_Oh, your eyes, they sing a song to me,_

_I'd really, really like to go to it, oh, go, ohAnd I will oh, open my heart_

_And I will oh, only for you_

Their bodies were closely touching, their foreheads pressed together with their eyes closed and their feet moving along with the rhythm of the music. Their lips were centimetres apart and they could feel each other's warm breath, their lips slightly touched as the song ended; neither opened their eyes nor moved, simply stood there holding each other until for a second again their lips met for a soft peck until finally for a soft kiss. Their hearts beat harmoniously at a slight accelerated speed, they deepened the tender kiss; Castiel moved his left hand to cup Dean's face as the other boy wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist while the other rested on the back of Castiel's neck. Their love was demonstrated in their long kiss, holding each other for as long as they could under the starry night.

* * *

 

There were pizza boxes around the living room at Castiel's house, which only meant one thing: his cousins were there and were having a major dual on Dance Revolution for wii. Castiel and Dean entered the house and were welcomed by a hyper Gabriel munching on a Twix and a glass of Pepsi on his other hand.

"Cassie! Dean-o! How very wonderful of you to join us!" he giggled like a kid scheming a stunt. "Balth, don't start without me!" he handed the boys the drink and the chocolate and ran towards Balthazar. The song,  _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_ , started playing, Balthazar and Gabriel were dancing to it like there was no tomorrow determined to beat each other. The others were gathered around cheering for their team, team Balthazar and team Gabriel. Balthazar was a really great dancer but Gabriel was a little too high on sugar and beat his cousin in the blink of an eye. He celebrated by taking a swig of the drink he had handed to Castiel then proceeded to unwrap another candy bar.

"Dean and Castiel should try next!" said Anna.

"No, no, I think Michael and Lucifer should." smirked Balthazar.

"Michael and Lucifer are still gonna dance the Lambada but first, you boys!" Gabriel turned to Castiel and Dean, "Gotta go against Balthy and I."

"Um… I'll pass." said Dean looking around the room.

"No excuses, come on!" they pulled Castiel and Dean to the spotlight, they were going against Balthazar and Gabriel.  _I'm Coming Out_ started playing at which Dean made a face but the others seemed to like. Castiel and Dean gave their best but were still beat by a hyper Gabriel and a forever-drunk-like-attitude Balthazar.

"Seriously, that song?" asked Lucifer.

"Oh hush, I like that song." said Balthazar.

"You're such a girl, Balth."

"Oh whatever, at least I have this fine ass." he wiggled his hips and winked. Everyone in the room laughed, they spent the night competing against each other until it was late in the night, unfortunately they had school the next day so Balthazar and Gabriel ended the last round being tied. Gabriel will still say he won but then again, so does Balthazar.


	12. Gabriel's Five Bitter Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel gets a tootache!
> 
> WARNING: angst and brotherly bonding, mostly fluff.

**_Chapter 12_ **

* * *

 

"Ooooww!" Gabriel held a hand on the right side of his jaw. "Make it stop! Make it stop! I'll behave, I promise I will stop playing pranks on everyone but make it stop!" Michael sighed and grabbed the torch Castiel was holding.

"Stop moving and just open your mouth, Gabriel." Michael held the torch to take a look inside Gabriel's mouth and what he saw didn't surprise him.

* * *

 

 

.o0O*LAST ... NIGHT*O0o.

It was Friday night, which meant late movie night; Castiel and Dean sat together on the sofa with their hand tangled and heads touching, Anna and Raphael sat next to each other, Michael and Lucifer on the other side of Raphael constantly arguing over which movies were better and last but not least, Gabriel who sat on the floor with a mountain of candy in his lap slapping anyone's hand who tried to steal it.

"Gabriel, you shouldn't eat candy at night, it will be bad for your teeth." said Michael watching his brother devour candy bar after candy bar.

"I always take good care for my teeth. They're perfect, see?" he grinned.

"Oh gross, Gabriel! You've got chocolate on your teeth!" said Anna making a disgusted face, Gabriel snuck his tongue out at her and she rolled her eyes at him.

After two in the morning, they were all sleepy and had just finished watching all of the Indiana Jones films. Michael, Anna and Lucifer had already retired to their own rooms, Castiel was resting his head on Dean's chest but soon left the living room, Raphael kept poking Gabriel to wake up.

"Whaaaaa" he waved a hand shooing whomever was poking his cheek.

"Gabriel, get up and go to bed."

"Noooo, 'm fineeee." Raphael sighed and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Gabriel hadn't moved when he returned, Raphael emptied the cold water on top of Gabriel's head making the younger boy open his eyes and curse at him.

"I warned you." Raphael chuckled, Gabriel glared at him but got up and stumbling like a drunkie made it to his room. Once he closed his door, he let himself drop on the bed instantly falling asleep.

* * *

 

 

.o0O* MORNING *O0o.

"Mikie! Make it stop!"

"Stay still, Gabriel, let me see well." Gabriel stopped moving and crossed his arms. "Alright, I shall schedule you an appointment with the dentist."

"What?! Why?!"

"You have a cavity, I told you not to consume too many sweets. Do you even brush after eating sweets?"

"Yes! Well…I forgot to last night… and I may have forgotten a few other nights but yes, I take good care of my teeth."

"Oh, is that why you have a cavity? I am calling your dentist."

"Noooo, no, no, no, no, I hate him! He won't let me eat candy!"

"You have a cavity, Gabriel, you should not be allowed to have any sweets at all."

"But, they keep me alive and happy." he pouted and Michael ignored it.

"Go get ready, I shall make you an appointment for today." Michael left Gabriel's room and headed downstairs.

"It doesn't look too bad, does it, Cassie?"

"I am not going to look inside your mouth, Gabriel, that's disgusting."

"But!"

"No, and you heard Michael, get ready."

"I will not go to the dentist, that man is evil." Castiel sighed and walked out the door, Gabriel ran to lock it and jumped in his bed throwing the covers over him as he curled into a ball and only his face peeked through it.

Michael succeeded getting Gabriel a dentist appointment for that same day at ten in the morning. It would have been helpful if the boy would unlock his door to leave and get there early but that wasn't happening.

"Gabriel, open this door right now!" Michael was banging on the door.

"NO! GO AWAY, I AM NOT GOING!" he yelled still curled up in his bed.

"I swear, he is such a kid sometimes." Lucifer shook his head.

"Very well, I will break this door."

"Noooo! Don't break my door!"

"Then open it!"

"Never!" Michael sighed already exasperated, he kicked the door open causing Gabriel to jump. "Get up, Gabriel."

"No." he crossed his arms. Lucifer came in and picked up Gabriel carrying him over his shoulder. "Put me down!"

"Are you going to get dressed so we can go?"

"Yes." he sighed.

"Good, or else we'll drag you all the way to the car." Lucifer let him down.

"Fine, I'll get dressed, please get out."

"No, get dressed right now. I will not wait any longer, Gabriel." said Michael still angry. Gabriel sighed and picked an outfit out of his closet.

The drive to the dentist clinic took about ten minutes and they made it in time despite Gabriel refusing to get in the car or getting out, which resulted in Michael carrying him over his shoulder inside and the humiliation of younger kids staring at him.

"Gabriel, please behave, you are sixteen."

"I hate the dentist!" And Gabriel had a certain right to do so since Dr. Kripke had prohibited him to have any types of sweets for a week until his next appointment to have the cavity filled, Gabriel nearly fainted when he heard that. Michael had assigned everyone to find every single piece of sweets they could find in the house and they were amazed at how much they found hidden in the library, Gabriel's room, the attic, the basement, the kitchen, inside the flower vases, in winter coats, closets and even in the bathroom… they ended up with a giant candy monster piled up in the living room. Gabriel nearly burst to tears when they put it all in a bag and threw it in the dumpster.

"No one, I mean no one, dare give him any sweets, understand?" said Michael in a firm tone.

"Yes, Michael." said all at once.

* * *

 

Etiquette tests started on Monday and Gabriel had never been more relieved to have that class because that day he would be allowed to have petits fours, biscuits, fairy cakes, chocolate covered cherries and as much sugar as he could possibly put in his tea. What Gabriel did not imagine was that he had been deferred from taking the test since Michael had called the school asking to please avoid giving him sweets. Dean and Sam had been warned by Castiel and Balthazar, and before he knew, the entire school felt the responsibility of avoiding giving him sweets because they loved their little Trickster and wanted him to stop hurting, even Becky who found his puppy eyes irresistible had literally sobbed because she could not give him any sweets.

Balthazar was a cruel person to Gabriel, teasing him by eating candy bars in front of him and laughing when Gabriel asked him to share; he would unwrap another candy bar eating it in slow motion and closing his eyes as if to express the joy of the sweet and silky chocolate melting on his tongue. Castiel would scold Balthazar for teasing his brother and Dean would call him a dick, in the end, Balthazar had been kicked out of the table and Gabriel just wanted to avoid him.

"But he is so adorable, just look at those eyes!" said a girl standing with Jo and Lelaina, Gabriel had tried his puppy eyes on everyone but everyone refused to give him any sweets.

"No, Emma, do not let those eyes fool you! Just look away." said Jo.

"But…those eyes," she squealed, "too adorable!"

"Emma, come on, it's for his own good. I know he's adorable but if you give him sweets he'll keep hurting." said Lelaina pulling Emma to leave, Gabriel stood there pouting. "Emma, come on!" Emma finally moved her eyes from Gabriel and walked away from Gabriel. He leaned against the wall and slid down to the cool marble floor dragging his knees close to his chest and rested his head on his knees with a very unhappy expression.

"Gabriel, what are you doing there?" Sam was passing by and saw a very depressed Gabriel sitting on the floor like the whole world had suddenly ended. When he didn't respond, Sam walked over to him and sat next to him, Gabriel sighed but didn't look at him. "Um.. Are you okay, Gabe?" Gabriel nodded. Sam sat there with Gabriel not knowing what to do so they were both silent for a long time until Gabriel turned his head to him.

"It doesn't hurt anymore." he still looked depressed.

"Um…that's, that's good." Sam gave Gabriel a sincere smile.

"But they won't let me have sweets."

"They just care for you."

"I don't want them to." he was going to try his puppy eyes on Sam.

"Are you seriously going to try that on me?"

"Is it working?"

"No."

"But Sammy…"

"No, Gabriel, it's for your own good."

"They're lying, it isn't for my own good. I need them, please…"

"No, Castiel and Dean warned me about this, it's not gonna work."

"Please…"

"No!" Sam looked away from those puppy eyes. Gabriel curled himself again holding his knees tightly, his eyes were now glassy and Sam could see he was probably going to cry. "Please don't, Gabriel." he looked at Gabriel with a frown.

"Go away, Sam."

"Gabriel…"

"Go away." Sam sighed and reached into his pocket. "you better not tell anyone." Gabriel looked at Sam who opened his hand in front of him holding in his palm a Hershey's kiss. Gabriel looked at Sam as if he had lost his mind for giving him candy but Sam smiled at him and so he did too taking the kiss from his hand.

"I won't." Gabriel felt butterflies in his stomach seeing Sam smiling at him like that, he put the kiss in his pocket being careful not to crush it and Sam stood up to leave. "Thank you, Sam."

"Just be careful, okay?" Gabriel nodded and watched him disappear up the stairs. He sat there for a while feeling the small chocolate in his pocket and decided to never eat it. And that is how Gabriel got his first kiss from his secret crush.

The week passed by slowly for Gabriel but he survived his depression because he had something that gave him a small smile when he felt the world against him. He did not exaggerate when he told them that sweets kept him alive and happy, and they had only noticed that after a few hours of coming back from the dentist and throughout the week; he never joked around any longer, never smiled, never came out of his room and what was worst and worried them…he had not played any tricks on them which they missed even if they did not admit it. Castiel could feel how depressed his brother was but also understood if Gabriel had it his way it would be disastrous.

"Gabriel…" Castiel sat next to his brother who lay in bed staring at nothing with a blank expression. He did not look at Castiel, did not even acknowledge his presence. "Gabriel…" Castiel slightly shook him but he didn't respond. "Gabriel, what is wrong? Gabriel?" the boy did not look at him. "Gabriel? Please talk to me…" Castiel sat there for a while in silence then he lay next to his brother who turned to look at him for the first time since Castiel had come in, he blinked and clung to Castiel and his brother held him tightly for a long time without speaking a word to each other until they fell asleep. Michael came up to Gabriel's room later in the night to check on them and found them still asleep holding each other, he hadn't seen them doing that in a long time since they had gotten their own rooms a few years ago. He took a blanket out of the closet and extended it over them.

* * *

 

 

.o0O*APOINTMENT…DAY*O0o.

"Alright, Gabriel. That is all, just remember to brush your teeth twice or three times per day and control yourself with all those sweets, boy." said Dr. Kripke, Gabriel snarled at him claiming he was completely capable of controlling himself but Michael seemed to find that humorous.

"Do I at least get any candy for this?" he raised an eyebrow at the doctor who simply laughed.

"No, but if you want a sticker, you can have one." Gabriel smiled.

"What kind of sticker?"

"Here, pick one." he handed Gabriel a small container with thousands of stickers.

"You have The Avengers stickers!" he smiled even wider. "Ooh Loki." he picked the sticker from the container and held it close to examine it. "I'll keep this one." he took his mobile from his pocket and placed the sticker on the back of it.

"Oh, hello you bastard." said Gabriel to his cousin Balthazar as he sat down at their table in the lunchroom.

"Gabe, my dear cousin, that is hurtful." he placed a hand over his heart with a frown.

"You deserve it!" Gabriel slapped Balthazar across the face, his cousin looked at him surprised.

"Ow, now what was that for?" he returned the slap.

"Ow, for being a great big bag of dicks." he slapped Balthazar again.

"Owie, stop it, I was joking." another slap for Gabriel.

"Ow, it wasn't funny!" another slap for Balthazar.

"I didn't mean it thought. Why are you such a baby?" another slap for Gabriel.

"What can I say? I'm sentimental!" he slapped Balthazar again.

"I'm sorry!" he slapped Gabriel.

"Alright, fine!" he slapped Balthazar again.

"Why are we still slapping each other?!" Balthazar was about to reach for Gabriel's cheek but Gabriel moved to the side. They rubbed a palm on their cheeks which were red and handprints on it. Then they turned to see everyone sitting with them staring at them like they were two kids.

"What?" they shrugged at the same time, Dean started laughing, Castiel shook his head and everyone else simply rolled their eyes at them or said they were childish but they were all happy to see their Trickster happy and smiling again. The bell announced for classes to start again, Gabriel stood up with a lollipop in his mouth singing at the top of his lungs.

"I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!" while he actually did whip his hair back and forth and girls around him giggled.


	13. Deja Vu!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam spends time with Jessica. Sabriel in future chapters.

**_Chapter 13_ **

* * *

 

It had been raining for three days in a row, the temperature remained low, the skies dark during the day and night, the dry soil of the summer was nothing but mud and the dense fog that had formed impeded the inhabitants of Yorktown to drive nearly anywhere. School had been cancelled until the weather bettered, Dean was losing his senses without seeing his boyfriend and Sam was like a lost puppy without Jessica.

"Crap, this is crap!" Dean banged on the table, he had been complaining about the weather all day and his family was about to lock him up in a room with tape over his mouth so he'd shut up.

"Dean, you bitching about the weather isn't going to help it, shut up!" said Sam rubbing his temple.

"Well, what do you expect me to do, Sammy? Pretend everything's rainbows and butterflies and ride into the sunset in a fucking non-existent unicorn?"

"Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?" Sam frowned.

"Ha, cute." Dean turned to leave the living room when they heard the doorbell ring, they turned to look at each other wondering who could possibly be out at this hour in this weather. Dean headed towards the door with Sam following.

"Cass?" he said as the younger boy stood at the entrance in a black trench coat and a scarf around his neck, his cheeks were flushed from the cold and he shivered.

"Dean." he said wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, Dean held him tightly and Sam closed the door as they stood inside embracing each other; Sam felt a little jealousy.

"How did you get here? You're fucking crazy, you know!"

"I walked from my house. I just had to see you, Dean."

"It's dangerous out there, you idiot! I fucking love you." he took his shivering boyfriend in his arms and attacked his mouth hungry for a kiss. Sam stood at a distance with a disgusted expression on his face.

"Guys, come on! Not in here!" he threw a cushion at them.

"Shut up, bitch, you're just jealous."

"Am not, jerk!" he crossed his arms and sat on the couch.

"Come, let's get you in some warm clothes, Cass." they walked together to Dean's room. Sam watched them leave and wished that Jessica was there with him sitting by the chimney drinking hot tea or cocoa. He curled himself on the sofa holding his mobile in his hands trying to decide whether or not he should send a message to Jessica.

"Sam, wake up." he opened his sleepy eyes to find a pair of blue eyes staring at him. "Hey, sleepy head." she smiled at him.

"Jessica? Hey…" he stood up from the sofa and wrapped his arms around Jessica. "When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago." she smiled at him, "I missed you."

"I missed you too." he smiled looking down and she bit her lip. "Um…" they were holding hands. "Can I…um," he bit his lip.

"Kiss me?" Sam nodded blushing and so did Jessica. "You don't have to ask." he smiled at her and leaned closer, their lips meeting for a soft kiss; it was short and sweet, both teens stood there closing the gap between them for a hug.

"Are you cold?"

"Um yeah, a little."

"Would you, uh like one of my sweaters? They might be too big but they're warm." he smiled.

"Sure!" Sam was nervous and blushing as they made their way upstairs holding Jessica's hand. He took one of his black jumpers out of the closet and gave it to her and although it fit her two sizes too big, she looked perfect to him.

"Thanks, Sam." she kissed his cheek and he gave her a smile.

"Um, you're welcome. Do you want tea or hot cocoa? I'll go make it."

"Hot cocoa, I had tea earlier."

"Do you want to come with me?"

"Sure, I'll help you make it."

"Oh no, it's alright, I mean, I don't want you to get bored… my room is.. Boring."

"It's not boring, I like it. Is that a complete encyclopaedia collection two-thousand twelve?" she grinned looking at the shelves full of thousands of books. There was a globe on the desk, a McBook, school books, a wooden pen holder, a poster of Einstein and one of Shakespeare on the wall, his bed was neatly made and the floor was shoe and clothes-free.

"Um, yeah, I got that for my birthday this year. I'd been asking my parents to buy it for me but they decided to it was a good birthday present." he grinned like a kid who'd just been given candy.

"Can I see it?"

"Uh yeah. Go ahead, I'll go make the hot cocoa." she smiled at him as he left. Sam took two cups from the cupboard and two packets of cocoa from the pantry as he waited for the kettle on the stove to whistle announcing the water boiling. He leaned against the counter with arms crossed feeling nervous being with Jessica in his room, even though they'd both been there alone before she still managed to make him feel butterflies in his stomach and forget how to act like the smart person he was. Jessica came into the kitchen a few minutes later with a smile on her face, Sam looked at her and forgot how to breathe.

"I just wanted to see if you needed help, it's been a few minutes."

"Oh, um, yeah, sorry. The water needs to boil first."

"Oh, okay." she gave him a shy smile, "I still want to be here with you though." she wrapped her arms around him and he proceeded to do the same, Jessica rested her head on his chest and he smiled. Her sweet scent caressed his nostrils making him high in the moment, yearning to hold her in his arms forever and feel the warmth she brought to his heart that when their eyes met, the eyes that returned the love he felt. Sam placed a soft kiss on her forehead and she smiled, her face still against his chest. They stood in that position for a while until a loud whistle coming from the stove made both of them jump and laugh at the same time. Sam turned off the water and Jessica poured the cocoa into the cups.

"Do you want marshmallows?" he asked taking a bag of small marshmallows from a cabinet.

"Yes!" he put a handful of marshmallows in a bowl and a few biscuits on a plate. Sam carried the cups of cocoa and Jessica carried the marshmallows and the biscuits up to Sam's room. After accommodating themselves on the bed with a blanket and Sam's laptop on their lap to watch Forrest Gump; the film was paid not attention to since both of them started a marshmallow war and they fought for the last biscuit which Jessica won but decided to share. They were warm and comfortable close to each other, the room was silent with only the sound of Forrest Gump playing on the screen and their soft breathing; Sam and Jessica had fallen asleep with their heads touching and holding hands.

"Sam, wake up." he opened his sleepy eyes to find a pair of blue eyes staring at him. "Hey, sleepy head." she smiled at him.

"Jessica? Hey…" he stood up from the sofa and wrapped his arms around Jessica. "When did you get here?" Déjà vu, he thought.

"A few minutes ago." she smiled at him, "I missed you." Sam smiled wide knowing he'd been dreaming but that's okay because this was the real Jessica in front of him as he confirmed wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"I missed you too, Jessica."


	14. No Religion, Just Victoria's Secret and Kiddie Rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot the Forrest Gump quote and Shakespeare quote. The boys spend time at the shopping centre.

**_Chapter 14_ **

* * *

 

"Why, love, you have no idea what these hands can do!" Balthazar smirked at the girl sitting across from his table at the food court. The four boys, Balthazar, Gabriel, Dean and Castiel had decided to spend their Saturday at the shopping centre and were currently eating lunch. A group of girls, perhaps older than Balthazar sat across from their table, a stuck up blonde, a flirty blonde, a brunette who seemed to find everything the boys did absolutely hilarious and another shy brunette. Balthazar was currently flirting with the flirty blonde and the brunette; Gabriel was somewhere in the food court buying gelato, Dean and Castiel were feeding each other chips.

"Oh really? I'd like to see that sometime." the blonde winked at him.

"Anytime, darling." he winked back.

Gabriel could be heard from a distance running like the earth beneath his feet was crumbling and screaming something the boys could not understand. The multitude turned their gaze towards him, Castiel banged his head on the table, Balthazar sighed and Dean laughed as if it were an usual thing for Gabriel to do.

"GUUYYYSSS! THEY'RE GONNA CLOSE CANDY CRAZE!" he yelled as he approached them. The girls across from them turned their attention to Gabriel who was now panting standing in front of Balthazar. "Guys, they are going to- Oh hey," he turned and saw the girls staring at him and gave them a flirty smile. "Name's Gabriel." he winked at one of the brunettes.

"What were you saying, Gabriel?" said Castiel irritated.

"Oh, yeah, that! They are going to close Candy Craze!" he made a horrified expression.

"And why does this concern us?"

"Do you know what this means, Cassie?!"

"I suppose because the sales have decreased and-"

"What? No! No, no, no!" he shook his head, "It means I MUST buy as many of the sweets they have as I can before they close it! It is my favourite store, you hear? What am I going to do when it's gone?!"

"Well, isn't that a crisis?" said Balthazar faking a worried expression.

"Exactly!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Gabriel, it is not the end of the world if they close that damn store. There are other ones that sell enough sweets to make you crap rainbows."

"This is a serious situation, Balth!" Balthazar rolled his eyes at him.

"So, you're just going to buy the entire store or what?" asked Dean.

"No, I would have to ask Michael for that much money! But, I will buy a most of it." he grinned.

"Gabriel, have you not learned your lesson?" Castiel sighed, "Do you even remember when Michael warned you to be more careful with your teeth?"

"Hey, I have been extra careful with my teeth since then."

"Very well, as you say." Gabriel sat down and remembered he had not bought his gelato and face palmed himself. Dean and Castiel were now having one of their staring sessions while Gabriel stole their chips and Balthazar waved goodbye to the girls as they left.

"So, you guys," he then turned to Gabriel and the other two but only Gabriel was paying attention now. "It is like they are fucking each other with their eyes. Does that count as sex? That has to count as sex!" he pointed at them with a scowl and Gabriel laughed.

"Baby, baby, baby oooh. Like baby, baby, baby Noooo." Gabriel started singing loud.

"Dude, don't sing that shit in front of me!" Dean turned his head angry towards Gabriel who only laughed.

"At least it broke the eye-sex." smirked Balthazar.

"The what?"

"You know, the creepy stare between you and Cassie."

"Oh." he looked at Castiel who was trying to hide his blushing face.

"Now then, as I was saying," continued Balthazar, "I need to start planning for my birthday party. I have already been training with my dance crew but I haven't thought of where it should be and who will be the guests."

"You're gonna be dancing?" Dean raised his brow.

"Well, of course I will be dancing, I was born to dance."

"I thought you were born because your dad's condom broke." Gabriel squinted his eyes at him, Castiel and Dean had a horrified expression on their faces.

"No, dear, that would be you. I was planned."

"Then is Cassie an accident too?" Castiel turned his wide eyes towards his brother.

"No, not at all. My dear Cassie was planned and you were just an accident."

"But we're twins and I'm older."

"Okay, shut up! No one here was an accident!" Dean banged on the table. Gabriel giggled.

"So, what are you gonna be dancing?" Dean turned to Balthazar.

"That will be a surprise."

"I bet you're gonna dance to Shake It For Daddy." Gabriel teased.

"That is exactly it, how did you know?" he furrowed his brows.

"You two are insufferable." Castiel sighed.

"Oh, Cassie, you know you love us." Balthazar gave him an innocent smile.

"Hey, Balth, I have a wonderful idea."

"And what would your miniscule mind have possibly thought this time, Gabriel?

"You're a bag of dicks, you know. Okay, so…" he whispered his wonderful idea to Balthazar's ear so the other two boys sitting would not hear.

"Oh, that is indeed wonderful. Shall we?" he smiled with mischief in his eyes. Gabriel and Balthazar stood to leave, Dean and Castiel followed them with confusion yet knowing they were up to a something really stupid. As they were walking, a group of people handing out fliers about salvation and the plan of God approached them. A man in his late forties approached Dean and Castiel with a fake smile seeing the boys were holding hands.

"Have you heard of God's plan of salvation?" he asked them, Balthazar and Gabriel stood next to them with their arms crossed.

"Uh no." Dean gave him an uninterested look but the man continued.

"I would like to share a little more with you."

"We'd like to stay and hear it, really, sounds interesting, but our uncle is waiting for us outside." said Gabriel already knowing where this was going.

"It doesn't take much of your time, I am sure your uncle can wait for five more minutes." he gave another fake smile to Gabriel and then turned to Castiel, "Have you found Jesus yet, son?"

"I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir." Castiel tilted his head to the side. The other three boys burst into laughter and the man seemed angry, Castiel stood there confused and Dean planted a kiss on his boyfriend's lips, the man seemed disgusted but Dean could care less.

"That is just-" the man snarled.

"Listen, if you are going to be a homophobic prick and try to shove your religion like a dick down our throats, then I suggest you don't bother, sir, we're not interested." said Balthazar with a serious face.

"You are disrespectful kids, the wrath of God shall fall upon you. Repent before it is too late." and with that, the man turned to walk away.

"Assbutt." Castiel said in a low growl.

"Assbutt?" Dean raised his brow at Castiel and he shrugged.

"So, how about we continue?" smiled Gabriel.

"Last one to get there is a loser." Balthazar was already walking ahead.

"Wait, that's not fair, where are we going?" Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and ran after Gabriel.

"Victoria's Secret!" he giggled. Balthazar was already there when the other three boys arrived, Dean and Castiel last.

"Hello,  _boys_." a lady in her thirties dressed in a pencil skirt and a vest greeted them with a forced smile. "May I help you?"

"Yes, I was wondering if you have that pink brassiere on display in my size." Balthazar asked with a serious expression, the lady raised her eyebrow at him not seeming amused.

"If you are here to play jokes on me, I will kick you out."

"Not at all, darling, actually. My cousin here," he pat Castiel on the shoulder, "Needs lingerie for a special occasion, (anniversary)" he whispered to her, Castiel tensed and paled hearing the words from Balthazar, Dean was speechless and Gabriel was in a fit of giggles.

"Oh, my." she looked at Castiel with a questioning look but Castiel could barely process what was going on. "alright, enough with your jokes, get out! All of you!" she motioned with her hands towards the entrance.

"Hold on a moment, Linda," he read her name tag, "I still want that bra in my size."

"And why would you need that?"

"That is for me to know only," he winked at her and she rolled her eyes at him, "Say, you have very lovely eyes, I could just melt into them." she blushed and fixed her hair. "Are you single?"

"Excuse me?"

"You, love, I like you." he gave her a flirty smile, she widened her eyes and looked away.

"Uh, um. Alright, you and the other  _kids_  need to leave."

"Will you at least give me your number?" he hoped his charming British accent would make her give in.

"You're just a kid, now get out of here before I call security."

"Oh, you break my heart, Linda." he feigned hurt, she rolled her eyes at him again and sighed.

"Please just leave."

"Balthazar, stop aggravating the lady and let's go, please." said Castiel grabbing his arm.

"I shall be dreaming of you, my dear." Balthazar winked at her and left with the others, the lady sighed in relief.

"Why do you do that, Balthazar?"

"Be more specific, my dear Cassie."

"Behave in such manner with men and women older than you."

"It amuses me seeing their reactions, Cassie. It is simply for play."

"It is cruel."

"I don't see how complimenting their looks could be harming."

"You are thoughtless."

"Oh, please." he rolled his eyes, "Gabriel agrees with me, don't you?" he turned to where he supposed Gabriel would be but instead saw the younger boy mounting a kiddie ride that perhaps could break from his weight. "You never cease to amaze me, dear cousin." he chuckled.

"You should try it! Remember when we used to ride these when we were younger?!" he held on tightly so he wouldn't fall off.

"You are going to break the pony, why don't you get off? People are staring at you."

"They can kiss my a-"

"Okay! We'll be in the photo booth, since Cass has never used one." said Dean grabbing Castiel's hand pulling him away from the embarrassing scene. Balthazar later joined Gabriel and the two seemed to be having fun in every one of the kiddie rides.

Castiel tilted his head as he sat in front of the camera, Dean had explained to him how it worked and why it was fun to use since Castiel had argued one could just use a regular camera to snap a picture. The machine captured the image, Castiel turned to Dean and smiled, another image was taken.

"You are silly, Cass." Dean laughed and Castiel grinned, another image was taken. Castiel kissed Dean's cheek and the other boy scrunched his face, another image was taken. They turned to look at each other smiling and lost themselves in each other's eyes forgetting the camera was still taking the photos. The distance between them seemed to get smaller, Dean pulled Castiel towards him putting a hand behind they boy's neck, Castiel rested one of his hands on Dean's arm as their lips met each other softly moving passionately, as their kiss ended, Castiel had his arms around Dean's neck, the older boy held his boyfriend's waist; they rested their foreheads together with their eyes closed, their hearts beat fast in their chest, perhaps from the excitement or perhaps from how much it hurt to love someone with all that God made one, love someone to the deep end that one feels the soul yearning to forever hold one's lover close and merge with their soul so parting would never again be such sweet sorrow.


	15. Green Eggs and Ham

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adaptation of Supernatural to Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham. Gabriel learns to eat other than sweets!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Green Eggs and Ham, nor Supernatural.

**_Chapter 15_ **

* * *

 

"Gabriel, please eat something else besides that disgusting chocolate bar." Anna had been trying to get Gabriel to eat food, real food for the boy simply ate sweets all the time; cereal in the morning, lucky charms or frosted flakes, desserts and all types of candy for lunch, occasionally some junk food, more candy for dinner and carbonated drinks. Gabriel, however, was a strong and toned sixteen-year old boy, his siblings did not know how that was possible, the boy seemed healthy and one would think him completely normal if no one mentioned the sweet tooth he was.

"Anna, leave me alone! I don't like that, it's disgusting, just look at it!" he pointed to the plate she had put in front of him with a proper meal.

"It won't hurt you to try it, please?" she pouted at him.

"No!"

"Come on, Gabe, it's not that bad. I eat it all the time." smiled Sam sitting next to him, "Just try it."

"Oh no, there is no way in Wonka's name I will ever put that in my mouth!" he crossed his arms and frowned.

"You're such a kid, you know." Sam rolled his eyes at him, "You could just take a bite and see if you like it."

"No." he stood up from where he sat at the breakfast bar and headed to his room.

"Well, I tried." sighed Anna and took the plate with the untouched food.

"You think he'll ever outgrow that?"

"Who knows? He's been like this all his life and it'll be a miracle if he changes." she put the empty dish in the sink and sat in front of Sam along with Castiel, who was reading a book and Dean, who was writing an essay while he hummed to a song by Metallica.

* * *

 

Gabriel closed the door behind him, which Michael had broken but Lucifer fixed, he sat on his bed still munching on a candy bar. There were candy wrappers on the lamp table and a jar of jelly beans.

"Damn it! I left my Twizzlers downstairs!" he stood up from his bed and opened the door to leave. Everyone was downstairs occupied by their own duties, Gabriel could hear some of them speaking and some of them moving around the room. The doorbell rang multiple times at once and he knew that Balthazar and Crowley had arrived. He distracted himself for a moment remembering how Balthazar had been there the previous day and ran into a wall so hard that it bent while chasing him for a Debauve & Gallais bonbon, a grin formed on his face making him miss a step walking down the stairs causing him to fall forward and roll down the staircase. Lucifer was sitting on the sofa proof-reading his report for Human Geography when he heard a small cry and a lot of noise coming from the stairs, he stood up once he saw his young brother land on the floor unconscious, he ran towards him.

Gabriel opened his eyes and found himself lying on the couch, he looked around the room but no one seemed to be there. The house seemed completely empty aside from him and the goldfish that were on the big fish tank in the living room that he swore was not there before, but he thought perhaps Balthazar and Crowley had brought them.

"I am Sam" Gabriel turned his head to see Sam sitting on the arm of the sofa wearing a yellow polo shirt with a flair button that said 'Sam', black skinny jeans and a red beanie hat.

"Um, yeah, I know who you are, Sammy." he rolled his eyes.

"I am Sam, Sam I am" he smiled innocently at Gabriel while trying to balance himself on one foot on the arm of the sofa.

"That Sam-I-am. That Sam-I-am! What is wrong with that Sam-I-am?" Gabriel raised his brow at Sam, he had never seen him doing things like these.

"Do you like green eggs and ham?" he asked now trying to balance himself on one foot on the arm of the sofa while holding a plate with green eggs and green ham.

"What the hell?! I do not like them, Sam-I-am. I do not like green eggs and ham." Gabriel made a horrified face seeing the eggs and ham were green.

"Would you like them here or there?" Gabriel turned to his other side and saw Sam on the other side of the sofa holding the plate of green eggs and ham.

"How- how did you do that? And I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am" he crossed his arms still sitting on the couch.

"Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse?" Sam asked hanging upside down from the chandelier pointing at Anna wearing mouse ears, whiskers and a long tail sitting on a chair holding the plate with the green eggs and green ham.

"What the-! I do not like them in a house! I do not like them with a mouse! I do not like them here or there! I do not like them anywhere! I do not like green eggs and ham! I do not like them, Sam-I-am!" he was freaking out seeing Sam dangerously swinging on the old chandelier and Anna sitting there quietly with the plate on her lap.

"Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox?" Sam let go of the chandelier and landed on his feet, he tackled Dean who had fox ears on his head, whiskers, his nose was painted black and a long fluffy tail behind which made Gabriel giggle, Sam and Dean were fighting for a small box that Dean thought was pie but snarled making a disgusted face once Sam opened it, showing the plate with green eggs and ham.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean cursed glaring at he box.

"Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a house. Not with a mouse. I would not eat them here or there. I would not eat them anywhere. I would not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am." Gabriel rolled his eyes and walked out of the living room to the door, Sam followed Gabriel out of the house.

"Would you? Could you? in a car? Eat them! Eat them! Here they are." Sam sat on the Impala grinning with the plate of green eggs and ham by his side. The skies were dark and rain seemed to approach.

"Sam! You better not get food on my baby, you hear?!" Dean yelled standing at the door, Sam jumped off the Impala and awkwardly smiled avoiding a shoe Dean threw at him and Gabriel laughed.

"Ugh! I would not, could not, in a car" he sighed and sat on the floor, he shivered with the cold temperature of outside.

"You may like them. You will see. You may like them in a tree?" Sam was trying to climb the tall tree in front of the Novak house but his foot slipped and he fell face flat on the ground.

"I would not in a tree. I would not, could not in a tree. Not in a car! You let me be!" Gabriel stood and started running down the street. "I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox. I do not like them in a house, I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am." Sam was chasing Gabriel down the street, they ran through the streets before reaching the train tracks. At a distance the train's loud whistle could be heard heading their way, Gabriel didn't stop running even though his legs were getting exhausted.

"A train! A train! A train! A train! Could you, would you on a train?" Sam yelled over the sound of the train passing at a great speed by their side.

"Not on a train! Not in a tree! Not in a car! Sam! Let me be! I would not, could not, in a box. I could not, would not, with a fox. I will not eat them with a mouse I will not eat them in a house. I will not eat them here or there. I will not eat them anywhere. I do not like them, Sam-I-am." Gabriel stopped and panting yelled at Sam from under a bridge where the train tracks passed.

"Say! In the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark?" there was no light in that tunnel except at the end and the beginning, Sam walked next to Gabriel with a smirk on his face, a hand in his pocket and the other holding the plate with green eggs and ham.

"I would not, could not, in the dark." Gabriel stopped and turned to Sam irritated, the younger boy pouted and kept quiet until reaching the end of the tunnel.

"Would you, could you, in the rain?" Sam smiled catching raindrops on his palms.

"I would not, could not, in the rain. Not in the dark. Not on a train, Not in a car, Not in a tree. I do not like them, Sam, you see. Not in a house. Not in a box. Not with a mouse. Not with a fox. I will not eat them here or there. I do not like them anywhere!" he growled making fists to his side, Gabriel rubbed his temples already feeling a headache approach.

"You do not like green eggs and ham?" Sam frowned standing in the rain with the plate of green eggs and ham.

"Dear Jesus! I do not like them, Sam-I-am." Gabriel sighed and started walking again.

"Could you, would you, with a goat?" Sam said from a distance, Gabriel turned around and saw Sam sitting on the ground with Castiel wearing very elegantly curved goat horns on his head. Sam gave him the plate with green eggs and ham which Castiel stared at in confusion tilting his head to the side before proceeding to poke one of the eggs with his index.

"I would not, could not. With a goat!" Gabriel yelled from the distance and continued walking, Castiel pouted. The rain still poured lightly and the wind was cold but Gabriel was at least relieved Sam was not following, or at least he thought.

"Would you, could you, on a boat?" Gabriel flinched to the sound of Sam's voice, he stopped walking and turned to glare at Sam who was pointing at a boat parked across the street.

"I could not, would not, on a boat. I will not, will not, with a goat. I will not eat them in the rain. I will not eat them on a train." he stepped closer towards Sam speaking in a dangerous tone but the younger boy seemed unfazed, "Not in the dark! Not in a tree! Not in a damn car! You let me be! I do not like them in a damn box. I do not like them with a damn fox. I will not eat them in a damn house. I do not like them with a damn mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them ANYFREAKINGWHERE!" he pulled his hair and turned to leave without looking at Sam again. "I do not like green eggs and ham! I do not like them, Sam-I-am."

"You do not like them. SO you say." Sam stood there with a hand rubbing his chin, "Try them! Try them! And you may. Try them and you may I say." he smirked raising an eyebrow holding the plate towards Gabriel.

"Damn it, Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will see." he snatched the plate of green eggs and ham from Sam and sat on the ground, the younger boy sat in front of Gabriel with his legs crossed and his chin resting on his knuckles. Gabriel cut a piece of ham and eggs and with a disgusted expression forced himself to chew it, his expression changed once he had finished chewing the green eggs and ham and swallowed.

"Say! I like green eggs and ham! I do! I like them, Sam-I-am! And I would eat them in a boat! And I would eat them with a goat... And I will eat them in the rain. And in the dark. And on a train. And in a car. And in a tree. They are so good so good you see!" he grinned excited and ate the rest of the food ferociously.

"So I will eat them in a box. And I will eat them with a fox. And I will eat them in a house. And I will eat them with a mouse. And I will eat them here and there. Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!" he spun around with his arms extended looking up the sky.

"I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am" he jumped up and down hugging Sam with so much strength the younger boy almost turned purple. Sam smiled wide once Gabriel released him and stood there smug with his arms crossed.

"Gabriel…?" he turned around but saw no one and now Sam was gone.

"Gabriel…" he heard again and he recognised the voice, suddenly the skies darkened like the night and everything faded.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Gabriel blinked a few times trying to focus his sight, when his eyes finally formed clear images he saw Lucifer staring at him, his head tilted to the side and his brows furrowed.

"Wha- what happened?" he hissed in pain while he tried to sit up, his back hurt and his head ached like he'd been banging his head on the marble floor multiple times.

"You fell down the stairs." Lucifer put a hand on Gabriel's forehead feeling the boy's temperature, "You've were asleep for four hours."

"Oh, he's awake. How are you feeling, Gabriel?" Anna came from somewhere in the room and knelt before Gabriel.

" 'm head hurts." he shut his eyes tightly and felt something cold on his forehead, Lucifer had put a bag of ice on his head. "Where is Sam?"

"He's in the kitchen, he was sitting with me while I finished my homework." said Anna.

"Oh. Okay." Gabriel closed his eyes again, "Anna…"

"Yes?"

"Can I try the eggs and ham you told me to eat?" Gabriel opened his eyes and saw his sister grinning.

"Of course you can." she walked out of the living room to return a ten minutes later with a plate of eggs and ham. Gabriel managed to sit up and put the bag of ice on the side.

"Would you like them on your lap? Could you, would you, eat them with a frappe?" Gabriel widened his eyes and looked at his sister horrified but Anna simply smiled at him innocently.


	16. Something So Fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: angst, suicidal thoughts (lightly).
> 
> Castiel and Dean's relationship struggles.
> 
> Suggestion: read this story listening to Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye

**_Chapter 16_ **

* * *

 

 

_People living just to find emotion_

_hiding somewhere in the night._

_~ Don't Stop Believing by Journey_

It was a splendiferous sensation that coursed throughout his skin, the touch of the cold fluid sending shivers down his spine, making the hairs throughout his body stand on end. It was similar to flying, he thought, letting the water hold you like a babe in its womb, delicately; to feel light as a feather and fragile at the mercy of it. It gave him an individual peace when he could not find it himself, when anxiety crept its way into his being threatening a borderline disaster within because he never felt enough, never enough to be loved, never enough to deserve what good of life there may be. There was a certain perfection looked upon him but he knew his flawed life whereas others blinded themselves by his merits, never caring enough to look beyond; they wanted perfection and so he masked his flaws with achievements but, the emptiness was never filled by them. He was cold; as cold as cold could be.

The absence of two beings who gave him life shaped him into his worst best, perhaps too superlative like a machine, no emotions developed, no superior emotion beyond familial affection; like a stone, a perfect Rosetta stone. If he had a heart he would have loved. Truth be told, he felt as the inessential being occupying space in the universe thinking that another wishing soul could do better, much better than him and find a purpose to be alive. He was alive because he was asked to be, however, from a younger age his sensible argument and thought stated that life was an option, not an obligation. That is until Dean Winchester broke him with a single kiss; he felt it shatter like glass just by a touch. And he was lost, so lost that it frightened him, the idea of transforming a heart of stone into a warm and beautiful thing terrified him thus, it was his innocent and fragile heart at stake with all these new feelings for a being outside the family circle. But Castiel should have expected it, should have known a happy ending was only for fairytales but he was naïve, so naïve he was blinded with overwhelming emotions Dean made him experience when being in his warm embrace, those soft kisses that promised love, those beautiful forest green eyes staring into his as if he were a precious creation of God. But he was mistaken beyond his own belief but, presently he saw himself as he truly was; a speck in the universe undeserving of the good. Dean taught him how to love and he introduced him to heartbreak.

T'was impossible to erase the memory of those same feelings that were burned on his skin of those soft lips upon his, those same lips that spoke words he thought were only for him. T'was impossible to incinerate the images of those same lips he thought belonged to him upon Lisa's, those strong hands that had caressed his face, had held his own, had been only his and were now or held her, those sinful hands trailing along her curves, her thighs; her. What lies had he believed, had told himself that he deserved happiness, deserved Dean Winchester. The ignition of self-loathe all over again, the blame that weighed upon his shoulders because he had been too innocent, too inexperienced with intimacy that caused the one he loved to seek release in other's arms.

Castiel should not have been there, should not have wanted to surprise Dean by waiting for him after practice outside the locker room holding those mediocre movie tickets in his trembling hands, but he managed to convince himself it was simply anxiety of being there waiting to hear Dean's response to his request; a date for just the two after school.

But he waited, waited as he watched all the footballers leave one by one already showered and fresh. He should have not gained the courage to walk inside the locker room and look for Dean but the curiosity overtook him. Castiel took step by step as if his feet were walking on air, so silent it was inhuman how he was capable of sneaking into places without others being aware of his presence; a noise close to a whimper coming from the shower rooms made him curious, it shouldn't have. He should have walked away, walked away as far as his feet would take him, but he had to, he had to know what it was, that feeling inside him pushing him to step forward, oh how he cursed it.

And there he was, Castiel standing with the door ajar peeking through the shower rooms, his eyes fixed upon something or someone that made him nauseous, made him sick. Dean, Dean Winchester holding Lisa whore Braeden, kissing her with hunger and lust, allowing her sordid hands to touch him, to feel his bare skin. They did not acknowledge his presence and he disappeared like a phantasm out of their lives. Two movie tickets lay on the floor, and so did shards from a broken heart.

Castiel felt his lungs compressing from the lack of air, he surfaced his head out of the water up to his chin to breathe. The emptiness in his gaze lay upon the wall, his eyes burned as if acid had been poured upon them but it'd been from the tears he'd shed and his soul ached to the extremity of numbness. How much he yearned to be held by Dean, to hear his lies again professing his love unto him, to kiss his lips until he felt alive once more. But Dean was gone, gone far from him and his older siblings had denied the boy seeing Castiel, how they urged to rip him apart, break his every bone in his body but Castiel would only be hurt more if they did such thing, however, his older twin had broken Dean's nose and the boy had returned to his own home bleeding.

"Castiel…" Gabriel knocked on the bathroom door which Castiel had locked. "You have been there for a long time, I need to know how you are, please?" there was no answer but he stood waiting behind that door. "Castiel, please…"

"I am alive, Gabriel. Do not worry about me." he responded in monotone.

"I left you supper on your desk, please eat. You need it…" Gabriel's voice sounded broken, a kind of broken enough to pierce through. He was not broken as Castiel but hurt, hurt so much it angered him; his best friend, the person he trusted most besides his twin had hurt the one person Gabriel cared for truly more than anyone and that was not something he could easily forgive.

Castiel heard Gabriel's footsteps fade from a distance until the door was closed once again. The pounding of his heart in his chest was like a never ending torture, one that made him aware how alive he was yet very dead, very cold, he wish it stopped beating at all. The room temperature was warm, he managed to clothe his body before dropping on the bed weak; the photos of Dean and himself that day at the photo booth framed stood next to his alarm clock on the lamp table. How it hurt to see them. How he urged to burn them, but he could not, he wanted to keep them as a sweet memory despite of everything and all, he loved the boy, could not hate him as much as he wished he could. His head lay on the pillow which was by far drenched in hot tears but, he was thankful for one thing; he felt what love truly was, what heartbreak was, how much it could hurt and he was thankful for having had something meaningful to him for a while than to have had nothing at all.


	17. Only A Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's point of view.
> 
> WARNING: angst, very, very slight mention of self pleasure, mention of sexual assault and mild violence.

**_Chapter 17_  
**

* * *

 

 

_Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer_

_I tell my love to wreck it all_

_Cut out all the ropes and let me fall_

…

_And now all your love is wasted_

_And then who the hell was I?_

_And I'm breaking at the bridges_

_And at the end of all your lines_

_Who will love you?_

_Who will fight?_

_Who will fall far behind?_

_~ Skinny Love by Bon Iver_

The sun kissed his face as he looked up to the Texas blue skies, so deep blue that it seemed surreal, it distracted his concentration upon his duty; he had only seen that colour in a pair of eyes that left him breathless, the eyes that breached into his soul with such tender emotion that was fairly new to him. He did not comprehend how or why, he rarely questioned it but he knew that it must be love for the sentiment was too fervent. The very idea of being loved had been flabbergasting, hence metamorphosis of his emotional appearance. Dean Winchester was nothing but a beautiful, perfect lie in the eyes of the world, a beautiful, beautiful lie to himself; he was this and that, he did all this and did all that, he won this and that much, it was all about them, all for them alone. Never once did he hear the words he yearned for with might from his father, not once; he did everything with confidence, took pride in his success but at the end it meant nothing because he knew those words would never be there; 'I am proud of you, son'.

His coach had reprimanded his lack of concentration and he'd been sent to run around the field until practice was over, he was surprisingly satisfied with this since his mind wandered in thoughts, imaginative dreams that would fluster or excite him because at the end of this there would always be those blue eyes in which he would get lost and forget time, forget reality, lose himself in them with overwhelming love. The one being who made him feel important, made him feel human.

And then there was Lisa, watching from a distance with her keen eyes the boy in the field. The resentment running throughout her veins burned deeply, enough to hurt a human being, enough for her mischievous heart to be condemned. The lust in her eyes intertwined with the thirst for revenge darkened her soul, blinded her without a care of whom she might wound. As Dean left the field, being the last of his mates, she followed him with her gaze until he disappeared in to the building.

The hot water falling on his skin soothed the pain left by overstrain of exercise, he closed his eyes as the lather over his body gracefully trailed down to the cool tiles, the stress began to dim like a small flame out of oxygen. Those deep blue orbs hunted him as his eyelids shut, however, it was delightful seeing them stare back at him into his soul, to feel his heart speed up with emotion. The thought of those flush pink lips on his, their soft texture, their sweet taste awakened a sensation within him running from his fingertips to his toes. The feel of his own skin to the touch of his fingertips made him shiver thinking if it would be the same reaction at the touch of those small, pale hands, the delicate hands he loved to hold in his, loved to feel on his face, his hair, on his neck; he should not be having these thoughts, not in the locker room even if all his mates were gone, he cursed himself for thinking sinfully of the pure and uncorrupted boy he loved, it felt wrong, really wrong.

Steam radiated off his chest as he stepped out of the shower, an indescribable heat pulsed throughout his veins and he became light-headed for a mere second, as it passed he found himself being gripped by his groin causing an unexpected whimper from his mouth.

"Lisa, what the hell?!" her eyes full of lust and anger sinking into his, her hands gripping him causing discomfort to the boy.

"Don't tell me you have forgotten about me, Dean." her lips moved along the curve of his neck while her hands did not move from the same position causing him to be still for fear he might get hurt.

"Get the fuck away from me, Lisa." he growled as he glared at her with hatred.

"Don't you like me anymore, Dean?" her lips moved up his throat while his hands held her waist tightly.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"You, Dean. I want you."

"Let go of me."

"Why should I?" she took his bottom lip between her teeth, "Don't deny that you don't want me. Don't deny you're not attracted to me just because you're with another guy, I know you still like women."

"Get the fuck away from me, you disgust me, Lisa."

"Don't lie, Dean. You want me." she gripped him tighter causing him to gasp in pain. "I can see the lust in your eyes."

"You bitch… let go of me." he said panting, her lips contaminated from his jaw to his lips again forcing an unwilling response of him, his hands trailed slowly to her hips gripping her with enough force to cause a loud moan at the pleasurable pain from her lips. The blazing disgust, anger and undesired lust ran throughout his veins, the self-loathe stabbed him through and his mind was unwilling to cooperate causing him to lose his senses enough for Lisa to take control once again; her free hand moved up to his chest feeling the sun-kissed skin, caressing with her soiled fingertips that very being that would never be hers, never again be. He could sense the transgression of his being, the sin being burned into his skin and it hurt, it hurt to think of the filth he would become, it hurt to know the one who deeply loved him being betrayed in such a demeaning act.

"Lisa… let go of me…" the bile in his throat burned as he spoke in a soft tone firm in anger. "Please, Lisa, let go of me… I don't want to hurt you." her eyes opened and fixed on his, the apparent repulse, anger and self-loathe in those jade orbs were enough for the little dignity left in her to oust her from him. Her grip on him was withdrawn, her eyes with shame daren't look into his neither did he wish her to; her mind blurred in what she had done, the shame, guilt and self-revulsion sickened her, her feet responded by fleeing, fleeing without looking back somewhere she could hide and think of her actions. She had regret but also envy, more than envy, jealousy but now understood it had not been the right choice to have something by force, little did she know what her thoughtless and rather selfish actions had eradicated in the boy.

The cold wall on his back made him shiver, he dropped to the floor with his knees against his chest, his head down as the tears spilled from his eyes after Lisa fled from the place; he felt violated, he could still feel her hands gripping his member and it made him nauseous, she made him hate himself for how filthy he was and it hurt. His soul and body yearned for Castiel, to be held, to be loved, to be cared for, to make him feel uncorrupted and take that sin away, burn it until it was nothing but ashes…

The water burned on his skin mixed with the tears down on his face, the soap did nothing to take away the feeling of her hands. He turned the water off and ran to the stalls to empty his stomach until it hurt, he dropped on the floor weak. His heart ached with disgust feeling he'd betrayed his love, feeling worst than the dirt, the filth of this earth; the sparkles in his eyes dimmed as did the life, he felt empty, he wanted to rip off his flesh, scratch it with his fingernails until the feeling of her disappeared. Dean could not remember as much as he tried how he came to find himself at the front door of his house, he managed to focus his eyes on the doorknob whilst it turned and as he entered t'was not what he expected but he would never be the same and he knew from that moment what a dreadful being he was. He would never forget the disappointment in his parent's eyes, the anger, the hurt and frustration. He would never forget the way his younger brother looked at him with disgust, disappointment and fury.

"Do you want to explain to me what you have done, Dean?!" the tone in his father's voice was exactly the same as a dagger perforating the flesh through his chest. "Winchesters are not dishonourable people!" the loud sound of his father's hand meeting the right side of his face mixed with the cry of his mother's voice calling for John's name, the frightened look on Sam's face and his own fear, disgust and loathe for himself was overwhelming, it perplexed him, he could not speak to save his very life, simply took his father's beating until he was told to get out of the room. "You think of what you have done." 'You disgust me,' was not necessary to say of John for the expression on John's face alleged it.

Dean closed his door in confusion as to how his parents had known what happened, his head throbbed, his chest ached but mostly, he was shattered; he could not control his emotions but he could neither weep tears caused by these intense emotions that hurt, hurt greatly that it became physical. If his parents knew and had reacted in such way, how would he face Castiel? He yearned to see him, even if the boy would look at him with the same look as his parents, even if he wished to see him no more, he had to at least explain well to him; he owed him this much.

"You've got nerve to show up here, Winchester." Michael's voice was far more dangerous than his father's had been yet not as hurtful, the hatred in his eyes seemed powerful enough to smite Dean.

"Please, I need to talk to Castiel."

"What makes you think he wants to see you? Have you not hurt him enough?"

"What? I- please, I need to explain, please." he heard the sound of footsteps approach to the door. "Gabriel, please…" he begged to his friend standing next to Michael.

"Why don't you get the fuck away, Dean?" another dagger ripping through Dean's heart.

"Please…" he almost whispered.

"I trusted you, Dean. I trusted you, you sick fuck." Dean heard as his nose cracked, felt the pain throughout him as it blinded his vision, felt the life pour out of him non-stop and he heard the door slam shut. He managed to stand on his feet as his vision cleared, the blood stained his hands down to his arms and shirt but he managed to stop the flow.

His knuckles turned white with the force he gripped the wheel of the Impala, his baby who would never hurt him, would never judge him, would never condemn him for his sins; his only comfort. The sun set on the horizon with a sadness in its feel, the red streaks intertwined with the deep blue similar to those eyes he'd betrayed looked down to him as he drove and drove as far as he could, where the road and the Impala would take him; somewhere far so his soul could agonise until its end.


	18. Redemption will find you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: suicidal attempt and angst.

**_Chapter 18_ **

* * *

 

_Cause when you're feeling weak_

_You know I'm strong enough_

…

_Oh, let the world crash_

_Love can take it_

_Love can take a little_

_Love can give a little more_

…

_I'll stand beside you_

_Never leave through it all_

_And faith will bring a way_

_To the impossible_

_~ A Little More by Skillet_

Depression. It was the inner monstrosity that chained him, hurt his agonising heart as though a strong hand were holding it with an inhuman strength; he opened his eyes in the morning dreading the day, hoping his heart would stop. It hurt, the sickening ache in his chest that threatened to break him, threatened to spill those tears he could not cry. His soul quivered inside, he felt it dimming as the seconds passed, he felt it tearing apart becoming nothing; it thirsted for the one who once gripped him from perdition, saved him from the empty road in which he walked and he knew that one day his life would end. The rumours at school had spread faster than expected, Lisa was being regarded as the vermin she was and even her friends daren't speak to her more than necessary for fear the student body would harm them. Dean became accustomed in a few days of the judging fingers pointed his way, the disappointed looks thrown at him and he felt lonely. His friends were no longer, Jo who was his other closest friend had abandoned him refusing to even look into his eyes and search for the truth, Gabriel would not be seen any place Dean would be, his parents would not look at him, Sam would glare his way quietly and leave.

The cool breeze caressed through his hair as he stood on the roof of the school building, the height was not something to frighten him, it was a welcoming sensation to think how far it was from the ground, how much it would hurt to fall off; the thought of a gory death sent a cold, thrilling shiver throughout him, yet he was not scared. He placed a smile on his face because it was the only thing he could do to hide the pain and he created images in his mind, his body lying on the ground as the blood spilled gracefully staining the concrete, he imagined his soul standing next to its body satisfied of being gone. It was a lie, a fabrication from those with false hopes whom always said, 'things get better, son. This happens, this happens and it will be alright.' it was rather vexing to hear those words, in honesty, he wished to put a bullet through anyone's head who spoke them; 'you are simply going through a phase, you are a child, you do not know about life, you complain and become depressed over the simplest things.' but if none of this happened while young, how is he supposed to know what life means? What is the pain and learn from it, become stronger? It was all lies created by those who are older to justify themselves, pity themselves and not the ones who need it.

His feet had carried him to the roof of the building and he stood on the edge looking up the sky because it reminded him of Castiel, the innocent Angel who had come to love him despite his undeserving life, so flawed and filthy; he closed his eyes enjoying the soft breeze whispering in his ear and the embrace of the sun rays around him.

"I am not afraid to fly anymore…" he whispered into the wind with broken smile.

* * *

 

"Try this one, perhaps you'll like it." Gabriel smiled at Castiel holding a coffee cup in his hand, Colombian coffee with Irish cream and four spoonful of sugars specially prepared by Gabriel himself.

"Gabriel, I said I do not want coffee."

"Just try it, it's good. Pleaaaase?" he pouted in a futile attempt for Castiel to accept it, the younger boy rolled his eyes and ignored the cup of coffee that had been placed in front of him. "You know, sweets might lighten your spirits, Cassie, here have some jellybeans." Gabriel took from his pocket in his blazer a small bag filled with multicoloured jellybeans.

"Gabriel, please, I do not want anything, please let me read without being disturbed."

"You're so rude…" Gabriel sighed looking at his feet. "Sorry, I'll go."

"Gabriel…" Castiel stood up feeling the guilt inside knowing his brother was simply trying to help him. "I apologise, please stay. I did not mean to be rude."

"I know…" Castiel walked closer towards Gabriel, "I wish I could make you smile like when we were younger, it feels like shit knowing I can't even do that anymore and it hurts, Castiel, it hurts to watch you fall apart this way. Look at you, you hardly ever eat…I don't know what to do anymore, I can't go on another day having to see how broken you are." Gabriel stood in front of his brother, the pain in his eyes was sincere as a tear threatened to spill, Castiel wrapped his arms around the older boy and both stood in silence. They could feel themselves tremble as they embraced each other awfully close, Gabriel could not stop the few tears from his eyes but Castiel was empty, there was nothing left in him to cry, nothing but the pain.

"I will become stronger, Gabriel. I am really sorry…" they let go and sat down on the sofa in front of them, the library was terribly quiet at the moment even though there were a few students at a distance. Gabriel leaned into his brother placing his head on Castiel's shoulder, it was a form of comfort of theirs which no one understood, simply feeling each other's presence was enough knowing they were physically present as support. Castiel ran his fingers through Gabriel's hair as he read his book, he learned from a young age that it was soothing, it calmed him enough for the boy to even fall asleep sometimes.

The bell for class rang, Gabriel stood up to leave giving his brother a fond smile and Castiel returned it. The library was empty now, the librarian sat behind her desk distracted by a book; he turned to leave but something or someone grasped his arm.

"Castiel." a soft voice spoke to him, it was unexpected, he turned his head towards the owner of the voice. "Hi…" he recognised the shy girl standing in front of him and he gave her a smile in courtesy.

"Lelaina, hello. May I help you?" she looked around the room hesitantly before walking to a table and sat down, Castiel joined her afterwards.

"I feel this is important for you to know, I don't know, but I hope it is." she shrugged looking down. "You know, these people…" she paused looking towards the door, "forget we are all flawed humans and quickly point a finger to judge as someone falls, they forget we are born from sin and we die in sinning, even the innocent perish in their judgement." she gave a small smile. "That day, I'm not sure why I was there but somehow, I am glad I was." she paused, her eyes focused on the open book in front of her as if pensive. "I believe Dean is not at fault completely."

"Why is that?" he lowered his eyes.

"I was in the school gym when I saw Gordon Walker hiding, it appeared he was spying on someone, I don't know who but he seems to hate that person so much." she sighed, "I heard him telling Lisa to seduce him." her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes lay on him awaiting his reaction, Castiel's eyes widened for a moment before anger took over him.

"While seeking revenge, dig two graves…one for yourself." he growled, his fists on his sides, ire burned in him fiercely making him physically quiver as he turned to leave.

"Please be careful, Castiel and I don't think Dean should be the one to blame." she stood up and gave him a smile as turning to leave also.

"Lelaina." she paused and turned to face him, "Thank you." he nodded with a small smile and she smiled back.

* * *

 

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart that's still beating_

…

_I'm barely holding on to you_

_~Broken by Lifehouse_

He was being hunted in his dreams, tortured endlessly for the past days waking up multiple times during the night; his eyes were tired, his lack of sleep hindered his ability to function properly and it was worst dealing with the emotional catastrophe inside of him. He set one foot in front of him balancing on just one at the edge of the building, and he smiled, smiled a smile as sincere a smile could be whilst in pain; he felt a pair of arms grab him by force and shoved him to the ground away from the edge, Dean let out a groan as the pain in his back settled.

"Why are you doing this, Dean?" the hurt in his voice was unbearable and Dean wished he could be smote by God himself. "What were you trying to do?" Dean could not find words to speak, simply stared at the concrete refusing to make eye contact with those heavenly blue orbs.

"I'm sorry, Castiel. I can't," he paused feeling bile accumulate in his throat.

"You can't what, Dean?"

"I don't know what I'm about to say but I'll say it anyways… I don't want to live like this, not without you. I had one good thing in my life and I fucked it up. I feel like I deserve to die, deserve Hell to have me, the nightmares I have seem so real and I've convinced myself that is where I belong, where I should be. They slice and carve and tear me in ways that you" he stopped briefly as the tears threatened to fall, "Until there is nothing left. And then suddenly, I am whole again, like magic. Just so they can start in all over." he paused feeling the ache in his chest grow stronger, "How I feel, this... inside me, I wish I couldn't feel anything, Cass. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing." a tear burn down to his chin, Castiel stood in front of him as their eyes fixed on each other; Dean allowed the tears to spill from his eyes like a dam as he felt Castiel staring deep into his soul, he could feel the love with which the boy looked at him and made him loathe himself even more because he did not deserve this. Lisa had only made him realise how filthy he was, a filthy human they could use like an object for pleasure of theirs, it hurt because of how true he thought it was; he was worth nothing and he deserved that Lisa used him, deserved that she had tried to force him into something against his will, he deserved that and much more.

"Do not apologise, Dean. It was my mistake, I-"

"No, Cass. Don't." he closed his eyes letting the tears burn like lava from his eyes but he didn't care, Castiel stepped closer to him proceeding to wrap his arms around the older boy, Dean wanted nothing but push Castiel away so his contamination would not smear on him but he missed those arms holding him, yearned for them with all his might it hurt; he felt a familiar pair of warm lips on his cheek which only made his tears flow continuously. "I'm only human, I can only take so much… I am weak, Cass. I am weak."

"All the tears you have cried have only made you stronger, they were not in vain, Dean. You do not deserve Hell, you are a righteous soul, a beautiful and pure soul no matter how much you believe it contrary. You did not do anything wrong."

"Stop saying that, Cass. You know damn well I did."

"No, Dean. That day, I waited for you outside the locker room, I saw you with Lisa and instantly assumed the worst but I found the truth, she was told to do it."

"Wha…" his mouth agape in sincere disbelief.

"Gordon Walker holds quite an intense animosity against me and for revenge he did this."

"Why? Why does he hate you?"

"Because I took someone from him who should have never been his, he didn't deserve her."

"You took someone from him?"

"Destiny, he never deserved her." his voice dropped lower, "He only hurt her at his will, used her as if she were an object. Destiny is a good girl, she stood up for me once when we were younger and I owed her that much, I do not regret it but I will not deny what he did does not hurt." there was mere moment of silence, Castiel still held Dean in his arms as did Dean; Dean turned to look at Castiel, they kept quiet for a moment before Castiel spoke again.

"Do not blame yourself, Dean. You did nothing wrong." Dean looked down still not letting go of Castiel for fear it may only be a phantasm.

"Cass," his voice sounded broken, "I didn't do anything with her, she… I swear I didn't want anything to do with her but she kept forcing me, grabbing me and I couldn't… I couldn't move" … "I couldn't, I'm sorry, Castiel, I'm sorry." he sobbed uncontrollably, "It felt wrong, like I am something anyone can just use… and I guess that's what I really am. You deserve so much better and I'm sorry…" Castiel's heart ached at the sight of Dean so broken, hearing the truth and yet lies from the boy's lips, it felt shattering like a delicate glass ornament crushed in hands so strong, it broke him until he himself felt his own tears running down his face.

"You're not, Dean." he managed to say, his lips softly touched the other boy's, "You are beautiful beyond belief, your soul is the purest and most precious I have ever seen. You are everything to me, you are beautiful, believe it because I would not lie to you, Dean." he closed his eyes as a pair of lips claimed his softly; some had said that a kiss could fix anything, even the most broken souls if it is powerful enough in its meaning, their hearts ached no longer with brokenness rather overwhelming affection; it hurt to love this much. The sound of nature's violin's hummed in the air surrounding them, the broken clouds allowing the blue of the sky to peek down to earth and the unison of beating hearts created the sweetest melody for the gods to hear but to them, 'I love you' was simply the most beautiful melody that could indulge their starving souls.


	19. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: violence, mentions of abuse

**_Chapter 19_ **

* * *

 

_And you gave me love_

_When I could not love myself_

_And you made me turn_

_From the way I saw myself_

_And you're patient, love_

_And you help me help myself_

_And you save me_

_~Save Me by Gotye_

The smooth surface of the wooden floor touching her cheek was a cool sensation and it soothed in a way; her tawny hair gracefully on the floor and around her face, her eyes starring into the nothing, she could hear nothing but in her mind the memories flashed of the room, memories of her childhood as she danced on this same wooden floor, an Allongé, an Écarté, Fouetté, she remembered this as the sound of the music played in the background and she lost herself in graceful movements; it was a work of art she created with her body. Her reverie was suddenly disturbed by a pang on her abdomen and she became aware of the world around her once more, she remembered why it was that she lay on the floor as the voice of a man became clear throwing curses at her. The pain throughout her body prevented her ability to stand or sit, her limbs were weak, her ribs hurt but doubted there were any broken. Her vision focused and it terrified her to see the one who promised love to her raising a hand towards her, the hand that once caressed her body admiring the curves on her waist, the soft texture of her skin, the hand that had made her shiver at the gentle touch was the same hand which now bruised that same soft skin he'd kissed whispering how beautiful she was.

"I said 'stand up', you bitch!" he kicked her abdomen once again, Destiny could no longer scream or complain, simply took the blow with a whimper curling her body as to protect herself but it only hurt more. "You thought you could get rid of me that easily, didn't you? Getting expelled won't stop me from seeing you, you're mine, you hear? You're mine and no one else's, no one can have you or else I will fucking kill them." he lifted her up by pulling her hair merciless and she cried out in pain.

"Please… stop this, please…" she begged as her cheeks were being stained by black tears, "I have always been yours… why are you doing this?"

"I've seen the way other guys look at you, the way you seduce them with that smile, the way they look at your body. You. Are. Mine." he growled next to her ear, the hairs on her body stood on end in fear and a sob escaped from her lips.

"I don't seduce them, I don't even talk to them, I promise. Please, please just let me go…" her arms, abdomen, legs and face were bruised, her lip was torn and bleeding, her hair tangled in every direction but despite it, she was beautiful. "Please…" she broke into uncontrollable sobs but he still gripped her tightly.

"You son of a bitch, let her go." Gordon turned around to see a tall boy standing at the entrance, fists by his side and a glare that could murder, Castiel stood next to Dean looking as infuriated as he'd never been.

"Oh look, if it isn't Winchester and his little bitch, how cute!" he mocked with a smirk. "Is there anything I can do for you?" he batted his eyelashes tilting his head.

"Release her." growled Castiel glaring at Gordon who simply stood there with an unsympathetic expression on his face which Castiel wanted to rearrange.

"Why don't the two of you fuck off and skip together over a rainbow instead of butting into other people's business?"

"This is our business. Now let her go before I go there myself and beat the living shit out of you." Dean took a step forward, Destiny was on her knees trying to free herself from Gordon's grip, her eyes set on the two boys before them with hope, her body ached but it was her soul and heart that was shattered; her beauty meant nothing, the words that had been many times spoken to her praising the looks she hated so much meant nothing because it was her damnation, her reason to despise life. It was the same thing that had led her to Gordon, her beauty and though she had loved him once, all the love meant nothing in the end, he made it into nothing, burned it to ashes and made something so sweet into a bitter bile. How humans can hurt each other ruthlessly, perhaps unconsciously, words and the mind are the worst weapons a human can possess, they can kill, they can wound, words cut through what a thin blade or a bullet can not. It creates a hollow cave in the heart; a thick wall wears thin. Each to their own blame.

"I'd like to see that." he smirked, "Come on, you sissy, what cha gonna do? Get your boyfriend to beat me up?"

"As the matter of fact, yes." Dean smiled with mischief in his tone. Castiel and Dean stepped closer to Gordon until they were face to face; Gordon stood as if confident but Castiel could sense the fear in his eyes.

"You pray too loud." Castiel smirked, Gordon released his grip on Destiny proceeding to throw a fist towards Castiel but the boy avoided it. Destiny stood up stumbling, Dean wrapped her arms around her as support and protection as Castiel took care of Gordon who was now spitting blood on the wooden floor.

"You think you can get away maltreating an innocent girl and destroying others' lives?" Castiel's voice was rough with ire enough that it frightened Destiny and Dean. "You are wrong." Castiel front thrust kicked Gordon sending the boy with such force against the wall, he dropped on his knees coughing blood and he was certain there were at least one or two broken ribs. He felt his hair being pulled and he opened his eyes just to feel a fist meet his jaw over and over until he no longer felt any pain and everything became faint until finally darkness overtook him. When he finally opened his eyes he found himself in a hospital bed, his mother in tears with apparent disappointment in her eyes by his side and two police officers outside the room.

* * *

 

The familiar sweet scents of cologne, lavender, cinnamon and apples filled his nostrils making him dizzy with the overdose of warmth that shoot to his soul, the arms that embraced him tightly made him shiver and the tears that fell on his skin did not belong to him. But it was alright, it was completely alright because the resentment stopped, and he felt the guilt in their voices; he'd learned to forgive but a voice deep, deep inside still cried that it was not them who should ask because they were in right, their words were true in a sense but he daren't say because Castiel hurt when he spoke lowly of himself.

His father's embrace had broken him, it had broken John, his eyes burned as the memories of him raising his own hand towards his son hurt like a knife wound in him, how the boy took it like a sheep to its death, in silence; John wept as guilt seared in him and he knew he'd shattered they young boy's heart betraying his faith in Dean, thinking so little of his own blood. A simple, 'it's okay, dad.' was not sufficient and he felt as if karma was igniting a fire just for him but he'd settle at the moment for those three words and wait for the furnace to burn him...

A fingertip trailed soothingly from his forehead to his chin, his eyelids shut as he listened to the beating of a heart, it beat just for him alone. He lay on the meadow staring at the deep blue skies, there were no clouds corrupting its purity, no aggressive winds to make him shudder, simply a kind breeze that kissed his face coolly and the soft humming of a voice he had engraved in his heart as if it were his whole life. Tender touches caressed his arms, strong yet gentle arms held his waist as if he were to break if held with inadequate force, the soft breath on his neck sent a wave of bliss through him, those lips on his as they tenderly moved against his. The scent of gardenia, jasmine, rain and ozone grasped his soul from his body into an ecstasy thus it seemed supernatural.

The hand that held his as they ran, they ran in that deep into the forest as they lost themselves in it; dense, so dense it seemed to never end. The sound of the fauna calling them, inviting them to live in it, inviting them where they belonged, the green mountains in the distance echoing their laughs, echoing the beating of their hearts. The sweet dew around the flora bowed falling on their skin like sparkles in a dream, the cool air, the smell of pines, acacia, juniper and walnut absorbed into their skin, their clothes and everything they were. They ran and ran non stop, the sky never dark, the forest never dull, they ran until they reached a cliff and yet they kept running, their hands entwined as they fell into the indigo waters that met the cerulean sky and above the deep-green forest; and they drowned, they drowned into the waters embracing each other.

"I love you." Castiel whispered softly not breaking the trance in those forest green eyes as he sank with Dean.

"I love you." he responded never blinking fearing the cerulean skies would disappear as he sank deeper and deeper into the waters, the blue waters that were Castiel's eyes.


	20. Dear Chaplin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel and Balthazar's bromance.

**_Chapter 20_ **

* * *

 

His eyes closed as the tediousness of the moment reigned over him, his head lay on the cool granite counter lulling him further into oblivion of consciousness and the voices around him dimmed each second. In his hypnagogic state he felt a nippy sensation tickling his face, it was rather pleasant which only sent him deeper into sleep. A sudden slam of a door startled him causing his eyes to suddenly open and sit right up, he was not aware he had ridiculed himself until a moment later when all eyes in the room turned to him with amusement.

"What?" Gabriel shrugged looking around the room.

"Nothing, Chaplin." laughed Dean who was sitting next to him, Gabriel narrowed his eyes at Dean suspicious of the boy but he seemed too innocent. A flamboyant Balthazar stood in the living room in white skinny jeans which fit him a little too tight highlighting the shape of his hindquarters and his rear, a bright-yellow belt around his waist, a lime green shirt with the logo 'Mount & Do Me' which fit him perfect and red converse.

"Where's the parade, Balthie?" smirked Gabriel at the sight of his cousin.

"Oh bite me, Chaplin."

"Why are you people calling me Chaplin?!" he knit his eyebrows throwing his hands up in the air as in questioning.

"No reason at all, anyway, I need you, my wonderful cousin, to come with me to this…" he scratched the back of his neck hesitating to finish his sentence, "event." he grinned.

"Does it involve sexy people?" Gabriel leaned against the counter and raised his brow.

"You could say that."

"Good enough for me, where is it?"

"It's at the mall, of course, it won't take too long."

"Okay, I'll go get my shoes." he jumped onto the wooden floor wearing his bright-orange socks but before he could step any further Michael stopped him.

"Where do you think you are going, Gabriel?"

"With Balthazar, of course."

"Have you even finished your work?"

"Yeess, I finished a looong time ago, that's why I got bored and fell asleep." he whined exasperated.

"Let me see it."

"You are worst than Luci, you know." he rolled his eyes at Michael while getting his work from the counter. "Here, mum." Michael simply glared at him which made Gabriel wince.

"Very well, you may go. Do not get in trouble, I know the two of you unsupervised could cause a nuclear war."

"Michael, my dearest, how little faith you have in us. Don't worry, I am up to nothing impish, I can assure you that." he smiled innocently, Michael fixed his eyes into Balthazar's for a moment unblinkingly, he tilted his head slightly to the side to which Balthazar followed.

"Very well," said Michael still not moving his eyes from Balthazar, "I believe you." Balthazar smiled and finally moved his eyes from Michael's. Gabriel came back a moment later wearing his previous attire, black skinny jeans, a white polo shirt with a navy blue cardigan, black converse and his cocky smile.

"What's up with you people?" Gabriel looked around the room as everyone stared at him with amusement, Dean was smiling as if trying to hold back a laughter, Castiel who rarely smiled wide was doing so.

"Let's go or we'll be late, Gabriel." Balthazar pulled his arm and walked towards the door.

"Have fun, Chaplin!" they heard Dean yell from the kitchen as they closed the door, Gabriel was starting to question further why he was being called Chaplin.

"So, what exactly am I getting myself into?" Gabriel asked as he closed the passenger door.

"Nothing much, you will know when you get there."

"Aw come on, just tell me!"

"Look," he sighed as he drove away from the Novak house, "I just need you for support and you are the only one whom I trust will not say a word to anyone else about this."

"You trust me?" the corners of his lips curled into a sincere smile, Balthazar glanced at him and back at the road but returned the smile.

"Yeah." he said softly, "Anyway, there is this dance competition I want to enter, today is just the audition and if I get in, I will compete against the other contestants, which by the way I know will be awful."

"That's some confidence you have there," Gabriel punched Balthazar lightly on his arm.

"You know I am the world's best dancer, I am not even entering to win the prize, I just want attention, my dear."

"That's what I thought, you attention whore." Gabriel laughed and Balthazar winked at him. "So what song are you going to dance to?"

"This!" Balthazar handed Gabriel a CD, the cover was colourful with big, bold letters  _'Now That's What I Call The 90s'_

"Exactly what song?" he said reading the list on the back.

"Can't Touch This." Gabriel snorted at that.

"You can't be serious, Balthie."

"Oh, but I am." he smirked.

"You're amazing." Gabriel said giggling.

"I know." he grinned.

The temperature reached the upper eighties, the skies were too bright for a September day, the wind blew fiercely which along with the sun rays burned your skin and made you squint, however, it did not impede the multitude from gathering outside the shopping centre for the dance contest. Balthazar parked the car at a safe distance being aware the people would be careless and damage property. The music was blaring in the air, the smell of sweat everywhere mixed with every type of cologne and cheap perfumes made him dizzy, the heat of the bodies around plus the heat of the sun was bothersome yet he was willing to stand it to support his cousin. Gabriel noticed, however, heads turn his way as they made their way through the crowd, they whispered amongst themselves, others laughed, a few girls giggled quietly and a few guys chuckled; he was confused as to why but before he could give any further thought, he felt a hand pull his and he turned to see Balthazar holding his hand.

"Don't get lost, come on." he did not let go of Gabriel; the younger boy followed his cousin as he looked around the unfamiliar faces, they made him feel dizzy and claustrophobic but he kept moving his feet to where his cousin was leading him. They pushed, pushed and pushed him in every single direction, most were taller than him, others were his height, he felt the heat of their bodies and their wet, sticky skin touch his, the thought of their sweat transferring onto his skin and his clothes made him nauseous. He felt a cool breeze hit his face as the number of people around him lessened, his hand was still intertwined with Balthazar's and he was glad for that; they entered into the building where the temperature change was a relief, there still was a crowd however, less than outside. They walked further into the building and turned the corner, Gabriel was confused as to where they were going now since the auditions were supposedly outside; he looked around for a clue but found nothing and he suddenly bumped into something, rather someone.

"Come on." Balthazar smiled at him, Gabriel raised his eyebrow staring at the ' _MEN_ ' sign on the door, however, he followed. Balthazar let go of his hand as soon as they were inside and stood face to face with Gabriel, he stared at Balthazar confused while the other boy had his eyes fixed on his, then he smiled.

"Don't move." he said turning around and walking towards the sink, he grabbed a few paper towels and wet them under the cool water, then proceeded to pour soap on the palm of his hand. Gabriel tilted his head in confusion as Balthazar stepped towards him.

"Not that you don't look lovely, Chaplin but I like your face better." he smirked.

"Huh?" he wrinkled his nose slightly in confusion.

"Just don't move." he brought his hand up to Gabriel's cheek, he felt the rather chilly liquid on his face as the older boy spread it throughout with his fingers, it was a soft touch and pleasant; he closed his eyes as he felt the fingers move to his brows gently rubbing his skin in circular motions, it was soothing and serene, the muscles around his face relaxed with every touch. The fingers trailed down softly to his upper lip and again moved gently in circular motions, he kept his eyes closed giving into the relaxing touch; he frowned slightly at the loss of Balthazar's gentle fingers and shuddered slightly at the contact of a cold, rough texture on his skin; it moved slightly throughout his face, his brows, his cheeks and finally his upper lip.

"All done." Gabriel felt a pair of warm lips on his cheek for a brief moment, he opened his eyes and found Balthazar staring at him, his lips curled slightly into a smile, "Much better." he discarded the paper towels into the trash bin and stood once again before Gabriel.

"You have to do that again, it was um," he thought for a second, "relaxing, I guess." he shrugged, Balthazar smirked.

"We should definitely have a sleep over, do each others' hair and make up too, aye?"

"Eesh, don't be a twit, I was just saying. What was that for anyway?"

"Go look on the mirror." he pointed at the mirror above the sink, Gabriel squinted his eyes at his cousin but did so anyway; he saw nothing but his flawless face.

"Man, I'm beautiful." he winked at his reflection, Balthazar chuckled

"I'm not the only vain one in the family, I see."

"You're conceited and snooty, Balthie, I, however, am a humble, conceited," he said  _conceited_  in a lower voice, "Angel. So we are much different." he snarled.

"I am not snooty! And you saying you are humble does not make you humble at all."

"I am though."

"Right." he rolled his eyes, "You and I are much alike, love, that is why we get along so well."

"Oh yeah, sure we do." Gabriel mocked a grin, Balthazar punched him slightly but they both smiled.

"Let's go before the auditions are over, I want to show people how a pro does it." he smirked. They walked out of the men's room heading back towards the exit of the building, there was a crowd around the door pushing through, most were angrily pushing each other to enter, a woman in her late forties was unsuccessfully trying to calm them; Gabriel and Balthazar were pushed along with them until they were in the middle of the crowd, they were again pushed and the boys did nothing but follow the multitude to avoid getting hurt or run over.

Gabriel looked around trying to find Balthazar, he noticed a few wrinkled faces, he looked around again and soon learned he and his cousin were in a multitude of senior citizens; Balthazar was nowhere to be seen but he could hear his voice calling his name. Gabriel turned his head in every direction for the familiar face but saw nothing, suddenly he felt a hand wrap around his waist, it pulled him with force out of the crowd until they reached a space with less people, the hand was removed from around his waist and he turned to see Balthazar looking in every direction trying to figure out what the commotion was about. They had to keep walking since the building walls were to one side, the mass of people on the other side, the mass of people in front of them and behind them.

"What the hell is going on?" Balthazar seemed irritated.

"Uh, Balthie, I think we're attending a senior citizens' dance night…"

"What?!"

"It says on that sign over there," he pointed to a banner hanging at the entrance of a large building. They kept moving until the crowd walked through the entrance.

"Come on, we have to get out of here!" Balthazar pulled Gabriel heading towards the entrance door but were stopped by the lady who was leading the crowd.

"Where do you think you're going boys? The show will start as soon as they get settled, shouldn't you be getting ready?" her voice was high pitched and cheery.

"Uh, madam, we are not supposed to be here, you see." Balthazar spoke feeling suddenly nervous.

"Of course not! You're supposed to be backstage with the others, now come on, I'll lead you both there." she smiled wide and led them away from the crowd behind the platform which was enclosed by a heavy, red curtain. "You boys get ready, I'll go check on the others." she walked away leaving a confused Gabriel and an anxious Balthazar.

"Okay, so this wasn't supposed to happen." Balthazar said looking around the place, there were a few props in a box, lights everywhere, the obnoxious sound of people speaking at once and his cousin who stood there looking like he felt.

"What are we supposed to be doing? What was she talking about?"

"I think we are supposed to entertain them, judging by these." he pointed to the box on the floor with the props.

"I- what? I am no one's clown, Balthazar, let's get out of here!" he turned to leave but as soon as he stepped from behind the curtain he found himself standing on the platform with all eyes on him; Gabriel smiled awkwardly and ran back behind the curtain.

"Okay, so." he rubbed the back of his neck. "Got any funny jokes?" Balthazar rolled his eyes at him.

"Don't worry, I have an idea." he smiled pulling out his iPod from his pocket.

"Oh no, no, no, no, Balthazar, if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, I am not doing that!" he crossed his arms snarling at the older boy.

"You have to or would you rather do a solo?" he smirked raising his brow, Gabriel sighed and let his arms hang on his sides.

"Fine… the guys better not find out about this, you hear?" he pointed at Balthazar with a threatening finger.

"You think I want them to? Ha." he leaned against the wall looking through his iPod when they heard the high-pitched lady welcoming the senior citizens but he chose to ignore it. His play list consisted of a mixture of decades, starting from Dean Martin to The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Dead or Alive, Alphaville, Journey, Eurhythmics, La Bouche, Cascada, Haddaway, Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Michael Jackson, Maroon 5, Coldplay, Lady Gaga, etc.

"Balthazar!" he felt someone pull his arm, "Come on, they're calling us!"

"Great." he sighed and followed his cousin. They stood before the not so welcoming crowd, their expressions seemed uninterested and sombre, as if it were a funeral instead of a cheery event. Gabriel rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet swinging his arms along and an awkward smile to accompany it. Balthazar walked towards the DJ next to the platform and gave him his iPod telling him to play a certain song, he came back a few minutes later with a microphone in his hand.

"A smile on your faces would make us feel more welcome," he said in a playful tone with his charming British accent, a few of the elders smiled while others kept their blank expressions on, Balthazar kept his smile on with confidence and continued, "We were not told to do this but we are going to anyway, so hold on to your panties we're about to blow them off." he smirked, a few of the elders gasped while others looked around. "Enjoy the show!" he added and handed the microphone back to the DJ.

"What are we dancing to?" Gabriel whispered to Balthazar while he stood close to him.

"Just remember some of the steps from Dance Revolution and you'll be fine."

"What song?"

"I - um, I picked  _Beat It,_ just do what I do." he motioned to the DJ to start the song, they stood facing the crowd who seemed uninterested still.

_They Told Him Don't You Ever Come Around Here_

_Don't Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear_

_The Fire's In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear_

_So Beat It, Just Beat It_

Gabriel sighed but was thankful he at least new the dance routine to this song. Balthazar was a natural dancer, his feet and body flowed along with the rhythm of the music with such fervour, his hair whipped his forehead as he moved his head to the sides, the ecstasy throughout his body created by the intensity of the music blurred his mind making him oblivious of the crowd and he danced as if he and Gabriel were the only ones in the room. Hot droplets of sweat ran from the top of his head to his sides which only excited him more, it was his reward for the full effort he put into the work; he was no artist like his cousin Castiel, he was no singer like Lucifer, he could not even play an instrument as graceful as Anna, could not swim as fast as Gabriel but he could dance, dance for hours without stopping; it was his freedom, the vibrations of the music resonated throughout his body, the sound of every beat intoxicated his body sending an euphoric feel to his soul as if he could fly, free to move his entire being as if he floated in the air and gravity was simply a myth. Balthazar opened his eyes as the song ended and was met by a crowd standing up and cheering loudly, his cousin stood next to him panting with a smile on his face.

The high-pitched voice lady came up to the platform and handed Balthazar the microphone which he took still panting and recovering from the drunk-like state he felt in. "Thank you!" he grinned still panting slightly, "I hope all of you are ready to dance because we," he pointed at himself and Gabriel, "are going to make you and I do not want anyone complaining, we will play songs from every decade and you will like it." he winked at no one in particular, "alright, let's clear the dance floor," he motioned to the staff in charge of the event; they proceeded to remove every single chair in the room which took a few minutes. "Everybody ready?" the crowd answered cheerfully, "Groovy!" he grinned.

_Let's drop!_

_Yeah, come on_

_Shake, shake_

_I'll take you home_

_If you don't leave me at the front door_

_Your body's cold_

_But girl, we're getting so warm_

_And I was thinking of ways that I could get inside_

Gabriel and Balthazar stepped off the platform moving their bodies to the music, most the seniors stood there stiff while others tried to move as the music played. Gabriel put on his most dally smile and took the hand of a lady inviting her to dance, she smiled at him for his charming character and danced with him. Balthazar was somewhere in the room dancing with a couple of elderly ladies and laughing as they tried to imitate his moves.

The rest of the evening passed by rather pleasant for the boys, although they missed the auditions for the dance competition but Balthazar was not bothered by it; he spent a great time teaching the seniors what he loved to do best and he was delighted to have so much attention. The smile on Balthazar's face was the most wonderful thing Gabriel could have ever seen and he was glad to have spent the rest of the day with him, his heart warmed to the sight of his cousin enjoying life as he could, smiling without a care because he knew that when the smile faded, the older boy was rather miserable and suffering in that world once again and only he knew why.

"Are seriously stealing pudding from old people?" Balthazar asked standing next to him with a hand on his hip.

"The lady gave it to me." he grinned with his teeth covered in chocolate pudding, "Hey, watch this, I've always wanted to do it." he giggled.

"Do what?"

"Just watch their reaction," he took another spoonful of pudding and giggled.

"Okay then?" Balthazar fixed his eyes on the crowd as Gabriel walked towards the platform with the pudding cup raising it in the air and yelling at the top of his lungs, 'Pudding'. The seniors stopped moving and turned towards Gabriel, suddenly all of them moved to one side of the room where the staff stood with cups of pudding for everyone. Balthazar stood there with his mouth agape not knowing whether to laugh or follow them and get a pudding cup for himself.

"I got you one." Gabriel grinned handing his cousin the cup and a spoon.

"Aw, you do love me," he put a hand over his heart and curled his lips into a sincere smile. Gabriel sighed feeling content at heart.


	21. Sweet Child O' Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Understanding Michael

**_Chapter 21_ **

* * *

 

The rain poured heavily on a Saturday morning hitting the glass on the kitchen window making a sound as if it would shatter, the steam from the boiling teapot swirled in the air making abstract images which intrigued him, he watched as the swirls disappeared in the air and others replaced them. The heat coming from the stove warmed his face, hands and his torso, it was pleasant since the temperature outside was seventeen degrees Celsius; suddenly, a pair of warm, long arms curled around his waist gently pulling his body into the one behind him, he felt a hot breath on his neck which sent a shiver down his back knowing who it belonged to, his hands moved to the ones around him and he let out a soft sigh.

"Please release me, Lucifer." Michael said in an irritated tone, the day was too premature to be coping with his inane humour.

"Don't be a bore, Mikie, I know you like me holding you." he smirked not moving from his position.

"I do not, Lucian, please stop." Michael tried to push his brother away but the younger man held him tighter.

"I don't like you calling me that, so now I won't let you go." Michael sighed.

"Must you always ruin my day?"

"Aw, come on, mummy, I am only trying to make you feel loved."

"It is not working and I am not a mother."

"Yes you are, you're the mummy and I'm the dad, you know." Lucifer chuckled.

"We are not married, Lucifer, and even if we were, you would be the mother, now please release me." he rolled his eyes.

"Actually, you're the one who does the nurturing," he let out a small laugh which only irritated Michael further,.

"If you are finished with your nonsense, please go away." he stiffened in Lucifer's arms feeling utterly uncomfortable, Lucifer placed a gentle kiss on the back of Michael's neck knowing the older man despised him doing it and let go of his brother laughing as he walked out of the kitchen.

Michael sighed in relief but the ache in his heart did not dissipate, the overwhelming pain inside his chest caused him to feel as if the air in his lungs lacked making them compressed; it made his body feel weak and dizzy, his eyes burned as his vision began to blur and he knew it was coming. His bottom lip trembled slightly but he pulled it in between his teeth biting hard that it bled; lifting his chin up he blinked several times to make the threatening tears disappear, his arms curled around himself squeezing with all his strength as if hoping the physical pain would override his aching soul. Michael closed his eyes as the thoughts he tried to erase from his mind once again appeared, the memories of the previous night; he sat in the office behind the wooden desk with a book in his hands completely consumed by it when a mild vibration interrupted him. His heart nearly stopped at the realization who it was calling him at this hour of the night and he wished with all his might that he would have never called.

"Father." he answered in a monotone voice he used.

"Michael, how are you, son?" the man's tone was the same as usual, the tone Michael recognised and detested, the tone implying guilt, pity, formality, self-loathe but mostly, the tone his father had used the last time Michael saw of him, the last time he was held by his father as he kissed his forehead goodbye.

"I am well, father." his hands shook slightly as he managed to maintain his voice steady, "How are you?"

"I am alright, Michael. How are the others?"

"They are doing well, Lucian will graduate in a year, he is valedictorian of his class, Raphael graduated a few months ago, he is attending college with Lucian and I. Castiel is excelling in his studies, Gabriel as well and Anna has improved with the cello."

"I see. I am proud of you, Michael, in a few years you will be able to succeed over the company, I believe you will be exceptional, son."

"Thank you, father, I look forward to comply with excellence."

"It pleases me to hear that." there was a brief moment of silence before Michael spoke again.

"Will you be coming home this year? I am aware your business require much of your time but it would be rather pleasant if you were at least able to attend my graduation." he felt like the child he was a long time ago begging his father to attend his first football game and it hurt him having to even ask.

"Michael, we have spoken of this matter. I can not say how proud I am of you, son but I think it better I stay out of your lives as it has been all these years."

"I know, but Castiel and Gabriel have only met you once and they do not remember at all, they would be happy to see you."

"No, son, it is for the best they never see me, I will only disappoint them. Understand that it is not a simple matter, you are responsible for them and you accomplish to do it wholly, that is something I can not do and it is very pusillanimous from my part but I shall compensate you for it."

"Very well, sir, I will ask no more. I wish you only opulence in your business as well as your health."

"Thank you, I apologise for the burden I have placed upon you but you are much better doing so than I could ever have."

"It is no burden, father, they are my own blood and I simply wish the best for them, I will always try my best to ensure they become great leaders and not servants."

"Thank you, Michael. I have my trust in you. Take good care, son."

"I shall. Goodbye, father."

"Goodbye." he heard the other line die as he held the phone on his ear for a few more seconds with his mind in blank. At this point in his life the feelings, the so many things he had once felt had only left him numb today. He felt nothing, he was absolutely like a stone, no emotion to follow the vile conversation with the man claiming to be their father, the same man who had given them life and had never demonstrated love to him or at least his younger siblings. Michael could care less about himself but it broke him to know his innocent siblings would never know what having a real father was, it ached in his heart greatly remembering as he grew up being the one who would attend every single event they could possibly be involved in without having them ask him, they looked up to him and his opinion to them was vital.

He remembered when he was fourteen and Anna had her first cello lesson, how frustrated she seemed, had cried in his arms wanting to give up but he looked her in the eye caressing her auburn hair convincing her she was capable of doing anything if she believed it, she could conquer the world if her will was strong enough. Anna chose to believe in his word and he was there the day of her first public performance, he recalled sitting in that front seat with a smile on his face to demonstrate his confidence in her, he remembered clearly that little girl in a white dress seeming ethereal as the music she created brought tears and such peace to his soul.

He remembered attending Raphael's games, never missed any of them and was the first to congratulate his success, the day he graduated a few months ago and the pride he felt as he witnessed his brother receive his diploma; he remembered this well. Lucifer had been a struggle but he loved his brother and was really proud of him; they used to be close until their father left and the boy rebelled claiming their father was selfish, a coward and he hated him. It hurt when he first fought with Lucifer, it ached in his heart and the guilt killed him knowing he had been right.

Michael opened his eyes turning to see the sheet of paper hanging on the fridge door and he felt as though his soul could take no more; Castiel's first drawing of Michael when he was five, how the boy saw his older brother as a tall and beautiful Angel, the enormous wings on his back and the halo above his head, the way his bigger hand held Castiel's tiny hand, the smiles on their faces as they rose up to the sky in search for the clouds, in search for God. The memory of the innocent little boy sitting at the table with his crayons truly believing his older brother was that strong, a hero, the way his deep blue eyes lit up whenever he told the boy how he won the football game, those same small eyes staring into his as he trembled for fear knowing his brother would protect him, the way his small fingers curled around the edges of his shirt with force begging to not let him alone; a tear burned out of his eye.

The sound of the rain failed to soothe the pain he felt, only reminding him of Gabriel, when the boy was only six years old and decided to play outside jumping in the puddles while it rained heavily on a day like today, Gabriel had slipped and fell in the pool almost drowning not knowing how to swim, Michael had dropped the glass vase from his hands he had made for his art project and jumped in the freezing water pulling the young boy however he could. He had been the one to teach his brother how to swim, had left his own interests to aid Gabriel until he could do it alone. Michael had clapped and cheered for him as he finished first in a competition.

Not one of his siblings understood why Michael always seemed numb of emotions, always stoic, always uptight. No one knew why some days he stood outside looking up the sky as the freezing rain fell on his pallid skin, they never asked but Lucifer suspected he'd rather cry in the rain, to not feel the burning tears but the freezing droplets run down his face. Anna once heard him cry when she was five, she had fallen down the stairs and broken her arm, Michael had been there in the room as her arm was wrapped in a cast, she had later asked him to stay with her and he did.

"I want to be like you when I'm older because you're strong." she hugged him tightly, "You always make everything better, don't you, Michael? Will you make my arm better too?" she looked at him with those beautiful eyes that he remembered from his mother, those expectant eyes full of hope and awe.

"I will make your arm better, Anna, but it will take time, okay?"

"Okay!" she threw her arms against him again and smiled. They lay in bed together as the little girl fell asleep while he caressed her hair, her breathing becoming softer and softer until he knew she was asleep. Michael had hated himself for Anna getting hurt, he had been irresponsible and careless, had disappointed his father and worst, he could not take the pain his sister was feeling, could not fix that broken arm in an instant and he cried; he sobbed quietly to not wake her up, the aching feeling in his chest was too overwhelming for a boy of his age but he could not stop the tears, could not control them as they spilled. Anna opened her eyes as she heard a quiet sob next to her and the pillow was drenched in warm tears but she never told him of this, she was never going to because she was aware of what an affliction they were to him.

The sound of voices from upstairs became louder as they seemed to approach the kitchen, Michael blinked a few times letting his vision clear and the emotion fade from his face becoming once again stoic. His shoulders were firm and his voice monotone as a young girl with auburn hair entered followed by a blue eyed boy and a shorter one with honey coloured eyes, a taller one with ice-blue eyes and a taller blonde with that mischievous smirk on his face. Michael felt a pair of soft lips on his cheek as the young girl said good morning to him and he returned it politely.

"Are you making hot cocoa, Mikie?" Gabriel asked already jumping up and down next to him.

"Yes, take a seat, you make me claustrophobic."

"But I'm don't even take much space." he pouted, Michael rolled his eyes at Gabriel and took out cups from the cupboard.

"Take a seat or I will not give you any."

"Fine!" he sighed dramatically and walked over to the breakfast bar to seat next to his twin brother.

"Ugh, I have another cello lesson on Monday and cheerleading practice." Anna complained letting her head drop on the granite counter. "I still can't play well the piece my maestro gave me, I swear he hates me."

"You are his best student, Anna, that is nonsense. You will perfect it, I know it." Michael gave her a small smile and the girl smiled back.

"Thank you, I just need a little more practice, I think but studying and cheerleading take time too."

"Multitasking never stopped me," interrupted Lucifer.

"That's because you and Michael are like some kind of super humans, seriously, how do you do so much?"

"It's easy if you just put your will into it." Lucifer shrugged. He fixed his eyes on his older brother and even though others could see nothing but and expressionless face, he knew exactly what tormented him, had known him all his life to see through him.

"Thank you!" Gabriel grinned as a cup of hot cocoa overflowing with marshmallows was placed in front of him, "You are awesome, Mikie!" he jumped in his seat picking at them with a spoon.

"Thank you, Michael." Castiel smiled with gratitude at his elder brother.

"Thank you!" Anna kissed his cheek and grinned.

"Thanks." Raphael gave him a slight smile and nodded. He gave Lucifer his hot cocoa and took his walking out of the kitchen into the living room hoping no one would bother him at least for a moment. The rain did not cease to fall, he watched through the open window as it poured, cold droplets hitting the ground splashing everywhere, the wind blowing strong making the branches bend to sides, the skies darkened by thick, grey clouds. He could hear the voices of his siblings as they laughed and conversed with each other; Michael smiled knowing it was a good day because today was another day they were alive and a smile on their faces was all he ever wanted to see. He placed down his mug on the table by the sofa and stood up walking past the hallway to the door that led out of the house.

The drops fell one after another in such a great speed that soon his clothes were drenched, his body temperature dropped and shivered but he stood there stiffened looking up the sky with the corners of his lips turned into a smile, the trail of warm tears already dropping, mixing along with the rain hitting the ground one by one. He did not expect to feel the embrace of warm arms around him but he did not care who it was, it was nice for once to be held by someone in such a long time; he rested his head on that strong shoulder allowing the tears to fall as they wished and his arms wrapped around the other body. Michael sighed in between a sob and he could not be more thankful to have him there at the moment; he could not have been more thankful to whomever watched over them for giving him Lucifer.


	22. The Troubles We Cause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel and Balthazar

**_Chapter 22_ **

* * *

 

It was a regular day on a regular Friday night with a regular soccer match where Dean was the star currently scoring most points for his team against the sobs that were the other players from their rival school; it had been a competitiveness developing further for decades and James Monroe High School had been the winner for the past twenty years which angered Wylie High School.

Castiel sat on the first row of the bleachers along with Michael, Gabriel and Balthazar, Anna was chanting and leading her team of cheerleaders to encourage the crowd to applaud for them and cheer the players. The skies were dark and not simply because night was falling upon them, the chilly wind blowing and the humidity announced the oncoming storm but everyone hoped the game was finalised before it happened. His attention was wholly fixed upon Dean, his eyes moved following every direction the boy moved in, his cheeks hurt from smiling and his throat already hurt from cheering as Dean scored a goal. Balthazar and Gabriel were currently betting on who would score the next goal, throwing snacks at each other and irritating Michael until he decided to sit between them.

"I need more skittles, Mikie, get me more skittles! Pleaaaase?" Gabriel said holding on to his older brother's arm like a child, Michael sighed closing his eyes.

"Gabriel, I bought you three bags of sweets, popcorn, those vile carbonated drinks you seem obsessed with and cotton candy. Is that not enough to give you another cavity and make your stomach ache?"

"No, and I did not eat it all myself, Balthie wasted most of it."

"Did not!" he glared at Gabriel from the other side.

"I will not get up from here and we will go have pizza after the game, do you not remember?"

"But it won't end for another half an hour, please? Just one more bag, please, Mikie?"

"It is Michael and stop behaving like a child, Gabriel."

"But, my body is begging for it! Begging for it, I tell you!" he spoke louder than necessary making the people around them turn their heads in curiosity towards them, Michael sighed in embarrassment as well as Castiel and Balthazar.

"If I give you money to go buy it yourself will you please stop behaving like this before I decide to punish you, Gabriel?" Michael spoke rubbing his temples, Gabriel seemed to think for a second.

"Yes, I will behave." he grinned; Michael took money from his wallet handing it to the young boy who took it and skipped off the field towards the snack bar.

"Will you excuse me, my dearest Michael, I really  _need_  to use the loo." he grinned mischievously but Michael did not notice, simply rolled his eyes at him.

"Hurry and do not follow your cousin, do you understand?"

"Why would I?" he smiled and left.

Gabriel stood leaning on the counter as he tried to flirt with the older boy at the snack bar who was ignoring him with the excuse he was straight, that, however, did not stop Gabriel, it simply encouraged him further to bring out his most charming pick up lines. Ian was a brunette with big and almond shaped brown eyes, pale complexion and rosy cheeks, his height surpassed Gabriel's by perhaps eight inches, his body was slender which he covered wearing an oversized sweater, black tight-jeans, black converse and a shaggy do.

"Dude, do you not understand what 'I'm not interested' means? Besides, I'm older than you." he said already annoyed with the persistent Gabriel.

"Age doesn't mean anything to me, big boy." he smirked.

"Oh yeah? What would your parents say if you dated an eighteen year-old?"

"They wouldn't care." he shrugged because it was the truth.

"You are impossible." he rolled his eyes.

"Have I managed to seduce you yet?" he batted his eyelashes, Ian tried to hide a smile but failed.

"My girlfriend wouldn't like seeing you flirt with me." he raised an eyebrow at Gabriel.

"I don't believe you have one." he smirked confident.

"Yeah? What makes you think that?"

"You would have mentioned her when I started flirting with you, I see no hickeys, you said 'girlfriend' with an expression that even you could not believe you said it." Ian laughed and bit his lip.

"You're good."

"I know." Gabriel winked at him smiling.

"You're still too young for me though." Gabriel pouted at that which Ian thought was endearing but would not say it to him fearing it would only encourage the younger boy to keep his playful and alluring behaviour.

"Am I too young for you too, love?" Ian and Gabriel's eyes turned to see Balthazar walking towards them with his hands in his pockets.

"And who would you be?"

"Whomever you want me to be, dear, your boyfriend would be a more appropriate term." he smirked, Ian widened his eyes slightly and looked away.

"Hey!" Gabriel punched his cousin on the arm, Balthazar snarled at him rubbing his arm.

"What was that for?"

"Shove off, Balthazar, you already got me in trouble with Michael."

"That is entirely your fault, do not blame me."

"Like I was the one throwing popcorn everywhere and you were the one who spilled my drink on him."

"If you had just shared with me that would not have happened." Ian looked back and forth between the two boys as they quarrelled.

"You didn't share your snicker bar with me, did you? No."

"You had three bags of sweets, you are so childish."

"I shared those with you also!"

"You did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Alright!" Gabriel and Balthazar turned their heads to see Ian standing there almost with a headache, "Could you please take your childish fight somewhere else?"

"Excuse my behaviour, my cousin tends to have this…effect even on the most mature people."

"Uh huh, yeah." Ian rolled his eyes as he flipped his hair away from them, Balthazar and Gabriel both sighed like school girls. "You two are creeps." he frowned slightly.

"I don't see how that is a bad thing, I mean, have you seen yourself, darling? I could just pin you against that wall, run my hands through that sex hair of yours, and drown in those dreamy brown eyes. Why are you not mine yet?"

"Well aren't you straight-forward?" Ian smirked.

"I am when I see someone I want in this case, you." he smirked back.

"Really now? What if I said I'm not interested?"

"What if I said I think that's bullshit?" Balthazar rested an elbow on the counter and his chin on his hand, Ian smiled at him.

"Huh, well then." Ian leaned on the counter facing Balthazar, Gabriel stood there awkwardly with his arms crossed.

"What's the verdict, love? Kiss me if I'm wrong but I think you will give me your number." he stared into Ian's eyes with a smirk on his lips.

"You're lucky, you know." Ian took a pen from his pocket proceeding to grab Balthazar's arm that rested on the counter and wrote his number. Gabriel's mouth opened wide for a moment and he glared at Balthazar who simply smirked. "You are really lucky." he leaned closer to Balthazar until their lips met.

"Wha- ugh!" Gabriel walked away really angry.

"Call me anytime." Ian winked at the younger boy smiling, Balthazar bit his bottom lip with a seducing look in his eyes.

"I'd be stupid if I didn't." he gave Ian one last smile before walking away.

The skies were darker, the wind was blowing slightly stronger than before and lighting could be seen from a distance. Balthazar walked through the dark fields heading back to where he supposed Gabriel, Michael and Castiel were when he felt someone tackle him to the ground. He struggled to push the body off him ignoring the pain in his back.

"What the bloody hell?!" he said loudly realising it was the one and only Gabriel, "What is your problem?"

"You! Seriously, what the hell, Balth? He was going to give me his number before you decided to show up. I fucking hate you."

"No, you don't, and he seemed really uncomfortable with you."

"You don't know that."

"Gabe, trust me, he is not your type."

"Fuck you, you big bag of dicks."

"Why are you so harsh? I am simply stating the truth."

"That's it!" Gabriel growled, Balthazar took his cue and started running from Gabriel who had that serial killer look in his eyes. "Come back here, you bitch!"

"Get away from me, Gabriel!" Balthazar yelled as he ran as fast as he could with Gabriel almost catching up; they found their way to the field ignoring the hundreds of people around.

Michael's eyes widened as he saw his young brother and his cousin running in the middle of the field as the players of both teams stopped to see the two loony's running in a circle yelling at each other. He felt as the anger rose in him and the embarrassment as people looked his way, Castiel sank lower in his seat covering his face. Dean could be seen at a distance yelling at Gabriel and Balthazar as well as the trainer and the referee chasing after them. Chaos soon took over the field as most of the players from both teams tried to catch Gabriel who started running away from everyone in such a speed, it left them amazed; Balthazar ran in a big loop as they ran after him but was soon tackled by one of the fastest players from Dean's team.

The crowd in the bleachers were laughing hysterically while others recorded the event or took photos with their mobiles. Michael stood from his seat and headed to the field where they were holding Balthazar as they tried to catch Gabriel, he was mortified and oh the punishment that awaited for his young brother, Michael smirked at the idea running through his head. Dean was finally able to tackle Gabriel and soon everyone jumped on them to hold the little trickster from running away. Michael walked to the field until he reached Gabriel and the others.

"Get up." he said in a low voice that made others feel sorry for Gabriel, he felt a cold shiver down his spine and did as he was told as soon as the footballers got off him. Michael stepped closer to Gabriel and pulled his ear leading him out of the field which made the crowd laugh louder. He reached Balthazar, who sat there trying to hide, Michael gave him the most disappointed look before he pulled Balthazar's ear and led both of the boys away as the soccer match continued.

"Sit here." he said in that same low tone pointing at their previous seats. Gabriel was not fearless knowing Michael being silent instead of yelling at them was something that should definitely make his hairs stand on end; Balthazar felt sick in his stomach fearing Michael would call his father Azriel, he knew he would be lucky if he simply got a beating from him, which he prayed to God was the only thing his father did.

The rain started pouring five minutes before the game ended and the crowd dissipated fast running away from the rain to their cars. Michael simply sat there staring at nothing in particular before getting up to the field to help Anna and Dean with their gear and congratulating the young boy for scoring the most. Castiel threw his arms around his boyfriend not caring how sweaty and covered in dirt he was, they shared a slow kiss as the others walked towards the parking lot; the rain started falling faster and the wind blew stronger, Castiel and Dean intertwined their hands and ran with the others towards the car where Michael was already waiting for them; Anna sat in the front seat, Gabriel and Balthazar in the very back, Castiel and Dean sat in front of them. The ride was awfully silent with only small whispers from Dean and Castiel, they could feel the tension from Michael, Balthazar and Gabriel but no one dared mention anything of what had happened.

The road was dark and it was getting difficult to see in the heavy rain and violent winds, Michael was careful to drive slow fearing a tree branch would snap and fall ahead. The temperature dropped greatly making them shiver even though the heater was turned up high, hail soon started falling fast hitting the windshields with force and Michael prayed in his head that his God protect the kids in the car.

"Are your parents home, Dean?" he asked the young boy.

"Yes, they should be."

"Very well." he kept quiet after that until they reached the Winchester residence safely. The storm was by far only worst and he had no option but to park in their garage and wait in the house until the storm calmed.

"I apologise for the inconvenience, John and Mary." he said as Mary handed him a clean towel, they had long ago asked him to refer to them by their first name given that they knew him since he was born.

"Don't apologise, dear, you are like family and you are welcome here anytime." said Mary with a smile as she helped Anna dry her hair. "Would any of you care for some tea?"

"Yes, please." he nodded.

"John, do you mind if I use your office for a moment?" he turned to the man who was putting the teakettle on the stove.

"Not at all, go ahead, son." he nodded with smile.

"Thank you." he nodded back with a polite smile. "Gabriel, Balthazar, follow me, please." the two boys looked at each other wide eyed, then at everyone in the room who simply kept silent. They entered the office in silence trying not to look at Michael in the eyes for fear the look he might give them could smite them.

"Sit down." he said in an firm tone and they did. "Balthazar," he turned his eyes towards the boy and he looked up at Michael. "I will not call your father for fear of what he might do to you, however, you shall receive your punishment from me, any complaints will simply sink you deeper in more retribution, understand?" he said in a calm tone which frightened both boys.

"Yes, sir." he nodded.

"And Gabriel," he turned to his brother as the young boy looked up at him, "You will also receive your punishment as soon as we are home, pray my anger has lessened before we are there because lord knows what I might choose for you." he spoke calmly and smirked at the last sentence. "Would any of you care to explain what caused this?" they both kept in silence. "Answer me." he said in a firm tone that made both of them jump.

"It- it was my fault, I was angry at Balthazar. I should not have acted in such way. I am really sorry, Michael." Gabriel spoke like a child.

"I made him angry. I am really sorry, Gabriel, and I am truly sorry for the trouble I have caused you, Michael."

"You both are at fault, I want you to fix whatever problem may be before showing your faces out there and you better behave since you are not at your house. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir." both said at once.

"Very well." he stood up from the seat and walked towards the door. "Come out when you have resolved this like civil individuals." he closed the door quietly behind him leaving the two boys behind. There was an awkward silence before Gabriel decided to speak up.

"I'm really sorry." he spoke quietly with guilt knowing it was his fault and thanking Michael for deciding not to call Azriel; he felt a cold shiver throughout him at the thought of the name.

"I am really sorry too." Balthazar sighed feeling tears build in his eyes from thinking what would have happened if Michael had called his father. Gabriel stood up and wrapped his arms around his cousin in comfort.

"I am an idiot sometimes, and I am sorry for getting you in trouble, I really am."

"It wasn't entirely your fault, I shouldn't have been there in the first place."

"Hey, but you got his number, didn't you?" Gabriel smiled at his cousin.

"Yeah…" Balthazar hid a smile.

"I think you're right, he's not my type and besides, he seemed to like you a lot." Gabriel winked at him, Balthazar smiled and bit his lip.

"You really are alright with this?"

"Yeah, I am." they shared a smile before wrapping arms around each other.

"I am slightly jealous though." Gabriel added jokingly after they parted.

"Why is that?"

"Well, you get the hot guy and he steals my sexiest cousin away from me, not fair."

"You'll still have me, don't worry, love." he winked at Gabriel.

"I better." he winked back. They laughed as they made their way out of the office into the living room where they found Mary, John and Michael sitting together conversing, Castiel and Sam playing chess while Dean and Anna played scrabble. They turned to Michael giving him a slight nod of assurance everything was alright and proceeded to join Dean and Anna in their game.

The storm outside continued as violent, if not worst than before, Mary and John prepared dinner for the family and Michael helped; Mary was quite surprised at the skills and talent Michael had in culinary and he himself was rather proud of it. The meal was pleasant and jovial, Mary was very happy to have more people in her house and happier it was the Novaks.

Dean could not keep the smile off his face when his parents approved of Castiel sleeping in his room, after all, they knew Castiel was still innocent for things to happen and they trusted their son. Anna took one of the guest bedrooms while Michael and Balthazar took the other, and Gabriel, well, Gabriel had wanted to sleep in the game room but Michael had said no knowing Gabriel, lucky for him Sam offered to share his room. Gabriel would never admit how stupid he felt with all the feelings rushing through him in the moment, all the flutter in his stomach and the incredible speed in which his heart beat; he managed to keep a simple smile on his face as he enjoyed the scent in the room that he knew was all Sam and he closed his eyes as he hoped sleep would find him. The sound of the rain and the warmth of the room lulled him to sleep after hours of staring across the room to where Sam slept silently and he felt like a creeper yet he could care less because it was one of the few things he could have, not Sam, not his heart, but another memory of the one he had loved for two years.


	23. Balthazar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I purposely made Balthazar very flamboyant. I apologise.

**_Chapter 23_ **

* * *

 

_On a bed of spider web_

_I think about to change myself_

_A lot of hope in a one man tent_

_There's no room for innocence_

_Take me home before the storm_

_Velvet mites will keep us warm_

…

_Uncover our heads and reveal our souls_

_We were hungry before we were born_

_~Keep The Streets Empty For Me by Fever Ray._

His chin rested on his hand as he stared out the window at nothing to be exact, his legs close to his chest and a soft blanket over his body. The temperature during October dropped enough to make one shiver, the skies were no longer sunny and bright but cloudy and slightly dark, the October winds announced autumn was nigh, perhaps too nigh since the leaves were starting to fade their green colour into reds, oranges, yellows and browns, most covered the ground creating a beautiful scenery which he always loved to see.

The sound of a car parking outside broke his train of thought making him curious to see who was currently stepping out of a black Chevy Spark, he felt the beginning of anxiety build inside him as he watched Alastair and Azazel entering the house. It was not that his relationship with his older brothers was strained, he contrived to gain their favour as they became older, however, their visits were not frequent since they had left to college, it normally meant the semester was over and they were home for the holidays or what Balthazar feared most that his father had decided to have a family conference which usually involved Azriel informing them about his business and pressuring the four boys to follow his footsteps, most of these culminated in an argument between Balthazar and Azriel and if his brothers failed to step in for him, the younger boy would perhaps have resulted in the hospital many times.

He was at the age of twelve when Balthazar confronted his father for the first time; in addition to Azriel neglecting his four sons, he forced upon them stern regulations which the young boy resulted in disobeying earning him severe corporal punishment. Their mother had one day decided to return to her beloved England leaving the young boys and her husband behind; he was vicious and workaholic who cared little for his children or his wife, it was all business to him. Alastair and Azazel had become like him yet they cared for each of their siblings being the two eldest, Crowley and Balthazar were closer being only two years apart and they understood one another more than either of their family could comprehend. Balthazar carried the guilt of his mother's departure, his father had placed it upon him and he often reminded the child were it not for his coming into this world she would not have felt miserable, unhappy with herself, her image and he would have loved her more; deep inside he knew that he held no fault for his parent's divorce but the other outweighed it breaking him right in the moment his father had taken the liberty to yell at him to reproach it. Balthazar broke in tears for the first time before Azriel as he shouted at his father that his mistakes were no part of him, he was a child who had not asked to be brought to this world, he had been a coward for neglecting his wife, neglecting his own family and placing the guilt on him rather than carry it.

Balthazar had no regrets of that incident, however, from that moment Azriel laid a hand on him he developed a grudge for the man… and it hurt.

His soul was stained with a grudge, guilt, ache, loneliness and a dark secret only one person knew about. There are things that never changed, things that hurt him inside despite the effort to forget, despite the time he spent convincing his mind that perhaps there was hope but in truth, it didn't, it never did even if it slightly improved; it was always there. The agonising ache always residing in his heart only dimming at times; and he could not help but feel less, feeling as if his sole existence was purposeless, feeling revolted as he stared at the image in front of the mirror he much pretended to love, the chaos inside himself and the emotions he hid; the wall he built to conceal himself from others was apparent in his eyes because they could not comprehend the weight on his shoulders, could not comprehend even if they tried with their pitying lies that as time passed life would get better but, sometimes… it doesn't.

He closed his eyes lying on bed awake many nights as the tears spilled, they burned for 'twas the weight he carried along making the pain in his chest stronger, the overwhelming ache as if his soul were shattering as they dropped one by one out of his eyes, the compressing sensation as if he lacked air hurting him further. Darkness, the sight everywhere his eyes followed seeing only darkness, empty space realising that no one was present despite the promises, ' _you are not alone',_ there was no one. He closed his eyes again as darkness overtook his being and faded, faded until the light burning through his eyelids became unbearable because he'd survived another lonely night. It was a vicious cycle. While others had the courage to die, he had the courage to live even though he knew nothing was ever going to be as his heart desired.

"Alright?" Crowley leaned against the door frame staring at his brother who had been lost in thought and looked up.

"Alright?" Balthazar smiled slightly, "Where are they?" he asked knowing his brother was aware whom he referred to.

"In the living room with father, I suggest you do not make your presence known for the moment. Would you like to come with me?"

"Where are you going?"

"To our cousins' house, of course." Crowley smirked.

"Ah, yes, let me dress well proper." Balthazar stood from the window seat and walked towards his wardrobe, Crowley looked at him from head to toe raising his eyebrow.

"What is wrong with that?"

"I am wearing pyjamas, do you think that is presentable? No, besides, I have to keep my beautiful image flawless." he winked at his brother who simply rolled his eyes.

"Ah, yes, darling. You are always the most beautiful in the room, do not worry about that." he spoke with mockery.

"You know that is true."

"Did I say otherwise?" he raised with eyebrow with a small smirk.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the Fairest one of all?" Balthazar stood in front of his older brother wearing denim men Capri pants, a horizontal white and medium-teal striped shirt and light-brown Toms.

"You are the fairest one of all, my dear brother." he smirked while Balthazar bowed dramatically. "Shall we go, princess?"

"You are a sodding twit." Crowley raised his eyebrow at his brother.

"Do not speak like that, it does not suit you, dear, besides, you love me no less."

"That may be true." they walked out of Balthazar's room quietly down the stairs which luckily did not lead to the reception room rather the sitting room, there was a long hallway leading to the garage. Crowley started car and drove away from the house as fast as he could hoping their father would not be requiring of their presence at the moment.

"Fuck!" Balthazar snapped after five minutes they had driven away from their house.

"'Right?" Crowley moved his eyes from the road briefly to look at his brother.

"I forgot," he seemed pensive for a moment, "Um, Mikie said he was going to tell me what my punishment is."

"Punishment? What did you do?"

"Gabriel and I may or may not have disrupted the football match on Friday…" he smiled awkwardly.

"Real nice, Balth. Why does that not surprise me?"

"Oh please, it wasn't only me and…" he paused and Crowley could see Balthazar slightly blushing as he turned his face away.

"And?"

"Nothing. I hope it's not severe, after all, it was proper amusing to the audience." he chuckled.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you disrupted an important event."

"You are just like him!" he snarled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I supposed to be a moron like you?" Balthazar glared at him which earned a smirk from his brother. They arrived shortly at the Novak's house, the Impala was parked in the driveway which meant, obviously, Dean was there, except that there seemed to be no other visitors.

Balthazar stepped out of the car and he could hear shouts coming from the inside of the house, which did not surprise him. No one seemed to answer the door as the two boys stood there listening to an apparent tumult happening inside; they could hear Gabriel shouting, loud footsteps as if running, Michael yelling something to someone, perhaps Lucifer, Raphael trying to calm everyone and Anna crying. After a few minutes of standing there listening, the front door opened and Dean stood before them covered in foam, he grinned at both boys and stepped aside letting them in.

"What in the bloody hell is going on here?" Crowley asked looking around the room, which was clouded with smoke.

"There was a little 'situation' in the kitchen." Dean grinned once again.

"What do you mean a 'little situation'? Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah, Gabe was trying to make something but he burned it and it set on fire." Balthazar and Crowley looked at each other briefly before walking into the kitchen. Gabriel sat on a stool at the breakfast bar along with Lucifer covered in foam, Michael was currently cleaning the mess along with Anna and Raphael.

"What happened here?" Balthazar asked in general.

"Mr. Emeril, here," Lucifer patted Gabriel on the shoulder twice, "had the brightest idea of making, what were they again?" he knit his eyebrows in confusion looking at Gabriel.

"I was trying to make s'mores and the marshmallow caught on fire!" he pouted crossing his arms.

"Oh my. Who allowed this child to be alone in the kitchen?" Crowley asked looking at the elder brothers.

"He isn't!" snapped Michael and Lucifer.

"Did a simple marshmallow cause all this smoke?" Balthazar asked holding back his urge to laugh.

"No, I panicked and I might have accidentally tossed it in the air… and the curtain caught on fire…." Gabriel looked down at his hands with sadness since he still craved that s'more.

"I heard someone crying, was that you, darling?" Crowley walked over to Anna who had some of her make up smeared under her eyes.

"Uh, yeah, I- I panic easily." she laughed to hide the embarrassment.

"Let me see that face," Crowley lifted up her chin and took out a handkerchief from his pocket to clean her face, she smiled at him and he returned it. "It is alright to panic with Gabriel in the room, you know."

"I know." she chuckled.

"Hey!" Gabriel glared at Crowley. Michael had finished cleaning the disaster Gabriel had created and Raphael had replaced the burnt curtain with a new one.

"I feel claustrophobic, could everyone please step outside?" Michael asked politely.

"Of course." Crowley nodded as he walked out the door and everyone followed.

"Gabriel, Balthazar, stay, please." Michael said before they could disappear from the room, they looked at each other but obeyed.

"Um, okay." said Gabriel as he sat down on his former seat, Balthazar was now next to him.

"Gabriel, I am rather displeased with your behaviour currently, you are always causing problems but lately it has been insufferable. Why is this?" he said in a wearied tone as he took from the pantry some items which earned a smile from Gabriel.

"I'm sorry." is all he could say knowing he had no particular reason for his behaviour, "I don't know, I'm always fucking up everything, aren't I?"

"Watch your language, young man." Michael pointed at him.

"Sorry."

"You are not. Although you cause trouble, more than Lucian, it is unintended. I do ask of you, however, to be more careful." he placed a roasted marshmallow on a layer of chocolate and a graham cracker.

"I try." Gabriel sighed resting his chin on his hand.

"I am aware of that, you are simply ungainly." he handed Gabriel a perfectly made s'more and one to Balthazar.

"I am?" he frowned.

"Perchance." Gabriel sighed and took a bite of the sweet treat instantly smiling as he felt the copious amount of sugar dancing on his taste buds, Michael smirked at the sight and continued with his previous intentions of keeping both boys in the room. "I volunteered you both for community service." Balthazar nearly choked on the bite he was currently swallowing and Gabriel dropped his s'more on the plate as he stared at Michael with his mouth agape.

"What? Why?" Gabriel spoke first in a disbelieving tone.

"That will be your punishment, unless you rather have do something more unpleasant."

"No! No, that- that is alright with me." Balthazar spoke putting his hands up before Gabriel would make his brother change his mind.

"Very well, you shall start Monday afternoon. Please report to this address and they will give you instructions." he took a small card from his pocket and placed it on the granite counter before the two boys. "Enjoy yourselves." he smiled walking out the kitchen with a plate of s'mores for the others. Gabriel sighed and banged his head on the counter repeatedly.

"You are going to make yourself stupider, Gabriel." Balthazar chuckled.

"Bite me." he glared.

"With pleasure, darling." he smirked.


	24. Why did you save me twice?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: descriptive self-harm, angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Temet Amare" means "Love Yourself" in Latin.

**_Chapter 24_ **

* * *

 

_If I had a heart I could love you_

_If I had a voice I would sing_

_After the night when I wake up_

_I'll see what tomorrow brings_

_~If I Had A Heart by Fever Ray_

 

He cupped the left side of his face feeling the warmth of his palm soothe his skin as he closed his eyes for a brief moment, he blinked once, twice, thrice until his vision cleared. A corner of his lips turned up into a smirk feeling the emotions sinking already, pushing them far away as he stood there motionless and he longed to fly, fly far, far away like a blue monarch or at least become lost in his flight and turn to dust; something, as long as his existence would cease. He became oblivious of the sting on his face as he focused his attention to the one standing before him raising his voice unnecessarily, the words he spoke would have made his heart ache but he could no longer bring himself to think it of import, he'd become accustomed to hearing them that he was numb. His soul cringed in his body as he though of his father as a reflection of himself, he despised it with sinister passion; 'what a beautiful monstrosity', he thought as he kept his gaze fixed into those familiar cold, blue eyes.

"Sometimes I wonder why you were given life, you are nothing but a shame to me." Azriel spoke in a dark tone staring down at Balthazar.

"Would it not be a weight off your shoulders if I died, father?" he scoffed putting a smirk on his face.

"I never asked for you to be born, I could care less if you decide to throw away your life. I give up on you, Balthazar." a smile formed on the boy's lips as he stared at his father.

"I am glad you do." Balthazar lifted up his chin still smiling as his father turned to leave the room. He sighed deeply as he heard the door shut and sat on the seat behind him. "I am glad you do. I too." he whispered as he closed his eyes. The lighting in the room was dimmed, the temperature low, the smell of varnish, antique decorative pieces, old books that extended from corner to corner of the room and the sound of stillness comforted his despondency and he could do nothing but smile. He fixed his eyes on the leather bracelet with a plaque around his wrist, his fingertips ran along the inscriptions on the metal, 'Temet Amare', it was a simple phrase he could not bring himself to follow. Gabriel had gifted it to him for his fifteenth birthday and it never left his wrist until this day. "Temet Amare." he read them to himself in a soft voice removing the bracelet from his wrist, he inspected it for a moment before turning his eyes back to his wrist.

It was imprinted there, it would always be, as a memory he longed not to have, a memory of such failure and he wished at times that he had not been stopped, he wished to have seen the crimson stained marble shimmer with the light of the ceiling light, to have felt the sweet and welcoming sting as he heard the tearing of that flesh. The smooth, shining metal moving gracefully as it tore through layers creating a beautiful, crimson abstractly work of art; he admired it, the simplicity of his creation yet holding so much emotion in its meaning. Its sight inspired him to create another and he held the thin metal upon the other prepared canvas eager to see what shapes the warm fluid would create but, a warm hand touched his making him lift his gaze upon a pair of glazy, amber eyes. The former numbness faded as an ache overtook him feeling a warm body against his own, long arms wrapping around his neck, soft lips gently touching his forehead but it broke him to hear quiet sobs spilling from the boy holding him.

"I love you, please stop." Gabriel managed to say between a sob. These words hunted Balthazar until this day, had kept him surviving even if he could not live. The sound of a melody in the air broke his thoughts and he looked around finding his mobile inside his pockets, a small smile formed on his lips before he answered.

"Gabriel, my favourite cousin, what can I do for you?" he spoke in a cheerful manner.

"Oh, stop it you, making me blush already." the boy mocked with a grin.

"Aren't you adorable?" he chuckled.

"As usual," he smiled wide, "anyway, are you home?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"I need a ride and Mikie and Luci are kind of busy, Raph isn't home and Anna is a bitch."

"Where do you need to go?"

"You didn't forget, did you?"

"Forget what?" Balthazar frowned slightly.

"We have to do community service today, duh!" Balthazar sighed.

"How wonderful. Alright, I'll go pick you up."

"Thanks!"

"Sure thing, love. Bye."

"Adios!" he heard the call end and stood from his seat walking out of the room.

The air smelled of humidity, mould, grass, decomposing leaves, damp soil and burning wood. Somewhere along the distance were families united, some laughed, some conversed, some chased each other playfully and some were engaged in the responsibility of the barbie at the park. Balthazar and Gabriel stood there with a few other volunteers who were present by will, unlike them. A man in his fifties was giving the group instructions of their duties and rules they must follow, one of them being, 'do not wander around the lake alone', Gabriel and Balthazar remained together as the others dispersed. The temperature at the lake during October was much lower than any other part of the town and Balthazar regretted having forgotten to bring a jumper along.

"I do not see how this is necessary, they turn into fertilizer." Balthazar complained as he raked the decomposing leaves. Gabriel was currently spinning the rake around as if it were a lightsaber, unluckily for the boy, the rake managed to slip from his hand and hit his forehead. "Will you at least pretend to work? I do not want to be here all afternoon." he spoke irritated.

"Chill, dude, I'm working. See?" Gabriel raked a few leaves in front of him, Balthazar sighed and continued his work. "What's up with you? You've been in a bitchy mood since we got here." he glanced at the older boy without stopping his work.

"Nothing, I'm sorry if I'm a twat. I just don't want to be here, I mean, have you ever done this? I don't even have to do this at my house and it is hurting my hands." he showed his red palms to Gabriel who simply laughed.

"You are such a princess, Balth! It's not that bad, I like it. It's exciting having to do work for the first time." he smiled looking at the different shaped leaves.

"How could this possibly be exciting? It's torture!" he kicked the few leaves he'd managed to rake into a pile.

"I don't know." Gabriel shrugged. "Mikie never lets me do anything, he says I might set the house on fire."

"And I am well thankful that he has made such a wise decision. You are a disaster." Gabriel gasped as if hurt.

"Am not! I can do things well sometimes, you know. It's just, stuff."

"That makes no sense. Mention the things you have accomplished." he smirked, Gabriel seemed pensive for a moment.

"I can swim, I can put my leg behind my back, I'm extremely good-looking, oh and I can eat ten pounds of candy in one week! That reminds me." he took a lollipop from his pocket, unwrapped it and put it in his mouth.

"None of those count, Gabe, and I'm certain you will be diabetic if you keep that up, it's sickening!" he snatched the lollipop from his cousin's mouth, Gabriel clenched his jaw glaring at Balthazar.

"Give it back." he spoke angrily.

"No, it's disgusting." Gabriel walked towards the older boy and tried to take it away.

"Give it back, I'm serious." Balthazar smirked and licked the lollipop, Gabriel narrowed his eyes at him making a fist. "Give. It. To. Me."

"Nope!" he licked the lollipop again.

"Stop it! It's mine!" he stomped his foot which Balthazar laughed at. He put the lollipop in his mouth and ignored his cousin's glare continuing his work; most of the leaves were in a multi-coloured mountain that reached their knees, the smell was unpleasant yet bearable but Balthazar did not want to touch them leaving the job to his cousin.

"You can have it back if you pick up the leaves." he smirked.

"That's not fair!" the boy stomped his foot and crossed his arms.

"Oh, you don't want it back then. Okay." he shrugged.

"Give it back, Balth, that was the last one I had." his shoulders dropped.

"I will if you pick up the leaves." Gabriel sighed.

"Fine, asshole." he took the gardening gloves putting them on, they fit a size too big on him but as long as he did not have to touch the rotting leaves with his bare hands, it was alright. "Hold the bag." he gave Balthazar a plastic garbage bag.

"Alright, hurry, we still have to do the other side." he pointed towards the picnic area. Gabriel grabbed a handful of leaves making a frown in disgust. A thought crossed his mind and he giggled as he tossed the leaves above Balthazar's head, the older boy gasped dropping the lollipop on the ground infuriated glaring at Gabriel who simply laughed. He managed to shake the leaves off him and pushed Gabriel harshly sending the other boy to the floor, Gabriel glared at him and stood up while his cousin smirked.

"Not so funny, innit?" Gabriel did not respond but tackled Balthazar sending both to the pile of raked leaves, they wrestled and rolled around them groaning as they fought for dominance. Gabriel pulled Balthazar's hair and the boy cursed at him for no one was allowed to touch his luscious golden locks, he kneed Gabriel on the side earning a yelp from the younger boy, however, he did not release his hair. The little trickster smirked as he rolled on top of Balthazar pinning him down, his clothes and hair were a mess but he could care less.

"Not so funny, innit?" he mocked Balthazar with a British accent. The older boy seemed offended and pushed his cousin off him with all his strength, Gabriel hit his head on the root of a tree and hissed in pain but proceeded to sit up pulling his cousin back with him, Balthazar was barely on his knees when he was yanked and landed flat faced on the pile of leaves earning a hysterical laughter from his cousin.

"You are going to pay, you better run, Gabriel!" he yelled furious, Gabriel stopped laughing realising his cousin had used his serious tone, his eyes widened and he stood up to run as fast as his feet would take him, he could hear Balthazar after him and his heart rate sped with each step, it made him dizzy yet he felt the adrenaline throughout his body urging him to not stop and he did not wish to stop, however, he found himself at the pier and abruptly commanded his feet to still. Balthazar stood behind him still fuming and panting.

"Bad choice." Balthazar smirked. Gabriel's eyes widened as he stared at his cousin.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

"The water is deep, Balthie, please."

"Aren't' you a swimmer?" he stepped closer.

"Please." Gabriel knit his eyebrows, "I'm sorry!"

"Sorry won't do." he took another step towards Gabriel.

"The water's cold, please!"

"Don't be such a sissy, Gabe." he chuckled as he stopped a foot apart from his cousin. "Should I push you or will you volunteer?" he raised his eyebrow as he smirked, Gabriel gave him his best puppy eyes in plea which almost worked in Balthazar were he not covered in a nauseating smell.

"Please don't, I won't mess with you anymore and I'll do most of the work but-"

"No, no, darling, it's payback time." as if his life flashed before his eyes, Gabriel reached his hand out to Balthazar as he felt a strong hand push him and he held on to whatever he must have grasped as he felt the freezing water sink him deeper and deeper. He opened his eyes once and closed them again since the water temperature made it feel as though thousands of needles were perforating them, he swam towards the surface of the water when he felt something pull at his leg which made him open his eyes even though it hurt; he remembered Balthazar had never been the best swimmer, he became oblivious to the stinging of his eyes and the temperature of the water as he swam towards his cousin who seemed to be panicking. Balthazar sank deeper and deeper trying desperately to hold his breath but failed, he was certain he'd swallowed water, his eyes were closed for a moment and then open, he only hoped Gabriel would realise he could not save his own life. A pair of arms wrapped around his chest and he found himself face to face with his cousin, Gabriel closed the distance between their faces putting his lips upon Balthazar's; a breath that saved his life for the second time.

He lay on the wooden boards coughing the water out of his lungs, it stung terribly, his body shivered feeling colder as the wind blew; he sat up slowly as his vision cleared blinking several times to help it, Gabriel lay on the pier next to him, eyes closed as his chest rose and fell panting. Despite the guilt he felt, his eyes opened realising his life may not be important to his father or himself but there were others whom he loved, those whom he owed his existence to because they cared, they loved him. 'I love you, please stop.' His eyes were fixed on the water, watching as it moved calmly, inviting, whispering soothingly to end the ache, he felt a warmth on his face that made him gasp and he opened his eyes to those beautiful pair of amber eyes staring at him.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay now." Gabriel wrapped his arms around Balthazar thinking the shock the boy must be going through at the moment and the older boy was much thankful for the gesture.


	25. The Lonely Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nothing but teenage problems, perhaps I made this too dramatic?
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the images posted below

_**Chapter 25**   
_

* * *

__****

__

* * *

 

_As my brokenness and your strength collide,_

_When your love comes down,_

_Falling Down._

_As I grow cold._

…

_Will you be there?_

_My heart grows cold._

_Will you be there when I'm falling down?_

_~Will You Be There by Skillet_

_Where were you_

_When everything was falling apart?_

…

_Lost and insecure_

_You found me, you found me_

_Lyin' on the floor_

_~You Found Me by The Fray_

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay now." Gabriel wrapped his arms around Balthazar thinking the shock the boy must be going through at the moment and the older boy was much thankful for the gesture. He felt Balthazar tense for a moment before relaxing into his arms, he could sense the shiver of his body was not simply from the cold but of fear, of a catastrophe inside himself; he understood quite well his silence and he could read the thoughts going through his mind seeing the pupils shrink into a small dot in those ice-blue orbs.

"I know what you're thinking." he spoke in a weak tone that broke the boy's heart and he convinced himself that the tremble of his body was caused by the cold. "You are wrong."

"Why?" Balthazar spoke as he held on tightly to Gabriel.

"I wouldn't let you, I would never let you, you hear me?" the older boy could feel the hot tears about to break like a dam from his eyes.

"It is rather selfish, don't you think? Try to take my life when others want me alive, but it is also selfish of them for keeping me here against my will. My father… he doesn't care, why do you care, Gabriel?"

"Because you are my own blood and I love you, I care because I understand what it's like not knowing what having a normal family or parents is, I care because you are a wonderful person, even if you are broken. I know you hate yourself, I know that you feel like giving up, Balthazar, I can see the look of despair and defeat in your eyes when you think no one can, I've seen the pain inside." he tightened his hold on the older boy, "and I could not live with myself if I let you go. I couldn't." the heat of his body transferred into the shivering boy's as he held him tightly, so tight it hurt his muscles though he ignored it, he felt the warmth of the salty droplets falling on his shoulder and he closed his eyes allowing himself to cry. "I won't let you go, never."

"Please stop, Gabriel. I can't do this." he spoke softly, the feel in his heart as though a spike had pierced it and it bled uncontrollably, it felt too powerful, too physical that he wished to cease. He could not stop the tears from falling down, Gabriel was truly the only one who had ever seen him in this broken state, the weariness he felt with his façade of a perfect being pretending to be utterly confident, to love himself more than anything when all he ever desired was to damage his face, set his body on flames until he was no longer alive.

* * *

 

He sat on the grass under a Maple tree as he looked up at the different hues of red, orange, yellow and brown composing a breathtaking creation, the sunlight hit from one side of the sky as it set painting the grass yellow and making a shadow that embraced him. A cool breeze caressed his face, he closed his eyes feeling the temperature of his cheeks lower; it was palliative as he drew his legs closer to his chest forgetting the sketchbook and pencils resting beside him. The sound of footsteps drag along the pavement aroused his curiosity making his eyelids open slowly, a blond boy about his age slowly walked with his hands in his pockets, his clothes were drenched and his cheeks were rosy. There was certain familiarity of the being a few yards ahead of him, he saw as the blond sat on a bench close, one leg against his chest and he rested his head on his knee; he suddenly remembered where he had seen those blue eyes and those pink lips. A sudden gloom crossed him seeing those beautiful features reflecting sadness, those lips he remembered were not curling into a confident smile, those ice-blue eyes were not the happy ones he'd seen and it bewildered him how seeing this stranger so broken hurt him.

His sketchbook was once again forgotten as he stood up taking off his oversized sweater making his way towards the familiar stranger and he slightly shivered at the sudden loss of warmth on his torso though he wore layers of clothing. The blond was pensive for he did not hear him approaching, he put the sleeves of his oversized sweater over the boy's shoulder and proceeded to sit on the other side of the bench. Balthazar looked up to find a pair of brown eyes fixed on him, he suddenly felt pathetic sitting alone with tears streaming down to his chin and he instantly rose that wall over himself swallowing the bitter tears even though his being was on the verge of breaking once again. There was silence and the younger boy expected Ian to make a remark about his not overconfident persona. The brunette shifted his gaze from him upon the sky and a smile formed on his lips.

"It's beautiful," he spoke, "The sky, its colours; the dark blue fading to a lighter hue, the red colour from the horizon fading to orange to yellow and taints the pureness of the blue. But it is one beautiful painting despite the mess of colours. You can close your eyes knowing it's up there, it's a wonderful thing." his eyes moved from the sky above upon Balthazar with a soft smile still on his lips. "Don't you think?"

"The sky is just the sky to me. Night comes and it's just a mass of darkness, there is nothing beautiful about that."

"You forget the stars, they are all different, some shine brighter than others but in unison they create a beautiful sight." Balthazar sighed deeply desperately trying to control the tears building in his eyes for he knew what the boy had meant in his words.

"How can you see simple things as beautiful?" his voice trembled as he spoke yet he managed to keep the tears inside.

"They aren't just simple, every creation holds so much beauty even if others can't see it." he moved closer to Balthazar and the boy kept his gaze on the ground. "You're shivering, put it on." Balthazar finally noticed the oversized sweater hanging from his shoulders and he looked at Ian in confusion. "Need help?" he smiled and Balthazar laughed.

"I can do it." he smiled as he lifted up his damped shirt over his head, he shivered feeling the cool wind around his torso. It was wonderfully soft on his body, the scent of Old Spice, a hint of coffee and vanilla tickled his nose forming a smile on his lips, he wrapped his arms around himself enjoying the feel such simple thing gave him.

"It looks better on you than it does on me," Ian said grinning.

"Thanks, but I think it looks better on you." he smiled and sat close to the older boy staying silent for a moment. "Why do I feel like I've known you for a long time?" he kept his eyes on the ground missing the smile Ian gave him.

"Perhaps you met me in your past life." Balthazar looked up at him confused, "It is impossible to remember unless you fell in love with a person, you will find them in your next life." Balthazar smiled at this.

"I fell in love with you in my past life?"

"Could be? I know I am certain I did." the younger boy knit his eyebrows and tilted his head.

"How?"

"I don't know, I just feel like you being here…" he paused moving his eyes up to the sky, "it feels right, like I've been searching for you and I found you, I feel complete." he grinned. "You probably think it's stupid."

"No. I don't." Balthazar looked at the boy with a serious expression, "I think you are right. Being with you doesn't make me uncomfortable like it should, I barely know you but it feels like you've been in my life for a long time. I only know your name is Ian and that I like you. A lot." he smiled tenderly at those soft brown eyes staring into his, there was a twinkle in his eyes with intense emotion, it warmed his heart soothing the pain he'd felt and he wished it never ceased.

"I'm Ian Bae Yung." Balthazar smiled wide.

"I like your name. I'm Balthazar Erhard Novak." Ian narrowed his eyes at him.

"You're a Novak?" Balthazar sighed.

"Yeah… my father's side of the family are Novaks."

"You don't like it, do you?"

"When people only want to be your friend because of the last name, not really, it's not a great thing." he felt a warm hand over his which rested flatly on the bench.

"I don't. I don't care if you're a Novak or not." there was a smile in Ian's eyes which made Balthazar relax once again. "You're still shivering."

"Um, yeah, I'm sorry." he drew his hand back.

"We can share body heat if it doesn't bother you." suddenly, his eyes widened seeing Balthazar with a smirk, "I mean, I can sit close to you and- um -"

"Yeah, I'd like that." Balthazar interrupted seeing the boy nervous, Ian closed the distance between them and wrapped his arm around the other boy's shoulder. They sat there in silence simply relishing each other's presence, one of them finally gained the courage to intertwine their fingers and Balthazar rested his head on Ian's shoulder. "I wish you would've found me sooner." he whispered so quietly it was barely audible, Ian turned his head towards him.

"I'm here now." he whispered back, Balthazar looked up at those brown eyes now staring into his. As though they'd collided, the ice being too cold it burned like fire, their eyes locked as their lips met gently upon each others', the sudden shock that passed through them as though they were magnets, their lips moved smoothly savouring their sweet taste, feeling the emotion build inside as the seconds passed but they could not part, not for a second. Tears ran down to his chin becoming conscious of what he would have lost and he could not thank Gabriel enough for saving his life… twice.

* * *

 

He stood from a distance holding the rake in his hands as the cold droplets of water dripped from the tips of his hair to the drying grass, a small smile formed on his lips as he watched Balthazar smiling in the arms of a boy whom he recognised. In a silent prayer he thanked God for him, he thanked Michael for what he'd done and he felt content with himself knowing that being there because of his mistakes was worth it. He lowered his head and continued to rake the leaves alone yet the smile did not fade.


	26. Make Me A Promise

**_Chapter 26_ **

* * *

 

_I want to breathe in the open wind_

_I want to kiss like lovers do_

_I want to dive into your ocean_

_Is it raining with you_

_~Here Comes The Rain Again by Eurhythmics_

 

A drop of sweat streamed from his forehead down to his chin, his flush pink lips parted slightly as he gasped feeling his hand tremble, his chest fell and rose in a careful manner as he gripped it firmly giving each stroke carefully up and down upon the smooth layer. A pair of forest green eyes met his, his pupils dilated, impatient, eager, loving and they smiled at him as the boy reached a hand towards the other's body softly placing his fingertips on his elbow. Their lips met once for a brief moment until the other continued stroking with fervour, a passion built inside his soul as he fixed his eyes upon his love, his Adonis; his lips parted again letting out a small gasp feeling a wet drip on his palm and he clumsily wiped it on the sheet close to him.

"You're really good, you know." Dean smiled at the younger boy wiping a salty droplet from his brow. "But you need to get less distracted, you got it all over your hands."

"It is not wholly my fault, Dean, your face is quite distracting. I am not as good as I ought to be. Do you like it?" Castiel spoke with expectancy in his eyes, Dean fixed his gaze upon the canvas before him admiring the dexterity of the Castiel's hands and his ability to create such a wonderful piece.

"You're kidding, right? It's really, really amazing. It looks so real, I'm gonna have to take this home." he grinned, Castiel let out a small laugh and shook his head.

"I have to let the teacher see it, Dean, you may have it once it is given back to me." Dean smiled.

"Mum's gonna love this, and you even painted my freckles?"

"It was a difficult painting two-hundred and two freckles on you, Dean." Dean knit his eyebrows at Castiel in confusion.

"You've counted my freckles?" Castiel's shifted his eyes to the floor and his cheeks slightly flushed.

"I- uh- I, yes, I did a long -" Dean interrupted by capturing the younger boy in his arms tightly, Castiel smiled into his boyfriend's neck enjoying his delightful scent.

"You're adorable, you know." he smiled still holding Castiel.

" My cumbersome behaviour is endearing to you? If you think so." the blue-eyed boy smiled.

"I do." he gave his boyfriend a chaste kiss before letting go of him. "Come on, let's get you out of the sun, you're sweating more than I am." he laughed.

"I am not accustomed spending much time outdoors." he shrugged.

"I can see that. Are you hungry? I want pie."

"Pie sounds good at the moment." he smiled remembering the first time Dean and he shared a piece of pie. "I will not share if you only get a slice." he smirked, Dean gasped as if hurt smiling with his eyes.

"Love you too, Cass." he chuckled, Castiel smiled as he gathered his canvas, brushes and oil paints while Dean folded the easel carefully and put it in the trunk of the Impala.

It was one of the few days of October when the sun shone brightly allowing the temperature to rise up to twenty-seven degrees Celsius, the skies were clear mostly of clouds allowing the purity of the blue a view of the earth below, the wind blew calmly carrying along the scent of the meadow, mesquite, bluebonnet, prairie primroses, yuccas and among others. There was a small mere extending over a mile, the water was clear, calm, pure and untouched by human hands since it was far in the countryside. The idyllic scenery still remained when everything else advanced, always the pureness of the flora, the fauna, the blue skies above, the clean air and the virgin waters; Dean had visited this place seldom as a kid while visiting his grandparents. The rustic lives of the Winchesters fascinated him in a way but he mostly loved the apple, cherry and blueberry pies his grandmother baked and he would get in trouble for stealing her pies as she placed them by the window allowing them to cool down enough to eat. The two boys sat at the round table in the kitchen each with a plate in front of them devouring a slice of the delectable apple pie.

"Have you ever mounted a horse?" Dean asked while finishing his last bit of pie, Castiel rose his gaze meeting older boy's.

"I don't recall ever being close to one, no, I haven't." Dean smiled at this already planning ideas in his head.

"Great, I'm gonna teach you." Castiel widened his eyes.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, after you finish your pie." Castiel looked at his plate and he still had half a slice of pie.

"I can eat it later." he gave Dean a faint smile.

"No, Cass, go ahead and finish your pie."

"I do not want to make you wait."

"Hey, I don't mind, really." Dean shrugged, Castiel nodded and continued eating his pie. "Did you ever meet Brunello?" he smiled wide.

"Brunello?" Castiel tilted his head slightly.

"Yeah, you never met him? Black horse?" he grinned.

"I never left the house the times I visited with Gabriel." he smiled.

"Oh." Dean frowned, "I want you to meet him."

Brunello had always accompanied the young boy on his many adventures exploring the land; he was an Arabian horse with, his soft pelt was dark as a raven, always shining in the sun or moonlight, his tail was long and graceful, his eyes dark like his pelt and beautiful. His father had taught him from an early age to mount a horse and Brunello had been chosen being only a colt, Dean knew Brunello more than anyone and the steed would allow anyone but the boy to mount him. The two boys stood inside the stable staring at Brunello, Dean was quite proud of him, Castiel stood wide eyed tempted to touch the animal yet anxious.

"Go ahead." Dean motioned towards Brunello, "He's not aggressive, besides, he already likes you."

"How can you tell?"

"Believe me, when he doesn't like someone he won't shut up." Dean chuckled.

"Has he ever done that?" Castiel reached to touch Brunello's soft pelt.

"Yeah, to Gabriel but hey, it was his fault." he smirked.

"What did he do?"

"He ate his sugar cubes, I think they dislike each other until this day."

"Gabriel would do such thing." he let out a small laugh as he stroked Brunello gently.

"Come on, boy, I want you to show Cass how awesome you are." he opened the gate letting the animal out, Castiel stood aside watching as Dean put the double seat saddle on him adjusting it carefully. He then extended his hand towards the blue-eyed boy in invitation, Castiel hesitated first but trusted Dean and took his hand.

"Let's get you mounted." he kissed Castiel gently on the cheek before instructing him how to mount Brunello.

He felt the breeze caress his face, the scents of nature tickling his nostrils along with the scent of Dean which he was proper familiarised with, his heart pounded in his chest feeling the warmth of Dean's body upon his, his hands around Castiel's waist, his hairs stood on end as he felt the hot breath of the boy he loved on his neck. The vast field extending upon miles seeming to meet the skies at a distance, Brunello cantered upon it as Dean instructed it and Castiel was not frightened to ride a horse for the first time as long as he felt Dean's body close to his and his voice relating his childhood memories; they made him smile, feel as though despite the whole damn world turned inside out some were capable of enjoying life as it is creating the sweetest of memories out of nothing . He closed his eyes sealing in his heart the moment, treasuring inside something he never thought would have; happiness, never imagined the emptiness in his heart would one day be replaced by a boy named Dean Winchester.

They lay on the grass as the stars above twinkled admiring them, the distance between the sky to earth and their bodies seemed equal but neither dared to move closer fearing it improper or invading each other's space. Castiel counted the stars one by one though he knew it was impossible to know the exact number, it amazed him how God had created so many yet knew each by their names; he was one of the billions in that dark mass as was Dean, some were closer than others, some were so distant they seemed lonely.

"Dean," he spoke softly as he turned his head towards his love, Dean turned his gaze upon the blue eyes staring at him.

"Yeah?" he answered in a whisper.

"Do you see me in your future?" he kept his voice soft, Dean moved closer to Castiel placing a hand on the boy's face and supporting himself on his elbow, he caressed Castiel's cheek gently with his thumb as he stared into those entrancingly blue eyes reflecting the stars above.

"You are my future, Castiel Novak." he leaned closer to the boy's face, "I want you to be a Winchester, I want to make you mine, open my eyes in the morning and see your face next to me. I love you and I will until I'm no longer alive." he could feel his heart beat uncontrollably in his chest, it hurt, it hurt to love someone this much to the extent that even holding them close was not enough but he did what he knew could simply ease the ache; he kissed Castiel softly keeping his hand upon the boy's cheek, their bodies pressed against each other feeling their heat, feeling as their hearts pounded loudly inside, their hands tangled, their lips not desiring to ever part for they were the closest they could be, could express their emotions better than words.

Dean felt the tip of Castiel's tongue upon his bottom lip, shocks of electricity travelled throughout his body causing his lips to part and was surprised yet pleased when he felt that tongue enter his mouth; Castiel felt confident of what to do, his being yearned for this that it hurt, he moved his tongue against the other enjoying the sweet taste of his mouth, feeling entirely, memorising with his tongue everything Dean was. The heat made him tremble, the electrifying currents in his veins made him shudder, his tongue traced a pattern upon the ceiling of Dean's mouth making a groan escape from the boy, Castiel wondered for a moment its meaning yet continued to do just as before.

"Cas..." Dean pulled away after a moment, Castiel opened his eyes in confusion at Dean, "I- I'm sorry, let's not do this." He moved away from the younger boy sitting up with his knees close to his chest.

"I am sorry, Dean." He wondered if what he had done was truly that inexperienced, he felt ashamed and foolish.

"Don't apologise, you didn't do anything wrong." They were silent for a long moment, Castiel stared up the sky while Dean seemed lost in thought. "I don't want you to feel pressured, I don't want to corrupt you." He finally spoke making Castiel fix his gaze on him.

"You could not possibly corrupt me, Dean. Do not say that." He said roughly.

"You're still pure, Cass, I'm not. Haven't been since I turned sixteen." There was an emotion in his features as well as his eyes and Castiel concluded it regret. "As much as I wish to have you, I want to wait, you are really special, Cass." Castiel moved in front of Dean a few inches apart, his eyes lovingly staring into Dean's, their hands intertwined.

"Dean, I must admit I am not ready and I must thank you for the patience you have with me. You are willing to wait for me and I wish I were experienced but I want to learn as time passes, from you." He gave Dean a small smile which he returned.

"Promise me one thing, Cas." He squeezed Castiel's hands gently.

"What would that be?"

"You will marry me." As though his soul had been pulled forward, his heart jumped in his chest, his eyes softened upon the jade ones staring at him expectantly yet lovingly.

"I promise, Dean."


	27. Don't Say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO AVOID CONFUSION: Jessica had to move with her parents to France. Gabriel had not the least idea about the Tooty Frooties. The last sentence has double meaning.
> 
> I guess this is where Sabriel starts.
> 
> I do not own the image below

**_Chapter 27_ **

* * *

****

**__ **

* * *

 

 

 

_All of my affections_

_I give them all to you_

_I'll be here for you always_

_And always be for you_

_~Island Song by Ashley Eriksson_

_You embraced my hugs_

_Watching the time_

_As though it was the first_

_And saved it for me_

…

_If I could rebirth_

_I'd look every day at dawn_

_Smiling as ever_

_Like that one time_

_~ The Beach by LOVG_

_(Translated by me)_

He lay on the warm and soft mattress, his legs curled up to his chest and he could feel the beat of his heart throughout his body. A sigh escaped his lips as a pang in his heart stabbed making him close his eyes wishing the feeling faded; his muscles were weak, his face pale, his eyes weary, glassy, gloomy. He could feel his heart swell with emotion, a needle slowly perforating it, the bile rising up to his throat, the tears threatening to spill even though his eyes were dry, dark circles adorned the sombre beauty; his body trembled as he held on to the covers tightly making his knuckles white. A knock on the door drew his attention towards the being standing at the door starring at him in sympathy and pity.

"Get up, Sammy. Sulking in this room won't do you any good." Dean spoke sitting on the edge of the bed where his younger brother lay hiding away.

"Go away, Dean. You don't understand." his voice muffled as he hid his face on the pillow.

"Oh, I understand it hurts like a bitch, Sam but it's been two weeks and you staying in this room depressed won't bring her back. Get your ass off the bed and go downstairs before I call mum." the older boy stood up pulling the covers from his brother who simply curled his body closer to him.

"You're a jerk, Dean." his voice trembled, the older brother walked towards the bed and once again sat on the edge.

"Hey, I know it hurts, okay? I know it feels like shit and it's hard to get up in the morning pretending everything is fine but it gets better, trust me. You've been hiding in your room for two weeks, Sam, two weeks. It's not going to make Jessica come back, you just have to let her go." he ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, Sam kept quiet for a moment before sitting up, he sighed looking at his hands on his lap.

"I know…." he whispered quietly, the need to cry built inside him once again yet no tears could be made. Dean stood to leave patting his brother on the back.

"Get dressed, you're coming with me." Sam looked up at Dean knitting his eyebrows.

"What? Where?"

"Novaks'" he grinned.

"Dean, I don't want to go anywhere. I'll get out of bed if it will make you leave me alone but I'll stay in the house, okay?" he ran a hand down his face.

"You're coming with me or I'll drag you over there."

"I don't feel like putting up with anyone, specially Lucifer, he's always ruffling my hair and it's annoying."

"I'll tell Michael but you're coming with me whether you want to or not, ya hear?" Sam sighed and nodded. "I'll be downstairs." he smiled and left shutting the door behind him.

Sam stood up and sighed, it had become a customary response to ease the pressure that built inside his chest though it always returned perhaps stronger than before. His weak limbs carried him to the bathroom and he stood starring at the image on the mirror, it frightened him being unable to recognise the eyes starring back at him as if life meant nothing, emptiness in them. Though his age was young, fourteen years old, he was of enough age to understand his feelings, the hurt inside caused by heartbreak, the emptiness from loss of the one he knew loved. He could hear the words in his head still as though they'd just been said, he wished they would fade, he wished they'd never been said because he lost a good friend and the girl he loved.

His eyes closed as he remembered her sweet scent from the many times he held her tightly in his arms, bubble gum, gardenia, the scent of her hair, all that she was and he loved. He missed the warmth of her arms around him as they lay together on the sofa simply relishing the moment, he missed her smile as her blue eyes stared at him, the feel of her lips on his, his fingers intertwined with hers as they walked or sat silently doing nothing but listen to each other's silence. Jessica, the Jessica who accepted the person he truly was without the need to create a façade that others would find appropriate to their like, the friend he knew since he could remember. The little girl he met during recess in kindergarten as he sat alone on a bench reading Dr. Seuss's  _Green Eggs and Ham._

"I'm Jessica." he turned his head away from his book to find a blonde girl with cherry lips sitting next to him, her presence surprised him since none of his classmates ever found him interesting enough to invite him to play.

"Hi." he gave her a shy smile and she responded kindly, "I'm Sam."

"What are you reading?" her eyes turned to the book he held, Sam closed it allowing her to see the cover of the book.

"Green Eggs and Ham."

"How old are you?" she narrowed her eyes at him and he looked down.

"Five." he said softly.

"You're really smart, aren't you? I can read but a little. My mummy taught me." She grinned. "I'm five years old too." she lifted her hand showing her five small fingers. "I like you, Sam. Do you want to be my friend?" he lifted his head to find the little girl smiling at him expecting an answer, the corners of his lips turned into smile as he nodded. Jessica moved closer to him and the boy tried to hide a smile. "You should read to me, you can read."

"Okay." he grinned. "I'm on this page but I'll start from the beginning." he pointed at the page number on the corner.

"Okay." she rested her head on his shoulder as Sam began reading.

"I am Sam. I am Sam, Sam I am." Jessica giggled, Sam stopped and looked at her.

"Your name is Sam and his name is Sam." she continued giggling, Sam smiled and continued reading until recess was over. He stood up to leave as he watched the other kids racing towards the entrance of the building, a hand tugged his before he could give another step and he found himself being dragged into the building by Jessica.

"Let's sit together!" she said moving her supplies from her assigned position to the table Sam was sitting along with other two kids who didn't seem to enjoy his company.

"You'll get in trouble for not sitting in your seat, Jessica." he said glancing at the teacher who stood at the entrance taking attendance.

"I don't care. I want to sit with you." she smiled, "Do you like Tooty Frooties?" Sam blinked at her confused.

"What's that?"

"Try one. My cousin gave them to me and I don't like sharing them because they are really good but since you're my friend, here." she opened her small hand extending it towards him holding several small candies of different colours, Sam looked at her with a smile on his lips and took the treats.

"Thank you." he placed one in his mouth with a smile.

"That one is apple. It's good, right?"

"Yes, I like it. Where did your cousin get them?"

"I don't know." She shrugged narrowing her eyes as if in thought, "She came to visit last week but she went home. I miss her." she frowned slightly, "Are those your crayons?" she pointed at a box of multicoloured crayons.

"Yes." he nodded.

"Can I borrow them? I was drawing something for my mum but I don't know where I left my crayons, I think someone took them. Do you like this?" Jessica lifted up a sheet of paper; a pink triangle with a circle on the top angle, horizontal lines on each side and two vertical lines at the bottom supposedly a woman, she stood next to a house with a man drawn from a rectangle, a circle on the top, horizontal lines on each side and two vertical lines at the bottom.

"Yes, you can draw good. Are they your parents?"

"Yes, that is mummy, that is my dad and I am going to be next to them." she pointed with her index at the blank space between the two parent figures.

"I think your mum will really like it." he smiled as he finished the last of the candies. Mrs. Cardenas did not notice Jessica missing from her assigned seat and they were both thankful for that. Sam enjoyed her presence though he felt insecure she would find him prosaic as the other children did; the years passed making that insecurity fade as their friendship developed further. He was known as a Winchester, Dean Winchester's brother throughout the years which he disliked but Jessica knew him as Sam, Sam who enjoyed reading, maths, research about things other kids his age would consider dull, Sam who preferred apples over chocolate bars, studying over interacting amongst others, the little freak named Sam whom she had come to love. Sam, the timid little thing sitting alone on a bench reading  _Green Eggs and Ham_ yet she had found him interesting.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sam." she would always say after school ended proceeding to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"I hope one day I see you again, Sam." she had said placing one last kiss on his forehead before leaving on a plane to France tears staining her rosy cheeks.

Sam took one last look on the mirror before walking out of his room downstairs where Dean waited for him, the aching in his chest would not recede which made him constantly keep sighing. Mary sat at the breakfast table with a cup of tea and a novel, her attention fixed on Sam as he made his presence known. With a small smile Mary stood up and embraced him pressing her lips on his forehead.

"How are you feeling, dear?"

"I'm fine, mum." he smiled at her as to ease her worries though she could see he was forcing it.

"Don't forget that I love you, okay?" she tightened her arms around him as he buried his face on the curve of her neck, it was a comfort he found alleviating his aching heart.

"You will be alright soon, sweetie. I promise." her hand moved soothing his back and he sighed once again.

"Thanks you." he smiled slightly as she released him.

* * *

 

"I swear if any of you mention anything about it, I'll kick your sorry asses." Dean threatened each one in the room at the Novak house while Sam was in the restroom.

"Don't worry, Dean-o, we'll keep our mouths shut." Lucifer sighed as he stood walking to the kitchen. Castiel sat on the sofa with a book and Gabriel's head on his lap, Anna lay on the opposite sofa with her mobile, Raphael and Michael were busy in the kitchen preparing a meal, Balthazar and Crowley sat on the carpet playing Go Fish.

"What the hell, Dean, you're heavy, get off me!" said Gabriel pushing Dean off his thighs.

"Then get off my Cass." he chuckled.

"I was here first! Besides, he's MY brother." he crossed his arms across his chest not moving from Castiel's lap.

"So? He's my boyfriend. Get off!" he took a cushion and hit Gabriel on the face repeatedly, Castiel sighed trying to ignore both of them.

"Cassie, tell him to go away!" Gabriel pouted putting his hands in front of his face as defence.

"He won't tell me to go away, he loves me more than he loves you." Dean said smugly, Castiel rolled his eyes and continued reading his book.

"Stop hitting me, I'll cut off your hands!"

"Well then people are going to be asking: Why are you running around with no hands?" he smirked and Gabriel snarled at him.

"Fine but if you don't stop hitting me I won't move." Dean put the cushion aside and stood up allowing Gabriel to move away from his twin. "I hate you." he glared at Dean.

"Nope. You love me." Dean winked at Gabriel who gave him the bird, he chuckled laying his head on his boyfriend's lap. Castiel looked down at Dean and cupped his cheek leaning down for a peck on the older boy's lips.

"Um, may I have a glass of water, please?" Sam stood in the kitchen awkwardly leaning against the door frame, Lucifer nodded and took a glass from the shelves filling it with water from the fridge.

"Do you like chocolate truffles, Sam?" Michael asked as he placed each on a platter.

"Sure." he smiled slightly taking the glass of water from Lucifer's hand. "Thank you." Sam looked up at him, Lucifer gave him a soft smile and continued with his former task.

Michael took a saucer placing a chocolate truffle in the middle and gave it to Sam.

"Thank you. Did you make them?" he took a small bite.

"You're welcome. Yes, Gabriel insisted I did." he sighed.

"They're really good."

"Thank you." he smiled.

Sam returned to the living room where the others were and sat on the love seat awkwardly looking out the window. He sighed feeling the ache in his chest he'd been proper oblivious of until he sat down. As much as he tried to forget about Jessica, it was impossible, his thoughts were invaded with images of her, memories of their childhood, times spent together and it hurt. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, they itched since he could no longer cry; movement next to him attracted his attention and he turned to see Gabriel sitting next to him holding his closed hand out to him.

"For you." he said with a smile, Sam looked at him confused.

"What is it?"

"Give me your hand and you'll see." Sam put his palm towards the other boy's hand and Gabriel opened his. "They're my favourite, I want you to have them." he smiled, Sam smiled feeling his bottom lip tremble.

"Thanks." he choked out holding back tears. "What are these?"

"Tooty Frooties," he kept a smile on his face, "Balthie and Crowley bring them to me when they visit their mum." Sam closed his eyes for a moment then blinked the tears away. Gabriel sat there quietly admiring the broken state the boy was in, he dared move closer to him offering comfort which Sam accepted, he wrapped his arms around Gabriel tightly and sighed.

"Thank you, Gabe." He smiled as he let go.


	28. Mother's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balthazar/OC, pre-Sabriel, Destiel.

**_Chapter 28_ **

* * *

 

_What became of all the years_

_Are you drowning in your tears_

_Who will catch you when you fall_

_Who will hear you when you call_

_I will comfort you, take your hand and see you through_

_I will take you through the door_

_~Child of Innocence by Kansas_

_And don't apologize_

_For all the tears you've cried_

_You've been way too strong now for all your life_

_I'm gonna get there soon,_

_You're gonna be there too_

…

_You are all that I've waited for_

_All of my life_

_You pull me closer to love_

_Closer to love_

_~Closer To Love by Mat Kearney_

_It's been a while since you've gone and I miss you yet the ache inside dissipated, your memories remain, the empty feel inside I've grown fond of it; I lie awake at night with eyes wide open, it haunts me as they flash through my mind. I am able to wake up in the mornings, get up for another day though I no longer look forward to anything, I simply let it pass by, I live as life takes me and plan nothing ahead as I used to. I am of a young age, I know this, I should motivate myself to a brighter future and I have no doubt that as time passes I will again have a reason to smile, a reason why I go to bed at night waiting for the morning to arrive because someone is alive for me, someone wants to be with me._

_I always loved you, I always will. I know you did too yet I am well aware I will no longer hold your heart as you age but I am alright with that, I am completely alright with that because you deserve to be happy, you deserve someone who will make you smile better than I could ever have. Perhaps it was fate that separated us because we were not meant to be and I could tell that even though I loved you, you were not my soul mate, I do believe in such things. You were the beautiful and perfect friend I was blessed to have, I am thankful, it hurts that you are gone and I know that time heals the wounds. I no longer ache for you, but the love is still there, of a friend, that is._

_Do not feel betrayed if my heart does not belong to you in time, I suspect it will not, I've considered it. By certain circumstances there was an epiphany in which I discovered something new of myself, an act of kindness banished the despondency and I became aware of what it meant. My heart is no longer yours, it is not anyone's, it is a struggle to forget you but I have done so and I am successfully doing so every day; I know you will never come back, and I think I deserve happiness. I will love like you told me I should._

_You will forever be a beautiful memory. I wish you happiness and hope one day you do find your soul mate._

_Yours, Sam Winchester._

He wrinkled the paper in his hand lighting a match as he threw the letter in the chimney, he watched the flames change colours from yellow to orange hungrily devouring the paper leaving only ashes behind. He sighed feeling a weight off his chest, the heat from the flames tenderly warmed his skin making his hairs stand on end at the touch, his arms wrapped around himself protecting his already cold heart from the autumn temperature. His thoughts returned once again to that small gesture which he was grateful towards though his feelings were empty, there was truly no sign of attraction towards the person, yet he smiled.

" _Like a ghost you haunt me everyday that you're gone. I'm not the same.._ " he heard the lyrics play in the background, he sat on the bed reclining against the headboard with his knees up to his chest.

"We're leaving." he looked up to find his older brother standing by the door, a smile on his face and a duffel bag in his hands. He stood from his place nodding at the older boy and left the room shutting the door behind as he sighed with a small smile on his lips.

* * *

 

He closed his eyelids feeling the heat of the body next to his transfer to his own, his head rested on the shoulder of the young boy yet the owner did not protest to move him, the scent of peppermint, laundry softener, cologne and shampoo was a bliss and he found himself in a hypnagogic state. He was able to recognise the voices around him; the couple behind whispering, the couple sitting in front singing along to D'yer Mak'er, the person sitting next to him tapping on a screen continually, the young boy on whom he rested his head on, his ear was pressed against the boy's shoulder feeling and listening to the pulse which at the moment seemed accelerated. His conclusion, Sam was anxious.

Ian sat on the back seat of the van with Balthazar's head on his lap, his fingers tangled in the thick locks of the blonde soothing his scalp with his fingertips, he placed a chaste kiss on his boyfriend's lips and smiled softly at him. Castiel and Dean sat on the first row of the backseats, their hands intertwined as they sang along to Led Zeppelin. Dean placed a kiss on the boy's nose making him blush shyly yet smiled. Raphael was the driver and he kept quiet fixing his eyes on the road as Anna distracted herself with her mobile sitting on the passenger seat. Crowley sat next to Gabriel occupied on his touch screen mobile, Sam seemed distracted watching the blur of the trees out the window, the many colours that blended into an autumn feel. Gabriel rested his head on his shoulder which he did not find uncomfortable, he smiled slightly and kept his gaze on the passing sceneries.

"Stop moving, guys!" Dean yelled as he placed the tripod and a camera on the ground setting it to take multiple shots. "Balthazar, move closer to Yung, Cass, move a little to the left. Right there. Raph, you're the tallest, go to the back. Anna, you're short!" she glared at him making Dean chuckle, "move to the front. Crowley, you stand next to Balthazar. Okay, here we go. Say cheese." he grinned as he ran towards the group. The camera flashed several times before stopping, Dean ran to grab it frowning when he pressed the preview button. "Gabe, what the hell?" he grinned before he started laughing hysterically.

"What?" he shrugged innocently.

"Seriously, dude?" everyone gathered around Dean staring at the images, Anna glared at her brother while the others laughed.

"You just had to ruin them, didn't you?" Anna stomped her foot on the ground, Gabriel flinched and chuckled.

"What did I do?" he raised his brow walking towards Dean. "Oh yeah, that, I have no idea how that happened."

"You look like you're constipated." Dean laughed, Gabriel scrunched his nose staring at the image, Anna slapped Gabriel on the back of his head causing him to pout at her. "You seriously messed these up, look at your face on this one."

"DERP!" he said laughing and Anna glared at him again.

"Why did you have to stand beside me? Ugh, I was going to show them to my friends!" she crossed her arms.

"What the fu-!" Dean was in a fit of laughter, Gabriel took the camera from him with a grin and stared at the image, "You- you look like a freakin' paedophile."

"That's my creeper face." he smirked.

"We need to take more photos. You better not make your stupid faces again, Gabe." she took the camera from Gabriel placing it back on the tripod.

The remaining of the morning was spent unpacking their few belongings on the cabinets, preparing meals together or cleaning the place. It was a two-storey house in the outskirts of town which belonged to the Novaks, the surrounding area was mostly of trees, grass, wild flowers and the vast Texas skies. The house was rarely used, their father had bought it when his wife was alive and he loved hunting; Michael and Lucifer still remembered how they spent days away from everyone, their mother would tell them stories from the Bible, stories about angels and other creatures, she would sit with them outside watching the sunset and sing along with their father. Raphael came along though he only remembered his mother's face, being in the house warmed his heart. The drawing on the wall he once made was still there, the stain on the carpet in the room that was his was still there, the ornaments and decorations their mother had placed around the house were still intact, dusty, reminiscent, witnesses of the perfect family they once were still as though awaiting for Charmeine's return yet she never, ever returned.

"Why didn't Mikie and Luci come, Raph?" Gabriel asked sitting on the stool at the breakfast bar, Sam sat next to him, Castiel and Dean next to Sam, Anna next to Castiel, Balthazar on the other side of Gabriel, Yung (Ian) next to Balthazar and Crowley next to Anna. They turned their gaze towards him expecting an answer, Raphael cleared his throat scratching the back of his neck as though forming a good enough explanation.

"They, um, they had some adult business to attend to." he turned around and continued preparing them snacks.

"Are they bonding again? They really need that." Anna said putting her chin on her hands, Raphael cleared his throat again seeming uncomfortable with the subject.

"No, I- I don't think they're bonding, Anna."

"That's too bad." she shrugged. "Remember when we found them lying on the floor together and the house was-"

"Anna! That's enough." Raphael did not look at her yet she knew he was being serious judging by his tone. Castiel and Gabriel shifted in their seats uncomfortable, Balthazar was too distracted with his boyfriend to notice, Crowley was still tapping on his touch screen mobile, Dean and Sam sat there in awkward silence.

"I'm sorry." she whispered and the older sibling nodded. Anna was too young to understand what exactly had happened between the two older siblings, Gabriel and Castiel were toddlers to remember, Raphael had come back with their nanny from a walk at the park when they found the two teens lying on the floor, limbs tangled together panting, the remaining of their shirts scattered on the floor, furniture misplaced and broken. Raphael had explain to Anna that it was simply how brothers bonded yet he knew it was the beginning of their relationship to be strained.

"Can we make a fire outside, Raph?" Gabriel broke the silence with his enthusiasm munching on a snicker bar.

"Only if you promise not to set the entire place on fire."

"I would never. I promise." he grinned, Raphael eyed him and nodded.

"Okay, I'll do it though, I still don't trust you."

"But, but I wanna help! You can trust me." he pouted, Sam turned to look at him and smiled at the child-like older boy.

"Right, and the kitchen set itself on fire at the house, huh?" he raised a brow looking at his younger brother.

"Oh. That was an unexpected accident." he looked sideways with an ashamed expression.

"You're adorable." said Anna pinching his cheek, he swat her hand away sticking his tongue out at her.

"Is that real?" Sam asked pointing with his index towards a head of a deer hanging on the wall.

"Yeah, Mikie says dad loved hunting." Gabriel shrugged.

"I find it rather cruel and unnecessary to hunt innocent animals for sport." Castiel turned to look at the decoration on the wall with a frown.

"Yeah, well I don't think he hunts anymore." said Gabriel playing with the cuffs from Sam's hoodie, he looked at Gabriel with a confused expression yet kept to himself.

"Hey, Sammy, here's your phone back." said Dean sliding the mobile across the counter, it slid past Sam's grip falling on the wooden floor, Gabriel bent down to reach it at the same time as Sam resulting in both teens bumping their heads with force.

"Ow!" Gabriel touched the bump on his forehead with his fingertips.

"I'm sorry." Sam knit his brows looking at Gabriel apologetically. "It's not that bad, is it?" the older boy uncovered his forehead allowing Sam to see. "Just a little, it wont bruise." Gabriel fixed his eyes on the younger boy's admiring their hazel colour, their innocence, the tenderness with which he looked at people. He blinked twice to find Sam staring at him, he moved his gaze towards the granite counter without saying a word. Sam frowned slightly and turned his attention to something else.

A thick blanket of darkness covered the skies leaving the temperature low for its lack of sunlight, the wind blew calmly carrying its autumn night melodies along with the chirp of crickets, the howls of coyotes, foxes, the hiss of rattlesnakes at a distance and the sound of human voices in the air. Sam sat on a log on the ground, his arms wrapped around himself protecting from the cold, his chin rested on his knees watching others interact and he envied them; he envied the look in Castiel's eyes as he stared at Dean, the soft, innocent kisses they shared, the closeness of their interaction, the arms that wrapped around each other and the smiles that were just for them. He closed his eyes in an effort to not think of Jessica, a stranger overtook his mind and he blinked it away. His gaze found Balthazar in the arms of his boyfriend, though Sam knew him so little, the teen's presence was rather pleasant in comparison to a stranger. A small smile formed on his lips as he watched Yung caress with his thumb the sides of Balthazar's cheek, the blond closed his eyes feeling the soothing sensation lull him to a light sleep, he felt a pair of warm lips on his forehead and smiled.

Anna sat next to Raphael resting her head on his chest, his arm around her as she hummed to a melody he did not recognise. Crowley was once again distracted with his mobile with a smile on his face, his eyes narrowed contented as the device vibrated in his hands announcing a message. Gabriel sat next to Sam staring at the flames rise, he held a twig in his hands teasing the neon coal, the light of the fire gave his complexion a glow highlighting his features; his lips parted slightly for a breath, they shimmered as the tip of his tongue passed across them. His pupils shrank as the light hit them, the Amber colour of his irises melted with the illumination from the flames, his caramel coloured hair neatly combed back shone with the light giving it a soft texture. Gabriel lifted his gaze to find a pair of hazel coloured eyes fixed on his, he gave the boy a tender smile who returned it without waiting.

"Your eyes. I like your eyes." he spoke sincerely, Gabriel dropped his attention from Sam to the flames.

"Thank you?" he smiled slightly knitting his brows, he daren't look at the younger boy knowing his feelings and emotions could be seen in his eyes.

"I never noticed how bright they are, very different from other types of hazel. They're.. unique." he shrugged with a smile, Gabriel dropped the smile from his lips leaving his furrowed brows and his saddened eyes fixed on the flames.

"Yeah, they're unique." he repeated in a whisper. Sam sighed watching the breath escape into cold air, he shivered feeling the wind kiss his face making his nose feel numb. He moved closer to Gabriel feeling the warmth radiate off him.

"Youth is like diamonds in the sun and diamonds are forever." Gabriel sang softly feeling Sam's presence closer than before. "So many dreams swinging out of the blue, we let them come true." he smiled at the boy in invitation to get closer for warmth.

"Forever young, I want to be forever young. Do you really want to live forever and ever and ever?" they sang in harmony as Sam rested his head on Gabriel's shoulder unaware of the soft smile Castiel formed on his lips as he looked at his twin and the boy he knew loved.

"Do you really want to live forever?" they finished with a soft smile.

 


	29. Haunted Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very good writing romantic scenes, I think. 
> 
> I thought about the death of one of the characters, a minor character, that is, however, that would hurt the major characters, so I won't do that.
> 
> WARNING: slight angst, fluff and slight smut?
> 
> I apologise you have to read bad writing but I'm really, really awkward and that makes my character's relationships or interactions very awkward. Thank you for putting up with me though!

**_Chapter 29_ **

* * *

 

_She was alone in the room_

_Somehow, I knew that in time I would fall._

_For the look on her face, what I'd do to embrace you tonight_

_And watch the dark turn into light._

_I can't believe I was really lying next to you_

_Angel, she looks like an Angel_

_Take me to heaven with you when you go,_

_Oh, Angel, got to be Angel._

_You can't leave me, baby, you're my home._

_Fly, Angel, fly, with golden soul alive._

_~Angel by The Jones Gang_

_You'll probably end up in Heaven,_

_And I'll be burning in Hell._

…

_I'm a wannabe, I'm a wannabe angel!_

_~Wannabe Angel by Foxy Shazam_

His fingertip trailed gently across the smooth skin outlining all the features at his grasp, the jaw line and the nose moving it slowly to those flush, pink lips feeling their texture, a smile formed on them as his eyelids fluttered open revealing a pair of cerulean orbs. He smiled gently as his vision focused upon those familiar forest-green eyes, he kissed gently the finger on his lips and leaned down to kiss his lover's lips.

"Good morning, handsome." Dean smiled, his lips still on Castiel's, the boy blushed smiling.

"How long have you been awake?" he cupped Dean's face with his hand caressing the cheekbone gently with his thumb. He admired the intensity of the blue in his irises, the glow of his complexion on the flawless skin, the smile that formed on his lips as he stared into Dean's eyes and the tender love reflected in them.

"For a while now." he spoke, there was a brief moment of silence as Dean admired Castiel's beauty before he spoke again. "Cas, are you an Angel?" the blue eyed boy smiled at his boyfriend tenderly.

"I'm only human of flesh and bones but, I can be your Angel." Dean traced his fingertips gently down Castiel's back making the boy shiver at the tender touch, he closed his eyes as a pair of warm lips were placed upon his, the hand on his back pulled him gently towards the other body feeling the warmth transfer to his torso. His soft lips moved smoothly against the other's, his hands found their way to the boy's dark-blond hair digging into the locks, a gasp escaped from his parted lips feeling the soft lips trail along his jaw to his neck, he lost himself in the bliss of the moment enjoying the scent that was all Dean.

* * *

 

"You have beautiful eyes." Balthazar smiled staring at the almond shaped brown eyes, he felt an arm wrap around his waist pulling him closer.

"You're obsessed with my eyes." he chuckled pulling his boyfriend for a kiss.

"Oh, you noticed." he smiled against the lips on his.

"I like yours better though, they remind me of the sky in the mornings."

"They're very common, almost everyone in my family has them, specially Castiel and Alistair." he shrugged while Bae-Yung rested his head on the crook of his neck softly kissing the smooth curve.

"I don't care though, I think they're beautiful." he whispered, Balthazar shivered feeling the hot breath on his skin. "Everything about you is beautiful." he trailed gentle kisses from the blond's clavicle to his chest, "even if you don't believe it." his eyes locked with the younger teen's for a brief moment before claiming his lips, Bae-Yung positioned himself on top of Balthazar straddling his hips without breaking their kiss. He caressed the smooth torso sending thrilling fire throughout Balthazar, the tip of his tongue licked the blond's bottom lip and he parted them inviting his lover's tongue to taste him, memorising every inch of him, tracing them over the ceiling of his mouth and his pearly white teeth; their tongues wrestled for a moment until Balthazar sucked gently on the tip of Bae-Yung's inciting a moan out of the boy. Their bodies pressed against each other feeling the heat build up inside of them asking for friction, they parted for a moment taking breaths in their lungs, Balthazar bucked up his hips feeling the building erection against the other boy's, a groan escaped his lips and his body asked for more, his hands moved gently to Bae-Yung's hips gripping them tightly as he began to grind against Balthazar. The older boy gently nibbled on Balthazar's earlobe and he moaned in delight at the sensation travelling throughout his body to his fingertips, making his hairs stand on end, his back arched slightly as the heat became unbearable as their bodies pressed harder and faster against each other, the familiar taste of those lips were on his once again hungrily claiming them, the grip on his lover's hips tightened as he sensed his release coming and he felt his bottom lip in between Bae-Yung's teeth as the boy moaned his name. Bae-Yung let his body drop on top of Balthazar's letting his vision clear as his limbs gained strength, their breathing slowed bit by bit.

"We should take a shower." Balthazar chuckled after a long moment of silence feeling the sticky come in his briefs, Bae-Yung placed a kiss on his lover's chest and smiled up at him.

"We should. Think they heard us?"

"Don't care." he shrugged. "Shower?" Bae-Yung nodded standing up to follow him.

* * *

 

He felt the a cold breeze on his cheek waking him from sleep, the flipped on his back sensing the numbness of his left arm; the sunlight hit the wall above his head and he blinked as his vision focused around the room.

"Morning, kiddo." he looked up to see a pair of amber eyes fixed on him with a grin on the boy's face.

"Morning. What time is it?" he shielded his eyes from the sunlight with his hand.

"About eight-thirty." Gabriel shrugged sitting on his bed leaning against the headboard.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" he ran a hand through his hair yawning.

"You seemed to need sleep."

"Have you been staring at me sleep?" Sam narrowed his eyes at Gabriel who shifted in his position looking at his hands on his laps.

"Um…" he knit his eyebrows not looking at Sam, "Sorry."

"You're adorable." he heard Sam chuckle across the room, Gabriel looked up at the boy who was smiling.

"Me being a creeper?"

"No, you being nervous." Gabriel tried to fight the blush creeping on his face.

"Thank you, I guess." he bit his bottom lip playing with the strings on his pyjama pants, Sam shrugged smiling. They sat in comfortable silence staring at each other across the room before Sam's eyes widened at the noise coming from the other room.

"What is that?" he blinked multiple times debating whether his ears had heard correctly, Gabriel opened his mouth unable to form any words and closed it again. Sam stood up from his bed and walked towards Gabriel pulling his hand. "We should go downstairs."

"Yeah, we should." said Gabriel as the boy pulled out of the room almost running into everything on their way.

* * *

 

"Dude, your brother needs to control himself, we don't need to wake up hearing them go at it." said Dean as he handed a cup of orange juice to Castiel and took a cup of dark coffee for himself.

"Sorry, lad, you'll need to speak to him about that." Crowley smirked as he sipped his coffee. Raphael and Anna prepared breakfast for the others since they were the first to wake up, Castiel sat on the stool with his hands around the glass of orange juice still blushing from what he'd heard upstairs. Sam sat next to Gabriel who was drowning a waffle in syrup and whipped cream.

"That's going to make you sick, Gabe." Sam scrunched his nose staring at the plate in front of Gabriel.

"Yeah right, I always eat this. You should try it." he grinned.

"That could clog my arteries, so no thanks." he shook his head.

"But it will make you happy, come on, try it!" he cut a piece of the waffle with a butter knife and lifted it with a fork towards Sam who frowned.

"If I try it, you have to eat some of my fruit." Gabriel put a horrified expression on his face which made Sam chuckle. "Deal?"

"That's, that's gross, Sammy, look at it!" he pointed at the melon.

"That's exactly what I think of your waffles."

"It's different and you haven't' tasted them, so you don't know." he pouted.

"And you haven't tasted the fruit." he raised his brows at the boy who narrowed his eyes at him. "I'll try it if you try the fruit." he crossed his arms smirking.

"Fine." Gabriel rolled his eyes, Sam smiled and took the piece of waffle on the fork Gabriel had in his hand. "So?" he smiled expectantly.

"Hmm," Sam raised an eyebrow swallowing the food, "Not bad, I like it." he shrugged with a smile. "Your turn." he poked a piece of melon with his fork bringing it up to Gabriel's mouth, he hesitated for a moment before taking it all in and scrunched his nose at the taste.

"Needs a little more sugar." he smiled, "I like it though."

"You can sprinkle sugar over it." he gave Gabriel another piece sprinkling sugar on top, "Try it now." they were unaware of all the eyes on them; Dean smirked as he watched his brother and his best friend, Castiel had a small smile on his face resting his head on Dean's shoulder. Raphael and Anna looked at each other with a small smile before continuing to prepare the breakfast, Crowley looked around the room in confusion before becoming aware of the two teens and he smirked. The silence was then broken the sound of footsteps and voices descending the staircase. Balthazar walked into the kitchen holding hands with Bae-Bae-Yung, they stopped once they noticed all eyes on them.

"Like what you see?" he raised an eyebrow at everyone continuing to sit on the stool at the breakfast bar, Bae-Yung sat next to him with a smirk.

"Are you two using protection?" Raphael asked with a smirk while he placed food on two plates, Dean coughed trying to pass the coffee going to the wrong place, Castiel's cheeks flushed fixing his eyes on his plate, Gabriel giggled while Sam sat there wide eyed, Crowley chuckled along with Anna.

"We're not having sex." he rolled his eyes at Raphael.

"Was that my imagination then?" Raphael raised an eyebrow at both teens who avoided eye contact eating their breakfast, Bae-Yung spoke first as he sensed Raphael awaited a response.

"Don't worry, we'll be safe when we do." he smirked while Balthazar rolled his eyes at them.

"Dude, this conversation is really awkward, can you stop talking about it?" interrupted Dean putting his plate with food aside. The room quieted down as they finished their breakfast.

The rest of the day was spent preparing the house for the Halloween party, they expected family and friends from school as well as other students. Castiel, Dean, Sam, Gabriel and Anna prepared the decorations in the living room and cleaned while Raphael, Crowley, Bae-Yung and Balthazar prepared the food, snacks and drinks for the event.

"What the hell was that for?" Dean turned around facing Anna as he rubbed the back of his head.

"You got paint on my jacket!" Anna glared at him.

"That was Gabriel, not me!" he pointed at Gabriel who sat on the edge of the sofa laughing with a chocolate bar in his hands, Anna stomped her foot on the floor heading towards him, he stood up running toward the kitchen. He ran through the kitchen pushing Balthazar who was decorating the fairy cakes with orange frosting, the bowl `tipped over smearing over his shirt; Gabriel let out a small, "oops" without stopping, Balthazar and Anna chased him as he made his way back to the living room; Gabriel ran past his twin and his best friend knocking him from the ladder, Dean landed on top of the younger boy who let out a gasp of air.

"Son of a bitch!" groaned Dean lifting up his body from his boyfriend's.

"I'm gonna kill him." said Castiel as Dean helped him up, he looked at his shirt stained with paint and chased after his twin along with Balthazar, Anna and Dean. Sam listened to the footsteps on the staircase and Gabriel screaming for help, he put down his work and ran upstairs to find a cornered Gabriel and an angry mob.

"Guys, guys, stop." Sam said putting himself in front of the older boy.

"He got paint on my jacket, it was a gift." said Anna making fists at her sides.

"He ruined my favourite shirt." said Castiel and Balthazar at the same time.

"C'mon, you guys, you know how clumsy he is, he didn't mean it. We should be finishing the work instead, we only have a few hours before the guests start arriving." Anna glared at Gabriel one last time before turning to leave, Balthazar rolled his eyes following Anna downstairs, Castiel sighed turning to Dean.

"Come on, let's get you clean." he took Castiel's hand heading toward their room. Gabriel sighed in relief still behind the younger boy.

"You need to stop getting in trouble, Gabe."

"I didn't mean to." he pouted, Sam rolled his eyes at him.

"Just be more careful."

"Thanks for not letting me get skinned alive." he grinned, Sam nodded not moving from his position, he felt a flutter in his stomach which he often found it happened around Gabriel yet he did not understand. They stood there for a moment, eyes locked, sensing the heat radiating from each other's body yet neither felt the need to move.

"Your eyes." Sam spoke after a while still not moving his gaze from Gabriel's, the older boy looked down shifting in his position. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Look away." Gabriel knit his eyebrows still looking away.

"Because it's easier." he responded as he turned to leave, Sam stood there listening to his footsteps become more distant, he sighed and followed him.

* * *

 

The skies began to darken, the temperature dropped creating a cool breeze comfortable enough to be outside. Castiel took a deep as he looked out the window, he felt the flutter of anxiety in his stomach, his limbs trembled from nervousness; he closed his eyes holding in the air in his lungs in an attempt to calm himself though the Captain America costume did not ease his discomfort, he was doing this for Dean, he could do this for Dean. A warm hand intertwined with his and he looked up to see Dean standing in front of him with concern in his eyes.

"We don't have to do this. Do you want to go take your anxiety pills?" he spoke rubbing his thumb softly on the back of Castiel's hand.

"No, I'm fine. If I need them, I will ask Raphael." he placed a small smile on his lips, Dean pulled him closer to him wrapping his arms around the younger boy who responded.

"Ready?" Dean asked fixing the helmet from his Iron Man costume.

"Yes, let's go. They must be waiting." he smiled slightly not letting go of Dean's hand as they left the room. They descended the stairs noticing the guests in the room finding familiar faces, Jo stood as Black Widow next to Ash in his Joe dirt costume, Becky and Chuck stood next to them as the perfect Corpse Bride and Groom. The music blared from the speakers, there was a stage set up in a corner of the large living room where Balthazar was dressed as Arthur, Bae-Yung as Merlin and Gabriel as the Time Lord dancing to The Oppa Gangnam Style; Sam stood watching in his Sherlock costume as they danced, his cheeks hurt from smiling yet he felt happy for the first time since Jessica had left; the smile disappeared once he noticed Ruby and Lilith approach him.

"Hello, Sam." she stood close to him dressed in her much inappropriate Devil costume, her cherry lips curling into an obnoxious smile, Lilith stood behind her in her Enchantress costume, a mischievous smirk planted on her face.

"Go away, Ruby." he glared at her taking a step back as she invaded his personal space.

"Can't I say hello to a friend?" she faked a pout.

"We are not friends."

"Come on, Sam, I was only trying to help."

"I didn't need your help, you got me in trouble." he glanced at Lilith who was smiling remembering the incident.

"But it worked, didn't it?"

"You made it worst." he growled in a low tone, she smirked raising her brow.

"Why don't you two fuck off?" they turned to see Gabriel panting next to Sam, his face flushed.

"I wasn't talking to you, Gabriel." she glared at her cousin.

"I know but you seem to be bothering Sam, Dean wouldn't be too happy about that, would he?" he smirked, Ruby snarled at him.

"You know, you're really annoying and I want punch that smirk off your face."

"I'd like to see you try." Gabriel spoke in a low tone leaning closer to her, she backed away a step glaring at him as he towered over her. "That's what I thought." he smirked.

"Come on, Gabe, let's get out of here." said Sam pulling his arm as he turned to leave, Gabriel followed him through the mass of people until they reached the kitchen which was much less crowded.

"Do you want a drink?" asked Sam walking towards the fridge, Gabriel leant against the counter.

"Yes, please."

"Water or a soft drink?"

"Uh, is there any Dr. Pepper?"

"Yeah." he took two drinks from the fridge giving one to Gabriel and one for himself, Sam leant against the wall opposite from the older boy. "You guys were awesome up there."

"Thanks, I didn't think the guys would actually do it." he grinned taking a sip of his drink.

"You guys made a bet?"

"No but I dared them to. You should've joined us."

"No thanks," Sam let out a small laugh staring at the floor, "I'm too awkward for that."

"Awkward is sexy." he smirked, Sam looked up at him with a small smile.

"I must be really sexy then."

"Hells yeah." he winked at Sam with a smile on his lips, the younger boy tried to hide the blush from his face though he smiled.

* * *

 

Castiel stood next to Dean gripping his hand tighter than before, he took a deep breath once, twice and thrice to calm his nerves, the anxiety only built stronger feeling the flutter in his stomach, the heat of bodies around him, the smell of perfumes, colognes, sweat, food, the loud chatter and the music blaring suffocated him. He blinked away the thought of excusing himself to his room, he would not ruin this for Dean. He took another deep breath slightly smiling when Dean turned his gaze to him sensing the boy's discomfort.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asked rubbing his thumb against Castiel's.

"I do not want to interrupt your time with your friends, Dean."

"Hey, I rather be with you, okay? C'mon, let's go outside." Castiel smiled at him, Dean said goodbye to his friends to leave the room, they pushed through the bodies grinding against each other at the beat of the music, Dean held his tight grip on the younger boy's hand pulling him out of the room, through the kitchen and out of the house.

They stood in the garden for a moment enjoying the fresh air, the dimmed lights made it possible for the stars to twinkle bright in the sky, the full moon illuminated the grass, the shrubs and the trees around them. Castiel sighed in relief proceeding to sit on the grass with Dean next to him, their hands intertwined.

"Thank you, Dean." he finally spoke resting his head on the boy's shoulder.

"It was getting a little crowded in there. I rather be here with you." he placed a small kiss on top of the boy's head, Castiel smiled. They were silent for a moment, listening to the soft breeze and the tree branches sway hitting each other until a loud growl interrupted them.

"You didn't eat dinner, did you?" Dean chuckled turning to Castiel who bit his lip embarrassed.

"I was too nervous to do so."

"Do you want me to get you something?"

"I would like that." he looked up at Dean with a small smile.

"Okay, stay here, I'll be right back." Castiel nodded with a smile watching as Dean disappeared into the house. He looked around the garden noticing the shadows in the distance, he narrowed his eyes in attempt to see further but it was impossible with the lack of light. There was a slight sound of movement yet he assumed it was the wind, perhaps the trees or perhaps a rodent moving around.

" _Hey, Jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better._ " he started to sing, he'd become familiar with the song since Dean would sing it to him seldom to calm him successfully, " _remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better._ " he fixed his eyes on the grass as he sang though he could hear the sound approaching, moving closer, faster. His hairs stood on end, the flutter in his stomach appeared again yet he stood up determined to find out what was causing it. Castiel surpassed the bushes surrounding the garden walking further in search for the object, human or animal in motion, his feet took him farther than he intended yet he could not stop.

"Smile!" Castiel's eyes widened as the flash of a camera blinded him, a creature on four legs stood before him, his speech did not form though he could hear himself speak in his mind, his body stiffed unable to respond, he felt suffocated, terrified and he forgot to breathe as he panicked. The camera flashed once again as the paparazzi in the Soul Walker costume laughed at the boy until Castiel dropped on the ground unconscious.

There was darkness around him, he found himself standing up almost as if floating on air, he could not see his hands nor his body yet he knew he was alone;  _Cas, Cas._ The voice sounded familiar,  _Cas, Cas, Castiel._ It sent a warmth throughout him in the coldness of the empty place he found himself in. His eyelids fluttered open slowly to find a pair of forest-green eyes staring into his with worry, panic and fear. He could not speak, could not force his vocal cords to make out any words, his body was still not responding. His eyes closed slowly once again into the oblivion of consciousness.

"How is he?" Gabriel stepped quietly into the room proceeding to sit on the edge of the bed where his twin lay, he took his hand into his giving it a soft squeeze yet Castiel did not move at all, simply stared up the ceiling.

"I have to call Michael, I don't know what's wrong with him." responded Raphael exhausted, he sighed taking the mobile from Crowley who had dialled to Michael.

Dean sat on the other side of the bed holding Castiel's hand, he clenched his jaw tightly until it hurt yet he did not care. Anger seeped through his veins as well as guilt for leaving Castiel by himself.

* * *

 

"No, Lucian. I rather damn myself before bringing them into this. You will not say a word to them or I promise you will regret it." Michael spoke in a firm and angry tone glaring at his brother, he leant against his desk in his office, feeling the strain in his muscles, he was exhausted with the weight he carried upon him. He felt the ache in his chest at the thought of his younger siblings going through what he, Lucifer and even Raphael had to endure; childhood was foreign to them.

"You will have to, if the man dies you will have to." responded Lucifer standing in front of Michael with his arms folded across his chest.

"Do not say that, do not dare say that. He will live, he has lived with this for so long and he is strong, he will live." he clenched his teeth gripping the edges of the desk tightly, making the veins in his arms more noticeable.

"Michael, he won't live forever. You will have to take over the company. I know you don't want to and don't even lie to me. I can do that for you."

"No. It is my responsibility. I promised father I would." he looked up at his brother.

"I can't let you do this, Michael, they need you more than me. You're like a father to them, please.."

"Lucian, father will live. If he doesn't, I know you will care for them as I have." Lucifer sighed, he felt anger towards his father, pity and sympathy for his older brother wishing he could carry his weight, yet it was impossible.

"You're tired. C'mon, I'll make you dinner." he took a step closer bringing his brother in for a comforting embrace which Michael found himself craving. The door closed behind them as they stepped out of the office, their footsteps fading in the distance as they descended the stairs into the kitchen just in time to catch the ringing sound of Michael's mobile.


	30. Family Remains

**_Chapter 30_ **

 

* * *

 

_You shout and no one seems to hear_

_And if the band you're in starts playing_

_different tunes_

_I'll see you on the dark side of the moon_

_~Brain Damage by Pink Floyd_

_There's someone lookin' out for me_

_I came out of the darkness_

_With a bullet in my hand_

_I got one more shot at livin'_

_I'm lucky that I can_

_Cause I got a little roughed up_

_Yeah I really got fucked up_

_I came out of the darkness_

_With a bullet in my hand_

_~Bullet In My Hand by Redlight King_

He sighed deeply allowing the air in his lungs to calm his anger, the light through windshield cooperated to simply further his irritation as it hit the side of his face. A warm and familiar touch on his shoulder briefly distracted his eyes from the road turning his head slightly to find a pair of blue eyes staring at him in a form of comfort, understating and concern. He gave his brother an apologetic smile as they arrived at their destination entering the park area in front of the house noticing a few unfamiliar vehicles around, he turned to Lucifer in question yet the blond simply shrugged in confusion as well.

They were able to hear voices from the inside of the house as Michael searched for his key; a pair of long arms wrapped around his torso as he entered and he proceeded to return gesture as he recognized the red-haired girl.

"You're finally here." she smiled with exhausted eyes, she let go of Michael turning to Lucifer for a comforting embrace.

"I apologise I was unable to come last night, go rest, Anna, you seem weary." he took a string of her hair from her face arranging it behind her ear.

"I wanted to stay with Castiel." her tone saddened at his name.

"He will be alright, please rest, I shall take care of him." Anna nodded with a small smile turning to leave the room. Michael turned his attention to the others in the room, two blonde girls half awake on the sofa, a dark haired boy holding a steaming cup coffee in his hands and another boy with a very interesting hair style asleep, his head thrown back as he snored. Chuck noticed Michael and politely greeted him with a nod and a sympathetic smile which he returned, the other three teens were unaware of Michael and Lucifer's presence.

"Michael, Lucifer." both men turned to see Raphael descending the stairs.

"Raphael, good morning. " the younger brother nodded respectfully at both men, "Where is Castiel?"

"Third room on the left, he woke up a moment ago with Gabriel and Dean. They refused to leave his side despite my requests."

"Has there been an improvement on his state?" Raphael shook his head sighing.

"No, he has not spoken a word, he slept mostly and woke up screaming." Michael ran a hand down his face feeling conflicted inside, anger, worry, ache, exhaustion and protectiveness.

"I shall see him in a moment, I need to speak to you in the office." Michael glanced at both his brothers.

"There are some things we found this morning where it happened, I left them on the desk." Raphael spoke as he followed Michael and Lucifer toward the hall leading to the office which had been their father's.

"Call Zachariah, perhaps he is able to recuperate those images." Michael stood leaning against his desk in (his) office, he pinched gently the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, his mind working on thousands of ideas to arrange their situation. Lucifer stood in front of his older brother with arms crossed, Raphael stood next to Michael, both with intents of helping.

"What do we do with this? Call the guy or give it to Zach?" Lucifer held a personal agenda in his hands, they had found it in the morning after the incident; the paparazzi had panicked seeing the young boy drop on the ground unconscious, the remains of his costume along with the agenda had been found a few yards away from Castiel yet no other signs of the man.

"Jesse Bishop." Lucifer read out loud from the cover of the agenda. "There are several numbers here." he turned the journal towards Michael allowing him to see.

"We will have to try all of them. Has Zachariah answered yet?" Michael turned towards Raphael who sighed and shook his head.

"I left him a message." he paused in thought, "How did they even find out about them?" Raphael furrowed his brows in thought, he knew he had been careful that no one followed them.

"Someone must have told." Michael clenched his jaw fixing his glare to the wall, "That is not of import now. Keep them inside, I shall call their school to cancel their attendance until the situation is solved."

"I don't think the Winchesters will agree to that, or Azriel and Bae-Yung's parents." Lucifer sat on the desk, Michael eyed him as if scolding the younger sibling but he smiled.

"I shall speak to the Winchesters, they knew our parents, I doubt they will refuse. As for Azriel and Bae-Yung's parents, I shall see what I can do. I do not want anyone involved."

"I think we should tell them." Raphael nearly whispered fearing Michael's reaction.

"No! They do not need to know, if either one of you tells, I promise you will regret having done so." he glared at both of his brothers.

"Michael, Castiel needs you. All this is stressing you and taking your time." Raphael spoke again with a sigh massaging his temples. "Please allows us to handle this and look after them, they'll be safer with you. I already messed it up and would not forgive myself if it happens again."

"Do not blame yourself, brother, if anyone is to blame is the paparazzi." he paused in thought, "Please handle the situation with care, keep me informed of any news. I have trust in you." he glanced at Lucifer and Raphael as both nodded.

* * *

 

Dean stepped out of the house with a smile on his face, he turned his head to find Castiel yet he found him no where in sight, the certainty that the boy could not possibly had returned crossed his mind since Castiel had been anxious and the only entrance to the house through the back was the back door which led to the kitchen. He dropped the items he held in his hand to look for Castiel amongst the dark bushes, his vision was limited and decided to return inside the house to ask for help; the hunting began, some of the guests volunteered to help while others ran from the panic leaving the house immediately.

Becky had burst into tears at the news of Castiel missing, Chuck had escorted her into a room to calm her, she had eventually fallen asleep in his arms. Jo had partnered with Dean, Ash, Sam and Gabriel to search inside the house with no luck of finding the boy, his anger simply became intense as the seconds, minutes and eventually hour passed making him nearly fight with Gabriel hadn't it been for Ash and Sam who stopped them.

Meg, along with Azazel and Alastair had been searching further away from the house carrying torches in their hands to see through the thick bushes. Alistair and Meg stopped pacing once they saw a figure lying on the ground, a shield next to the body, Azazel nearly ran into his brother but stopped once he saw what their attention had been focused on. The three froze at the sound of a low growl a few feet from where they stood, Alastair stood before his brother and his cousin bringing a pocket knife to his hand, the creature advanced slowly growling, snarling to show its sharp fangs as a form of intimidation to its prey; Meg and Azazel backed away slowly as the coyote gave a step after another closer towards Castiel and Alastair, without losing more time, the creature advanced throwing itself on the older teen's body, a yelp and a thud was heard before he stood up covered in blood from the dead animal. Meg ran inside the house to inform the others where Castiel was; Dean stopped his ranting once he heard Meg approach yelling they'd found Castiel and followed the girl with Raphael after him. Alastair retrieved the knife from the coyote's body, Azazel knelt before Castiel checking for his pulse with much luck; Dean collapsed on top of the boy he loved yet composed himself from the panic checking for wounds on his body, they found none.

"Cas, Cas, Castiel." said Dean arranging the boy's head on his lap, he wrapped his arms around the younger teen's torso as he called his name. Azazel, Meg and Alastair returned to the house attempting to calm the commotion from the guests and family members, half the guests had left the event when panic surged leaving behind the ones who truly cared, the closest to the Novaks and Winchesters.

* * *

 

"Castiel, how are you feeling?" Michael ran a hand through the boy's silky hair, Castiel blinked proceeding to wrap his arms tightly as if for dear life to Michael, the only father figure he knew would protect him yet he spoke nothing. Dean sat on a corner of the bed having hardly slept, eaten or left the boy's side, Gabriel had left the room at Michael's request that he took some rest. "I am sorry I could not be here." Michael whispered holding his brother tightly, "Please speak to me, Castiel." he buried his nose in the boy's hair, Castiel turned his gaze towards his brother and burst into tears like a small child curling his body on the bed as Michael held him.

"Dean, do you mind stepping outside for a moment, please?" Michael whispered, the boy nodded as he left his former position heading towards the door.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here," Michael soothed his brother's back as the boy trembled in tears. His heart ached at the sight of the youngest of his family in such state, truly, he did not consider them his siblings rather his own children, even Raphael seldom. He remained holding Castiel until the boy had no tears left in him falling asleep soon after; Michael lay next to Castiel knowing the boy would wake up from a nightmare. He remembered when Charmeine would hold him in her arms as a child during cold nights, he would cry for her waking from an unpleasant dream, 'It was a nightmare, sweetie, dreams are not real.' she would whisper kissing his forehead; he missed her voice, her embrace, her warmth, her care and her sweet lullabies he memorised to sing to Anna and twins.

"Petit enfant dans les bras de ta mere, petit enfant de deux d'aux en si tendre et nouveau, petit enfant." he whispered to himself as he closed his eyes seeing the beautiful smile his mother had given him, it was the last he ever saw of her.

* * *

 

He closed the door quietly and leant against it letting out a sigh, his eyes stung from the lack of sleep, his body felt weak and suddenly he noticed the hunger that had been overridden by the ache and guilt inside. Dean ran a hand down his face standing straight, his limbs carried him down the stairs to the living room where he found his friends asleep, except for Chuck who was reading a book.

"Dean." the blue eyed boy half smiled at his friend who made an effort to return it. "How is he?" he sat up as Dean arranged himself between Jo and Becky.

"Not any better, he's awake though." he sighed, Chuck nodded understanding not to ask further how Dean felt. Jo stirred as she felt the warmth of a body next to her, her eyes opened to find her best friend lolling in between her and Becky with eyes closed. A yawn erupted from her infecting Dean and Chuck.

"You haven't eaten, have you?" was the best question she thought of, knowing Dean.

"No." he responded not opening his eyes.

"I'll get you something, I'm hungry too." she stood up heading to the kitchen.

"You don't have to, Jo. 'M fine."

"Bullshit, Dean, you look like crap."

"Well thanks." he chuckled getting up from his seat.

"I'll come with you." he followed Jo as she walked towards the kitchen. There was freshly brewed coffee, blueberry bagels which they both devoured with apricot preserve. The silence was rather comfortable as they ate, Jo did not question the boy about anything which Dean was thankful for.

They returned to the living room finding Chuck still reading, Becky and Ash were asleep opposite of each other. Jo sat on her former seat with Dean following; he slumped in his seat closing his eyes to relieve the itch, the tensed silence lulled him to sleep slowly and he rested his head on Jo's shoulder, she pulled him to his lap as he became oblivious of consciousness.

* * *

 

"This one? Come on, it's your favourite, try it." Sam held a chocolate bar towards Gabriel, the older boy half smiled and shook his head curling his body on the bed.

"They don't let me see him, he needs me, I can feel it." he whispered turning to face the wall if tears fell Sam would not see them.

"He'll be okay, maybe they let you when he wakes up." Sam sighed not knowing what else to do for Gabriel to smile; like Dean, he would not eat or sleep though he managed to snooze for an hour when Sam held him after Michael arrived. The day had passed by rather slowly and uneventful

"You don't have to be here with me, Sam, I'm sure Dean needs you more."

"He pushes me away, he'd rather deal with it alone. Besides, I want to be here with you." he shrugged with a small smile, there was a flutter in his stomach and he took a deep breath to rid of it not entirely comprehending its nature.

"Thank you." Gabriel curled his body closer to himself, Sam hesitated with his hand above the older boy's head before trusting his instinct running his fingers through the caramel coloured hair. Gabriel closed his eyes as the sensation lulled him to sleep.

* * *

 

He never imagined that two words would change his family yet he took the risk, the outcome had been in his favour yet strained ties with the rest of his family though his parents assured him, 'Your happiness is all that matter to us.' He thanked his god silently as he let the tears fall curling his body on the bed listening to his mother yell through the phone at her own family.

"I'm gay." he lowered his head expecting the shame from his family, the rejection of his father and mother yet it never happened, the room was silent for a long moment before he felt arms around him, he looked up to see his mother placing a kiss on the top of his head and a pat on the shoulder from his father.

Bae-Yung attended public school, his father was a college professor and his mother taught kindergarten. He lived through each day with enthusiasm despite the teasing, the unkind glances thrown at him, the harsh and cruel words from the few close-minded people in the school. One of his gym class mates, Stetson, had tried to humiliate him while changing in the locker room, Bae-Yung had passed by him on his way to the showers brushing just barely the guy's arm; Stetson had accused him of trying to seduce him, most of the guys were in favour of Bae-Yung but Stetson's friends stood up for him, in result of the incident, one of the guys had tried to fight Bae-Yung trying to punch him only to be humiliated when he had outside middle blocked it and back fisting him, the guy fell backwards hitting his head on the metal lockers. The rest of the guys in the room left in silent as others praised him.

His father had gifted him a, expensive sketchbook for his eighteenth birthday having saved money specially for that reason; it was one of the few treasures he had until this day, Bae-Yung carefully chose how to fill each page with worthy artwork. He worked as a barista at a café for a while and often worked at the snack bar in one of the private schools. "Hello, handsome." he looked up from his sketchbook to find a pair of amber eyes smiling at him. He would later be grateful to the annoying teen.

"Hey, alright?" he was interrupted from his thoughts feeling a warm hand on his forearm.

"Yeah, I'm fine." he nodded with a reassuring smile at Balthazar, "Just thinking. I was nervous about you meeting my parents but they gave you their blessing." he smiled at the memory.

"I am thankful for that." Balthazar grinned, "I may have looked calm but I must admit, I was a disaster."

"Well, you managed through it. Must be your charm." Bae-Yung smirked causing a slight blush from the blond boy.

"Maybe, maybe your parents are just that awesome." he smiled sincerely.

"True." he kissed his boyfriend's cheek, Balthazar smiled at him taking his hand in his.

"You drive too slow, let me." Balthazar complained from the back seat where he sat not letting go of his boyfriend's hand. Michael persuaded his uncle to allow the boys to stay with their cousins after explaining the situation and Bae-Yung's parents had agreed he stay with them on the condition he still attended school.

Azriel had managed to escape the media from disrupting his peace, though he rarely took interest in family matter, he visited his older brother at the hospital after he received the news. They had been close but not close enough, their relationship fell apart after their families were destroyed, they'd become bitter and angry with the world causing them to neglect their own children. There had been a slight change in Azriel's character which went unnoticed by Balthazar but not Crowley yet he did not mention it to anyone.

"It is the speed limit, love, I suggest you be quiet before I throw you out of my car. Michael said to be extra careful for if you don't remember." Crowley glanced at his brother through the rear-view mirror. Balthazar sighed and rested his head on Bae-Yung's shoulder. He closed his eyes feeling exhausted wanting nothing more than a hot bath and sleep while his boyfriend held him, he was anxious hoping his father would not be home at the moment though he knew it was unlike since it was his "day off" which was spent organising paperwork in his office.

Crowley parked in the garage carefully shutting the door after he got out, Balthazar took a deep breath giving a gentle squeeze to his boyfriend's hand assuring everything would be alright.

"I could wait in the car, I don't mind, really." he shrugged with a smile.

"No, please come with me, you have to meet him eventually." Balthazar returned the smile a little nervous. Bae-Yung nodded following Balthazar out of the car towards the house.

His eyes scanned around the room admiring the unique pieces placed carefully in such elegance, it was dark and cold unlike his own house, unlike the Novaks' or the Winchesters' where he'd been twice with Balthazar. He turned to see his boyfirend giving him a small smile as they crossed the living room, they froze once they spotted a tall man in a black suit stepping out of a room with papers in his hands. Balthazar tensed gripping his boyfriend's hand tightly.

"What is wrong with you, child?" Azriel tilted his head slightly staring at his son who seemed ghastly, Balthazar blinked and forced himself to speak. Crowley glanced at his brother, Bae-Yung and his father, a small smile tugged on his lips before he walked to his room upstairs.

"Nothing, father, I'm quite alright." he composed his tone to sound confident.

"I see. Who is your friend?" he eyed Bae-Yung from head to toe.

"This is Ian, my boyfriend." he felt the other boy squeeze his hand, Azriel narrowed his eyes slightly at Balthazar, his mind flashing back to the previous weeks when he wondered why the boy had suddenly seemed lighter in his moods, obedient and actually taking interest in school work, which made Azriel pleased even if he did not tell Balthazar.

"Since when?"

"About two months now." there was a moment of silence, Azriel seemed pensive while both boys stood shifting in their positions feeling anxious.

"I wondered why you suddenly seemed composed. He's a keeper." he pointed at Bae-Yung. "What is your name, son?" he stepped closer to the boy holding his hand out.

"Ian Bae-Yung, sir, it is a pleasure to meet you." he shook Azriel's hand giving a brief bow in respect.

"It is a pleasure to meet you too, Ian. What is your age?"

"I turned eighteen years old in June." Azriel's eyes widened for a moment.

"You seem younger than my son." he glanced at Balthazar who frowned.

"Yes, I get that very often, I'll take it as a compliment." he smiled slightly.

"Very well. I have work to do, if you don't mind, it was nice to meet you. I trust you will teach my son to be more like you."

"I shall try my best, sir." Bae-Yung smiled with a nod. Azriel paused for a moment eyeing both teens, he brought up his hand pointing at both back and forth.

"Use protection." with that, he turned to leave the room, Balthazar opened his mouth and closed it eventually forming a 'yes, sir.' as Bae-Yung blushed looking at his shoes, Balthazar swore he heard his father chuckle but he shook his head fighting the rose tint creeping from the back of his neck to his face.

"Um, okay, I'll go pack." Balthazar said scratching the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I'll- I'll help you." they walked upstairs turning towards the hall leading to the rooms. Crowley stood leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face.

"I should have told you our father may be strict but not homophobic." he said smugly.

"How do you know?" Balthazar tilted his head, Bae-Yung noticed the same characteristic from Azriel and smiled.

"He met Aziraphale." Balthazar's eyes widened at his brother.

"Your secret lover is your best friend? How did I miss this?!"

"You live with your head in the clouds, darling." he winked at his brother and left to his room. Balthazar furrowed his brows in thought and confusion, Bae-Yung laughed earning a glare from his boyfriend.

* * *

 

"Dean, Dean. Wake up." he fluttered his eyes open as he felt a gentle hand shake him, he looked up to see Jo's eyes fixed on him, he then remembered falling asleep on her lap. "Castiel is awake, he was asking for you." she whispered, Dean sat up as fast as he could running out the door. Jo smiled as she watched him nearly run into every object in his path.

"Cas..." he whispered kneeling beside the bed where Castiel lay. Michael sat on the window seat watching, Gabriel sat on the other side of his brother holding his hand.

"Dean.." he said softly in a much exhausted voice, he reached his free hand to cup Dean's cheek, the older boy closed his eyes feeling the warmth of the palm transfer to his skin in a soothing manner. Michael stood up glancing at Gabriel who simply nodded releasing his twin's hand and followed Michael out the door shutting it gently after them.

The red horizon watched through the open window as the young boy lay gently next to his love, the warmth left in its weak rays penetrating the glass fell upon their bodies as they lay in silence in each other's arms soon finding a comforting sleep being lulled by the sweet scent of tears, linen, cinnamon and lavender.


	31. Réveillez Moi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: badly written smut.
> 
> The French dialogues say the following (I am certain they are in the correct form or else I took four years of French for nothing.)
> 
> "Je ne comprend pour quoi le garçon n'est pas récupérée, Michael.", "Il a été une semaine depuis que c'est arrivé, pourquoi n'est-il pas mieux? On devrait appeler son médecin." - "I don't understand why the boy is not recovered yet, Michael.", "It has been a week since it happened, why isn't he better?"
> 
> "Je crois qu'il a besoin de plus de temps pour se donner du courage d'en parler, Lucifer, il n'a pas besoin d'un médecin. Il y a une certaine peur en lui qu'il provoque, j'en suis sûr." - "I believe he needs more time to gain the courage to speak of it, Lucifer, he does not require a doctor. There is a certain fear in him that causes it. I am sure."

**_Chapter 31_ **

* * *

 

 

 

_What is love?_

_Oh, Baby, don't hurt me…_

_Don't hurt me no more._

_Oh, I don't know why you're not there,_

_I give you my love but you don't care,_

_So what is right? What is wrong?_

_Give me a sign._

_What is love?_

_~What Is Love by Haddaway._

_And everything under the sun is in tune_

_But the sun is eclipsed by the moon._

_There is no dark side of the moon really._

_Matter of fact it's all dark._

_~Eclipse by Pink Floyd._

The vibrations of the sound travelled throughout his chest as he hummed along the soft and ethereal voice dancing intertwined with the soft breeze from the vents warming the room, the hand gently caressing the hairs on his head soothed the flutter of anxiety in his stomach, his breathing calmed to a normal pace and his body relaxed into the arm around him.

" _We've seen the secret things revealed by God and we heard what the angels had to say, should you go first or if you follow me, will you meet me in heaven someday?_ "the voice stopped once a broken sob was heard, his arms wrapped tightly around the small boy watching the tears fall one by one, there was a pang in his heart wishing he could stop the flow of the burning droplets from the him.

"Please don't go, don't leave me.." he spoke in a broken sob, Lucifer tightened his grip on Castiel closing his eyes as the pain set in.

"I'm not leaving you." he whispered burying his nose in Castiel's hair, he kept his eyes shut tightly keeping the tears building behind his eyelids from falling. Lucifer wished Michael was there for the moment, he wished he'd persuaded his brother further to stay and he'd take his place. He understood Castiel now, he could see the fear in his eyes, could sense the anxiety as he trembled in his arms, the horror of his thoughts he prayed went away.

"Je ne comprend pour quoi le garçon n'est pas récupérée, Michael." Lucifer sat on the window seat setting his eyes on the field outside watching the boys chase each other and for a moment he wished his younger brother was one of them. "Il a été une semaine depuis que c'est arrivé, pourquoi n'est-il pas mieux? On devrait appeler son médecin."

"Je crois qu'il a besoin de plus de temps pour se donner du courage d'en parler, Lucifer, il n'a pas besoin d'un médecin. Il y a une certaine peur en lui qu'il provoque, j'en suis sûr." Michael responded letting out a sigh as his fingers caressed Castiel's hair, his eyes set on Lucifer.

"You forgot I am able understand you." a small voice spoke before Lucifer could speak again, both men turned to see Castiel blinking at the wall.

"We thought you were asleep, Castiel." Michael stopped his hand as Castiel sat on the bed.

"I was until I heard voices, do not worry, I did not listen to your conversation fully." he forced a small smile.

"What exactly did you hear?" Lucifer frowned.

"About me." he lowered his gaze on his hands thinking of the things he'd heard, they deserved at least the truth to ease their worries. "I will tell you." he whispered, Lucifer stood up walking towards the bed sitting on the corner by Castiel's feet.

"Are you sure?" Castiel nodded at Lucifer. "Okay, when you're ready." Castiel took a deep breath composing himself, his hands trembled and he intertwined his fingers tightly in an attempt to stop them.

"Every time I close my eyes.. He's there, I sense him." he sighed to calm the flutter in his stomach followed by bile rising up his throat, "There is nothing but darkness around me yet I know he is there…" he paused blinking several times as his eyes became more humid than normal, "I feel it nigh me, it holds…" he paused, "Its hands wrap around my neck… and he laughs," Castiel wrapped his arms around himself tightly fixing his eyes on the mattress, a cold shiver travelled throughout his body making his skin tense as the hairs stood on end, "It laughs as it tells me it will murder my father, it tightens its hands around my neck with such inhuman force." he clenched his fists on the sides where his arms remained around himself, the pressure in his chest built stronger seeking release, he meant to sigh yet a sob to escaped from his lips unable to stop as they kept overtaking him, Michael soothed his back until he felt able to speak again though he felt the bitterness on his tongue and the salt around his lips. "I can't breathe, I feel death, I see myself dying as it laughs threatening to kill my- my father." Castiel raised his gaze towards his brothers as the warm droplets rolled down to his chin dripping one by one on the sheets, his body trembled, the apparent horror in his eyes broke their hearts yet Michael knew not to speak yet. "Michael." he whispered between a sob, Michael closed his eyes feeling a warmth in his chest yet it ached understanding Castiel's fear, the thought of having lost not only his mother, not only his father but also the only other person who had become most important to him.

"I am not going anywhere, Castiel, never. I promise." Michael wrapped his arms around the young boy, for a moment Lucifer had a slight jealous feeling yet it disappeared as fast as it came knowing the weight his brother carried on his shoulders. Castiel swallowed his tears feeling the bile in his throat, tasting it in his mouth from the bitterness in his chest and it ached wanting nothing to be allowed to fall, Michael did not let go of him for a long time, the clock ticked on the wall, the pounding of the boy's heart was heard in the silence of the room until Raphael knocked on the door quietly.

"Zachariah needs to speak with you. He is downstairs." he spoke softly taking the sight before him without making a remark.

"I shall be there soon." Raphael nodded and left shutting the door behind him as gentle as possible.

"I should go instead, he needs you here." Lucifer broke the silence fixing his eyes on Castiel who simply stared at the wall as Michael held him.

"You know how Zachariah is, Lucifer, he will not do anything unless it is me who he speaks to." Michael sighed, he glanced at Castiel and back to his brother. "Castiel, I need to leave for a while, will you be alright with Lucifer?"

"Will you return soon?." Castiel spoke without moving his gaze from the wall.

"I shall do my best, I promise." he smiled slightly at the boy who did not notice it.

Michael stood up and left taking one last glance at the boy now lying on the mattress with a blank stare towards the ceiling; Lucifer sat still on the edge of the bed, his mind was blank as he stared out the window, the sun began to set sending its golden streaks throughout the sky reaching the wall behind the bed where he sat, the silence was uneasy and he sensed Castiel becoming more and more anxious as the seconds, minutes and long hour passed ticking on the clock on the wall and he wished nothing but destroy the machine. Castiel sat up resting his back on the headboard, his arms wrapped around his legs folded against his chest gazing at the sheets crumpled covering his feet.

"Would you sing? I always did love your voice." he finally spoke slightly startling the older brother from his trance, he glanced at Castiel now staring at him with hope in his eyes.

"Of course, what would you like me to sing?" he gave the boy a small smile watching Castiel move closer to him.

"Anything, as you wish." he rested his head on his brother's shoulder, in return Lucifer wrapped his arm around the boy and his other found its way to caress his hair knowing Michael did it to calm him.

* * *

 

"Michael, I was beginning to think you did not need of my assistance after all." Zachariah, a man of fifty years of age stood in the room facing the window, his balding head adding to the wise yet smug appearance he portrayed, there was an air of pride to him as he walked in those shiny shoes seeming to have been never worn and that expensive black suit, flawless without crumples, he wore a confident smile on his face which intimidated most yet Michael did not fear this man.

"Uncle, I am grateful that have given me your valuable time." Michael walked in closing the door behind him proceeding to shake Zachariah's hand.

"Of course." the older man smirked sitting on the sofa in the office. "How may I be of help?"

"As you perhaps may have heard from any of us-" Michael was interrupted.

"Yes, yes, my daughters (Ruby and Meg) informed me of the incident, quite unfortunate I must say. What is exactly you ask of me?" he leaned forward raising his brow at Michael.

"You have a great influence over the media and are able to persuade them, would it be much to ask if you could recover the photos that were taken of Castiel? I do not want father to see them, he is in a delicate condition and it could affect him hindering his recovery." Zachariah pursed his lips fixing his eyes on the floor. "This was found at the place of the incident, the owner of this is Jesse Bishop."

"Jesse Bishop, you say?" he narrowed his eyes at the younger man, Michael nodded with a small 'yes', "I know who he works for." he smirked with a hint of mischief which Michael noticed yet he knew it was a good thing. "Do not worry about anything, Michael. I will take care of everything."

"Thank you." he stood up with Zachariah heading towards the door, they shook hands briefly before leaving the office.

"How is Castiel, I forgot to ask." the man looked up at Michael.

"There was a slight progress today, he will be alright as time passes, perhaps a week more."

"I hope he recovers soon." his lips tightened into a thin line as he looked at the floor.

"Thank you." Michael nodded.

* * *

 

"I don't want to talk about it, Sam. Can't you just forget it? It was an accident, okay? There's nothing to it!" Gabriel stood before the younger boy, his hands trembled at his sides, his face flushed and heated with anger, embarrassment and shame, the pound of his heart loud in his head as he fought his deepest emotions, fighting to hide them from the one he wished knew yet he was aware becoming something so sudden would shatter any efforts he'd made, any progress in the friendship and it would mean nothing. Nothing.

"No, Gabriel, there was something. I know, okay?" Sam clenched his fists at his sides as the tears in his eyes built, "Don't lie to me, please." he spoke softly, so quietly it broke Gabriel's heart yet he chose to ignore it. "It was no accident, I did it on purpose, I wanted to." there was silence as the older boy stood gazing at the floor, "I still want to… please, let's just try this."

"Sam…" Gabriel let out a breath he was oblivious of holding in, "This… this is not going to work, you're younger than me, you're my best friend's brother and-" he turned around burying his fingers in his hair.

"Please!" Sam stomped his foot on the floor as he felt the tears burn down to his chin blurring his vision yet he could see Gabriel's image ahead. "That's bullshit, Gabe, your brother is dating my brother and there is only a two year age difference." he wiped the tears with his sleeve. "Why are you making excuses? I know you like me." Gabriel tensed in his place fixing his eyes on the floor.

"No, Sam, I don't." his monotone voice cut through the younger boy like a dagger in his chest. "You're like a friend to me. Nothing more."

"You're a bad liar." Sam mocked out a laugh. "I don't give a damn what excuses you come up with, I'm not giving up."

"Why are you insisting, Sam? It was just a fucking kiss because of the moment, you don't even like me! I don't like you like that! Let's just forget it happened." Gabriel stood before Sam face to face, his chest rose and fell as the anger within grew stronger, his heart pounding still.

"Stop lying." Sam spoke quietly allowing more tears to fall, Gabriel could feel the younger boy's hot breath on his lips. "Stop lying." he repeated closing the distance between them giving no time to Gabriel to move away as his lips met the other's just as it had happened the moment they stood outside hiding from the other teens; they ran through the bushes as the sun set, they ran faster and faster away from the eyes of the others, they ran free and wild as fast as their feet would give feeling the wind dry the droplets of sweat forming on their foreheads. Gabriel stopped once he felt his knees become weaker and weaker with each step until he bent supporting his torso with his hands on his knees as he panted, a laugh escaped from him feeling the adrenaline, the euphoria inside of him, the building pressure in his chest wanting to keep going non-stop yet his limbs prevented him; he heard a laugh close to him and turned his head to see a pair of hazel eyes staring at him.

"What?" he smiled at the boy.

"That was fun. We ran too far though." he panted.

"I know, I didn't want to stop but my legs." Gabriel laughed.

"Your face is really red." Sam grinned staring at the boy.

"You should see yours." they panted standing close to each others, their eyes turned towards the sky as it became less and less bright and a dark blanket overtook the south west, their hands brushed slightly as they stood side to side. Gabriel admired the beauty of the sky, its colours seeming to pour by a hand above creating a beautiful thing just for them, for humans to have as a gift from God. Sam watched the golden streaks hit the older boy's face, his eyes seemed brighter and his pupils so small protecting from the light, his lips so soft, shimmering as the tip of his tongue wet them. He was beautiful, a breathtaking image and he wondered how it was human, a human before him. Like a ghost possessed his body, his feet moved closer towards the seem-to-be-ethereal being taking the sides of his face in his hands as his lips landed upon the older boy's, there was it again, the flutter in his stomach he'd felt before, the familiar feel of those lips moving against his, that same taste, that same texture, the same feeling he'd felt from previous, from a dream. It was from a dream.

He opened his eyes suddenly feeling two hands push him away, he stopped himself from falling arranging his feet on the ground with agility, his eyes looked up to see Gabriel slowly walk away as if he'd committed a sin and he ran without stopping. Sam felt his heart in his throat as he watched the boy become smaller in the distance, his mind racing through thoughts of what had happened, what he'd done, why did he kiss back, why did the flutter not leave, why did he ache? Without any further thought he followed after Gabriel as fast as he could until he reached the house going through the backdoor, climbing the stair as if for dear life, turning left to the last room in the hall. He stopped facing the door as he panted, his hand reaching for the knob, he could hear the sound of footsteps inside the room.

"Why did you run away?" Sam spoke standing behind Gabriel who refused to look at him, Gabriel did not respond, the silence seemed tense angering the younger boy. "Why did you run away, Gabriel?!"

"What the hell was that?" he still did not turn to face Sam, he closed his eyes knowing that they betrayed him.

"It was a kiss."

"I'm not stupid, why did you do it?"

"I don't know exactly." Sam whispered yet not feeling regret.

"Let's say it was an accident then." they were both silent listening as their panting became less and less until Sam walked closer towards Gabriel turning to see his face.

"It wasn't. You know it wasn't."

"I need to take a shower. Excuse me." Gabriel moved away from the younger boy heading towards the door yet Sam grabbed his arm.

"We need to talk about this, Gabriel." he refused to let go of his arm yet Gabriel made no effort to pull away, he turned his body facing Sam.

"I don't want to talk about it, Sam. Can't you just forget it? It was an accident, okay? There's nothing to it!"

He felt the warmth of strong arms wrap around his waist pulling his body closer in desperation, need, comfort to the ache; their lips moved slowly relishing the warmth, the emotion throughout, the dulling ache in their beings finding peace for once, and he understood what had been that sensation when he'd stood too close to him, when he'd received a smile just for him, the look in his eyes as he stared at him in no other manner, different from how he looked at others, the emotion portrayed in those amber jewels as he held out his hand, 'they're my favourite, I want you to have them.' that smile had just been his. For Sam only.

They gasped for air in the silence of the room until the young boy felt the warmth of droplets fall on his shoulder, he turned his eyes with sadness as he embraced Gabriel tightly, the boy quietly wept shattering to pieces like a glass on the wall, falling pieces around the room, it was broken, so broken.

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better." he hummed softly feeling each droplet taint his shirt.

* * *

 

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he smiled gently at those blue eyes staring into his with longing. Dean sat on the window seat with facing Castiel, Lucifer had left the room and Michael still had not returned yet the younger boy felt calmer when his boyfriend arrived. They left the curtains open allowing the moon to peek through the glass at them, the stars twinkled above, the moonlight hit gently their faces mixing with the light of the room.

"I miss you, Dean." he said quietly placing a hand over the older boy's.

"I'm here now." he intertwined their fingers, their lips turned into a smile not breaking the eye contact. He felt the warmth throughout his body as they became softer and softer, the pupils in those cerulean irises growing to a medium size, the eyelashes gently dropping relaxed, the smile hidden in the shape of the eyes, the soft features on that pale face, the gentle smile tugging on those lips that he'd missed lately, the gentle caress of his thumb across his hand. All for Dean.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Castiel leaned closer resting his chin on the older boy's shoulder without letting go of his hand, Dean placed a soft kiss on the side of the boy's neck and felt the smile against his shoulder.

"If Michael says I can." he smiled.

"I think he will allow you to, I have not seen you much lately." Castiel sighed relieving the pressure in his chest.

"I hope so. I'm going crazy without you, Cas." Castiel moved turning to see Dean into his eyes, the sincerity in those forest-green orbs made his heart speed, he closed the distance between his lips and his boyfriend's sharing a slow and gentle kiss; how they'd missed this touch, the electrifying sensation it sent throughout their lips to their fingertips with just a gentle touch, the pleasuring ache in their hearts from the profusion of love. He felt the gentle touch of fingertips on his elbows as his lips moved against the smaller ones tasting their sweetness, his hands moved to pull the slimmer body closer to his until Castiel was resting the weight of his body against Dean's. The gentle touch of the eyelashes against his cheek tingled on his face, he heat from the body transferring to his, the scent of Castiel drugging him, the simple touch, the simplicity of being with him overwhelmed him making the aching in his heart stronger. And he knew just how much then he loved this boy.

"Umm.." they were interrupted by a voice in the room, Michael stood by the door with a silver platter in his hands. "I apologise for the intrusion." he blinked several times frowning slightly as he tried to hide the blush from his cheeks.

"Michael." Castiel smiled widely, "Do not worry about it, I am glad to see you returned."

"I promised, did I not?" he smiled back. "I brought you supper. For both, Lucifer said Dean was with you." he placed the platter on the table close to the window. Castiel glanced at it as well as Dean, both smiled as they saw a large piece of pie amongst the other uninteresting items.

"DIBS!" both said at the same time, Michael tilted his head slightly narrowing his eyes at them in confusion. The boys laughed as they turned to see the expression on Michael.

"We'll share it." Dean said and Castiel smiled in response.

"Very well, I will be downstairs." Michael shook his head slightly and turned to leave giving them a small smile.

"I have rather a small appetite, you can eat if you would like, Dean." Castiel said leaning against the wall on the window seat.

"None of that, c'mere." said Dean pulling Castiel towards him, "Open up." he held a spoon with warm soup towards the younger boy.

"You are going to force feed me?" Castiel rolled his eyes.

"If I have to." he grinned, Castiel sighed with a smile and opened his mouth taking the spoon in.

"He used to make this when I was younger, it is quite special." Castiel smiled tasting the warm liquid in his mouth differentiating the different spices, a reminiscent smile formed on his lips as he felt the liquid travel down his throat. "I will have more of that, please." Dean smiled widely taking another spoonful of the soup from bowl on the platter on the table. The smile never left his lips, not when Castiel smiled at him the way he did, not when he spilled soup on himself, not when Castiel ended up eating most of the supper, not when Castiel ate the last piece of pie and not when Castiel fell asleep in his arms as they stared up the stars resting against the wall on the window seat.

* * *

 

A groan escaped his lips feeling pressure of teeth on his collarbone, his lips parted slightly as his head lifted up, the warm droplets fell one by one like rain on his face trailing down his body to the cool tiles, his body relaxed as the gentle fingertips travelled from his waist down to his hips, caressing with awe the soft skin, the beauty of this body as if sculpted by the gods themselves, the impeccable form of each part; the firmness of muscle throughout, the soft, pink lips calling for attention, the blue irises with those dilated pupils staring into his, the blond locks falling on the forehead as water dripped from above.

He captured the younger boy's bottom lip between his teeth enjoying the soft moan escape from them, his hands moved gently to Balthazar's inner thighs reaching his member; he let out a needy moan as the electrifying heat reached his fingertips, his toes making them curl against the wet tiles. His hands moved reaching for Bae-Yung's hips with force, the heat of their bodies combined as the older boy worked his hands carefully pleasuring both; Balthazar trailed the tip of his tongue down his lover's jaw reaching the curve of his neck placing a soft kiss, his hands feeling, memorising with each touch the boy's body, admiring his perfect beauty, enjoying as the beautiful sounds from both combined made their hearts ache with pleasure, the feel of intensifying heat threatening to burst from their bodies. Their breathing sped with each stroke, faster and faster until it overwhelmed both yet they treasured the moment more than the physical pleasure that the emotion they shared was love truly as they reached their climax with each other's names escaping from those lips.

"I love you." he whispered resting his chin on the older boy's shoulder as they leant against the wall still the droplets falling on their skin washing their bodies.

"I love you." he whispered back feeling the warmth still in his heart and his body gaining strength. They wrapped their arms around each other standing still allowing time to pass as it willed, allowing the water to run throughout their bodies, allowing the ache of love grow as much as it would because it was for them only. Only them and no one else.


	32. Moving On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Gabriel. 
> 
> Wow, lots of drama in this fic, like one big soap opera.

**_Chapter 32_ **

* * *

 

 

_And all I can breathe is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_When sooner or later is over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cuz I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_~Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls_

" _Sometimes I'm scared, I'll admit that. I am. I don't want to open my eyes for fear everything that I'm seeing will fade to reality and I know I will be lying between sheets on a bright morning as my head spins clearing its thoughts. I don't want to wake up, I don't want reality, I don't want this to end, I want to keep dreaming for a little while so I remember how it feels to be loved for once, I want to think I am simply not a replacement for a broken heart, that I truly have what I longed for, that I am not just another person. I don't want to feel empty anymore, I don't want to get up in the morning and live because I am expected to, I want to live because someone wants me alive. Am I special? Am I meaning something to you? In my dreams I am. I want it to be this way forever._

_I believe in a God, I used to pray when I was younger though I have lately forgotten how to have faith; I need that. I say small prayers in my head sometimes when you are close to me, I pray to God I don't wake up and lose you. Will you stay with me, Sam? Will you love me?"_

He felt the warm, sweet and tender lips move against his, a hand softly cupping the side of his face, he could hear his heart pounding inside his chest loud enough for Sam to hear. He didn't care, not at all. This heart beat for him, it always had, always would. The proximity of their bodies allowed the heat radiating to transfer through their clothes, they craved the closeness, the embrace, the emotion to be expressed not to be locked away as it had been.

* * *

 

He took a deep breath as his eyes scanned around the room taking in the sight of his brother by the window with Castiel, their hands intertwined seeming lost in a conversation; the boy had improved through the days though he refused to leave the house and Dean spent most of the day by his side. They were currently doing school work since which Michael would be sending to the school the next day. Balthazar, Bae-Yung and Crowley sat together in the living room occupied by their own work, Sam and Gabriel had joined Castiel and Dean in the kitchen yet they kept a distance sitting at the breakfast bar, Michael sat at the far end of it reading over papers Zachariah had given him. Sam's hand under the counter hesitated for a moment before reaching to grab the one next to him, a gasp and a blush from the other boy formed a smile on his face, their fingers interlacing hidden from the people in the room yet both were content with such a small gesture.

Castiel sat on one side window seat while Dean sat on the other, he looked up from his work to aid Dean with a question about their work; from the corner of his eye he saw his twin brother and Sam holding hands. A small smile formed on his lips and he nudged Dean's leg gently for him to see.

"Well, aren't they adorable? They make me sick." Dean shook his head with a smile on his lips. "I'm gonna have to give Gabriel the 'big brother' speech soon." he chuckled.

"I am happy for Gabriel, it seems he finally-" Castiel stopped himself remembering he was the only person to know about his brother's secret fondness of the Winchester boy, even if Gabriel himself was not aware of it.

"He finally what?" Dean knit his brows staring at Castiel with curiosity, he glanced at his brother and Gabriel before looking at Castiel again.

"Nothing, Dean, I am content Gabriel seems happy at last. I had not seen a true smile like that in a long time." he gave his boyfriend a small smile before returning to his work.

"Yeah.." Dean whispered in thought.

"Michael, may I speak with you for a moment?" Crowley stood by the door with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face.

"Of course." the older man stood from the stool to follow his cousin to the hall. He took a glance at his watch, it was half past the seventeenth hour which meant he should be starting dinner soon. He sighed exhaustedly and stopped walking as he reached Crowley. "How may I be of assistance?"

"You remember Aziraphale, do you not?" Michael nodded 'yes'. "Would it be alright if he stayed with us here for a while? I have not seen him much lately."

"Have his parents allowed him to?" Michael folded his arms across his chest.

"They said it would be alright as long as you agree." he leant against the wall not removing his hands from his pockets, he felt confident Michael would agree yet he was slightly anxious.

"I assume he is aware of the current situation in our family?" he tilted his head slightly.

"Yes, he is. You can trust Aziraphale, he is rather a saint." he raised his brows with a smirk on his lips.

"I trust your judgement of that. Very, well, he may." Michael nodded, he narrowed his eyes at the boy before him feeling slight discomfort for his next words. "Has Azriel given you 'the talk'?" Crowley grinned widely at Michael's flushed face.

"He has. Don't worry, Angel, he and I have barely shared a kiss." Michael nodded clearing his throat.

"Very well, remember there are younger ones in this house."

"It's my brother you have to worry about, he can't seem to keep his hands off the boy." he sighed with humour.

"Ah, that reminds me, I need to speak to them about this too. Sam and Gabriel are next to Balthazar and Bae-Yung's room, he is too young to be hearing such things." he placed his hand on his forehead not feeling eager to have the conversation with the teenagers though he felt it was necessary for them to hear it.

"I think they will be more careful once you speak to them." Crowley smirked, he stood up straight as he started to leave. "Thank you, Michael."

"Should we expect him tonight?"

"I believe so, I could help you with dinner if you'd like."

"Yes, please. Raphael and Lucian will not return until later, I could use some help." Michael followed Crowley into the kitchen. His head ached from reading all morning, he had hardly eaten during the past days or slept a few hours, his muscles ached from the tension and the pain at the back of his neck would not disappear. He took a fair amount of air into his lungs in attempt to relieve the stress and stood before the cupboard selecting items to prepare dinner when he felt a rush of blood to his head making him dizzy, his vision blacked out for a few seconds but he managed to hold on to the frame of the door avoiding a fall.

"Michael? Are you okay?" Gabriel stood behind his older brother with a glass of water for himself.

"Yes, I am alright." he placed a small smile on his lips before continuing with his task.

"Are you sure? You look tired." he furrowed his brows in concern noticing the exhausted eyes of his brother.

"Yes, don't worry, I just haven't slept well, that is all."

"Do you want me to help you with dinner?"

"No, that's alright, last time you tried to make something, the house almost caught on fire, remember?" he chuckled, Gabriel pouted.

"It was just the curtain…"

"Right, you might actually set everything on fire this time." he messed up Gabriel's hair in a manner Lucifer would, a small smile on his lips and humour in his eyes.

"You guys are never gonna stop, are you?" he snarled as he fixed his hair.

"Cheer up, lad, at least you are not known as the mewling brat of the family." Balthazar walked towards Gabriel pressing his lips on the side of his cousin's face.

"Oh gross, Balthazar, only my boyfrien- "

Gabriel pressed his lips together realising not one in his family was aware of his relationship with the younger Winchester. Sam heard Gabriel's words, his heart jumped abruptly at the mention of "boyfriend" yet he did not remove his focus from his work. Balthazar opened his mouth unable to form a question, he narrowed his eyes at his cousin and furrowed his brows.

"Gabriel, you have a boyfriend?" Michael stared at his young brother in surprise for two days previous he had been certain Gabriel's status had been single.

"Uh, yeah, I guess.." he pressed his lips together into a line as he fought the threatening blush from his face.

"Is this a committed relationship?" Michael narrowed his eyes at Gabriel who nodded. "I would like to meet this young man."

"Uh. Okay, I'll tell him... " he looked at the glass of water in his hands and urged his feet to move towards the breakfast bar. Sam sat still for a moment before glancing at Gabriel, his heart rate sped up seeing the small smile on the other boy's lips and he found himself smiling as well.

Gabriel took his mobile from his pocket proceeding to type a message to Sam; "Hey, so the family wants to meet you.", he wrinkled his nose feeling foolish for messaging Sam instead of speaking to him. The younger Winchester felt a disturbance on his leg and smiled to himself realising his mobile vibrated; he shook his head as he read the message then turned towards Gabriel to whisper, "I know". He stood from his seat, taking his school supplies with him he excused himself to his room. Gabriel sat alone and impatient to go after Sam but he knew better to wait for a few minutes.

"What is this young man's name, love?" Balthazar sat next to Gabriel resting his elbow on the counter, he smirked mischievously expecting an answer from the boy yet Gabriel simply kept silent without turning to him. "You'll have to tell us eventually."

"I guess you'll have to wait until then like everyone else." Gabriel smiled gently slapping Balthazar's cheek as he jumped from the stool to leave the room, the blond boy snarled at his cousin watching him leave the room.

Sam sat on the edge of the bed with thousands of thoughts, thousands of words forming in his head preparing for the conversation he knew must happen between he and Gabriel. His stomach felt uneasy with anxiety, his fingers tapped gently on his thigh as he waited for the boy to arrive. He wondered what his parents would think of him dating a boy older than him, what would Dean say, what would Jessica say if she were there? I no longer ache for you, but the love is still there, of a friend, that is. I know you will never come back, and I think I deserve happiness. I will love like you told me I should.

" _Don't wait for me, Sam." Jessica sat next to the boy on a bench at the park, a small smile forced on her lips as she held back her tears, her hand reached towards his cheek gently caressing, "Hey, you'll be fine, you'll be alright without me."_

" _I don't want you to go, Jessica." he spoke in a low tone hiding the sentiment from his voice._

" _I don't want to leave you, but I have to." there was a moment of silence for neither knew what proper words to say. "Promise me something, will you?" Sam nodded pressing his lips into a thin line. "Promise you will let go of me once I'm gone. I want you to be happy, I want you to love someone as you love me; you deserve to. Promise me that."_

" _You can't make me promise that."_

" _You can do it, Sam, I know you can. You deserve happiness and I can't give you that." she took his hands into hers giving them a gentle squeeze._

" _I don't want to forget you-"_

" _You have to."_

" _I know…"_

"Sam?" he felt a warm hand touch the side of his face, he blinked twice to clear his vision and noticed Gabriel kneeling before him with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I was just thinking." he smiled gently at Gabriel, he patted the space next to him inviting the older boy to sit with him. Sam moved closer to the headboard resting his head against it, Gabriel lay on the mattress with his head on the boy's lap.

"What do we tell them?" Gabriel looked up at Sam.

"The truth." he ran his fingers through Gabriel's hair as he thought.

"But how do we explain? We can't just tell them, 'Oh hey, I like your brother so I'm dating him.'"

"Isn't that how it works though?" Sam looked down at the boy with a slight frown.

"Not really.."

"What do you mean?" Gabriel sat up to Sam's level, he kept his eyes on the boy as he thought of how to word what he wanted to say.

"Sam, do you really like me?" he fixed his eyes on his hands resting on his thighs, "I mean, do you actually like me? Do you really want to be with me?" he leant against the wall drawing his feet in to his chest, Sam kept quiet for a moment before looking at Gabriel again.

"Why wouldn't I want to be? I like you." there was a small ache in Gabriel's chest, he took a breath of air to keep it away yet it did not dissipate.

"You like me." he said quietly, the younger boy stared at him in confusion. "I don't like you, Sam, and I know you're not ready for these words but I want you to remember them so when you're ready.. You can return them." his eyes locked with Sam's for him to see the truth, he tried not to make his sound as broken as he felt yet it was impossible. "I love you. I have for a long time and I can't stop." he did not blink as a small drop fell from the corner of his eye. "We were so young when I first noticed you, I grew fond of you with time and hoped one day you would notice me too. I'd go to your house to play with Dean, I remember trying to always be around you but you always preferred him or Jessica. I was okay with that, I was never jealous. You seemed happy and I loved the smile on your face." he smiled gently at the memory, he did not try to stop the tears from his eyes because he knew it would only hurt him to hold them in. "I didn't want a relationship with anyone, it would have meant nothing; as much as I tried not to like you, it was impossible and when you kissed me, I wish I hadn't pushed you away but," he paused resting his chin on his knees, "I think sometimes that you are with me to forget about Jessica." he closed his eyes regretting his words, "and I'm sorry." the tears did not stop falling, he kept his eyes closed not wanting to see Sam's face, he could hear the boy's quiet sobs. "I'm sorry, Sam." he said quietly, Sam did not respond. The seconds passed, minutes and neither had spoken a word though they managed to stop the tears. The younger Winchester moved closer to Gabriel hoping not to be pushed away, he wrapped his arms around the boy drawing him close to his chest, Gabriel in return held on to Sam.

"I'm sorry, Gabriel." he spoke quietly pressing his warm lips against Gabriel's forehead. He knew he had to apologise, he could understand the pain Gabriel must feel and he wished to soothe it yet nothing heals instantly. "Gabriel, look at me.." he took the older boy's face between his hands hoping he would. "Please look at me."

"Tell me the truth, Sam.. are you just using me?" Gabriel moved away from Sam slightly to look at him better, his eyes were exhausted and his head ached.

"I am young but not stupid, nor selfish. i would never use you, not you of all people. Never. If you think I want to be with you just to forget Jessica, you are wrong and I will hurt you physically." he sighed deeply attempting to ease the urge to cry again, he felt anger towards himself; his lips felt dry and uncomfortable from breathing through his mouth. "Gabriel, I understand if you don't want to be with me for now but I can assure you, I have no feelings left for Jessica, she's been gone for a while now and I feel good, I feel happy with you."

Gabriel stared at Sam with such fondness in those amber eyes, his pupils blown medium size not simply adjusting to the light but expressing his strongest feeling within making the young boy wanting to wrap himself in it like wings surrounding his entire being, like grace pouring throughout him, running through his veins and reaching his soul. It made him yearn, it made him ache, it made his soul euphoric. It was like a drug, addictive, beautiful in a way, soothing, it was ecstasy; he wanted it all, he needed more and to return it. His tongue inside his mouth moved as if waiting for his vocal chords to form words yet nothing happened, instead he pressed his lips against Gabriel's gently awaiting a response from the boy who did not disappoint.

"You are not too young to know what love is. You are not a child who needs guidance to understand feelings or emotions. I know what I feel. And it's beautiful." His mind spoke as his lips moved gently against the other boy's, he could taste a hint of the tears he'd cried, he could taste the passion, the love, the angst and the ache; he wanted to take it away. "I'm not too young to mend your broken soul. I'm not too young to love you."

The clock marked the eighteenth hour of the day, seconds passed, minutes passed. There was a soothing silence in the room, the air was warm, the skies began to darken and two boys lay together fond in sleep in each other's arms. The door creaked open as Michael entered, having called the two boys for dinner and they failed to go downstairs, he decided to find them. An amused yet relieved chuckle escaped from his mouth at the sight of the boys; he ran a hand through his hair contemplating awaking them but decided against it.

"That solves that." Michael whispered forcing his feet to move towards the door, he felt lightheaded for a moment and his vision blacked out once again. He groaned quietly as his head hit the frame of the door but he managed to hold on. "Not now. Please not now." he murmured as he straightened himself. "Lucian.." he gave a few steps before he stopped to lean against the wall. "Lucian.." he repeated but he knew his brother could not hear him. He sent a prayer in his head that someone came upstairs at the moment, anyone. "Luci-" he dropped on the floor as his body became unresponsive and he went into an oblivion of consciousness.


	33. Wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to your chairs because this gets even more dramatic

**_Chapter 33_ **

 

* * *

 

_I thought that I was in heaven_

_But I was sure surprised_

_Heaven help me, I didn't see_

_The devil in your eyes_

_You look like an Angel_

_Walk like an Angel_

_Talk like an Angel_

_But I got wise_

_You're the devil in disguise_

_Oh, yes, you are_

_The devil in disguise_

_~Devil In Disguise by Elvis Presley_

"That solves that." Michael whispered forcing his feet to move towards the door, he felt light-headed for a moment and his vision blacked out once again. He groaned quietly as his head hit the frame of the door but he managed to hold on. "Not now. Please not now." he murmured as he straightened himself. "Lucian.." he gave a few steps before he stopped to lean against the wall. "Lucian.." he repeated but he knew his brother could not hear him. He sent a prayer in his head that someone came upstairs at the moment, anyone. "Luci-" he dropped on the floor as his body became unresponsive and he went into an oblivion of consciousness.

"Michael! Michael, wake up! Come on, you gotta wake up! Come on!" Lucifer knelt on the floor holding Michael's face in his hands as he shook him in attempt to wake him yet received no response. Raphael ran upstairs at the sound of Lucifer's voice calling out for help, Bae-Yung stood in the hall giving space for them to aid their sibling; he was thankful for Balthazar being clumsy enough to spill his drink on his t-shirt.

"Can you please sit down?" he turned his head in Balthazar's direction who paced back and forth in the living room waiting for Aziraphale, with Crowley.

"Do you realise I might die when he gets here?" he frowned at Bae-Yung, the flutter in his stomach from the anxiety did not cease and Crowley's teasing him about the accident did not help.

"It couldn't have been that bad, you are exaggerating as always." he rolled his eyes at the blond.

"I am not! He wanted to murder me last time and it was an accident, he clearly saw!" he raised his hands in the air, Crowley watched from the corner of the room as his brother paced around the room, a smirk on his face and humour in his eyes.

"He did mention wanting to get his revenge on you, my dear, I would stay away from him if I were you." Crowley raised his brow looking in his brother's direction, Bae-Yung glared at him not amused.

"Please sit down, you are making me uncomfortable." Bae-Yung pleaded again extending his hand towards his boyfriend to take, Balthazar sighed and walked towards him proceeding to sit on his lap, he wrapped his arms around Balthazar's waist to keep him from getting up, a smile crept upon his lips when the blond rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes.

"You two sicken me." Crowley spoke rolling his eyes as he disappeared into the kitchen. Balthazar stretched his body across the sofa resting his head on his boyfriend's lap, he smiled into the chaste kiss placed upon his lips.

"I am still anxious about this." he pursed his lips as he stared at the ceiling.

"I won't let him touch you, I promise." Bae-Yung winked at the boy who grinned widely.

"Oh, so now I'm the girl in the relationship who needs protection, huh? What next? You are going to make me your bitch during sex?" Bae-Yung chuckled as he caressed the golden locks from the younger boy.

"We haven't had sex, stop making this conversation awkward."

"Oh but we should, after all, I am seventeen now." he winked at Bae-Yung who simply rolled his eyes.

"I told you 'no', I don't just want to have sex with you, I want it to be special."

"Oh don't tell me you believe in that 'after marriage sex' crap, then I'll have to marry you!" he frowned, Bae-Yung opened his mouth to speak feeling slightly hurt at his words.

"You are a jerk, I wouldn't want to be married to you anyway." he pushed Balthazar from his lap making him fall on the floor hitting his head on Bae-Yung's shoes.

"That wasn't necessary! I was kidding, I'd be stupid to let you go, of course I want to marry you." he picked himself up from the floor and knelt before the older boy.

"Why are we even talking about marriage? We are too young for this conversation." Bae-Yung shook his head making his hair fall over his eyes, Balthazar shrugged drawing his bottom lip out.

"You better say yes when I propose though." he grinned staring at Bae-Yung who simply rolled his eyes at Balthazar.

"You can't force me to say yes."

"But I know you will."

"You are overconfident, Balthazar, I would be careful if I were you."

"Why do you say that?" he frowned at Bae-Yung, he moved closer to the older boy, resting his chin on the other's shoulder, he gently placed his lips on the side of his boyfriend's neck making him shiver.

"Get off me, there are people in the other room." he shook the boy from his shoulder yet the other made no effort to move.

"So? Doesn't matter." he chuckled.

"You have no shame at all." he smiled as he shook his head, Balthazar shrugged, moving closer as he trailed his lips gently along the curve of Bae-Yung's neck. There was a cup of tea on the table next to sofa, swirls of steam formed along the surface and disappeared in the air, the strong scent of peppermint reached Bae-Yung's nostrils tempting him to give into the temptation; he reached for the cup careful not to spill it on himself or the cushions. "I love this tea." he savoured the mint flavour on his taste buds, he hummed as the warm liquid travelled down his throat soothingly. "You're going to make me spill it."

"Then put it back on the table." Balthazar rolled his eyes, he buried his nose on the crook of the older boy's neck.

"No, I want to drink it before it gets cold."

"You are impossible, come cuddle with me." he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck, Bae-Yung sighed putting the cup on the small saucer in his other hand. The doorbell rang making Balthazar flinch in surprise, his arm hit the cup the other boy held; the tea spilled on his thigh, a cushion and Bae-Yung's shirt.

"Dammit! You made me spill my tea on my new shirt, Balthazar!" he stood from the sofa shaking the droplets from his clothes. The blond boy fell off his seat, landing on his back as he heard a familiar voice coming from the main entrance door.

"Glad you could make it, darling, I was starting to think you had changed your mind." Crowley smirked allowing Aziraphale into the house.

"I apologise, my father drives rather slow." he gave Crowley a small smile as he shook his blond, messy hair to remove the small droplets of water from the rain that had started to pour minutes previous, his sweater-vest was stained with small, wet dots throughout and his glasses were fogged; he unwrapped carefully the scarf from his neck, proceeding to hold it between his elbow.

"I have to go change." Bae-Yung sighed, Balthazar stood behind him hiding from Aziraphale.

"You must be Balthazar's boyfriend." Aziraphale noticed as the boy appeared around the corner, he stopped walking once he figured who the boy was.

"Yes." he smiled, "And I assume you are Aziraphale?" the blond nodded with a small smile, "Nice to meet you, I'm Ian Bae-Yung but you can just call me Bae-Yung or Bae." he extended his hand towards Aziraphale.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Bae-Yung," he shook the boy's hand.

"Same." the younger teen smiled.

"Balthazar!" Crowley spotted his brother sneaking out of the living room, "Are you so rude that you are not going to welcome Aziraphale?" he smirked taking the luggage from his boyfriend's hands; Balthazar stopped right behind Bae-Yung, muttering an "I fucking hate you!" to his brother.

"Of course." he forced a smile on his face turning to the boy next to Crowley. "It is so good to have you here, love, really. You'll love this house, it's simply fantastic." he rubbed his hands together as he headed to the door.

"Are you not going to give him a hug? He loves hugs." Crowley chuckled, Balthazar sighed.

"I think he is okay, he'll live without one." the younger boy rolled his eyes, Bae-Yung grinned amused.

"It was nice meeting you," he turned towards Aziraphale, "If you don't mind, I have to go change." they exchanged a small smile and a nod before Bae-Yung left the room with a distressed Balthazar behind.

His hand slid along the cold wood as he gave each step, he snarled feeling irritated with the wet cloth sticking to his skin; he inhaled the warm air to appease himself as he reached the final step of the stairs, his body froze instantly at the sight of a body lying in the hall.

"Michael?" he whispered as he narrowed his eyes at the figure, "Michael!" he received no response. Bae-Yung ran towards the man, proceeding to kneel beside him; he examined his body attempting to find the pulse and sighed in relief once he did so. His hands moved Michael's head gently away from the wall, repositioning his body into a more comfortable one against the floor, and ran towards the stairs.

"Help! Lucifer! Someone help!" he called out as loud as his voice would give. He could hear the stomps of feet running across the rooms; Lucifer pushed his way through the door once having heard his name being called. He reached the bottom of the staircase and looked up to find Bae-Yung.

"Michael's unconscious!" the older man did not hesitate further and ran up the stairs to follow the boy.

"What happened to him?" Lucifer asked making his way through the hall towards his brother.

"I don't know, I just found him like this. I think he hit his head on the wall- I tried to make his position more comfortable." Lucifer knelt beside Michael, checking for his pulse.

"Raphael! Get over here!" he called out, his voice echoed through the hall. "Raphael!" he moved his hands to Michael's face shaking him slightly, "Michael! Michael, wake up! Come on, you gotta wake up! Come on!"

"What is it?" Raphael asked wide eyed staring at Michael, "Is he okay?"

"No, help me carry him to my room!" Raphael nodded.

"Dammit!" he ran a hand through his dark-blond hair as he paced through the room, "I knew this would happen, I told him!"

"Should he call his doctor?" Raphael asked, he sat on the edge of the bed where Michael lay; Lucifer nodded.

"I'll be back." he said standing up to leave, Lucifer gave him a small nod and continued to pace through the room with his arms folded across his chest.

"You idiot, I told you." he whispered clenching his jaw tight as he stared at an unconscious Michael on the bed.

* * *

 

"Hey, hey, he's alright, he's gonna be alright, okay?" he wrapped his arm around the preoccupied boy's shoulder, Castiel nodded.

"It's my fault, Dean." he was silent for a moment, feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. "If it were not for me he would not be stressed as much as he is." he lowered his head as the guilt inside him settled, he fixed his eyes on his hands resting on his lap.

"Don't say that, Cas, it's not your fault, okay?" Dean shook his head.

"Dean-"

"No!" he raised his voice slightly making Castiel look up at him, "None of this is your fault. He's okay, Michael's okay."

"What if everyone blames me?"

"No one is going to blame you, they know damn well you have nothing to do with his health. I mean, yeah you scared the hell of us for a while but this couldn't be it. If someone's to blame it's your da-" he cut off his words before he could finish them, Castiel furrowed his brows staring at Dean in confusion and another expression the older boy could not decipher.

"What- Dean?" he stared at the boy expecting him to continue but Dean kept silently biting his tongue.

"They won't let me see him! I want to see him!" Gabriel walked into the room with Sam following, and Anna.

"Gabriel, calm down, he's still not fully awake and he needs rest." Anna rolled her eyes at her brother.

"They let  _you_ see him, why can't I?" he stomped his foot on the floor as he leant against the wall.

"Because I had to help them, now stop being a brat and sit down. You can see him later." she sat on the sofa next to the window, and rested her head against it.

"How are you, Castiel? Doing alright?" Gabriel sat on the edge of the sofa where his twin was; Castiel nodded expressionless. He glanced at Dean with a knowing look and the boy responded equally. "Hey, Cassie." he placed his hand on top of his brother's. "Come with me, let's go get some tea, I want tea." the younger boy turned to his brother and nodded.

He inserted his hands into his pockets as he walked into the kitchen with Castiel behind; he cleared his throat silently as his speech formed in his mind. The room was empty, besides them, the sound of raindrops falling fast hit the glass on the window, the warm air from the vents hit Gabriel's left side of the face as he sat on the stool at the breakfast bar; Castiel grabbed two cups from the cupboard to pour water from the tea kettle.

"You do not like tea. Why did you want me here?" Castiel spoke as he let the PG Tips tea bag into the hot water, he emptied a packet of cocoa in the other.

"How are you really, Castiel?" Gabriel rested his folded arms on the counter, Castiel did not respond. "I know you're not okay, you don't seem okay."

"I am alright, Gabriel." he let out a small sigh that blew the hairs on his forehead up.

"You don't fool me."

"It is not of import, you should worry more about Michael." he placed the hot cocoa on the counter for Gabriel to take, he placed his cup adjacent to his brother's and sat on the stool.

"You are my brother too, Luci is looking after him and someone has to take care of you."

"I am not an infant."

"I know but you're still the baby of the house." Castiel sighed placing his hands around the tea cup. "You know that what happened lately, everything that's been going on, it's not your fault."

"It feels as it is."

"Well it's not, so stop feeling guilty. Michael's been overworking himself for a long time now, he hardly gets any time off. If someone is to blame, it's dad." Castiel raised his head to stare at his brother.

"Why isn't he home? I do not understand why he left us." Gabriel frowned slightly as he stared at his brother sympathetically.

"Just because he's not here doesn't mean that he doesn't love us. We have each other and for now, that is enough. I know he will come back one day." he gave Castiel a small smile, the younger boy gave a small nod and lowered his head to stare at the steaming cup of tea. Gabriel was silent, he kept his arms resting on the counter as he thought of things to say; Castiel stared silently at the cup of tea without blinking. The clock on the wall ticked for each second eating away the time, the rain kept falling against the glass.

"I want to find him. I want to go see him, Gabriel." Castiel finally broke the silence with a whisper, "I want to tell him to come home."

"You're crazy." he frowned, "They won't let you, and you don't know where he lives."

"If I try hard enough, I could find his location."

"Stop it right there!" he held his hand up, "First, he doesn't want to see us or he would have visited us. Second, there is no way Michael is going to let you go anywhere alone, specially right now. And third, the company is two hours away from here, you can't drive."

"I can walk." he fixed his eyes on his brother with a determined expression on his face; Gabriel sighed.

"Cassie, I know you want everything to be alright and you mean well but, you can't fix this. It's not up to you. Dad will come home when he's ready, just give him time." he placed his hand on top of Castiel's, the younger boy frowned yet kept silent as they both listened to the tick-tock and the splatter on the glass.

* * *

 

" _Have some sympathy, and some taste. Use all your well-earned politesse or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah but what's puzzling you is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down. Woo who-"_

"You are really singing that song, Lucian?" Michael's voice interrupted Lucifer, who sat on the widow seat with a book in his hands.

"Stop calling me Lucian." he snapped the book closed, placing it next to him, "You're awake. Good."

"How-"

"Raphael and I carried you here. You really scared us, you know." he folded his arms across his chest, "Your doctor said you're overstressed."

"You called my doctor?" he frowned at his brother as he sat up to rest against the headboard.

"What did you want us to do? Leave you here to die?"

"I am not dying, stop making this a bigger than it is." he rolled his eyes, Lucifer stood from his position to stand beside the bed.

"You've lost weight, you fainted and you look like crap, Michael! How is this not a big deal to you?!" he raised his voice, Michael sighed attempting to stand up yet the ache in his muscles prevented him, his head throbbed painfully, making his vision blur slightly.

"I am fine, stop raising your voice at me." he glared.

"This isn't a fucking joke! You don't even care about yourself!"

"I care about myself and I'm fine!"

"No, you're not! You don't even eat or sleep, I've noticed. You spend your whole time in the office or taking care of the damn company and it's not even your responsibility yet!" he bellowed.

"Our father is not well yet and I have to take his responsibilities. Have you forgotten it is where the money for our college expenses and everything comes from?" Michael exclaimed, making his hands into fists at his sides.

"Then at least let me help you! You don't have to do it all alone." he growled, Michael's facial features hardened, his chest rose and fell in an angry manner as he glared at his younger brother.

"No." he grunted. "This isn't your responsibility; it's mine." Michael made an effort to stand up pushing his body up with his hands, Lucifer walked around the bed putting his broad hands on the older man's shoulders forcing him down again.

"Do you want to die, Michael? Is that what you want?" he spoke in a rather low, rough tone. Michael's eyes locked with his brother's; the room was silent, cold as cold could be to make one uncomfortable; he noticed the contraction of the pupils in those blue irises and for once, he shivered at the rage radiating throughout Lucifer's being.

"No." he murmured without breaking the eye contact.

"Then do as I say for once, stay here until you get better and I will handle everything. You need to eat and sleep well." Lucifer sat on the edge of the bed by Michael's feet, he fixed his eyes on the floor while both kept silent. Michael stared at the wall across before looking back at the younger man.

"Why are you doing this?" he questioned, not removing his focus from his brother, Lucifer kept still, not ready for the upcoming conversation yet he knew ought to happen.

"Doing what?"

"All this? Since when do you care so much?" he noticed the small, hurt smile planted upon his brother's lips, he regretted his words instantly yet he was curious.

"I have always cared, not that you would ever notice." they were silent once again, Michael was unable to comprehend his brother's sudden behaviour change. Lucifer took a deep breath, without looking at Michael he began to speak.

"When mum died," he hesitated, "We didn't just lose her, we lost dad- and, he said he loved us but not enough to stay." he clenched his fists on his lap, his facial features twisted into a frown, "You think I never saw your pain, Michael? I hated him because he hurt you, hurt us all and I didn't understand how you could still call him a good man." Michael shifted on the bed staring at the sheets covering his legs, "I know the weight you carry on your shoulders, I know you would hide from everyone and cry alone-" he swallowed, feeling a bile rise to his throat, "I promised myself I wouldn't let you go through it alone, I would never leave you. You're my brother and I don't want to lose you like we lost them. Not you, Michael." he clenched his jaw as he glared at the floor.

"Lucian," Michael whispered, his brother turned his head towards him, "This 'burden' I carry, is for me alone. Father left me all this…- this responsibility and I was young, I was too young for it yet he said I must look after you and everyone." he tightened his grip on the sheets on his lap, "I never wanted to fight with you because of him, I just wanted a father who was worthy to be called one and I created an image of him. I was angry that you could not see what I saw-" he kept silent for a moment, his chest rose and fell angrily, "I wanted you to love him as much as I did despite the abandonment, despite the faults and all the pain he caused because he  _is_ our father. But, I understand now."

"You don't have to believe what I believe, Michael. If the man is your hero, then that's fine, but I can't call him my father, I love him but not as much as you think I should."

"I am not telling you to love him as I do, I am saying…- perhaps you have been right all this time. I am just- I am tired, this, I can't anymore," he drew his bottom lip in between his teeth pressing them hard; Lucifer could sense his brother's distress and he could not help but commiserate. "I promised him I would do all this for him but, I am not happy; it does not matter, Lucian, if I am not happy, as long as you and our siblings are happy with their lives, that suffices." the ache in his heart, along with the bile rising to his throat made burning tears build in his eyes, making them twinkle with the light yet he smiled at his brother. "That is all that matters to me, heaven for all of you."

"I can't let you do that, Michael. I'm not gonna let you wreck yourself like that." Lucifer shook his head. "You mean well but you have to think of yourself."

"I'll be alright. One way or another, I will."

"No! You won't, you know it and you don't care!"

"I care!" he exclaimed, "I care but I have no other option. I was born to do this and I will fulfil it even if it costs my happiness." he did not see Lucifer move as he felt a fist meet his jaw, his head hit the wooden headboard and the pain radiated through his jaw to the back of his head.

"You fucker. You ignorant fucker." Lucifer growled. "You have options. You can let me help you." their eyes locked as they glared at each other in silence. Lucifer stormed out of the room, shutting the door loudly behind him.

"It's not your responsibility…" his whisper echoed throughout the room, the lack of light outside made it impossible for him to see anything through the glass, only his reflection staring back at him, the light from the lamp hitting his skin, the warm air from the vents surrounding him; he suspired to ease the ache in his chest while the reflection glared back at him. "Give me strength." he closed his eyes listening to the silence in the room and the dimmed voices from downstairs.


	34. Elvis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: may give you Twist and Shout feels

**_Chapter 34_ **

* * *

 

 

_Oh, I just can't help believin'_

_When she slips her hand in my hand_

_And it feels so small and helpless_

_As my fingers fold around it like a glove_

_~I Just Can't Help Believin' by Elvis Presley_

He leant out the window staring, watching, observing in the distance as the sun slowly disappeared from the sky and a mass of darkness overtook it; the cool wind blew softly, kissing his face as it went by each time; the humidity on his face made him shiver. He closed his eyes for brief seconds as he inhaled the smell of antique, dust particles in the air, the scent of freshly cleaned clothes and the perfume of his hair;

It was silent. It was an eerie silence that soothed him, sending shivers of horrifying pleasure down his spine; it fascinated him. The lack of light in the attic gave him fright yet he felt as his being enjoyed the mere terror, the manner in which his body trembled, the manner in which his breath caught up in his throat and the anxiety built inside of him. He was determined; he was strong.

A loose board on the floor creaked, his heart jumped as he turned to the direction of the sound; he sighed in relief, regaining the colour to his complexion and his heart rate calming. The dusty light switch was turned to 'on', the room quickly became known, every object in it gained life and both persons looked at their surroundings with wonder.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." the boy spoke in an apologetic tone, Castiel gave Dean a small smile. "Are you okay? I've been looking for you all afternoon."

"I needed to think. I apologise for disappearing without notice." he inserted his hands in his pockets as he turned his attention the sun outside.

"It's okay but, are you really alright?" he walked across the room to stand before Castiel, attempting to read the expression on his face.

"I will be alright, Dean." he sighed.

"Cas," he tilted his head slightly, his brows furrowed and he wished the boy would turn to look at him, "You can't lie to me. You've been crying."

"I am alright, Dean, stop worrying." he mumbled.

"Stop pushing me away, Cas." the younger boy turned his head towards Dean, he could see the worry on his face.

"I am not pushing you aw-"

"You keep pushing me away every time I ask you how you are!" he exclaimed, "Yeah, I get it. You're in pain, you're broken and you're blaming yourself for everything that's happened but you're pushing me away…" he was silent for a moment, Castiel refused to look at Dean in the eye while the other hoped he would, "I just want to help you… please."

"Dean," Castiel lowered his head, "Just hold me." Dean extended his arms as he pulled the emotionally fragile boy into his arms, "Just hold me like this." his heart pounded loudly in his chest; it ached, it screamed and bled. He could feel the tears spill out of his eyes, one by one; each one staining his cheeks, each one burning as they descended to his chin.

"It's okay." Dean whispered, "It's okay, I've got you." he buried his nose in the boy's hair, his hand soothingly moved along Castiel's back. The light outside disappeared, the crickets chirped, the violins of late winter nights played along with the soft whistle of the wind; he shivered, he shivered as he calmed from the ache. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock the clock went by; Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!- Eight times and it was silent.

"That record player." Castiel muttered against Dean's chest, the older boy searched around the room with his eyes until he spotted it in a corner. "It was my mother's." he looked up at Dean with a gentle, reminiscent smile. "I want to play it." Dean nodded.

"Does it work?"

"It should." Castiel let go of Dean as he walked towards the record player. "She kept the records in a box." He pointed at the dusty box resting on the floor. He searched through each one of the discs until he found a familiar one. "This one." he gave it to Dean.

"Elvis?" he chuckled raising an eyebrow.

"I like Elvis."* he whispered with a smile.

"Let's play it then." he grinned. Castiel stood next to Dean, watching as he placed the disc carefully on the dusty instrument. They waited patiently while it adjusted until the music sounded in the air.

 

_I had to leave town for a little while,_

_You said you'd be good while I'm gone,_

_But the look in your eye dun told me you told a lie,_

_I know there's been some carryin' on._

_**Her auburn hair fell from her head to her breasts, curling at the tips, her cherry lips turned into a smile, leaving in awe the man who sat before her. His broad and strong hands enveloping her small hands , their knees touching and their hearts pounding loudly inside their chests. Charmeine's eyes smiled staring into his with all pure and true emotion that made him euphoric, such joy he'd never felt before.** _

" _ **Do you love me, Charles?" she smiled at him. "Do you really love me?"**_

" _ **Of course I love you, I have always loved you." he returned the smile; he leant down slowly to place his lips upon hers briefly. "Always."**_

" _ **I can't wait to have our own house, we'll be happy there and your father will give you a good position in the company. Everything is perfect right now, I wouldn't want to change a thing." she rested her head on his chest, his hand stroked her auburn strands of hair.**_

" _ **Will you always be with me?" he placed a gentle kiss on her head.**_

" _ **I'm always going to be with you." she whispered raising her head to look at him, "in here." her finger touched the left side of his torso.**_

"Hey, you okay, Cas?" Dean turned his head towards Castiel, who sat on the floor next to Dean; their heads resting against the wall as the Elvis record played. Castiel was silent for a moment before answering.

"I am alright." he mumbled, Dean nodded. "I saw her." he shifted in his position.

"Saw who?"

"My mother. I saw her photograph in a box, with my father. I had forgotten their appearance, and- I saw them for the first time in a long time." he turned his attention to Dean. "I have my mother's eyes."

"Cas.. "

"I think I understand now." he drew in his legs against his chest. "We remind him of our mother." his chin rested on his knees, his eyes felt exhausted as well as the aching in his chest. "Abandoning us was the best way to cope with her death. "

"It was wrong of him, Cas, you and your family need him." he shifted closer to the younger boy, proceeding to wrap an arm around his shoulder, Castiel leant against him. The temperature dropped at night, the attic was cold and lifeless; one song after another played. Elvis's voice echoing the room, telling stories only time remembered; they would die unknown.

Their breathing calmed until it was only a soft blow of air, their exhausted eyes shut as they gave in to sleep. The warmth of their bodies transferring to each other, avoiding the cold, avoiding the tremor. Sometime during the night, Castiel was pulled into Dean's chest; he dreamt of thunder, thunder in the skies, rain falling, clouds covering the sun. He was damped in freezing water but, one thing was certain to him: the one holding his hand was Dean. Dean Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I like Elvis" * reference to Twist and Shout


	35. Say Your Prayers Little One

**_Chapter 35_ **

* * *

****

 

_Young hearts be free tonight. time is on your side,_

_Don't let them put you down, don't let em push you around,_

_Don't let em ever change your point of view._

_Young hearts gotta run free, be free, live free_

_Time is on, time is on your side_

_Time, time, time, time is on your side_

_~Young Turks by Rod Stewart_

He closed his eyes inhaling the strong scent as the liquid burned down his throat, it hit the pit of his stomach heavily yet it was pleasurable. His pupils dilated with each gulp, he could feel himself becoming energised and dizzy. He wanted to dance, he wanted to laugh and make others laugh.

"Okay, that's enough for you, Gabriel." Lucifer shook his head as he retrieved the empty glass from the boy's hands.

"Just a little more, pleeeaaase?" he held on to his brother's arm.

"No, you're going to get drunk and you shouldn't even be drinking this anyway." he pushed away the younger boy from his arm, earning a pout.

"But-!"

"Gabriel, understand what 'no' means." interrupted Michael. "Please go sit down." he grabbed the bottle of wine from the counter to place it back in the wine cabinet in the office.

"Fine." Gabriel jumped off the stool with a pout. "Come on, Sam, let's go annoy Cassie!" he cheered pulling Sam's hand.

"You're so childish, Gabe." the boy rolled his eyes as he followed.

"Well, I would be no fun if were like Michael or the others." he grinned, Sam shook his head with a smile. They left the room with their hands intertwined, Michael and Lucifer chuckled as they watched them leave.

"He seems happy." Michael commented after the boys disappeared; Lucifer turned to look at his brother with a small smile.

"They all are." he nodded. Michael was silent for a moment as he stared at the floor.

"Did you mean it?" he questioned quietly.

"What?" he furrowed his brows looking at Michael.

"Will you always be here for me? Will you help me?" he lifted his head to face his brother.

"I meant it and I keep my word." he assured.

"Will you-" Michael hesitated, he composed his position, straightening his back and his shoulders. "Will you help me with all this?"

"As long as you let me." he gave a small nod. "As I said before, you don't have to go through it alone."

"Father, he will be disappointed in me." he glanced at the light above him.

"Who cares what he thinks. Mum would have never approved of him and she would want you to be happy." he folded his arms across his chest.

"I shall explain to him-" he placed his hand on his clavicle under his shirt. "It is affecting my health."

"Hey, Michael." the older man turned to his brother, "Everything's going to be fine. If he gets angry, let him. He hasn't exactly been there for us so I don't see why he should try to tell us how to manage our lives and everything. We can do it ourselves, and better than him."

"I don't want to move the kids back." he shook his head slightly, Lucifer furrowed his eyebrows as he walked towards his brother, stopping in front of him.

"Then don't. We can keep them here, they seem happy here." he shrugged.

"They must return to school soon, they have been absent for too long and it affects their attendance record to graduate."

"Home school. We can afford it." he suggested with a half smirk, Michael sighed.

"Not all of them, the Winchesters can, Balthazar can, I do not know about Bae-Yung, we could offer to pay for his, though I doubt his parents would accept that."

"He's going to school right now."

"It is far from this house."

"So? We take him everyday, besides, the boy's eighteen, he can move out of his parent's house to this one." he folded his arms across his chest.

"We can not make decisions for him, Lucian," the younger man rolled his eyes.

"I am just suggesting."

"We are going too far with this, they should return to school soon." Michael ran a hand through his hair as he thought. "Perhaps we should discuss this later, I am exhausted and it has been a long day." Lucifer smiled placing his hand on the older man's shoulder.

"Let's go, Mikie, let's go have some fun!" he pat his brother's shoulder.

"Lucian." he smirked.

"Lucifer, Mikie, Lucifer." he teased.

"Lucian." Michael chuckled as they walked out the door and his brother gave up.

"He is threatening me! Can't you see him?!" Balthazar exclaimed pointing at Aziraphale, who sat next to Crowley with a confused expression on his face. Bae-Yung sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, he reached for Balthazar's hand pulling him onto his lap.

"Hey, look at me." he held the boy's face between his hands, Balthazar blinked twice before focusing on the older boy. "No one is trying to hurt you. It is all your imagination."

"But-!" Bae-Yung put his index on the boy's lips.

"You're just paranoid." Balthazar gave him a small frown, "Just focus on me and it'll go away." he placed his lips gently on the younger boy's; his heart jumped at the touch and the flutter in his stomach made him smile.

"Okay." he nodded claiming another chaste kiss from his boyfriend.

"Come on, you two! Get a room!" Gabriel stormed into the room being carried by Sam on a piggyback ride.

"Dude! Are you using my brother as transportation?" Dean question furrowing his brows in slight worry and amusement.

"He said he was strong enough to carry me!" he grinned.

"You're not heavy." the younger boy chuckled, Gabriel smiled as he placed a kiss on the boy's cheek, making Dean roll his eyes and Castiel smile.

"Can I get down now?" Sam nodded.

"Sure." he let Gabriel down from his back, proceeding to stretch his muscles.

"You should give me a piggyback ride up the stairs next!" Gabriel grinned as he rocked back and forth on his heels, Sam's eyes widened.

"Do you want to kill me?"

"But you said I'm not heavy!" he pouted.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna carry you up the stairs! What if I miss a step and we both fall?"

"Oh." he seemed to think for a moment, then smiled. "Then I should carry you up stairs!"

"Gabriel. No." he spoke with a serious expression.

"Fine!" he snarled discontented. He dropped down on the sofa next to Balthazar and Bae-Yung as he looked around the room; Crowley and Aziraphale sat adjacent to each other by the chimney, discussing events as they played chess. Castiel sat on the sofa by the window with a book in his hands, and Dean across the sofa with his head resting on Castiel's lap. Anna and Raphael were playing scrabble on the floor, Anna was winning by more points and she smiled proudly. Sam sat on the armrest next to Gabriel; Michael and Lucifer were entering the room as Gabriel glanced at the door.

"It's too quieeet!" Gabriel complained throwing his hands in the air. "Mikie, let us play music! I wanna dance!"

"Would you like me to play the piano? I will play it for you." he responded, raising his eyebrows.

"I meant hyperactively, upbeat, modern, crappy music, not instrumental." he rolled his eyes at the older man.

"I can play something upbeat." he shrugged, "and Lucian can sing for you." Lucifer turned to his brother between confused and glaring.

"Anna should play the cello, Cassie the violin and I'll get the guitar for Dean-o!" he jumped to his feet with a grin on his face.

"Whoa! What now?" Dean sat up rapidly, knocking the book out of Castiel's hand.

"Dean." Castiel sighed.

"Sorry." he retrieved the book from the floor to place it back on Castiel's hands.

"Play the guitar!" Gabriel beamed with excitement.

"Why?" he glanced at everyone in the room before focusing on Gabriel.

"Because," he rolled his eyes dramatically, "it'll be fun."

"Is, uh- everybody up for some music?" Michael looked around the room; Anna smiled as she nodded, Dean sighed a "sure", Castiel nodded and Lucifer shrugged.

"Go get your instruments, and Gabriel," he pointed at the boy who was already by the door, "Do not break them." Michael gave Gabriel a warning look, who in return squinted at his brother before running upstairs enthusiastically; Anna and Castiel followed him.

Michael uncovered the piano resting at the back of the room, the sheet made dust particles fly in the air. Lucifer sneezed since he was closer to the piano than Michael. "I apologise. Bless you." he gave his brother an apologetic look. He cleaned the dust away from the piano bench before he sat upon it.

He remembered. He could still see Charmeine playing Pachelbel's Canon in D as he and Lucifer sat on either side of her; her long and graceful fingers reaching for each key with agility and perfection. He was amazed and charmed by the melody reaching his ears. A small smile crept upon his lips as he played the same piece as his mother. His eyes locked with that of his brothers and he could see the reminiscence in them; it made his heart ache knowing they would never see her again. Lucifer stood on the right side of Michael still staring into his brother's eyes, the corners of his lips curled into a smile, admiring the skills his brother possessed, how beautifully he played the same melody their mother used to play for them. He missed her.

"You remember." he muttered, Michael gave him a small smile in response.

"Walk faster, Anna!" they could hear Gabriel's annoyed voice coming from upstairs.

"Stop pushing me! It's a heavy and delicate instrument, Gabriel." she responded with a glare, Gabriel sighed impatiently behind her.

So, what are we playing?" Dean turned to Michael in question, Gabriel sat in front of Anna with the cello.

"Wait! You guys should play Viva La Vida!" he beamed.

"Viva la what?" asked Anna confused, Gabriel made an exaggerated expression of shock.

"Gabriel, I don't know that song." Michael frowned, Lucifer chuckled in amusement.

"Fine! What song do you guys know?"

"Enter Sadman." Lucifer grinned, Michael made a displeased face at his brother, who simply shrugged. Dean grinned widely at the suggestion, Anna and Castiel seemed indifferent.

"What?" Lucifer shrugged at Michael again, since the man did not remove his eyes from him, rather gave him an odd look.

"You are tiresome with your music preferences." Michael shook his head, "Do any of you know the song?" he turned to the teens with the instruments, they replied with varying tones of a "yes".

He brought the bench closer to the piano at a more proper distance. He stretched his fingers as he tried to remember the melody from the many times Lucifer played it to full volume in the car or while they worked on projects together in the office; he breathed in relief once he remembered. The other teens focused on tuning their instruments while Michael remembered and Lucifer tried singing the lyrics to the same tone as James Hetfield.

Balthazar, Bae-young, Aziraphale, Crowley, Sam and Raphael sat around them with enthusiasm. Gabriel's eyes twinkled with joy at the sight of Michael and Lucifer smiling, wanting to enjoy the moment; he wished everyday was as this moment: no worrying, no yelling, no fighting, no stress, nothing. Only happiness but, he was well aware it was impossible in reality. Nothing would be perfect or beautiful, they would never have eternal peace, never be together as they were now. And he feared, it frightened him to be far from the only family he'd ever known.

Perhaps Lucifer would fulfil his dreams as he always aspired, marry a beautiful woman along the way and forget about them. Michael would take over their father's company, perhaps be forced into a marriage for compromise, with a foreign company owner's daughter. Raphael would be left in charge of them; Anna would graduate and move to Italy to study fashion design as she dreamed. Castiel, his dearest twin, Castiel and Dean had their own plans in their own world; it was just the two of them already planned to last forever. And he, he only hoped Sam would come to fall in love with him… perhaps, one day start a life together or travel around the world. He did not know, no one could assure him but, if circumstances were different, he hoped to keep Sam's friendship. After all, the boy's happiness is what mattered to him. He could live with it. He could be alone.

"That sounded about right, Dean, play that note again, please." Michael's voice interrupted Gabriel's thoughts; oddly, he was thankful, or he would have caused himself unnecessary pain.

"This? I think it's an e-minor." he stated as he attempted to play the same note as the others. Lucifer walked towards the boy, proceeding to seat next to him and help find the right note.

"This is impossible to play on cello!" Anna complained, Castiel turned to her sympathetically yet helped her.

"Okay, try again." Dean turned to Lucifer.

" _Say your prayers little one_  


_Don't forget, my son, to_

_Include everyone."_

Michael joined them as he caught up to the tones.

" _Tuck you in, warm within_  


_Keep you free from sin"_

Castiel and Anna joined the others at last, contented. Lucifer continued singing, only pausing at rests. Gabriel grinned widely in admiration; he loved his brother's voice, beautiful and outstanding from every one he had ever heard, making him wonder how it was possible for a human to have such a gift, accompanied with the instruments, it made it simply ethereal.

Sam focused his eyes on the blond man singing, he was in awe at the sound of the music; how each one of them knew their instruments well, and Lucifer. A cold shiver travelled down his spine at the sound of the man's voice. It was entrancing, peacefully thrilling, as if it lured him out of the valley of shadows into a different light, calling out to him, to follow, and he'd be saved.

He turned to Gabriel, who sat next to him, noticing the exact same expression on the boy as well as the others yet, there was something different in him; not his body position, not his hair, not his clothes. His eyes? His smile? Was he smiling because of the music? Or was it something he could not comprehend? The twinkle in his eyes he'd only seen once, much different from other times; the manner in which his lips curled into that smile. It was different, it was all different.

He brought his hand to his chest, feeling a painful ache he had never experienced before. It was far more distressing than he could put into words yet, why was it overwhelmingly exciting? His heart raced almost at the speed of the music, he blinked several times as he tried not to panic, the ache did not cease; why did it cause him happiness? He was long past the fluttering in his stomach or the clumsy lack of words; it was now heartache.  _"You are falling deep, can you feel yourself falling, Sam?"_ the voice asking inside of him was his yet wasn't. He shook his head attempting to look away from Gabriel, focusing instead on his brother, Castiel or Anna.

He felt the warmth of a hand over his, long fingers intertwining his, embracing them with gentle demand, tender caress. Those amber eyes starring back at him, into his soul; it was overwhelming and he wished nothing more than throw himself over those long arms asking to be held so tears would not spill out of his eyes. He was confused yet he understood. All Sam could give was a gentle smile along a caress of his thumb across the other boy's hand.

"That was amazing!" Balthazar cheered as he clapped, "Play another one!" Michael smiled widely, the entire room was silent for a few seconds as they all admired seeing the man with a smile on his face in a long time. Anna nearly dropped her cello as she stood from her seat, her arms wrapped around his neck as she placed her lips on his forehead.

He took in the sweet scent of the girl, he closed his eyes as he fought the tears from his eyes, his smile grew wider at the feel of warm lips on his forehead, he returned the gesture.

"You're so beautiful when you smile." she whispered as she unwrapped her arms from him, she wiped the tear from her glassy eyes and laughed. "Sorry, it's just- we should play another song." she half sobbed- half laughed, everyone in the room smiled as they agreed.

"What should we play?" Michael asked without letting the smile fade from his lips.

The music kept going on and on like a record player until their fingers tired, yet their souls beamed for the first time since forever. It was then replaced with shuffled songs from Balthazar's play list, which everyone found rather pleasing. The room was warm, the lights were bright, the air in the room was light; they were high, so high with nothing, it was more than what a drug could give and it hurt.

"Hey, it's my turn!" Lucifer interrupted Raphael as the boy danced with Anna, "may I have this dance, Miss?" he bowed and Anna curtsied.

"You may." she extended her hand towards her brother with a smile. He was taller, much taller than she was yet she gave it not thought. She missed them, she missed the boys she knew as they grew up, she missed their asinine behaviour, their childish quarrels and their wrestling for the TV remote control, she missed those laughs echoing through the house and the careless days. They were gone but, for today, she could live seeing the smiles on their faces, the smile on Lucifer's face; how she'd missed it. Everyone's, including Raphael and Michael's. They were a beautiful memory.

Castiel leant into the body pressing against his as their limbs moved, he could feel the vibrations of the music travel through his muscles, reaching his fingertips and the tip of his nose. The warm lips next to his cheek made him shiver, his hairs stood on end at the sensation of the gentle touch; he closed his eyes engraving in his memories today, for he knew it wouldn't last. Because nothing ever does, nor it will ever.

"Hey, are you okay?" a quiet whisper in his ear made his eyes flutter open, he looked up to the boy expecting an answer. He smiled and placed his lips over Dean's briefly.

"Yes." he responded in a murmur. "Thank you, Dean, for everything." he rested his head against the taller boy's shoulder.

"I haven't done anything." he tightened his arms slightly around the boy's waist, "But you're welcome." he closed his eyes becoming oblivious of everyone in the room; it was Castiel and Dean.

"Get back over here!" Balthazar pulled Bae-Yung's arm to the 'dance floor', the older boy laughed and accepted the dance request from his boyfriend.

"You don't get tired of dancing, do you?" he shook his head as he wrapped his arms around Balthazar's neck.

"Nope!" he grinned hyperactively.

"Great, I am so not gonna get up in the morning." he sighed as he imagined the aching of his muscles in the morning.

"Don't worry, love, I will help with that." he winked at the boy, Bae-Yung laughed, throwing his head back, Balthazar took the opportunity to place his lips on the boy's long neck. "What's with you and my neck?"

"I worship you, dear. How are you even real?" he tilted his head in admiration, Bae-Yung noted the unfeigned expression on the boy's face, the softness in his eyes and the change of tone from playful to serious. His heart beat rapidly for a moment as he looked down not knowing how to respond. Of all the people he had met, only one had truly made him feel treasured, loved, cared for; he was safe in his arms, and everyday he woke up to see his face, and everyday he fell deeper and deeper. He had silently cried one morning as he watched Balthazar sleep, he was as lonely as the other was, he was just as lost and confused, he was only a boy in love; it scared him. He prayed that it would last, he prayed he would not be loved and left.

"Hey, I love you." Balthazar whispered, he closed his eyes as his forehead gently met the other boy's. "I love you." he repeated in a whispered. Bae-Yung gently placed his lips on Balthazar's as he whispered back the words. It was okay to be scared; they all were.

"Look at them, they're happy. That's rare." Crowley remarked as he pressed his chin on Aziraphale's shoulder, his arms wrapped around the boy's neck.

"Nothing lasts, this has been a good day. Perhaps, we could have more like today in the future." he gave the boy a small smile.

"Perhaps, demons come and go ruining everything. You never know what tomorrow will bring." he took a deep breath, "Thank you for coming."

"I told you I would, did I not?" he turned his head towards Crowley, his glasses nearly falling from his face yet he caught them.

"You did, darling, you did." he chuckled as he pressed his nose against the crook of the boy's neck, he smiled contentedly feeling the boy's heart beat on his palm, he was certain the other could feel the vibration, or the loud thump of his heart inside his chest on his back since their bodies were so close.

"You smell a lot like tea." Crowley smirked as he inhaled the scent of the boy, it was delightful and blissful. "I like it." the blond's lips curled into a small smiled as he placed his hand around the other boy's.

"Did you just-" Gabriel blinked twice in surprise at Sam's boldness, the younger boy nodded with a shy smile.

"I wanted to, I'm sorry." he looked away as the blush formed on his cheeks, Gabriel took in a deep breath attempting to calm himself. "I won't do it again, I'm sorry, I just-"

"Hey! It's okay, I didn't say I didn't like it, in fact, I did. I just- I'm surprised because." he rubbed the back of his neck, wishing the flutter in his stomach disappeared. "We- I- I thought you didn't feel comfortable with that since you're still younger than me."

"Uhm, no, it's not that. I am fine with it, I was just curious- god, I- sorry." he face palmed himself feeling embarrassed.

"Curious?" Gabriel knit his eyebrows at the boy, Sam bit his lip looking away from him.

"Yeah, I kinda wanted to do that for a while." he stared at his hands on his laps as he sat on the stool in front of Gabriel. "I want to try it again, if you are comfortable with it." Gabriel shook his head in amusement.

"Anytime you like." he shrugged smiling.

"Really?" Gabriel nodded as he played with the spoon on his bowl of ice-cream. "O-okay" he smiled biting his lip. He could still taste the cherry on his tongue, he could still feel the cold and softness of the other boy's lips on his. He leaned closer towards Gabriel, feeling as his heart beat wild as the distance between them closed, his limbs trembled, the heat rising to his cheeks and the aching feeling again appearing in his heart; you are falling, Sam, like a raindrop from the sky. You are falling.


	36. As Time Goes By

**_Chapter 36_ **

* * *

 

_You must remember this_

_A kiss is just a kiss_

_A sigh is just a sigh_

_The fundamental things apply_

_As time goes by_

_And when two lovers woo_

_They still say, I love you_

_On that you can rely_

_No matter what the future brings_

_As time goes by_

_~As Time Goes By - Dooley Wilson_

He let out a groan as the arm under his tightened, his muscles ached yet he forced out all of his strength against the body on top of his. He became dominant over the other boy and he chuckled as the other groaned in pain. A drop of sweat rolled down to his chin and he felt the cool breeze from the ceiling fan dry it away, he looked up to find a pair of familiar green eyes starring at him, he grinned widely as the man laughed.

"Okay, Dean, don't break his arm." John chuckled as he sat down on the sofa. Sam groaned as he lay on the floor defeated while Dean raised his arms in victory.

"You're getting better at it, Sam. Almost got me there." he smiled as he helped his brother to his feet.

"I think you hurt my back." Sam put a hand on the small of his back from the pain.

"I'm sorry, princess, I'll try to be more gentle with you next time." he mocked, Sam rolled his eyes at his brother as he walked out of the living room to the kitchen. Dean stretched his muscles.

"Is Grandpa Henry coming?" he questioned as he sat opposite of John.

"He said he'll be here in the afternoon. Now remember," he pointed at Dean with a warning expression, "Do not ask him anything about-" he motioned with his hands yet Dean understood and nodded, "I don't want him to start on the whole, 'John, you should have done this or that' speech." he ran a hand down his face. "I don't know why Mary insisted." he shook his head.

"Are you nervous?" he smiled; John glanced sideways as he shifted in his seat.

"No." he frowned, "I don't get nervous. I'm just- wondering if it's a good idea."

"Everything's going to be fine." he assured, "Besides, last time he said he was proud of you." John tsked as he shook his head.

"You know how he is, he can never make up his mind." he sighed.

"John, I told you to stop thinking too much. Come help me prepare the meal instead." Mary stood by the door holding a towel in her hands. Her floral dress knee-length, her hair neatly brushed into a bun and her cheeks rosy, giving her a fresh glow. John smiled as he admired her beauty, feeling a warm sinking feeling to his chest that after all those years, she still enchanted him in no way other woman could.

"Alright." he groaned as he stood up.

"Dean! No more wrestling with Sam. I had to give him a pill for the pain." she shook her finger at him; Dean shook his head with annoyance towards Sam.

"Okay, mum." he nodded.

Mary disappeared with John, leaving Dean in the living room by himself. He looked around him wondering if she had rearranged, added or removed decorations from the room or if he had just missed home. It was the same smell, the same colours, the same place as before yet; there was an empty feeling to it. He had been away from these things surrounding him now for a while and now they seemed alien, misplaced and different. He reclined against the sofa as his eyes closed, he could hear the grandfather clock mark each second with a tic-toc until it became detestable, the air from the vents reached the top of his head, making his hair move and it tickled; he chuckled feeling it hit his eyelashes lightly. Mary spoke quietly in the kitchen with John, Dean could hear the muffled voices but could not make anything out of them yet he was certain they were whispering about Henry Winchester; he was a pleasant man, strong in his opinion, a great father who would sacrifice himself to see his only son, John, happy. He visited frequently as he travelled around the states since he had retired, Sam and Dean would run up to him and be greeted with a heart-warming embrace; John watched from the door, holding Mary's hand, as his father smiled happily with his grandsons in his arms, and though he knew that happiness would not last forever, he could cherish the memory for a while.

"Man!" Sam complained as he dropped on the sofa opposite of Dean. "I missed mum and dad but I don't want to be here." he folded his arms across his chest.

"Quit whining, Sam, we only get to see grandpa once every six months." Dean responded without opening his eyes.

"I know but why today? Out of all days!" he let his head rest against the sofa.

"What? You miss Gabe already?" he chuckled.

"Shut up." he rolled his eyes. "I saw you looking out the window like you were in a sad romance movie, you miss Cas too." Dean opened his eyes as he grabbed a cushion from behind him to throw at Sam.

"Was not, bitch!" Sam dodged.

"Jerk!" he laughed.

"Hey, watch your language you two!" John spoke from the kitchen; they heard Mary scold him for listening to the boys' conversation.

"Sorry!" both spoke at once.

* * *

 

"Gabriel, place it back on the shelf." Michael sighed as the boy pouted with the bag in his hands. He folded the list in his hands to put it inside his pockets and walked towards Gabriel.

"Pleeeeaseeeee?" he batted his eyelashes with a twinkle in his eyes at Michael who simply rolled his eyes.

"No, could you please behave?" Gabriel held on to his brother's arm, "It was adorable when you were younger but you are sixteen years old, behave your age, please." he shook his arm pushing his brother away but the other held on tighter.

"I'm still adorable." he stuck his tongue out at Michael who simply shook his head with a sigh. "Why won't you buy them for me? It's just one bag."

"Because I do not wish to see you in pain for a toothache and have to take you to the dentist, plus, you have one at home." he retrieved the bag from his brother's hands to place it back on the shelf.

"They're almost gone!" Gabriel grabbed another one to toss it into the shopping cart.

"Must you be so childish?" he snapped at his brother taking the bag from his hands, he accidentally scratched Gabriel who frowned and stared at the small wound as it began to bleed; he glanced at Castiel who stood in silence next to Michael.

"I'm sorry." he swallowed bitterly before walking away silently, Michael sighed with guilt and tossed the bag into the shopping cart.

He walked idly, staring at the list in his hands; a few of the items listed he swore had not been written by him; he shook his head as he recognised Gabriel's writing. He stopped for a moment to look around him and found himself standing in the middle of the cereals aisle, Gabriel was nowhere to be seen, and still Castiel walked next to him quietly.

"Do you regret accompanying me to the store, Castiel?" they young boy turned towards Michael and shook his head.

"Not at all." He glanced around him, "It had been a while since I had accompanied someone to the grocery store." He gave Michael a small smile who returned the gesture.

"Yes, I remember last time you did. You were about ten, I believe." He smiled widely, "Does it bring back memories?" Castiel kept silent for a moment before answering.

"I remember Mrs. Johnson, Anna and Gabriel running through the aisles, and she could not control them." He chuckled, "Yes, it does bring back memories." Michael shook his head with laughter, imagining his siblings making a mess around the shelves, the bakery and the candy section.

"That reminds me, we need to find Gabriel, Aunt Hester will arrive at the house soon and we must hurry." He took hold of the shopping cart once again; Castiel inserted his hands in his pockets as he followed his brother. They passed by three aisles to grab the items needed before they heard a familiar voice in the distance and loud footsteps approach towards them. Castiel sighed knowing his twin was about to embarrass them; Michael threw his head back with a groan, preparing himself to be told to calm the boy or he'd be thrown out of the place.

"Cassie! Cassie! Michael! Guess what!" Gabriel ran towards them, almost slipping and falling were it not for the empty shelf he held on to as he turned the corner; Michael shook his head as he waited for Gabriel to reach them.

"What is it this time? Let me see, you broke something or opened a bag of candy and I have to pay for it." He pressed his lips into a thin line; Gabriel snarled at him displeased.

"No." He rolled his eyes, "Better, I found Mrs. Johnson!" he clapped as he rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet; Castiel frowned slightly fixing his eyes on the floor in thought, Michael chuckled.

"You what?" he questioned with a small laughter.

"Mrs. Johnson, our nanny who went missing for a long time? I found her!" he beamed, "Remember her, Cassie?" he glanced at his brother.

"Yes." He gave a small nod.

"I found her! Now she can return home." He was lost in his own joy that he did not notice Michael laughing almost hysterically with a hand placed on his stomach. "She looks a little older and she didn't recognize me." He pouted slightly. "What's so funny?" he frowned at Michael.

"I think you are a little too old for a nanny." he tried to compose himself enough to speak.

"I know but now that she's been found, she can come back home and stay with us!"

"You think Mrs. Johnson was missing?" he wiped a tear away from the corner of his eye; Castiel stared at the floor in confusion yet he was able to place the pieces together.

"Well, yeah, that's what you told us, remember?" he furrowed his brows as he stared at Michael in confusion.

"Oh my," he chuckled, "She wasn't missing, Gabriel." He shook his head, his face hurt from smiling and laughing. "She retired. Her mother was ill and her health was no better."

"What?" Gabriel frowned, Castiel glanced sideways feeling embarrassed. "But- " he looked at the floor, "You mean all this time she was okay and I worried for years for no reason?" he clenched his fists at his sides.

"When you say it like that, it sounds mean from my part having lied to you."

"Why would you lie to us? So she just left us and she didn't love us enough to come back later?" he pouted angrily; Castiel frowned slightly as he kept his eyes on the floor.'

"What? No, no, not at all." He shook his head, "Because I know how much you loved Mrs. Johnson and I did not want you both to think she had abandoned you. She did love all of us but she could not continue to work because her mother and her health required so much attention, and with us it was too overwhelming." He placed his hand on Gabriel's shoulder.

"She didn't even recognize me." He frowned, "Can we go talk to her?" he looked up at Michael.

"I do not know where she is, I am certain she would love to see you guys grown up." He pat Gabriel gently on his back. "But we need to hurry home, Aunt Hester is going to arrive soon and I need to be there."

"Yeess!" Gabriel beamed, "Is she bringing Sami?" he grinned.

"Yes, and it is Samandriel, not Sami." Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"I love that kid." Gabriel grinned; Michael stopped abruptly and turned towards his brother with a warning look.

"Do not even think about feeding him all of your candy again, Gabriel." He pointed at the boy with his index, "Last time Aunt Hester was not pleased and Samandriel ended with a stomach-ache."

"It was just one bag! Come on!" he threw his hands in the air. "I am not going to feed him candy." He folded his arms across his chest, "I'm going to teach him how to play video games." He grinned.

"Oh and no violent videogames, please, I do not want him having nightmares either." Gabriel snarled. "Castiel, would you mind allowing Samandriel to stay in your room instead? I do not trust him." He gave a small nod towards Gabriel who seemed offended.

"He may stay with me. I do enjoy his company." He smiled slightly as he remembered the young boy; they shared many interests besides reading, drawing, classical music and tea brewed from leaves, not tea bags, staring at the sky instead of spending time in front of the TV, writing instead of playing video games, and listening instead of doing the speaking.

"Thank you." He gave Castiel a small smile. "Let's hurry, we have been here for an hour and there are still items in the list." He retrieved the list from his pocket and look at it before holding it towards Gabriel. "Carry this and do not lose it." He handed Gabriel the paper. "Tell me what we need."

"Asparagus." He made a disgusted face, "Those are on that side of the store." He pointed towards the north side of the place. "Tomatoes, lettuce, roman lettuce, vinegar, olive oil, ooh, here's a fun one; gelatine!" he grinned happily. "Get the strawberry or lemon, I don't like the pineapple gelatine." He scrunched his nose.

"It is not for you, Gabriel, it is for the kid."

"But I like it too!" he protested, "Besides, everyone likes lemon and strawberry gelatine."

"I don't." Castiel poke his head from behind Michael.

"You hardly like anything, Cassie, you don't count." He rolled his eyes. "You're a bore."

"Be nice to your brother, he has better taste in everything than you." Michael teased; Gabriel gasped offended and stuck his tongue out at Castiel who simply smirked.

"Alright, let's go get the tomatoes." He took a step back with the cart but felt someone bump into him; he turned around to find a young woman of his age with an apologetic expression on her face.

"I am so sorry, I'm clumsy and wasn't looking." She apologised as she stepped away from Michael; he smiled gently with a nod.

"There is no need to apologise, I was distracted as well." The woman smiled to ease the awkwardness of the moment. Gabriel glanced at Michael, at the woman, at Castiel then back at Michael.

"Have we met before?" she squinted at Michael who furrowed his brows as he looked at her. "I'm sorry, you just look so familiar." She shook her head in thought.

"I do not recall ever meeting you before, Miss..?"

"Rachel! My name is Rachel," she extended her hand towards him and he politely shook hands.

"Michael Novak." He gave her a small nod; Rachel tilted her head slightly, and then gasped.

"You're him!" she smiled, "You're the man from the magazines and newspaper." Michael stared at her in confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"You're everywhere on the news and magazines." Michael frowned in confusion as he wondered what the media had said this time about him. Gabriel glanced at Castiel confused but the other boy simply shrugged confused as well.

"Here it is." She retrieved a magazine from her basket; Michael grabbed the magazine, seeing a snapshot of himself walking out of the hospital where his father was admitted into at the corner of the cover.

**_'Novak Company's Next Heir', Michael Novak, the eldest son of one of the richest men in America struggling with family issues, his health and being pressured into becoming the CEO of Novak Industries.'_ **

He closed the magazine as he managed to calm his anger; the young woman stood before him with an apologetic expression.

"Are you okay?" she furrowed her eyebrows attempting to read his expression; Michael nodded with a forced smile.

"I am alright. Excuse me." He composed himself; Rachel took the magazine from his hands as he held it out for her. "Thank you." She nodded with a small frown.

"Look after yourself." She gave him a small smile before disappearing from the view.

He took a deep breath to relieve the pressure in his chest, yet it did not help much. His hands gripped the handle of the cart tightly, making his veins more visible; Gabriel furrowed his brows as he stood behind his brother with Castiel, both boys kept silent before Michael began to walk again.

"Are you okay?" Gabriel asked after a few moments; Michael kept silent as he looked around for the items he needed.

"Yes." He gave a small nod.

"That lady." Castiel turned to Michael.

"What about her?"

"What was she referring to? Why are you in that magazine?" Michael smiled gently.

"That? Nothing important." He continued to walk with the cart. "Asparagus, there they are."

"You lie, Michael. It is important." He stood in front of the cart blocking the path. "What did the magazine say?"

"Not now, Castiel. I will tell you at a proper time. Please help me with the groceries, we need to be home soon." He sighed; Castiel nodded with frustration. They walked together in silence, getting the last items needed; Gabriel kept his distance from his brothers.

"I am proud of you for being-" Michael cleared his throat, "for facing your fears. Thank you for coming with us." He smiled at Castiel who returned he gesture.

"I am far from brave." He inserted his hands in his pockets, "Every part of me tells me I should run, that I should not be here but, you and Gabriel are here. You are not strangers and that helps." He buried his nose on the scarf around his neck, "Thank you, Michael, for doing so much for us."

"Hey, it's okay." He stopped to wait in line for the cashier, "That is my job." He paused for a moment seeming pensive. "I think mum would have loved to see how all of you turned out to be." Castiel lowered his head to stare at his shoes; Gabriel frowned slightly.

"Do you remember her?" Gabriel asked.

"Mum? Yes, I was very young but I do remember her." Castiel kept quiet for the remaining time as the items were being scanned; he sighed in frustration knowing he was being paranoid that people around them were staring or whispering. He wrapped his coat closer to his body and stepped closer to Gabriel; pressure began to build in his chest and the flutter in his stomach increased, his breathing sped up, he tried to calm himself by taking deep breaths.

"Are you okay?" Gabriel looked at his brother who seemed uneasy and uncomfortable; the younger boy nodded.

"I will wait outside, I think I need air." He gave Gabriel a small nod before walking out the door while the groceries were being bagged.

He stood outside, letting the sunlight hit his face and he shielded his eyes with his hand, the soft breeze blew past him, giving him an a sense of peace, which did not last long.

"Hey, kid, smile!" a man stood a few feet from him with a camera strapped around his neck; he snapped photo after photo. Castiel made fists at his sides as he glared at the man.

"What gives you the right to invade my privacy?" he spoke in a low growl.

"I'm not invading your privacy, you are over there, and I'm over here." The man grinned and continued to take photos.

"Leave me alone!" he raised his voice.

"Calm down, kid, it's just a camera." He rolled his eyes.

"Which you are using to invade my privacy." He took a step towards the man yet he did not seem intimidated. "Delete them."

"No way! It's my camera and this is how I make money, kid." he moved his brows up and down twice.

"How much money would you like for that camera?" he glared at the device.

"This? It's not for sale, sorry." Castiel stood before him, clenching his fists tighter, wanting nothing more than break the device on the man's face yet he managed to calm himself.

"Hey, are any of your older brothers gay? Michael or Luci-? Lucifer? Luciano? Ah, Lucian?" he furrowed his brows, placing one of his hands on his hips. "I'd love to fuck either one." he laughed closing his eyes. Castiel launched himself towards him, tackling him to the ground with a loud thump; the camera's lens shattered, and the flash piece broke off. Castiel held the man down on the pavement, hitting and hitting his face until he could no longer feel pain on his knuckles; he could hear the loud beats of his heart, not the man's groans or Michael's voice until he felt strong arms pull him away. His chest rose up and down furiously, his body trembled from the rage.

"Gabriel, hold your brother!" Michael yelled at the boy who stood motionless before the scene in shock but he managed to compose himself enough to pull Castiel close to him.

"Hey, it's okay, calm down." he spoke quietly; Castiel buried his face on the crook of his brother's neck as he took deep breaths before an anxiety attack could overtake him. "Let's get you in the car." he wrapped an arm around his baby brother's shoulders, leaving behind Michael who tried to help the man.

"He broke my camera!" he shouted at Michael, "And he broke my nose! I'm suing you." he pointed a finger at the taller man.

"Hey, listen, I know my brother and he would not have used violence against you unless necessary. Now, I advice you better stop talking before we call the police on you." he took his wallet from his pocket to retrieve the cash he carried. "This should pay for the damage to your camera." he held the bills towards the man, "I'm keeping this." he reached for the camera, proceeding to retrieve the memory card away.

"You can't do that! It's mine- ow!" he held his nose to stop the bleeding. "Hey! Come back here!" he watched Michael walk away and groaned in frustration.

He tightened his arms around Castiel, sensing the boy's distress. His breathing calmed enough for him to speak yet he kept silent, waiting for Michael to arrive and yell at him.

"Shh it's okay." Castiel rested his head on his twin's chest, feeling the vibrations as he hummed to a song he knew was very familiar but could not guess its title. He closed his eyes tightly, feeling the warmth of his brother's body envelope him; it was calming, peaceful to be held as the hell inside him turned to ice, to only calm waters. He became hypnagogic, listening to Gabriel's quiet humming, the purr of the engine and Michael's whispers. The scent of chocolate, cherries and vanilla reached his nostrils, lulling him to sleep along with the hand caressing his hair.

_**Part II will be posted later (very long chapter)** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware anxiety disorders are different for everyone but I based Castiel's on mine.


	37. Why can't we give love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I realise I am writing everyone very OOC but it's my fic, they deserve happiness. Also, if you have noticed, John is mostly OOC. Some people forget that John Winchester also grew up without a father, he went through similar things as Dean and Sam; he had childhood traumas, plus, he had PSTD. Perhaps Mary was the only one who kept him sane. Now image how it affected him after losing her? He lost his sanity without her, he knew he was not okay, he held all this grief, this pain, this guilt and self-hatred. He didn't just want revenge on that demon, he wanted to run away from himself, from his failures; it was wrong of him, yes. Perhaps he always thought he would fail at being a father but Mary would assure him he wouldn't. He convinced himself that if he could protect or teach his boys how to protect themselves, they'd be okay.
> 
> How can people say he was a selfish, obsessed bastard? He chose the hunter life to protect his sons so they would not end up like his wife did. How do you think he felt when he found out what Azazel had planned for Sam and because it was of Mary to save him? He was driven to it, he didn't want it but he had to; he had to save at least them.
> 
> Sure he was as emotionally constipated as Dean is but, it is the result of someone who has gone through so much. I wish they had shown a different side of John but all we get is Sam's side of the story and Dean's, who sees him as this superhero. He knew Dean was messed up, he was aware his boys were not okay but he convinced himself they were to make himself feel a little less guilty. There's so much I could say about him but I guess, in the end, John Winchester will always be a child abuser and an obsessed bastard to most of the fandom, and I'm sorry because he doesn't deserve that.
> 
> I think he would have been a great father, a happy one if he had not lost Mary and this is how I imagine him.

**_Chapter 37_   
**

* * *

 

_Love_

_Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking_

_Can't we give ourselves one more chance?_

_Why can't we give love that one more chance?_

_Why can't we give love, give love, give love..?_

_~ Under Pressure - Queen & David Bowie_

He scanned with his eyes around the room as he sat on the chair in front of the desk at the office; the lack of light, or sound made it eerie, the foreign objects shaped in different forms decorated the shelves, books stacked upon books, light dusk on the top shelves and other surfaces; it was cold, empty and dark. Castiel shifted in his seat, bringing his arms around himself protectively, he could feel the anxiety build in his stomach and he took a deep breath to calm himself, only hoping Michael would hurry into the room. There were many things that did not scare him, and many things that triggered his anxiety, which built into a full blown panic attack; darkness, loneliness and silence were a few of them.

"And I could not love, coz I could not love myself. Never good enough, no, that was all I'd tell myself. And I was not well, but I could not help myself. I was giving up on living." He sang quietly as he sunk into his chair, feeling the hairs on his body stand on end. He closed his eyes tightly, attempting to busy his mind with happy memories.

"I want to be with you- forever." He rested his head against the other boy's chest, listening to the loud beating of his heart, and he smiled at the thought that it was he who caused it to speed up.

"You always will, Dean." He tightened his arms around the boy's torso, "Your heart." He looked up at the older boy, "It's beating too fast. Are you nervous?" he smiled; Dean cleared his throat and nodded.

"Yeah, a little." He chuckled, "I am still not used to it."

"Used to what?" he furrowed his brows hoping he was not making Dean uncomfortable.

"Holding you, being this intimate with someone I love." He pressed his lips into a thin line; Castiel could feel the flutter in his stomach and his own heart speed up.

"You love me?" he stared into Dean's eyes in search for the truth; his pupils dilated, his arms pressed Castiel closer to him.

"I love you." He responded quietly. Castiel kept silent for a moment before a small smile formed on his lips.

"I love you too, Dean." he smiled, pressing his forehead against Castiel's. He could feel the other boy's hot breath on his lips, his hands tightening around him; their eyes closed as their lips met with a gentle touch, sending shivers down their spines.

"Castiel?" he opened his eyes, blinking twice at the sound of the door close and footsteps approaching.

"Michael." He looked up at his brother.

"How are you feeling?" he sat in his chair, leaning his back against it; he narrowed his eyes at the boy sitting in front of him, noticing his discomfort.

"I am- better." He gave a small nod.

"Are you really?" he tilted his head slightly; "You do not seem like it."

"I'm sorry." He fixed his eyes on the desk before him.

"Do not apologise, there is no need to." He leant forward. "Are you ready to explain what happened at the store?" Castiel nodded without saying a word; Michael waited patiently as his brother composed himself.

"I lost control of my anger." He glanced at his hands, "I was not in the best of situations at the moment; he suddenly appeared just to complicate it further, though I politely asked him to stop, he didn't." He was silent for a moment as well as Michael before he spoke again, "He- he was the man from before, the one at the night of Halloween- and I did not like the way he spoke about you or Lucifer." Michael straightened his shoulders and frowned, curious to know what he had said but more intrigued by the fact that it was the same paparazzi.

"Are you certain of that, Castiel?" the young boy nodded keeping his eyes on Michael. "Very well, I kept the memory card from his camera, these photos will not be seen by anyone but me, I will delete them." he gave Castiel a small nod.

"Thank you." he was silent for a moment as Michael turned on his computer and searched for the memory card in his pocket. "You may go if you need to." he glanced at his brother who seemed to sink in his chair further as if frightened.

"Michael, I do not think my excuses are a good reason for me to have taken my anger out on that man, even though he caused it; I have always had control over it, yet this time was different, I feel like it was wrong from my part- and, he did not defend himself." he stared at his hands on his laps, feeling his brother's eyes on him.

"It is normal to lose control sometimes, as long as you do not let it control you. You will know when enough is enough. As for the paparazzi, he truly deserved it for what he did to you last time." he clenched his fists at his sides; Castiel widened his eyes at his brother in surprise, he expected to be punished, not this. "Do not feel guilt over this, in fact, I am proud you stood up for yourself, not how I expected but you are at least growing up, learning to be independent." he smiled, Castiel pressed his lips into a thin line to hide the smile yet Michael could see it in his eyes.

"Thank you- and I apologise for causing you another problem, I know people think differently than you." He played with the cuffs of his coat, "And you always have to fix them because of me."

"Hey, I'm the big brother; it is my duty and I will not allow anyone to ruin the family's name." he smiled. "Do not worry, Castiel, go rest and take your medicine if you need it." Castiel nodded with a small smile. "Oh, and one more thing," the boy stopped to face his brother, "Thank you for defending Lucifer and I." he smirked; Castiel shook his head with a smile before he nodded.

He sat on the edge of his bed feeling his heart beat evenly but the flutter in his stomach would not cease; he was empty and hungry; not food, not sleep, not anything for his physical body and he knew what it was. He took a deep breath as he clenched his fists, proceeding to stand up and wrap his coat around his body. The halls of the house were empty, his siblings were perhaps interacting in another room because he could hear their voices, could hear Gabriel laughing as Lucifer cursed only to be scolded by Raphael because a child was in the room.

He closed the door quietly and was careful to walk around the house to not be seen from the window or Michael's office; and he began to walk away.

* * *

 

"My! How you two have grown!" he laughed as he wrapped his arms around the boys as tight as he could. "What fine young men you have, John." He glanced at his son, who stood by the door with Mary.

"Thank you, sir." He chuckled, "How was your trip, dad?" he wrapped an arm around his father's shoulders as they entered the house.

"Oh, it was wonderful, magnificent! I visited Library of Congress twice; it's splendour simply breathtaking, as if it were Heaven itself." He seemed lost in thought for a moment; John watched with fascination as Henry narrated his adventures throughout the states. Sam and Dean sat next to each other on the floor, staring up at their grandfather tell stories, new stories every time; it was one of the things they loved the most, the tales which they believed were possible, perhaps even true. They listened with intrigued interest as Henry told them how he once helped stop a demon from destroying the secret organization he was in and stealing the documents, he could work spells as easy as that, could kill anything with them.

"So, you're like Harry Potter?" Sam furrowed his brows in question as he waited for his grandfather to answer; Henry frowned slightly as he thought to himself.

"Harry Potter?" he tilted his head slightly.

"He's a wizard!" he added, Henry laughed with comprehension.

"I am no wizard, Sam, but close." He smiled; Sam's eyes twinkled with pride and happiness, he turned to Dean with a grin on his face and his brother smiled wide.

"We have the most awesome grandpa ever." He nodded proudly. John shifted in his seat as he rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, dad, you're awesome too." He added; John laughed as he shook his head.

Henry stood from his seat to walk towards the kitchen where Mary was checking on the roast in the oven. She wiped her hands on a towel resting on the counter and her eyes softened once she noticed her father-in-law walk through the door with a curious expression on his face. He glanced around the kitchen, taking in the scent of the roast, the mashed potatoes, the fresh baked bread and the apple pie; a smile crept upon his face as he walked towards the pie reaching towards it.

"Uh, uh, uh! No you don't." Mary took the pie in her hands away from Henry, "Last time you ate all the pie and had no room for the meal." She shook her finger; Henry sighed.

"You deny a slice of pie to an old man?" he chuckled as he stepped towards her; Mary placed the pie on the counter and smiled. "Look at you, Mary, still as beautiful as ever." he pressed his lips together with a smile, Mary shook her head grinning.

"Thank you, but flattery will not earn you a piece of pie before dinner." she rested her hand on her hip; Henry laughed.

"Very well, I shall wait until after dinner, but I did mean the compliment though." he smiled and turned to leave the kitchen with Mary following.

Dean was focused on the show playing on the television screen with Sam by his side, John still sat in the place he was before Henry left. He inserted his hands in his pockets as he glanced around the room, admiring the decorations John and Mary had chosen for their house; it was a pleasant place, warming, homey and love radiated from it. Mary sat next to her husband, leaving Henry standing by himself next to the boys; he glanced at the seat noticing a small device he had seen before and it made him curious. Examining it from every angle with his brows knit, he wondered what its purpose was, and accidentally pressed a button causing the screen to light up; he narrowed his eyes once he noticed the background image of Dean smiling as he lay on the grass with another boy seeming the same age as his grandson; they both smiled with innocence and happiness but there was something in their eyes he could not comprehend.

"What is this?" he glanced at the boys who turned to look at him.

"It's a mobile, you know, like a mini computer and a phone morphed into one." Dean responded; Henry nodded impressed.

"Who is this young man next to you?" he pointed at the screen; Dean swallowed hard before turning to look at his father and Mary. John shifted in his seat, clearing his throat and straightening his back and shoulders.

"That's Castiel, Castiel Novak." he gave his grandfather a small smile; Sam took his bottom lip between his teeth hoping the evening would not go unpleasant.

"Is Castiel your friend?"

"Uh, yeah." he nodded, "He is my best friend and my b-" the doorbell sounded before he could finish his sentence. The family in the room glanced at each other before John stood up to answer the door with Mary following. Dean and Sam stood up, turned the volume down from the television and stepped closer towards Henry, attempting to hear or see who was at the door.

"Dean." John called from his place as he moved aside to reveal a young man panting, his cheeks were flushed, his hair was messed from the wind and his eyes glassy.

"Cas." He whispered before walking to the door; Castiel smiled before wrapping his arms around the other boy. John and Mary disappeared, leaving the two teens alone; Henry and Sam stood next to each other with a small smile on his face but concerned on what his grandfather would say.

"What happened? Did you walk here?" he took the boy's face between his hands as he furrowed his brows in concern; Castiel nodded as he body trembled from the cold wind, though he doubted it was only from the cold.

"I- I needed to see you." he lowered his head in embarrassment, "I know your grandfather is visiting and I apologise for interrupting but I really needed to see you."

"Hey, it's okay. Come on, let's go inside." he wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulders as the other boy timidly stepped further into the house just to encounter Henry staring at them curiously.

"You are Castiel?" Henry placed his index on his lips seeming pensive.

"Yes, sir." Castiel gave a small nod.

"It is nice to meet you, Castiel, I am Henry Winchester, Dean and Sam's grandfather." he extended his hand towards the boy who warily shook it.

"It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Winchester." he let his hand drop at his side. John and Mary stood by the door between the living room and the kitchen, waiting for Henry's reaction.

"Dean tells me you two are friends?" he narrowed his eyes as if implying the question they all expected.

"That is correct, sir." he replied confidently though his hands trembled at his sides.

"Grandpa, he is my best friend and, uh- my boyfriend." Dean interrupted before Henry could speak again; the man nodded slightly, glancing between the two boys back and forth. He was silent for a moment and the tension in the room only made Castiel even more anxious until he was at the verge of having a panic attack yet Dean held his hand as tightly as he could.

"You two are queer?" he tilted his head slightly.

"Dad!" John stepped forward. "Do not call the boys that word." Henry frowned slightly.

"I'm sorry, what is the right word?" he glanced at the boys then at his son noticing their defensive and displeased expressions on their faces, "I apologise, I did not intend to offend or harm you by the use of it." Castiel gave a small nod as he tried to take deep breaths and he was beginning to realise that perhaps he should not have escaped from home. "Are you boys happy together?" he lowered himself to their level; Dean squeezed Castiel's hand in assurance before he answered.

"Yes, sir, yes we are."

"Then I guess it is what matters." he gave the boys a small smile. John let out the breath he was holding and relaxed his position; Dean widened his eyes slightly as he stared at Henry with surprise as his body trembled from the nerves and his heart pounded in his head. Castiel leant against Dean to keep himself from falling to the floor, feeling his knees weak and his breathing sped up. "I have lived a long life, and all I wish for the Winchester family is to live happily. I will not be the one to decide who brings this happiness to each one of you, that is your decision." he glanced at John and Mary, then at Sam before turning back to the boys.

"Thank you, grandpa." Dean lowered his head to hide the smile from his lips.

"There is nothing to thank me for, boy." he chuckled. "Now, how about dinner? Is it ready? I want a slice of that pie." he rubbed his stomach with his right hand; everyone in the room laughed, including Castiel.

"Darling, should I call Michael to let him know you are here?" Mary called to Castiel from where she stood, the boy turned to look at her with an apologetic expression and nodded.

"Yes, please." he sighed hoping Michael would not unleash his wrath upon him later.

"How did you get here?" Dean held the boy's face between his hands as he stared into his eyes with concern.

"I walked. It is not far and I have done this before." he smiled gripping his coat tighter as the flutter in his stomach calmed.

"You are one crazy son-of-a-bitch." he laughed as he brought his lips closer to Castiel's.

"Aw, come on!" Sam scrunched his face with disgust, "I'm still in the room, you guys! Stop being gross." he stomped his foot; Dean raised his middle finger at Sam as he continued to kiss Castiel's lips. Sam shook his head with an eye roll as he turned to leave the room into the kitchen where the rest of the family was preparing the meal.

He was lost, oh so lost as he extended his wings above the clouds, his eyes closed as the cold air hit his face. He could feel the ice building on the surface of his skin but the warmth pressing against him, burning like furnace furiously gave him life. Everything was silent; no voices of strangers, no whispers travelling in the wind, no silence of the emptiness- only his silence with the lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub. His palms gently pressing against the other's as their fingers intertwined creating heat and humidity. His body shivered slightly at the gentle caress on his side sliding up to his ribs; he was drugged with the pleasant scent from the other boy's skin, the cleanliness of the sheets and the scent of the room as he buried his nose on the crook of Dean's neck. Castiel was falling, falling from the sky at a speed he could not comprehend yet, he felt safe because he knew that everything that falls has a landing place.. and his was Dean's arms.


	38. Dear Diary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of sexual abuse, physical abuse, bullying, self-harm, depression, suicide, EDs and other delicate subjects.  
> Introduction to Samandriel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mess that shifts from first person to third, from present tense to past, I apologise for the confusion.

**Chapter 38**

* * *

****

_I simply run, simply run I don't wanna stay_

_Count all my dreams like I am in the summary_

_Rain down on your town, on your town where it can begin_

_Follow my dream like a dream ought to be followed, yeah_

_You're not my day dream,_

_You're not my saviour,_

_You're not my guardian,_

_You're my get up and go,_

_I've got you figured out,_

_Nobody else does_

_~ Day Dreams by Midi Matilda_

Imagine standing on a bridge extending from edge to edge of one continent to the other, impossible, isn't it? Now imagine you are below the water, your head spins as you sink deeper and deeper into the ocean, it pulls you into its womb and you do not have time to think how you ended where you are; you only want to save your life, to survive. There is a pulsing sound in your head, you hear it clearly until it becomes intolerable; your lungs sting from the water entering through your mouth and nostrils, the pressure begins to crush you, you can see your hands reaching for nothing in front of your face, the water is cold penetrating thousands of needles into your skin until you feel yourself numb. The light becomes less and less until there is only darkness and you are certain of one thing; you are dead.

Imagine waking up in the morning, the warm water running down your body to the cool tiles, it makes you shiver and even with your eyes closed you know those little bumps on your skin are formed throughout. The steam clings onto the glass while the rest radiates off your body. You savour the sweet taste of the strawberry preserve or perhaps the salt from the eggs you have for breakfast, or the bitter taste of the coffee, or the sour aftertaste of the orange juice. The world seems bright for a moment and you forget until you walk out that door into reality, a world that awaits for you no matter how not prepared you are; you face it hoping to survive.

You know things, a lot of things, what you do not know is whatever awaits behind those doors in front of you, eight hours trapped yet you expect it; sometimes it comes too much and your eyes close as a heavy sigh escapes your lips, then hold on to the edges of the sink in the washroom. You can hear them, the voices around you, some are of laughter, excitement, others are insults, cries and complaints; you can see them in the halls. The first year boy who suffers from anxiety disorders hides himself against his locker to avoid being seen by anyone as panic surges through him, his body trembles with unease as he attempts to control his breathing and prays his tormentor decides to leave him alone for one day.

A girl stands by the entrance of the classroom with the "friends" who secretly think the worst of her, calling her names none would dare say to her personally; what they do not know is her struggle, when she stands in front of the mirror staring at her image and allows tears roll down her face from the imperfections she sees, the desperation she feels and the hatred that grows each day, even as her eating disorders worsen her thoughts are 'I am doing okay, this is a good thing for me.' only she knows it isn't, but the feeling is stronger than the taste of bile in her throat, stronger than the growls of her stomach and the sting in her eyes.

There is the boy with the fringe falling on his forehead to cover his eyes, he wears oversized hoodies, tight jeans, and sits at the corner of the room to avoid interaction or any unwanted attention. He sighs to relieve the ache and pressure in his chest yet it does not make it go away; his eyes scan around the room trying to comprehend why most of the students call him names if he has never given them a reason to. Perhaps they know about the scars extending from his arms to his wrists, his legs, his stomach and on the side of his neck; perhaps they see as he holds the thin, cold blade between his fingers as he makes it dance on his flesh, smooth and painful yet he finds pleasure while his brain screams to stop, he can not stop because it has become a beautiful thing to see the warm liquid travel down his skin to stain the tiles of the bathroom floor. Perhaps one more scar will make the sin go away, rip it out of him for at least a moment and not feel his father's lips on his skin, not feel his hands trailing down his body, abusing, stealing his innocence. He has plans for tonight, one last breath and one last pill in his mouth.

Sarah scribbles on her notebook as the teacher speaks but she isn't listening, rather wonders what she may have done to be called 'slut'. Her hands unconsciously pull at the edge of her dress to hide her legs, not that she is ashamed of her body but it repulses her how all predatory eyes turn to her, objectifying her like a public display. She knows it is not her doing wrong but the feeling of self-hatred does not disappear, it makes her feel dirty and ashamed; it lowers her self-esteem.

Gus, the 'bully', clenches his fist resting on his desk as he attempts to forget last night, he can still feel the lashes against his flesh and the fist on his jaw, he can hear the screams and his mother's sobs begging her husband to stop; Gus stands in front of her just as his father's fist is about to meet her face but it falls on him. Everything is so vivid, so fresh and it angers him how he is not able to cry, as much as he tries it is impossible and it makes his chest hurt from holding it inside. He sees Drake, the ' popular jock', smirking with satisfaction as a crumpled piece of paper hits the back of his head and the students around him laugh calling him names.

He swallowed bitterly feeling suffocated by the tie around his neck, the pressure built inside his chest along with the flutter at the pit of his stomach; his books were tightly pressed against his blazer as he walked through the crowd avoiding eye contact, attempting to be invisible yet he felt as they glanced, stared and whispered about him as if he were different from any other. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves but it did not help. Suddenly it hit him, he missed home, the friends he had come to know, the halls he was used to passing, the faces he had become familiar with and the warmth of his mother's 'goodbyes' before school; he did not belong in this place, this was not home.

He froze in panic staring at his supplies scattered across the floor, the pencil rolled for a moment before stopping by a young boy's feet and the papers he'd collected the previous day were being stepped on by other students passing close to him. There was laughter, whispers, gasps and confusion; he could feel the heat rise from the back of his neck to his face, his anxiety increasing and his body shaking, it was humiliating, and though he commanded his legs to run they did not respond. There was silence, in his head everything was dark, cold and silent, then an arm pushed him to the ground making him land on his back yet he could not bring himself to look at the stranger; the silence fell.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, freshmeat!" a boy stood before him, his voice was intimidating, sharp and graceless as if it were still going through a puberty phase. "Watch where you're going, freak!" a smirk formed at the corners of his lips. "What's your name, newbie?"

"Samandriel Alfred Johnston." the boy responded carefully pushing his body off the ground with his arms.

"That's a weird name." he frowned, "Suits a freak like you." he chuckled. "You're in luck, Samandriel, you are my new pet instead of Barry over there." he pointed towards a scrawny boy hiding himself further into his locker. Samandriel stood up fixing his uniform and his tie.

"I apologise for running into you, it was accidental." he responded lifting his head to look the boy in the eyes.

"I don't believe you, you pushed me and that's gonna cost you." he took a step towards Samandriel, his eyebrows furrowed with sudden anger.

"I did- I'm" Samandriel knit his brows in confusion and worry.

"Shut it!" he took a step forward, "I'm gonna teach you not to mess with me." he clenched his fist close to his chest ready to hurt the younger boy.

"I already apologised to you, it was unintentional." his body did not move, neither did his eyes from Dirk's.

"Dirk, Dirk." the voice of a familiar teen sounded from behind the crowd and several heads turned to its source. "Don't you touch a hair on that boy's head." Meg appeared behind Samandriel with arms folded across her chest.

"What's it to you, Meg?" Jo Harvelle and Adam Milligan appeared behind her, Dirk glanced at them, then at Samandriel and back to Meg.

"You touch my cousin and it will be the last thing you do." her eyebrow raised in defiance as a smirk formed on the corner of her lips.

"You only bark but don't bite, bitch." he mocked.

"The best torturers never get their hands dirty." she grinned, her eyes moved to the sides of the boy glancing at the girls standing behind him.

"What? Your bitches do the dirty work for you?"

"You shouldn't call us that." Eve murmured against his cheek, he could feel her hot breath on his flesh making the hairs on his body stand on end. Ruby smirked at the sound of the boy's breath caught in his throat yet he glared in their direction.

"Alright, break it up! What's going on here?" the school headmaster headed towards them, the crowd dispersed along with Eve and Ruby, Dirk glared at Meg and Samandriel before walking away in silence. The headmaster urged the students into their assigned classes and disappeared into the elevator.

"Little Sami," she grinned exposing her pearly-white teeth, her eyes scanned the boy from head to toe, "No one told me you and aunt Hester were visiting."

"We didn't tell anyone except Michael, I am staying at their house." he responded with a small apologetic smile. "I must thank you for-" he motioned with his head towards the direction Dirk had disappeared from. "I would not have liked spending my first day in the headmaster's office."

"Don't mention it. That wasn't a good start for you, try not getting into trouble too much, angel."

"It was purely accidental and I was lost, it won't happen again, I hope." he glanced at his shoes as the panic disappeared. "Um, I guess it is time for class."

"Where are you supposed to be?"

"Algebra." he held the schedule out for her to see. Jo and Adam knelt to retrieve the damaged papers from the floor for Samandriel, he whispered a 'thank you' and smiled.

"Jo and Adam have that class with Castiel." Meg glanced at the two teens, "They are nice people who can help. And one more thing, I assume Michael hasn't told the boys about uncle Charles, has he?"

"No, I- I'm not supposed to talk about it."

"I know, my father said the exact same thing but sooner or later they will find out, just don't let it be from us." She smiled.

"I am careful with my words." He gave a small nod, then glanced at Jo and Adam.

The air outside was thick, sharp and cold, the sun hid behind the grey clouds on a Monday morning. He sat quietly in his desk with his elbows resting on the table, his fingers intertwined and a stoic expression on his face. The room was silent with only a few whispers from some of the students in the room about the new student rumoured to be one of the Novaks. Samandriel entered the classroom and glanced around in search for familiar faces; he noticed Castiel sitting behind a boy he recognised as Dean, having been introduced the previous day. Jo tapped him gently on the shoulder instructing him to follow her and Adam where they sat close to Dean and Castiel.

"Is he really your cousin, Castiel?" He was interrupted from his thoughts by a girl assaulting his personal space, Castiel blinked twice before looking up at her, then noticed Dean glaring at the girl with reprimand in his eyes as if asking to move away from the boy, she gave a step back with an apologetic expression.

"Samandriel? Yes." He gave a small nod attempting to hide the small smirk wanting to appear at the corner of his lips.

"How old is he?" she smiled, Castiel spotted the boy from the entrance walking in his direction.

"Fifteen."

"He is adorable!" she clapped her hands together twice in excitement, "Is he going to stay here for a long time? Is he in your grade or mine?"

"I do not know, you should ask him." he frowned slightly.

"You can sit here next to Adam." Jo smiled pointing at the empty seat, Samandriel returned the gesture with gratitude towards her before placing his papers on the desk, then turned to Castiel who seemed displeased by the interrogation of the girl.

"Excuse me, Miss?" he tapped her shoulder gently making her turn in a sudden movement with surprise. "May I have a word with Castiel, please?" Samandriel questioned, the girl's expression twisted from excited to embarrassed with a rose tint displaying upon her cheeks; she muttered an apology before returning to her seat.

"Thank you." Castiel let out a blow of air that made the hairs falling on his forehead stand, Samandriel laughed quietly, then crouched to his cousin's level. "That was rather unpleasant, inquisitive people are my least favourite." he looked at the boy expecting him to speak but the other kept silent. "Were you needing my assistance with something or was that simply to save me?" he smiled, Samandriel chuckled with amusement, then his expression warped into a serious one.

"Yes, I- um, I wanted to ask if you have your anxiety medicine with you." he muttered quietly enough for only them to hear.

"Are you alright?" Castiel frowned.

"For the moment." he pressed his eyelids tightly, "I had a relapse before coming here, not strong enough to worry yet it is the first time it happens in two weeks. I- I do not wish to be trouble for you or your brothers." he sighed.

"You are not trouble, and I do have some." He reached for a small bottle hidden in his school bag assuring no one but they could see it. "You will be alright, Samandriel, do not stress too much for your first day. I believe it is only logical it happens on your first day to school but if it persists you should take them."

"Thank you." he closed his fist to hide the pills, "Everything here is different from home and I do not wish to be a burden to you and your friends if it were to happen."

"You are not." Castiel smiled at the boy reassuringly, "They can not hurt you here, not with all your family around." he placed his open palm on top of the boy's shoulder. "They could try but they will not be granted that satisfaction."

"Thank you." Samandriel sighed relieving the pressure in his chest. It was somewhat comforting to hear these words from someone who understood and knew his history, yet the thought crept upon the dark corners of his mind implanting fear and insecurity.

There are two black wooden doors that lead to the lunch room of the school; there are tables in rows, circular, rectangular and one that extends from the middle of the room to the very end. Castiel sits at one of the ends with Dean Winchester, followed by Sam Winchester and Gabriel, Balthazar sits next to Gabriel, Anna and Jo sit together in front of Adam Milligan and Ash, then Pamela, Chuck Shurley and Becky Rosen. I have been invited to sit next to Castiel.

There is a pulsating sound inside my head from all the voices in the room, much crowded than the one I had been accustomed to, there are voices from every direction yet one person intrigues me; a boy stands outside the lunch room who can only be seen from the position of my seat. His hands reach into his pockets as he lowers his head avoiding eye contact with the students around him who seem to laugh of his appearance. It is a familiar face, the dark hair falling on his forehead, the blue eyes that feign pride yet the apparent ache is hidden in them, the dishevelled tie around his neck and torn trousers; Dirk is his name.

"Sami?" Gabriel's voice interrupts his thoughts.

"Huh?" Samandriel and Sam turn to the source of the voice at once, they look at each other before everyone sitting at the table starts to laugh.

"Okay, there can't be two Sammys." Dean shakes his head.

"It's Sam, Dean!" the boy protests. "Can't you just call me Sam?"

"Not a chance, Sammy." he makes a clicking sound with his mouth and the younger boy rolls his eyes.

"My name is Samandriel."

"That's way too long of a name." Dean squints his eyes and purses his lips as if in thought. "How about your middle name?"

"Alfred?"

"Alfred, Alf? No. Fred? No. Alfie?" everyone turns to Samandriel expecting a reply, the boy smiles and nods in approval. "Okay, I dub thee sir Alfie." he stands to touch Samandriel's shoulders with the tip of his unused knife, the students in the lunch room clap with laughter as he claims his seat once again and the boy smiles.

"Dean, you are a nerd." Sam chuckles.

"Am not, bitch!" he defends throwing a chip in his direction, it lands in Gabriel's plate, who then proceeds to eat it.

"Jerk." Gabriel notices Sam's distraction and takes the opportunity to steal the boy's dessert.

"Oh shit!" Dean reaches for Castiel's serviette close to his glass, "Mum's going to be angry." he rubs the stain of ketchup from his blazer.

"That's because you're a pig when you eat." Sam laughs.

"Shut it, Sam!" he continues to rub the stain. "Man, I don't want to go the rest of the day with this stain." he lets the serviette rest on the table, Castiel laughs along with Sam.

"Put water on it." Gabriel suggests, "Sometimes it happens to me and it goes away with water."

"Hey! That's mine!" Sam notices the boy digging his fork into Sam's dessert and retrieves the platter from Gabriel to the opposite side.

"You don't even like sweets!" Gabriel attempts to take the dessert.

"So? It's still mine."

"Give it, Sam!"

"No! You already ate two."

"You don't know that."

"I saw you."

"You think you saw me but you really didn't."

"Oh my god, you guys stop fighting for a piece of lemon bar." Jo rolls her eyes dramatically.

"Can I have yours then?" Gabriel smiles charmingly.

"No." she frowns bringing the platter closer to her.

"I'm not going to eat mine." Adam hold the platter towards the greedy teen. "You can have it."

"You are awesome, dude!" he chuckles bringing the dessert closer to him taking delight in the scent of lemon.

"Yeah, yeah." Adam waves his hand to dismiss it.

Castiel intertwines his hand with Dean's under the table where they think no one is able to see, a small smile forms on the boy's lips feeling the warmth of his hand transfer to his own. Sam steals the last bite of Gabriel's dessert, in return, Gabriel steals a kiss from the boy's lips making a rose tint appear on his face and their friends howl as their open palms hit the surface of the table repeatedly. Samandriel smiles sincerely for the first time today, this is not home, nor his friends, but they are the people he will come to know, and the past ones will be only a memory. And he understands, what it all means, it can be made into something good.

It is wonderful to observe the world from a perspective not many understand, yet it allows me to see through the masks that one chooses to hide the real being we have yet to discover from those around us. It is thrilling and frightening to see the weight, or the guilt, or the pain, or the emptiness they carry, yet for a moment nothing matters. School work does not matter, appearance does not matter, what you do waking up does not matter, neither do the things that eat you inside; what does matter is family, how much you care for these people because they will always be here.

_Until tomorrow, dear diary._ _Yours, Samandriel._


End file.
